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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to punch that woman in Tesco today for being judgey...

303 replies

angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:07

So DH and I went to Tescos today to buy some food as we have completely run out of food. We have DS1 who is 3.1 and DS2 who is 17 months old. They took turns to sit on trolley or go for a wander with DH. I did most of the shopping, DH spent much of the time putting stuff DS1 took off the shelves or involving them in our shopping by getting them to help put stuff on the trolley. All good and well. As we finished paying and bagging up, I wanted to buy some flowers for MIL who we are taking out for lunch tomorrow. DS1 and DS2 spend one day a week with her and they love her dearly. So I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers. Told DH to take the shopping back to the car while I take both DSs to choose some flowers.

While DS1 and I were busy choosing some flowers, DS2 wandered off to the toy shelves and took a few things off the shelf and then was playing (pushing buttons mostly!) with the toys on the shelf. He wasn't causing any trouble or in the way. After choosing the flowers, I went over to get DS2, I led him a couple of feet away from the toys to tell him he needs to put the toy he was holding back, fully intending to pick up the other toys on the floor when we got back. This woman in her 50s started shaking her head at us and tutting as obviously she thought we were going to leave the mess (we weren't walking away, we were standing a few feet away). It made me so angry! I'm usually really non-confrontational but I said to her, 'What is your problem? Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there and judge? He's only 17 months old!' And she had the cheek to say to me, 'Teach him then, my children NEVER did that.' And just walked away! I honestly wanted to lamp her one (and I'm not a violent person, usually! Grin).

It really spoilt my afternoon as we had the children under control our whole shopping trip and I only had them both with me as I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers for MIL and I 'left' DS2 for a few minutes (he was within sight the whole time) just so DS1 could choose the flowers he wanted. (I guess on hindsight, DH should have taken DS2 but hindsight is always 20/20!) And like I said, he wasn't tearing around the place, chucking stuff off shelves or anything. He took a few things off the shelf and was happily playing with one of the toys. DS2 is the sweetest thing you have ever met. I just feel so Angry I got judged by this silly woman. Argh! If I was the lady and I was walking by and saw that, I would have just helped me and DS2 by picking up the toys and putting them back on the shelves. It's not easy to shop with young ones. So AIBU??????

OP posts:
KickArseQueen · 03/04/2011 01:28

Ok, Can I just suggest the " speaking loudly and smile" technique????

All you needed to do was say in a loud voice " oh dear ds2! look at all the things on the floor! can you pick this one up and put it back?? What a good boy", Que ds2 helping to put the stuff back and the "old Bint" smiling.

All that said I understand why you took both of them to choose, and why you took ds2 a few feet from the toys to talk to him, because they were distracting him from listening to you, but, you didn't need to let him play with the toys in the 1st place and you didn't need to be rude - asking the woman if she would help??? I'm gobsmacked! After a lifetime of picking up after her own kids? no! she doesn't need to be picking up after yours! Very wrong!

GotArt · 03/04/2011 02:36

So me and DD went to the shop after nap today and I witnessed a 50+ woman pull a pack of pita's off the shelf and 3 other ones followed, falling to the floor. She most certainly wasn't incapable of picking them up, but just looked at them and walked off. DD so perfectly asked 'What you doing mommy?' (her favorite catch phrase right now) when I picked them up and I said, albeit loud enough for said woman to hear while she gaped into the ice cream fridge, "Picking up the pita packs. Some people just can't pick up after themselves." Passive-aggressive? Indeed! But it made me think of this thread. At least parents put the toys back on the shelf before walking away. Three packs of pita's could be just as harmful to trip over as a brightly coloured toy laying in the aisle.

buttonmooncup · 03/04/2011 03:01

There are likely to be things on the floor in a supermarket - toys dropped out of prams, things people have knocked of shelves and left as a pp said. I've never personally had any problem looking where I'm going and shopping at the same time. I don't think toys on the floor near a shelf are a particular hazard - especially if there is a child playing with them - they should be easy enough to see.
I think saying that a 6 and 8 year old can't be seconds away from their mum in a supermarket is VERY overprotective. As I said I made my own way to and from school alone age 7 and so did most of my friends.

lifechanger · 03/04/2011 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bucharest · 03/04/2011 07:34

Are you the same OP who wanted to thump the old bag in the veg shop or are we just being overrun with pseudo-violent people who hate anyone over the age of 45 and somehow think that their children have some god-given right to ruin everyone else's day?

PinkToeNails · 03/04/2011 13:00

A few toys on the floor in the supermarket wouldn't ruin my day

d0gFace · 03/04/2011 13:09

Im still having flashbacks of various brightly coloured objects, toys no less, abandoned on the shop floor.

Its ruined my week.

buttonmooncup · 03/04/2011 13:11

bucharest - would a child playing with toys really ruin your day?

Mamaharry · 05/04/2011 01:31

Jesus, who are you people? That you are all so brainwashed you think a child can't take a toy off a shelf and look at it in a supermarket? are you women on this site or are you robots? Children are curious - it's natural. that's what they do. what harm does it do anyone? and why a 50 year old woman on her own couldn't help you rather than being judgemental and self righteous is pathetic.

