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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to punch that woman in Tesco today for being judgey...

303 replies

angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:07

So DH and I went to Tescos today to buy some food as we have completely run out of food. We have DS1 who is 3.1 and DS2 who is 17 months old. They took turns to sit on trolley or go for a wander with DH. I did most of the shopping, DH spent much of the time putting stuff DS1 took off the shelves or involving them in our shopping by getting them to help put stuff on the trolley. All good and well. As we finished paying and bagging up, I wanted to buy some flowers for MIL who we are taking out for lunch tomorrow. DS1 and DS2 spend one day a week with her and they love her dearly. So I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers. Told DH to take the shopping back to the car while I take both DSs to choose some flowers.

While DS1 and I were busy choosing some flowers, DS2 wandered off to the toy shelves and took a few things off the shelf and then was playing (pushing buttons mostly!) with the toys on the shelf. He wasn't causing any trouble or in the way. After choosing the flowers, I went over to get DS2, I led him a couple of feet away from the toys to tell him he needs to put the toy he was holding back, fully intending to pick up the other toys on the floor when we got back. This woman in her 50s started shaking her head at us and tutting as obviously she thought we were going to leave the mess (we weren't walking away, we were standing a few feet away). It made me so angry! I'm usually really non-confrontational but I said to her, 'What is your problem? Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there and judge? He's only 17 months old!' And she had the cheek to say to me, 'Teach him then, my children NEVER did that.' And just walked away! I honestly wanted to lamp her one (and I'm not a violent person, usually! Grin).

It really spoilt my afternoon as we had the children under control our whole shopping trip and I only had them both with me as I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers for MIL and I 'left' DS2 for a few minutes (he was within sight the whole time) just so DS1 could choose the flowers he wanted. (I guess on hindsight, DH should have taken DS2 but hindsight is always 20/20!) And like I said, he wasn't tearing around the place, chucking stuff off shelves or anything. He took a few things off the shelf and was happily playing with one of the toys. DS2 is the sweetest thing you have ever met. I just feel so Angry I got judged by this silly woman. Argh! If I was the lady and I was walking by and saw that, I would have just helped me and DS2 by picking up the toys and putting them back on the shelves. It's not easy to shop with young ones. So AIBU??????

OP posts:
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 23:32

There really is no need for personal insults, Lyra.

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:32

That wasn't supposed to be in bold.

Sorry angel1976. Whiteelephant clearly thinks I'm all in a rage like she is but she's very wrong. This is all a big fat waste of time so I'll leave it there and let her rant away on her own.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 23:34

Lyra, from your posts it is evident that you are the one in a rage. Flouncing off and resorting to personal attacks towards me. Like I said, perhaps think next time before posting things on a public forum if you are so sensitive about people disagreeing with you

chickchickchicken · 02/04/2011 23:42

Sad that adult uses 'simple' as an insult in 2011

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:43

Sigh.
One last comment. I'm not in a rage, I'm not sensitive to this, I don't secretly think I'm wrong,I'm not flouncing off, I just have better things to do with my time than argue endlessly. You can't see me, you don't know me so you can't possibly know whether I'm 'in a rage' or perfectly calm. The 'personal attack' was simply an observation based on the things you've said in your posts and your many wrong assumptions which, in your head, you've turned into facts.

Clearer? Right, I'm going to read my book if that's ok with you.

PinkToeNails · 02/04/2011 23:43

I with agree with those saying that toys are put in open boxes, with batteries, at toddler level so that they can be played with. I don't see what the problem is.

Maybe in 10 years when I'm 50 I'll start tutting.

chickchickchicken · 02/04/2011 23:44

i mean sad at the message this sends out when there are people with learning difficulties fighting prejudice every single day and an adult still uses this word to insult another adult whom they have had a disagreement with
please think before using it again

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 02/04/2011 23:45

Oh for god sake, Lyra, let it go.

You have accused me of being in a rage and you can't see me or don't know me either.

I find it very hard to reason with someone who responds with childish insults and goes round in circles. Like I said, let it go and move in from this thread, and accept that someone disagrees with you

LyraSilvertongue · 02/04/2011 23:50

I just said I was going to read my book. I've clearly 'let it go'

chickchick, I wasn't using that word as an insult, I was merely making an observation. Don't make it into something it's not.

I really AM off this time.

Jaquelinehyde · 02/04/2011 23:51

Wow what a thread. Personally I would't allow my children to get toys off the shelves to play with and I wuold roll my eyes at anyone seen doing it Grin

I also wouldn't leave my children playing in the toy isle whilst I shop and they are currently aged 5, 5 and 3 (although over the next month or so that will change to 6, 5 and 4)

This all reminds me of the grape eating threads of years gone by.

