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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think WTF is going on?

580 replies

ScaredWorriedAndAngry · 31/03/2011 22:35

We recently realised we may had been burgled my DH noticed weird notches and marks on our front door...so he called the police they came and confirmed that someone had definately been into our house and we suddenly realised why small but valuable items had started going missing over a period of about 5months ..3 phones a hand-bag, my husbands watch I brought him for our anniversary last year and probably other things we have not realised...things you might think you have misplaced or lost..anyway the police officer asked to look upstairs so my husband said ok...when she cam back down the stairs she said 'how many children did you say you had?' my DH answered 2 ..she then said well why is there just 1 bed/mattress upstairs?' my DH explained that we will be buying a futon for them and that we are just in the middle of things.

now for some back-ground...my DDs bless their cotton socks are home-wreckers...they had a lovely IKEA bed but they jumped all over it and smashed the slats beyond repair..they have also dug holes in the walls and pulled off their own room door when they made a 'swing' on the handle amongst other things..unfortunately my DH is not a DIY person a nor am I...we chucked out the bed bits and just had the made up mattress on the floor (which they think is bluddy marvellous and like a 'sleep-over'),we have a new bed that we brought originally when we brought the first bed..but decided not to put it up because they might end up breaking it again, we decided to buy a double futon so they can jump as much as they want till we have set up DD2's room...

We have lived in the house for quite a while but we are really struggling with decorating and many things have gone wrong with the property,mould, bolier broken, man half fitted the kitchen and ran off with the money..plus other personal stuff.. so yes it looks a bit of a state decoration wise and at the moment we just don't have the time money or energy to sort everything out and it's also very cluttered not dirty..just messy...and we also have alot of wine bottles in bags in the kitchen because I'm too lazy to walk round to the bottle bank often enough (more fool me)...so it looks a bit much when I look at it from someone elses perspective..maybe they think we are drunks or something?

Well after they left and I came home my DH mentioned what happened and said he thought she might say something..I said no way because our house is a bit messy and you explained about the matress etc etc...

2 weeks later the police return and we thought it was the discuss the break in..no..it turns out there we some concerns with our children and their living arrangements??, 2 officers from the youth crime reduction team are here?? they ask to come in the house is a bit wild because I'm doing washing..they said they have spoken to the school about us and our children and about the time off they have had etc...and last year my DDs caught quite a few colds ansd stomach bugs and the school policy is you must keep them off for at least 48 hrs so yes their attendance looks dodgy but not more so than other children..they asked us if there was food in the house??...we both work and have decent jobs but bills a mortgage and debts and I don't want to get into anymore debt..

so now a day later they are coming back again with another person...and I'm sure I saw them drive pass the house earlier...we asked for help from the police and now we feel like suspects for something we haven't done...am i overrating/paranoid?..is this normal practice?...am i in some kind of denial?..are we on a list?

I have been trying to hold this all in but I'm tearful/angry and worried and too ashamed to talk to anyone about whats happening...

sorry this is so long..

OP posts:
ddubsgirl · 31/03/2011 22:42

i know people you have been through this,we have ourselves with ss,be strong,i doubt the schools have any worries and if you can try to get things sorted,i know its not easy but get beds sorted,bedding etc and the door fixed,it will keep them happy,you have been through alot and are trying to catch up,i would get locks or the whole front door changed too.

psychoveggie · 31/03/2011 22:42

YANBU I feel very sorry for you. If we were visited by strangers on any given day they'd probably look at the clutter etc. and wonder about our arrangements. Having said that, try to stay calm, not be too defensive etc. Perhaps acknowledge their concerns and say how A. You don't believe they affect the DC's welfare and B. How you plan to address the most urgent things (whatever they are deemed to be). Chances are you'll just have someone in a few times to check that you're coping and that DCs are OK. IME families with real CP issues are frequently given chance after chance so I'd hope this will blow over without causing you too much stress.

ObscureReference · 31/03/2011 22:43

How odd! I can see why you would be worried! I would be worried too.

So they are coming tomorrow? Have you taken the bottles round, given everything a good tidy? Not that you necessarily need to, just tha tI would be out of sheer paranoia!

Has anything else at all been said that could give you more of a clue?

GotArt · 31/03/2011 22:45

Um... clean up the place now. Get rid of the bottles. No you aren't being paranoid, I would be too. Don't know about a 'list' but if they've come around specifically to inspect, I think its fair to say you are being monitored. And get your locks changed.

easternstar · 31/03/2011 22:47

Surely it's not normal for children to destroy furniture or for parents to drink so much that there are bags of wine bottles in the kitchen?

GotArt · 31/03/2011 22:47

Having the bottles around looks bad when you say you can't afford to get DC new bed.

BeingHumum · 31/03/2011 22:49

I work in education, and the absolute priority of anyone working with children at the moment is Safeguarding, which basically means protecting children from harm. Everyone working with children is very alert to this, as they want to avoid any more horrific cases like Baby P, and they would rather be over zealous than put a child at risk. It must be terrible to be on the receiving end when your DDs are not at risk, but try to see it as thank goodness they care. If you show them your children are well cared for, they will back off again.

It does sound as though your DDs need taming though! I wouldn't let my DS wreck the house, they need to respect your belongings.

kormachameleon · 31/03/2011 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ddubsgirl · 31/03/2011 22:49

kids do break things,my son got a door off its hinges with a toy screwdriver :/ and have broken slates on the bunkbeds by jumping on them,soon learnt not to do it again but they did do it!

