to simply not understand how you are supposed to maintain a job when children are so frequently unable to attend childcare due to common illnesses?

[working9while5]

Ds is only 16 months. He has been in nursery since November. I work a five day fortnight but pay for six days childcare so have (at least) some flexibility so that I can work additional days if I miss one due to him being ill.

Dh and I split the time off equally - he does a day, I do a day, sometimes if we both urgently need to be in work, we split the day into morning/afternoon.

However, it's a real struggle right now. Ds has been ill on and off since starting nursery to the extent we are both missing at least a day a week (bearing in mind that I don't work five days a fortnight - so he is ill more than this and/or on the "wrong" days etc).

I really feel work is suffering but I don't know what we're supposed to do. I really can't miss much more time as it is affecting key work outcomes which may jeapordise renewal of my working contract (quite a bit of my time is fixed term contract). Dh has a number of issues at work which mean his job is also at risk.

We have no alternatives as we are new to our area and have no friends or family who can help out.

What do people do? I have only one child and he has no long-lasting or ongoing disabilities that we are aware of. How do people cope when they have more children and/or more serious ongoing things to schedule? I just don't see how you can do it over an extended period of time and keep a job?

Does someone out there have the answer?

you're more organised than me shaz :)

I was v rarely poorly as a child, nor were my siblings, so I suppose it's just not something I really considered

working, I think a lot of it boils down to earning power. In the end, a lot of dp/dhs outearn their dws so if one person has to give up work, it often ends up falling to the woman just because of the paying bills factor.

I can't bear the fights families of children who need special care have to go through. Our friend had to fight to get a disabled parking bay in her road when her child is in a wheelchair ffs. Does make day to day worries seem totally trite in the face of those sort of battles.

Working - would your Mum or DH's Mum come down and stay to look after your ds in an emergency? I must admit its the reason I haven't gone back to full time working so I have some flexibility if dd is sick. I'm lucky that I could work a Thursday say instead of a Monday with a bit of juggling if I needed to. Also my Mum has helped me out in emergencies.

When dd's asthma was really bad we were frequently at the asthma clinic but fortunately the clinic was on a Friday which is my day off! I don't know what I would have done otherwise. However, her school were completely unsympathetic but that's another story!

But what do you do, that's the bit I just can't wrap my head round, shaz?
If they can discipline you for not having emergency childcare within 24 hours, what do you do?

I think looking at this, I should be okay because I work M/T/Th and dh always "does" the Monday and I do the Tuesday and I can be flexible about the Thursday.. all well and good, I can get away without using up Carer's Leave/unpaid and the holidays I'm not allowed take anyway so I should be "safe" under the current law

BUT

Dh's employers are reaching the end of their tether. He does try to work back anything he takes off and do some work from home when ds naps/in the evenings, but it's not always actually very feasible as he already works long hours... I don't see how we would cope at all if I wasn't working such unfeasibly short hours.

My main concern is that if he lost his job, I would be forced into having to set up privately in addition to doing what I do now which would basically mean a loss of all flexibility and working all the hours that god sends, and having issues with household income in the case of mat leave etc. If I then lost my fixed term contract public sector job (seriously under threat anyway), we could literally go from being okay to being, well, destitute.

Yet the law seems to think we should share the burden even though he is probably more at risk.. but then I'm kind of at risk too if productivity doesn't meet expectations.

And again, the most unreasonable aspect of all of this is that we're talking about normal, common everyday illness... which I just wouldn't have expected to be this disruptive. Seriously, no wonder so many parents of disabled kids live in poverty, it's disgusting!

They're in Ireland, as are dh's... so not very feasible!

OK right! Every time we think about moving, we don't because of living near (ish) to our parents and the back up childcare they provide. I think you are going to have to look at alternative childcare as other posters have suggested eg: childminder or nanny. Its really tough when you have young children and don't have family nearby. Its the reason several close friends of mine have moved away, back to where their families are.

you have to look at a cost benefit analysis working9while5

we have colleges nearby and advertised for first-aid qualified and child care interested sitters - they could also cover some hours during the day. We interviewed a few of them and let them meet the kids in case we ever needed to use them

we also looked at some of the childcare agencies who could provide emergency childcare

but ultimately, all of this is very expensive and you have to weigh up the cost of using this sort of cover and what is happening with yours and dh/dp's work and also whether you feel comfortable with it which I know a lot of people won't be

you can only really use them to cover the mild illnesses because if your dcs are seriously ill, of course you want to be there for them!

I didn't go back to work is what I did Working. Not what you want to hear but was the only workable thing for us, but our situation is different. We had a really poorly wee man. And we do tend to take the we'll do anything for him quite far ........we moved from Holland back to the UK, no jobs etc (stayed in mum's house) because we weren't happy with the medical care so maybe we're not really typical.( And probably why I get on my high horse sometimes - sorry).

My inlaws still live in Holland (Hubby is Dutch) and FIl doens't work anymore and MIL only works 1 day a week. 2 years agon when I ended up really ill with double pneumonia, she came to help out with DS to allow Dh to contiue going to work. She would come at the drop of a hat and we have asked a couple of times to help if I've been unwell and not able to look after DS. She really enjoys it.

