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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit annoyed dh goes to the gym twice a week

144 replies

takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 16:16

and it infringes on our family time

we have 1 dc age 4

he goes on wed after work.

and sat afternoons

i know i could have the same amount of free time, and say have a couple of hours sat am to say o shopping or whatever, but it just seems like then we would have even less time altoghter.

and less time for our dc it would seem like we dh and i are just doing what suits us rather than our dc or the family.

OP posts:
Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 17:33

IVE ALREADY SAID WHY!!!

AS I FEEL ITS UNFAIR ON DC, IF I HAVE SAT AM THEN HE HAS SAT PM

he wouldn't want to go on bikes etc, as hes not interested in fitness, just building up his muscles such as arm and chest

OP posts:
worraliberty · 02/04/2011 17:34

Does your child feel they are missing out by not spending all of saturday with the pair of you?

Can your DC not have a friend over? Most 4yr olds wouldn't give 'parent time' a second thought if they have a friend over to play with.

Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 17:35

"If everyone who wanted to work out just walked to the doors of the gym, and then walked home again, they'd save themselves the expense."

hear hear

cutting the grass would do him more good

nd yes i know i can cut the grass, and i usually do it but have been ill last two weeks and the grass hasn't been done

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 02/04/2011 17:37

Everyone has told you you are being unreasonable, and you are. Get a grip. He has an outside activity that is not unfair on your child, you chose not to that is your right.

You won't get agreement here no matter how much you shout.

Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 17:37

the child is only 4
so if asked he he'd mind less family time, i don't think he'd understand

OP posts:
Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 17:38

i'm getting experperated answering the same question, why i don't want to take sat am

OP posts:
hecate · 02/04/2011 17:38

You have the whole of sunday, right?

That sounds ample 'family time'. Every sunday - family day. Sounds lovely.

And nobody has to give anything up.

At the end of the day, do you want to force this? have him give up what is a very short amount of time - a couple of hours! on a saturday so that he can be with you and the kids as well as on the sunday. And while he's playing happy families, he's resenting you.

Just make sundays a really fun whole family day.

And make saturdays the day when they get to spend time with one parent. fun dad time on a saturday morning and fun mum time on a saturday afternoon.

My husband regularly takes the kids out for a nice long walk. Just him and them.

I take them out on my own too.

Sometimes I'll have one while he has the other.

It's good to have a mix.

Desiderata · 02/04/2011 17:40

I'm not telling the OP she's being unreasonable, so don't tar me with the old brush.

I think she's being perfectly reasonable, especially considering the cost.

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 17:40

the child is only 4 so if asked he he'd mind less family time, i don't think he'd understand

There you go then. Why keep bringing 'family' in to it?

All you mean is you feel rejected that your DH doesn't want to spend every minute of his free time with you.

hecate · 02/04/2011 17:40

"i'm getting experperated answering the same question, why i don't want to take sat am"

Yes, because you're stuck on this whole "family time" idea. The whole weekend glued to each other.

It doesn't have to be that way.

You have one child?

Great. He will LOVE 1:1 with each parent. as well as 'family time'

Kids adore 1:1 parent time.

Ragwort · 02/04/2011 17:41

'the child is only 4 so if asked if he'd mind less family time, i don't think he'd understand' - so why on earth are you worried about family time then? - is this about your feelings rather than your son's?; just leave DH and DS together on Saturday mornings and do your own thing. You sound very clingy - surely couples need separate hobbies and interests - my DH and I more or less have a rota as to who stays in Grin - we've had a family day all together today and its been hell Grin.
I've had to escape to Mumsnet !

twopeople · 02/04/2011 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 17:42

"All you mean is you feel rejected that your DH doesn't want to spend every minute of his free time with you."

why would i not mind one bit if he went in the even when dc is in bed then?

OP posts:
MrsVidic · 02/04/2011 17:43

You should go too sets a good example to your dc. You should being married to a marathon runner!

Dp and I both go 3-4 times a week. We fit it in around dd, mental space is so important. May help you get perspective

Pagwatch · 02/04/2011 17:45

No, I am sorry but yabu.

He is taking care of himself which is sensible and responsible. He is also modelling a healthy lifestyle for your child which is good too.
Perhaps when you dc is bigger he can participate in a sport with them.
Dh goes to the gym about five times a week, sometimes at lunchtimes at work but also in the evening.
And sometimes, lime this morn g, he goes out with ds1 and they run and / or work out together. And dh helped with ds1s training.

It is a good thing

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 17:45

Why should he go in the evening when your child is in bed if your child isn't bothered/doesn't understand about 'family time'?

You could well end up making your child as clingy as you sound.

Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 17:48

oh dear, you can't really answer this question can you.

"All you mean is you feel rejected that your DH doesn't want to spend every minute of his free time with you."

why would i not mind one bit if he went in the even when dc is in bed then?

OP posts:
Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 02/04/2011 17:48

I started reading this thread thinking YABVU but actually if he refuses to go after the DC is in bed or maybe cut down the timing on a Saturday (2.5 hours - where is his gym???) and it's something you feel very strongly about (i.e. he is refusing to compromise) then I dont think you are being totally unreasonable. I do think you should take Saturday as your time. Also tell him that men that only work on their chest and arms and have chicken legs look stupid.

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 17:50

I don't know why you wouldn't mind one bit if he went when your child was in bed...only you can answer that.

The important thing here is why the hell should he? Why can't he have time away from you and your DC and 'shock horror' actually enjoy that time when he wants to?

Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 17:51

ds goes to bed between 6.30 and 7.30pm

so theres loads of time to go in the evening.

OP posts:
Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 17:52

I don't know why you wouldn't mind one bit if he went when your child was in bed...only you can answer that

well i can, as it doesn't affect our time all together

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 02/04/2011 17:52

YABU. You are taking your anxieties about your DC and projecting them onto him, which is grossly unfair. DH and I regularly take time for ourselves on a Saturday, and the other one spends time with our DTDs. They are also 4. They do not seem to be at all scarred by the fact that they don't get both parents' attention all day on Saturdays and Sundays. Sometimes we both go to the gym, and put the girls in the kids' club there. They love it. We tend to do whole family stuff on Sundays but not always. I think it's healthy and normal to take spend time apart - DH does different things with the girls than I do (except today, where he attempted baking a cake with them. I'm going to grit my teeth, smile and eat the burnt bits...) and it's good for them to understand that they're not going to get our attention all the time, just because it's the weekend.

I think you need to relax a bit, OP, and stop being so PFB. This sounds very much like it's about you, not about your child. IMO, you resent your DH for having "his" time apart, and whilst you say you "could" take time (if only you wanted to) I think you feel that you would be being a "bad" parent by taking time for yourself when you could be with your child, and therefore that your DH is being a "bad" parent by doing that too.

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 17:52

And has he said why he doesn't want to in the evening?

Desiderata · 02/04/2011 17:52

twopeople, you sound manic.

I still don't see what's so unreasonable about the OP. We might not agree with the sentiment, (or we may), but I don't quite see why people are getting so worked up.

I guess you all go to gyms, and I guess that's why I don't like them. It fosters an aggression quite unlike other forms.

Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 17:53

and you were accusing me a feeling rejected if he didn't spend every spare min with me, well it can't be true if i don't mind dh goingwhen ds is in bed.

well if he goes when ds is in bed at 6.30.
i don't mind

i don't think its too late to go

OP posts:
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