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 31/03/2011 22:50

How old are your children? 'Homewreckers' is a nice word for them if they put holes in stuff and rip doors off!

If you imagine it from an outsiders point of view it does probably look a bit dodgy. No beds for the kids, loads of wine bottles in the kitchen etc.

If you have nothing to worry about then I'm sure it will all blow over :)

Original poster
ScaredWorriedAndAngry · 31/03/2011 22:50

Thanks everyone for your messages, ddub we have had the locks changed and I'm ordering the futon as we speak....psycho I will try to stay calm and not be defensive tommorow...Obsure I have taken the bottles round near broke my back..and I'm tidying as well like a manic...I have no idea what's really going on and I want to ask tommorrow but I don't want to cojme across as defensive..but I also want to give them a piece of my mind and then part of me is 'well they are just doing their job etc'..I'm so worried

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 31/03/2011 22:51

What GotArt said. Do something about it. It doesn't sound exactly ideal, so do what you can now to change things.

FunnysInTheGarden · 31/03/2011 22:51

TBH, your life does sound a bit out of control. You move the wine bottles every morning, and don't let children ruin the beds, dig holes in the walls or pull the doors off. I'm sure you are far from neglectful, but it does all sound a bit chaotic. You need to sort it all out really

LoopyLoopsChupaChups · 31/03/2011 22:53

And yes, I think you probably need to somehow get to grips with your children's behaviour if they are so destructive.

ddubsgirl · 31/03/2011 22:55

it is awful when you think someone has been in your home,we had someone in our garden,some broken paving slabs we have stacked up had been moved and found a empty vodka bottle out there :/ neither dh or me drink vodka!
in our 1st flat we were robbed,never felt like home after that.
double check all windows and doors and yes you need some kind of routine for the kids.

Salmotrutta · 31/03/2011 22:56

I'm thinking they are checking on things because they will have "added up" the various points:
A burglary you didn't initially notice
Clutter in the house
Lack of bed
Broken door and holes in walls
Bags of wine bottles

I'm sure they are just playing safe and they have to check these things.
I would be pretty annoyed though tbh if my kids had broken doors, made holes in walls and you seem very laid back about it as in "bless their cotton socks"
I'm sure once they see your DC are fine then they will be satisfied Smile

SoDiana · 31/03/2011 22:56

It sounds like they have decided there is some sort of issue and are duty-bound to report it to Social Services. It is probably a social worker who is coming out tomorrow with them.
Was there food in the house when they asked? Ideally have some nutritious meal cooking while they visit (unless it's 11am and totally inappropriate).

I would get rid of the empty bottles as a priority.

Also, buy a great big bottle of Flash or whatever and give the floors a good once-over tonight. Open all the windows in the morning to air the house.

Pick up all the clutter and hide it in some random press (every house gets cluttered but it can give out the wrong impression if you're being scrutinised).

Take the spare bed out of the attic and have it either made-up or ready to be assembled. Clean bed-clothes.

If the children are going to be there, make sure they are clean, with clean clothes and not asking for food.

Have a list of things that are on your to-do list. Repairs to walls/doors etc.

When they arrive tomorrow, be pro-active about repairs/costs etc. (maybe have a list of costs/income/outgoings etc.) - ask for their help.

Interact normally with your dc if they're there too.

Do not underestimate the seriousness of this. It is the first 'move' in 'protecting' children perceived to be 'in danger'.

Best of luck............

GypsyMoth · 31/03/2011 22:56

the list....at risk register? no,you would be informed

Original poster
ScaredWorriedAndAngry · 31/03/2011 22:57

The door was ripped off ages ago and it's a dodgy house they are now 7 and 9 ...but they have always been boisterous...but only in their room...if you saw them butter wouldn't melt...we have a bed..but we are going to buy a more suitable one...it was only 2 weeks ago they had a bed it's in bits in the garden...

OP posts:
maddy68 · 31/03/2011 22:57

to be honest they sound as though they may have a point?
not to have a bed to sleep in is fairly major stuff. A futon is NOT a comfy bed.
lots of empty wine bottles mean that lots of wine has been drunk. (i'm not saying that is an issue but thats how it looks!)
if you allow your kids to be as 'lively' as to break things in the house then you do need to look at your parenting and perhaps things have just got a little out of control. Dont be afraid to ask for help, you and the police and SS will all have the same aim, a happy healthy family. If your house is as unkempt dirty as it sounds this is not a healthy environment for children. I REALLY dont mean to sound harsh but perhaps you just dont realise how things are perceived.
Good luck

squeakytoy · 31/03/2011 22:59

I think, from what you have described, I can see why the police are sending someone round.

It doesnt take long to keep a house tidy, and children should certainly not be digging holes out of the walls for gods sakes!!!

If it is such a mess that you didnt notice you had been burgled, then you cant blame the police for being concerned.

Original poster
ScaredWorriedAndAngry · 31/03/2011 23:00

bluddy hell I said boisterous..but seriously..they are very well behaved...they don't go around smashing things but they have in the past in their room...

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 31/03/2011 23:02

But vandalising their home to that extent is not just boisterous, it is completely out of control.

ObscureReference · 31/03/2011 23:02

I think the list by SoDiana is a great start. What time will they be there tomorrow? Can you do all that by then? (Will be a push if it is 9am!)

darleneconnor · 31/03/2011 23:03

They need a bed each NOW. If that means getting into debt, so be it. Dont give ss amunitio- against you.

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