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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to punch that woman in Tesco today for being judgey...

303 replies

angel1976 · 02/04/2011 21:07

So DH and I went to Tescos today to buy some food as we have completely run out of food. We have DS1 who is 3.1 and DS2 who is 17 months old. They took turns to sit on trolley or go for a wander with DH. I did most of the shopping, DH spent much of the time putting stuff DS1 took off the shelves or involving them in our shopping by getting them to help put stuff on the trolley. All good and well. As we finished paying and bagging up, I wanted to buy some flowers for MIL who we are taking out for lunch tomorrow. DS1 and DS2 spend one day a week with her and they love her dearly. So I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers. Told DH to take the shopping back to the car while I take both DSs to choose some flowers.

While DS1 and I were busy choosing some flowers, DS2 wandered off to the toy shelves and took a few things off the shelf and then was playing (pushing buttons mostly!) with the toys on the shelf. He wasn't causing any trouble or in the way. After choosing the flowers, I went over to get DS2, I led him a couple of feet away from the toys to tell him he needs to put the toy he was holding back, fully intending to pick up the other toys on the floor when we got back. This woman in her 50s started shaking her head at us and tutting as obviously she thought we were going to leave the mess (we weren't walking away, we were standing a few feet away). It made me so angry! I'm usually really non-confrontational but I said to her, 'What is your problem? Are you going to help or are you just going to stand there and judge? He's only 17 months old!' And she had the cheek to say to me, 'Teach him then, my children NEVER did that.' And just walked away! I honestly wanted to lamp her one (and I'm not a violent person, usually! Grin).

It really spoilt my afternoon as we had the children under control our whole shopping trip and I only had them both with me as I wanted to involve them in choosing some flowers for MIL and I 'left' DS2 for a few minutes (he was within sight the whole time) just so DS1 could choose the flowers he wanted. (I guess on hindsight, DH should have taken DS2 but hindsight is always 20/20!) And like I said, he wasn't tearing around the place, chucking stuff off shelves or anything. He took a few things off the shelf and was happily playing with one of the toys. DS2 is the sweetest thing you have ever met. I just feel so Angry I got judged by this silly woman. Argh! If I was the lady and I was walking by and saw that, I would have just helped me and DS2 by picking up the toys and putting them back on the shelves. It's not easy to shop with young ones. So AIBU??????

OP posts:
Parmallama · 05/04/2011 16:09

I don't think it's reasonable to allow a 17 month old to wander off un-supervised to play with toys that you had no intention of buying...
Those toys were for sale after all...and kids can be taken in a moment when their parents are distracted. I think you should have kept the other child with you...I don't see why that would have been a problem. The children are your responsibility after all.

Also don't think it's reasonable to have asked the lady to help you clear up your child's mess.

She may have been judgemental...but society IS going to judge the way that children behave.

catinboots · 05/04/2011 16:14

The toys on the floor wouldn't bother me. Me DS has obliterated whole displays whilst I've had my back turned for a mere moment Grin

If someone made a snidey comment or gave me a funny look I would just shrug and clear up the mess.

What is perculiar is the fact that you barked at some poor stranger that she ought to be helping you pick them up!

Odd.

Very odd.

Parmallama · 05/04/2011 16:15

and yes it is unreasonable to want to punch someone for such a trivial reason....AND to make reference to her age, as if that had anything to do with her views.

catinboots · 05/04/2011 16:22

Hee hee not me Ds but my DS.

I am not a pirate

Deliainthemaking · 05/04/2011 16:34

I skimmed that, were they just pressing buttons or getting stuff out ?

KatieWatie · 05/04/2011 16:41

He took stuff off the shelf and left it on the floor then wandered away from the pile of mess and used the things that were still on the shelf.

Let's hope he never gets left in the booze aisle!

doley · 05/04/2011 17:40

"he" is 17 months !

It was under control ~ poor OP was wrestling with 2 little ones ...

My step -Mum is one of the most organized Moms I know ,when my brother was about the same age ,he pulled down the whole of a NEXT window display ~like dominos it fell lol !

It happens ...its life Wink

catinboots · 05/04/2011 18:09

doley - "it happens... its life

Yes it does. I think it's quite normal. But getting shouty and angry at a ramdomer because they won't help you pick up the toys is

plain

freaking

weird

Fimbo · 05/04/2011 18:16

Ah well I am obviously crap too. My ds is 7 and quite often wanders off to look at the toys whilst I am looking at the cards. I have him in my eyeline all the time. He will pick things up and look at them, press buttons and put them back (doesn't scatter them on the floor). 99% of the time he is trying to get me to buy him something....

jonicomelately · 05/04/2011 18:18

Didn't we established some time ago that yes, young children do quite often take things off shelves and look at them. It's the leaving them on the floor and then shouting at other shoppers for not picking them up which I find unreasonable.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 05/04/2011 18:38

JenniferTurkington - the supermarket doesn't care about the cost of any damaged toys, because we, the customers, pay it. There is a margin built into the cost of everything we buy at the supermarket, to cover the supermarket's costs - everything from electricity and staffing costs to losses due to breakage and theft.