LoveLeonardCohen · 02/04/2011 23:51

You are only saying there is no reasoning with me as you don't like what you are hearing and you know that you are in the wrong.
Awhiteelephantintheroom

How very condescending and patronising.. No wonder Lyra was annoyed - jeez

bristolcities · 02/04/2011 23:56

Oh for gods sake. THE TOYS ARE ON THE BOTTOM SHELF SO CHILDREN PICK THEM UP! That is the whole point and then hopefully run to there parents and insist they but them.

What a well behaved child for not having a total fit when h was told he had to leave them.

When I go to Waitrose with DS there are always children playing in the toy department.

Supermoo · 02/04/2011 23:57

I'm still laughing at the 'trip hazard' stuff....

LoveLeonardCohen · 02/04/2011 23:59

Yes exactly bristolcities

Original poster
angel1976 · 03/04/2011 00:02

bristolcities DS2 is very good, he will leave things if he is told to do so (he has very good understanding for a 17-month-old!). :) Which is why I took him away from the aisle as he would have been too distracted otherwise... But I take the point that it does look like I was going to leave the toys on the floor so fair dos! DS1 is a different kettle of fish altogether, would never have listened at me at DS2's age but hey-ho. Like I said, no harm done. MIL will get her flowers tomorrow and will be told DSs picked them out for her.

OP posts:
bristolcities · 03/04/2011 00:07

Sorry for the typos and have just seen some people have made similar points.

Let children be children, live and let live. If the toys weren't damaged it would seem DS was just proving the marketing and lay out was working perfectly. And I'm sure the supermarket were pleased you were able to spend more money.

d0gFace · 03/04/2011 00:08

Does it really matter, try not to let things like that spoil your day. Everybody has the right to their own opinion, personally I think people should mind their own business if they cant be kind or helpful.

Hope you have a nice mothers day!

Original poster
angel1976 · 03/04/2011 00:10

Thanks d0gFace and bristolcities. You too. It's not easy being a mother is it? :)

OP posts:
chickchickchicken · 03/04/2011 00:13

lyra you said and i quote

that wasnt used as an insult Hmm

bristolcities · 03/04/2011 00:13

No it certainly isn't and I'm sure we can all say than on occasion we do things that would deserve far more criticism than letting our children play with toys Shock

d0gFace · 03/04/2011 00:20

I find it pretty easy, but thats probably because I only have a dog. :)

Original poster
angel1976 · 03/04/2011 00:24

d0gFace For what's it's worth, I think sometimes having a dog is harder! While with children, you usually have GPs you can call on to look after them fi need be. And most hotels, trains etc will take children. Dogs don't have GPs to look after them, travel on planes etc. THIS IS MY OPINION ONLY AND NOT STARTING ANOTHER BUNFIGHT DISCUSSION! Grin I want a dog desperately but until my two can help look after it, I ain't doing it!

OP posts:
mylovelymonster · 03/04/2011 00:33

angel, YWNBU. Children will be children. I'm sure nothing was damaged/broken. The woman was judging your child and your parenting unfairly. Toys are on the shelves in plain view & reach to attract children's attention. Most of them have 'try me' buttons. LOL at concept of having a naturally curious and active 17monthold strictly 'under control'. Straight jacket?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 03/04/2011 00:48

"Surely if shops were worried about toys being handled they wouldn't put them all deliberately at child level, with packaging that has gaps where the buttons are, and batteries in some of them at the front, allowing children to effectively "try before they buy."

No I'm sure Tesco would HATE a child to be enticed by a toy and then take it off the shelf, possibly taking it over to Mum and whinging at her to buy it."

Very good point. Tesco don't give a shit about stuff like this! Like you said, there's a very good reason that there is so much enticing stuff within grabbing range (peppa pig/toy story at trolley height, Ben 10 slightly lower..)

What is a child going to do to these toys in the shop to break them if they're just looking/playing? What on EARTH is the harm in letting your 17mo press a few buttons? Have any of you ever been into ELC and seen the crap they deliberately leave laying about the place designed to entice a little child and perhaps encourage the parent to buy?

I'm amazed that so many of you would roll your eyes and tut and moan about a baby playing with a couple of toys on a shelf for 2 mins..

My DS plays with toys in shops. If he takes things off the shelf then I put them back. Nothing gets broken, no harm done. Nobody's ever given me shitty judgmental looks and I'd challenge them if they did. He's a child FFS.. Yes, I'm in charge of him, I decide what is appropriate and what isn't, but pressing buttons on a childs toys in a shop is not worthy of a second glance, let alone all the YABU's on this thread.

Suggesting that a stranger, who's just tutted at your baby 'misbehaving' , help pick up the toys is a bit unreasonable though Grin

Maryz · 03/04/2011 01:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.