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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit annoyed dh goes to the gym twice a week

144 replies

takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 16:16

and it infringes on our family time

we have 1 dc age 4

he goes on wed after work.

and sat afternoons

i know i could have the same amount of free time, and say have a couple of hours sat am to say o shopping or whatever, but it just seems like then we would have even less time altoghter.

and less time for our dc it would seem like we dh and i are just doing what suits us rather than our dc or the family.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 02/04/2011 16:17

I think YABU.

valiumredhead · 02/04/2011 16:18

Does he have Sundays and evenings free?

ObscureReference · 02/04/2011 16:18

Um, sorry, YABU.

leftblank · 02/04/2011 16:19

I think YABU, it doesn't seem an excessive time spent away from the family

Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 16:20

well he works late alot so dc is often gone to bed, so not much time in the week at all.

sundays are usually fairly free

OP posts:
purepurple · 02/04/2011 16:23

YABU
Dh goes twice a week too. It means I can MN and have control over the tv zapper. It is also possibly saving his life as he has had high blood pressure and heart problems.
I could go too, but am too lazy.

NorthernGobshite · 02/04/2011 16:25

YABU.
Parents should have time to pursue their own interests. Maybe you need to talk to him about you having some 'you' time too?

cryhavoc · 02/04/2011 16:26

YABU. DH and I go at least 4 times a week each. Exercise is important - when we get back DD (3) usually does a load of star jumps and tells us she is doing her exercises too.

He's setting a good example IMO.

mollycuddles · 02/04/2011 16:27

definitely YABU - my DH goes 3/4 times and goes running but it'll impact a whole lot more on family time if he gets complications from his diabetes or dies prematurely.

valiumredhead · 02/04/2011 16:28

If he has Sat am and Sun free then YABVU

messymammy · 02/04/2011 16:31

YABU, my dp goes nearly every day

nijinsky · 02/04/2011 16:31

YANBU. Its not very much. Don't you want him to keep fit and healthy?

Nagoo · 02/04/2011 16:32

YABU

what is it you want to do during this time?

amberleaf · 02/04/2011 16:32

YABU

GoldenGreen · 02/04/2011 16:32

DP goes before work whenever possible in order to have more family time - is this an option for your DH?

Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 16:33

i am free to have couple of hours free sat am.
but i feel that would make dc miss out

he doesn't do excercise, or for health reasons
he lifts weights

its nothing to do with health.
in fact not really doing excercise but lifting weights is actually rather bad for you.

OP posts:
Doyouthinktheysaurus · 02/04/2011 16:35

I think yababitu.

Exercise is important to lots of people. It can't be easy for you being left with the dc's but from his point of view, he has been at work all week....

DH looks after our older ds' one night after work and Saturday mornings while I run. I am very grateful to him, i couldn't give up my running!

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 16:36

YABU not everyone wants to spend all their spare time with their partner and kids. As long as some of it is spent as a family (and it sounds as though it is) I don't see a problem.

mycatoscar · 02/04/2011 16:36

how long does he go for?

inchhighprivateeye · 02/04/2011 16:37

YABU

I think going to the gym is doing something for the family - it's keeping him fit, healthy and less stressed, which will in turn make him a better dad. Would you rather he was a couch potato who had no energy to play with your DC? Also it's setting a good example to your child that exercise matters.

Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 16:39

2 and a half hours inc travel.

OP posts:
hecate · 02/04/2011 16:39

Is it? where did you get that information from?

I think yabu. Twice a week is not much. You can still fit in family time. It is as important for indivdual members of a family to have time to pursue their interests as it is for the whole family to spend time together.

I don't think it's healthy for a relationship to want to be joined at the hip and resent the other one for time spent doing their own thing.

I used to be like that. that's how I know it's not good. If he wasn't working he shoud Be With MEEEEE. And if he wasn't with me, it was a rejection of me, iyswim. Oh, it was a horrible time.

I am much happier now. A bit of everything and a calm happy family life.

I tell you this not to hijack your thread Grin but to show you where my 'YABU' is coming from.

Goodynuff · 02/04/2011 16:39

Has this always been important to him, before you had a child? It is good to try and keep the parts of you that were there before kids, would it be different if he was painting, or taking photos? Do you have hobbies or interests of your own? It is easy to make your entire life based on your children, but remember that you were both full fledged people with ideas and interests of your own before you became a family. It is alsoimportant to have family time, so maybe a balance could be reached. Can he go to the gym in the early hours?

Lizzylou · 02/04/2011 16:39

YABU
I go to the gym, swimming or running at least 3 times a week. I normally go when DC are about to go to bed anyway. DH goes out/plays squash and golf.
You still need hobbies even when you have a family and it is good for our boys to know that we exercise I think.
Perhaps he could look at going later in the evening, not on a Sat afternoon (which rather rules the whole day out I suppose)?

Seona1973 · 02/04/2011 16:40

my dh goes to the gym in the morning before work so that it doesnt impact on seeing the kids in the evening/at weekends. He does play football twice a week in the evening but I dont begrudge him that as he sorts the kids out when I go to zumba on one of the other evenings!! Twice a week sounds ok to me and its not as if he spends the whole day there (I hope!)