Fimbo - for me the difference is that the OP's son didn't just get one toy down, play a bit and put it back, he got a selection out and set up his own little play area - and she let him instead of keeping him with her, under her control.

ohnoudidnt · 05/04/2011 18:48

YANBU... people should mind their own business ....she's obviously got nothing better to occupy her mind,nosey cow.I would of wanted to run her over with a trolley.

emptyshell · 05/04/2011 20:08

I'd have actually gone and reported you to security if you'd had a go at me like that by the way... and as for demanding she helped you clean YOUR child's mess up.

Wind up 100%

mylovelymonster · 05/04/2011 20:46

oh angel!! How could you Grin
Has lyra gone for a lie down?

doley · 05/04/2011 20:50

BUT ...lol...she was about to put them back wasn't she ?
just didn't get there yet ?

I am sure that is the way I understood it ?Confused

So, in that case, the lady should have minded her own IMO .

I will say it again, he is 17 months, a baby still ~they still grab at that age .

thinkingaboutschools · 05/04/2011 20:53

I think you are completely over-reacting TBH

BsshBossh · 05/04/2011 21:14

YABU. You need to teach your DC not to take toys off a shelf in a store to play with. They're not demonstration toys. Even at 17 months, my DD would never have done this because she would have been given a stern no and look by me. Older than 2 and she would have been given a firm no and an explanation.

ilovesooty · 05/04/2011 21:20

BsshBossh

Well said.

missedith01 · 05/04/2011 21:28

Blimey, if my son doesn't take toys off the shelf in shops and poke them to see what they do I worry he's sick and do it for him. Grin

Hulababy · 05/04/2011 21:32

The toys are not for playing with unless you buy it. As my nana said "look with your eyes, not your fingers."

A 17mo needs to be closely attended in a supermarket, not wandering off to explore toy shelves.

The toys did need to be picked up and put back where they belonged.

You were wrong to speak to the woman as you did. Why on earth should she be asked to help put them back?

The woman ideally shouldn't have judged. She should have left you to it.

England is most definitely not the only place where children are not appreciated. Infact I rarely see this myself. However, if you want to see how unfriendly people can be towards the very presence of children, let alone their noise or any undesireable childhood behaviour - try Prague!!!

LyraSilvertongue · 05/04/2011 21:33

Stayingdavidtennantsgirl I presume your comments were aimed at me but you didn't say.
I don't use the shop as a creche, as in plonking them down on the floor, opening packets of toys for them to play with and saying 'stay there' while I swan around the shop for an hour and a half.
I let my children (at their request) look at the toys in the toy aisle while I buy milk, bread etc. Five minutes max and I'm never more than a few seconds away as the shop is not that big.
There is a big difference between the scenario you've painted and the reality.
Anyway I'm not getting bogged down in this nonsense again. This thread has reminded me why I rarely come on to Mumsnet anymore.

MollyMurphy · 05/04/2011 21:37

YANBU - that woman should have kept her snotty comments and her superior attitude to herself. Where some people get their mannners I have no idea.

It sounds to me like you and your DH handled shopping well and included the children which is a good strategy for not having them all over the place and a positive lesson.

I think that perhaps older parents sometimes have selective memories...of their perfect children walking quietly behind them not touching anything, not asking for anything, not whining about anything, not being bored, not being loud, not ever being upset - god no and never of course being a bother to anyone else.

I would have told her to sod off.

Triggles · 05/04/2011 21:39

pmsl at the comment that it wouldn't have happened in the states. What nonsense. I've seen dreadful behaviour by children (turned loose in stores and all over everything), parents (turning a blind eye to the havoc created by their children), and judgemental bystanders (making nasty comments and such).

doley · 05/04/2011 21:41

BsshBossh ...how in control you are ~I am in awe .Grin

doley · 05/04/2011 21:48

Triggles whatever ...

It is a less judgmental place in the US (especially where kids are concerned )

The British are notorious for a lack of patience where little ones are concerned.

I take great care with my children in public ,but shite happens ~ no parent can pat themselves on the back too early ...just when you think you have it down ...
watch out ...lol !