I would have been mad too. Don't be swayed by the views of the small minded women responding on this thread. Golly I think I'm done with Mumsnet - these responses are depressingly sad.

DiveBomb · 05/04/2011 01:48

Oh, Mamaharry, don't leave! I loooove the British supermarket threads. And the restaurant threads. And those ones about babies taking over cafes and ruining the experience for all decent adults.

I don't live in the UK, but if I ever visit I'll be too scared to take my children out to eat, to shop, or frankly out of the house for fear that they might ... act like children, and possibly in front of an adult unprepared for such an abomination.

Child removes toys from supermarket shelf... the horror!! Where are the parents? Why haven't they beaten every childish impulse out of the 17-month-old yet?? Failures as parents, that's what!

I assure you, OP, that in many other places on earth, that woman would have been down on the floor playing with your DS, and pulling more toys off the shelf for him to try out.

doley · 05/04/2011 02:53

divebombtotally agree ,in the US they are far more tolerant too :)

The British are a grumpy lot sometimes Grin

MaJoad · 05/04/2011 03:52

Blimey.

Round our way a trip to the toy department to play with the toys constists of an afternoon out.

Grin
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 05/04/2011 08:58

Have people become tuttier recently? because I swear I never faced this kind of disapproval when ds was tiny.

Granted ds is an only so had one-to-one attention, but seriously - I never came accross anything like thiis.

pommedeterre · 05/04/2011 08:58

YABU for expecting a 17 month old to have an opinion on Mother's Day flowers.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 05/04/2011 09:05

wrt to the one-to-one thing - I mean it's easier to engage with one child at a time so they don't wander off and start pullking things off shelves. It must be tricky if you have a couple of toddlers to entertain.

homeboys · 05/04/2011 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StewieGriffinsMom · 05/04/2011 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chandon · 05/04/2011 10:05

oh come on, this must be a wind up.

i do not believe you OP.

If it is true, you are a complete nutter

doley · 05/04/2011 14:31

At risk of flogging a dead horse ...

This was a one off ,Saturday afternoon thing involving a 17 MONTH old toddler !!!

Of course it was "unacceptable" I don't think the OP was dancing a jig either ,but ...if this gets some Moms worked up I really worry for them if something serious happens in their lives...Confused

vess · 05/04/2011 14:50

YANBU
In our Sainsbury's lots of kids play with the toys. Some of the toys end up back on the shelves, some on the floor. Doesn't seem to be a problem.
If the supermarket wanted the toys not played with, they would have put them up on higher shelves, where only grown ups can look at them. Instead, they choose to let the kids play with the toys - in the hope that the parents will buy them. They probably end up selling more that way, or they wouldn't be doing it.

thenameiwantedwastaken · 05/04/2011 15:19

I actually don't think you were wrong to let him have a little play with the toys. It really wasn't hurting the woman, was it? But there's no point in you rising to it either.

My mum told me the other day she used to take me to a toy shop when I was a toddler specifically to play with the toys without buying. Don't think I'd do that with my LO but the staff didn't mind, we didn't damage stuff and I don't run around shops now pulling stuff off the shelves with abandon as I have been set started in such bad habits.

KatieWatie · 05/04/2011 15:59

I don't blame the 'old' woman for getting defensive when you asked her to help clear up your son's mess! If he's capable of getting toys off a shelf then he's capable of putting them back on it again too.

Kids playing with toys in supermarkets does rile me but mainly because they're no longer 'new' for the person who ends up spending good money on them - the batteries are drained or they've got mess and stickiness all over them and ripped packaging. Not nice...

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 05/04/2011 16:01

But the toys are not there for the OP's ds (or anyone else's child, for that matter) to play with. They are there for people to buy, and whilst it is fine to look at a toy, and have a bit of a go with it (as the packaging often allows), that is very different, imo, from using it to entertain your child whilst you shop.

As someone further up the thread said, if the toy gets damaged, the supermarket don't cover that cost - it is loaded into their costs, and passed onto their customers (along with the costs for other breakages, shoplifting etc).

And whilst the OP's child, and you, thisnamewastaken, didn't damage anything, if every child was doing what you and the OP's ds did, then plenty of toys would get broken because some children are more careless than others, and some parents wouldn't monitor their children properly.

If you want your children to have a play area and toys to amuse them whilst you shop, then go to a shop that has a creche - but don't use the goods that the shop are trying to sell to make a DIY creche of your own.

I can't understand how some people can fail to see the difference between having a look at a toy you might buy, and making use of a number of toys as a temporary playroom for your child. And the mum further up the thread who deliberately leaves her child to play with the toys in the toy aisle so she can do her shopping is really taking the p*. The toys are there so people can look at them and buy them, not so that she doesn't have to control her child whilst she shops.

jenniferturkington · 05/04/2011 16:08

YANBU, she shouldn't have judged you for something that really doesn't matter in the greater scheme of things. Supermarkets put toys at child height for this very reason- they want them to be played with in the hope that the parent will then be pestered in to buying something.
YABU to have asked her to help pick the toys back up though!

jenniferturkington · 05/04/2011 16:09

SDTG- the supermarket will have weighed up the cost of damaged toys Vs the increased sales due to 'pester power'.