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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very hurt & upset by ds

129 replies

whatliesbeneath · 03/04/2011 12:32

Ds (12) has been a nightmare to live with lately , he can be very insulting & rude to both DH & myself Sad . While out shopping on Friday DH asked ds to go pick out a card for me for mothers day but ds refused saying "no i don't want to" (& walked out of the card shop) so DH ended up getting a card anyway & asking ds to write it out for me . DH also bought both dc's presents to hand me & flowers . DD gave me hers early this morning in front of ds but ds has not given me his gift even though its hanging on his bedroom door handle (where dh left it) & now he has gone out to play & i am sat here in tears Sad

OP posts:
colditz · 03/04/2011 12:32

When's his birthday?

colditz · 03/04/2011 12:33

Actuallly, never mind, he's a bit young for that.

What's going on at school?

Original poster
whatliesbeneath · 03/04/2011 12:33

January . He has a very special day coming up next Friday though.

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 03/04/2011 12:34

I think you're being a bit silly to get so upset by a 12 year old - children his age lack empathy, rise above it!

doormat · 03/04/2011 12:35

what....he is at that age where he doesnt want to fuss over his mum....he will grow out of it...glad to see a few of the oldies still on here xxx

Original poster
whatliesbeneath · 03/04/2011 12:37

Has a history of being bullied but its all sorted now and i am in regular contact with his head & teacher .
Rita i know he is only a child but its still very hurtful . He has passed by the gift hanging on his door several times this morning & will not give it to me Sad.

OP posts:
Olivetti · 03/04/2011 12:37

Is he not just going through a (brace your self for annoying word..) phase? Probably called adolescence! I turned from a lovely little girl into a right little bitch when I hit 12. I would just have moods for no reason, mainly directed at my parents! I agree with Rita, it's just kids being kids.

usualsuspect · 03/04/2011 12:38

Mothers day is over rated anyway

hes a 12 year old boy ..probably feels a bit awkward about the whole thing

he will grow up ..give him about 6 years Grin

Olivetti · 03/04/2011 12:39

....and remember he's training to be a man Grin

cantspel · 03/04/2011 12:39

He is digging his heels in as he is being forced to do something. It is all part of being a 12 year old.

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/04/2011 12:40

Snap Although DS1 has not got a gift for me or a card....I am waiting to go out for lunch and he is refusing to get changed so we can go.

TheSecondComing · 03/04/2011 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

charmum3 · 03/04/2011 12:43

he is twelve abnoxious is in his job description, the more the reaction the greater ground you have lost, friends are important at twelve your going to have to ride the hormonal rollercoaster for a few more years yet,,

Original poster
whatliesbeneath · 03/04/2011 12:49

I think his behaviour goes beyond that of a normal pre-teen though tbh Sad

OP posts:
vaginiasmonalogue · 03/04/2011 12:49

I think 12 is old enough to understand what he is doing and he's probably trying to make some hormonal point about something.

Pandamoanium · 03/04/2011 12:53

Just wait until he has left home! DS1 (21) handed me a lovely present and card this morning, DS2 (18 and at Uni) says he posted card but it hasn't arrived on time! As for a present - well....

onceamai · 03/04/2011 13:00

Think of it as "refreshment Sunday" - a break from Lent and pour yourself a very large glass of wine. Mine was vile a few years ago - even his sister thought his message in my card was over sloppy this morning (16). Don't let it upset you - he will grow up very quickly.

Frizzbonce · 03/04/2011 13:04

YANBU - He is being obnoxious. You could take him to one side later and tell him that his behaviour was upsetting and nasty. How would he feel if you ignored a special day for him? It's called empathy and it won't kill him to learn some.

Original poster
whatliesbeneath · 03/04/2011 13:06

I know i'm being daft but i can't help crying , every other year he has come bouncing into my bedroom at all hours of the morning with dd all excited about handing me lovely gifts that he has gone shopping for with dh . This year nothing but a smirk as dd handed me hers .
I just feel hurt Sad

OP posts:
daytoday · 03/04/2011 13:08

Tell him you love him anyway -

I think when someone is pushing you away they are actually in the most need, sometimes. He is only 12.

I remember being mean to my mum. It started as something small and then before I knew it I was being super mean and slamming doors. I didn't know how it escalated I guess I got sort of lost in my own emotions etc. I was only young and didn't know how to get back from it. I did feel terrible but never showed it. My mum was / is great. she would tell me she loved me anyway even if I was a twat.

doormat · 03/04/2011 13:09

i know it hurts but it is a phase...i promise u in a couple oof years he will be all over ya x

edam · 03/04/2011 13:12

Charmum, love your line 'he's 12, obnoxious is in his job description'. So true!

Original poster
whatliesbeneath · 03/04/2011 13:29

doormat i really hope you are right , the way things are with him these days its very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel iykwim.
He calls us disgusting names sometimes Sad

OP posts:
sizzlers · 03/04/2011 14:21

I dont blame you for feeling hurt , but i think you should act normal in front of your ds as it sounds like he is trying to get a reaction out of you .

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2011 14:24

i think you're being a bit silly tbh.

it's JUST a present! it doesn't mean he doesn't love you.