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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit annoyed dh goes to the gym twice a week

144 replies

takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 16:16

and it infringes on our family time

we have 1 dc age 4

he goes on wed after work.

and sat afternoons

i know i could have the same amount of free time, and say have a couple of hours sat am to say o shopping or whatever, but it just seems like then we would have even less time altoghter.

and less time for our dc it would seem like we dh and i are just doing what suits us rather than our dc or the family.

OP posts:
inchhighprivateeye · 02/04/2011 16:40

Ok, now you are making yourself sound daft by saying that lifting weights isn't exercise and nothing to do with health. Weights are great for all sorts of things, including raising metabolism.

NorthernGobshite · 02/04/2011 16:42

Of course lifting weights has a health benefit. Unless he's also taking steroids....

Cymar · 02/04/2011 16:43

If your DC and DH are happy with the time they spend together, then why worry.

mycatoscar · 02/04/2011 16:44

okay, 2.5 hours is rather a long time to be at the gym. My dh goes 3-4 times a week, but our gym is 5 mins drive so he is gone about an hour in total. It annoyed me a bit to begin with but to be honest he enjoys it, I enjoy some peace and he simply doesnt go that night if I need to go out or if dd is unwell.

YAN a bit U because it is important that you both get time to pursue your own interests. Are you working or SAHM? I just wonder how much time to yourself you get and if maybe you are feeling generally unhappy.

Would he cancel if there was something specific you had to do as a family on a saturday afternoon?

mayorquimby · 02/04/2011 16:44

yabu. that seems very reasonable

PatTheHammer · 02/04/2011 16:49

Can he find a closer gym? Mine is 5 minutes drive away and I go quite a lot at the moment, usually when the kids are in bed. However as its so close my classes are 45mins or an hour so I am out for about 75mins tops. Not really enough to impact on 'me' time with DH. I'm sure we could sit on respective sofas and not speak for 75mins of an evening quite regularly.
He often has a bath etc whilst I'm out and then we eat together when I get back if we haven't eaten earlier with the kids.
At the weekends I do morning classes so have the rest of the day to do stuff. So I do think you have a point about saturday afternoons. I used to hate my DH playing football on a sat when DD was small. He actually gave it up as he felt it impacted on days out etc when she got a bit bigger, so I never had to say anything as he made the decision to play in an evening game instead.

louloudia · 02/04/2011 16:49

extremely unreasonable

can you imagine the uproar on here if a woman came on saying her husband didnt like her going to the gym twice a week LOL

there is no where in the marriage/family contract that states you have to live in each others pockets - shudders, how suffocating would that be

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 16:51

Why should he find another gym? 2.5hrs including travelling is hardly going to cause seperation anxiety is it?

ledkr · 02/04/2011 16:56

dh gos loads,so do i when im not post natal.I benefit by having a gorgeous dh and not an old flabby wreck of a bloke Grin

PatTheHammer · 02/04/2011 16:56

Dunno, worraliberty, its called a compromise I suppose?

Not everyone is loyally attached to their gymWink

There may not be one closer anyhow.

2.5 hours one evening a week is not really a hardship, my DH goes out every tuesday for about 3 hours and I like to indulge with watching all the crap of the Sky box that he can't stand.

Shaxx · 02/04/2011 17:04

I don't think going to the gym twice a week is unreasonable but I would be annoyed if dh insisted going for 2.5 hrs on a Sat pm as it would affect family time out on a Saturday. We often go out somewhere or see family.
Thats why he goes in the morning.
Would that suit your family time plans better?

houseworkwhore · 02/04/2011 17:11

yabu

I go 2 times a week. DP plays xbox and i goto the gym. Everyone needs a couple of hours chill time away from it all

ChaoticAngelofDenial · 02/04/2011 17:12

YABU I'd also suggest you take some time for yourself on a Saturday am. That way your DC get to spend some time with daddy which will help them to bond.

FabbyChic · 02/04/2011 17:12

YABU he works does he not, surely he is entitled to some free time, as are you if you choose to take it.

Gemsy83 · 02/04/2011 17:15

You seem resentful of him having free time, are you a SAHM?

TheCrackFox · 02/04/2011 17:18

YABU

But he should make an effort to ensure you have a couple of hours a week to do what you need to do. Smile

pawsnclaws · 02/04/2011 17:22

Wow, you'd hate me then - I must be a right selfish cow! Every Saturday at the moment I've been out running for maybe 4 hours, leaving DH with all three ds. He has never once, not once, made me feel selfish or that he's doing me a favour - it's his time with the dcs. He knows I'm running for a reason and that it makes me a more balanced person. He knows I would do the same for him if it was what he wanted.

Original poster
takeawaylover · 02/04/2011 17:24

oh i can take some free time too, but if i take sat am, then i feel that unfair on dc.

if he went in the evening when dc was in bed, i wouldn't mind one bit.

but he says he has to go right after work or is too tired

we both work

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 02/04/2011 17:27

It's best he goes when he does, he is entitled, as are you, whilst they are growing you do have to make your children independent. Just because you choose not to take time for yourself you cannot expect your husband to do the same.

llareggub · 02/04/2011 17:28

Well, I think you are being unreasonable too. I go to the gym, or out for a run, at least four times a week and I go to a quiz on a Sunday night. Why don't you do something too?

pawsnclaws · 02/04/2011 17:29

I think YABU, but would he consider a fitness interest that involves all of you at the weekend? I have no idea .... cycling?

Snotgobbler · 02/04/2011 17:30

yabu
get a grip woman

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 17:30

Is any of this coming for your child, or have you decided how much time your child needs to spend with both of your together in order to be happy?

If your child is unhappy about the amount of family time he/she is getting, perhaps your child should have a word with your DH?

purepurple · 02/04/2011 17:30

DH goes straight after work too, sometimes he goes to the sauna after and doesn't get home till nearly 9. By that time I am bathed and ready for bed.

Desiderata · 02/04/2011 17:31

I don't know. I hate gyms, personally.

If everyone who wanted to work out just walked to the doors of the gym, and then walked home again, they'd save themselves the expense.

I don't know if you're being unreasonable or not, but I don't think I could fancy a bloke who did 'gym.'

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