Would that be an option for your parents or inlaws just in the next wee while til he build up some resistance?

I would also say that if it is really becoming a huge huge issue, maybe he is picking up more than he should and might be worth asking to have his immunity checked?

Hope you can work it out

I like the idea of interviewing people and that they would know ds. Maybe we should try out a sitter.

It's funny but this is one of the most daunting aspects of parenthood so far.. and I had the whole traumatic delivery/crappy infant feeding difficulties/anxiety/loneliness/"what the hell have we done?" stuff that's normal but was okay because it all still met my expectations, more or less, and it was mitigated by the whole "ooh look at our baby, isn't he beautiful/clever/the best baby ever".

This feels different, a bit of a slap in the face that makes me feel both a) very green and b) very far from home because of course there's going to be a lot more of this and, you know, we've been lucky ((touches wood furiously)), all these days we've taken off have never been to mind him when seriously worried about him, and I suppose he's quite likely to be "properly ill" at some stage (even if that's just something that, while risky, he is likely to recover from easily like chicken pox or swine flu or RSV).
And we don't know what the future will bring e.g. with other dc, illnesses, unemployment, bereavements... aaaaargh! Not going down that road right now, too much!

ah I didn't realise you were the OP. Look at a nanny if you can stretch to it. It is the most expensive form of childcare (but often is more cost effective especially if you have more than 1 dc) but it does offer you incredible reassurance (with the right nanny) and care in your own home which is perfect when the dcs are ill. I don't know what the cost of nursery is like in your area, but here it really didn't make that much of a difference having a nanny (but then again I had 2dcs - once you have more than 1, nursery does start becoming very expensive).

Nanny shares are another way to cut down the costs.

It is a huge amount of work putting ads up, interviewing people - it took me ages but ultimately, I have found wonderful people every time we've done it and I don't regret it for a second.

we also have absolutely no-one even in the country who could help out so have to pay for every minute of childcare we need.

now that the dcs are older, we are friends with families from the dcs' school and have people who can help out in an emergency but I still wouldn't expect them to help with a sick child. It isn't the same as family!

It doesn't get any easier as they get older. I had to have a week off work before xmas 'cos my 11 year old son had flu. He was really poorly (couldn't get out of bed) and there was no way I could leave him for 6 hours plus home alone in that state.

I struggle into work when I am sick/ill in order to bank 'goodwill' in the event of the kids getting ill.

Maybe someone need to pose the question to Mr Cameron, ' How to we, as parents, care for the adult citizens of tomorrow when they are little and unwell, while still being expected to go to work and without jeopardising our working roles?'

Given that Mr Cameron has cut working tax credit, funding for extended schools (breakfast and after school clubs) and children's centres, I very much doubt he would be interested but you can try!

The thing is though unless people ( en masse ) talk to him about it he will carry on cutting all of those things.

I put my DD in nursery at 10 mo. She was ill so often that first year I don't think I managed a whole week at work. Like someone further down the thread said, she'd come down with something on the Wednesday, be fine again Monday and back to nursery, just to have a green runny nose by Thursday and off again.

D&V has a 48 hour exclusion, and I was called a couple of times for "2 loose nappies in 15 minutes" even though I could see there was nothing wrong with her.

It does get better though. I realised one day we'd managed 2 whole weeks at nursery and that was it. She's had the odd day or so since but it does ease off. We've moved nearer my mum now and she has had her twice when DD's been sick in the car on the way to nursery. People tell me that her immune system will be so good when she goes to school that she won't get sick. I do hope that's right

The law as it stands assumes that if your child is ill you can some how magic childcare in 24 hours. I don't have family near by at all. Friends help out if I am running late, but no way would they take on a sick child for the day as they have children of their own. I wouldn't want their sick child either.

The law doesn't consider the feelings of the child either. A sick 9 month old, or indeed 9 year old, wants to be at home in his bed with his mummy there for him.

I realise in my earlier message I ended with I am not a stay at home mum - I actually meant to type - I am NOW a stay at home mum. Yup I gave in and just stayed at home. It meant less money, I'm not paying into a pension and less tax for the country. However, it is so much easier now we don't worry about who will be looking after/picking up the children.

When there is snow and the schools are shut there was no bother. When one of our 3 is sick there is no worry.

I vividly remember one argument with my dh about who would take the 48 hours off work to look after ds2 after a vomiting incident. I have to say, I was very much one of those parents who took their dc in to nursery when they were sick or had had a runny nappy. I would chance it and hope that my child would stay S&D free during the day enough that they wouldn't call me back in. I would even dose up children with a double dose of Capol and Nurophen in order to reduce their temperature enough to drop them off at nursery and hope that the staff would manage okay as the temperature raised throughout the morning.

I know that this is dreadful behaviour but I felt I had no choice. The pressure on us as both working parents I needed childcare. A nanny was too expensive. They earn more than my wage!

It will get better after 6 months. Just wait it out and cope as best you can for now.

My dcs, now 7 and 4, who started ft nursery from 1 year old have (touch wood) cast iron constitutions. I cannot remember a time they took more than 24 hours to shake off any bug, which is pretty rare.

When ds was young, I combined ft nursery with an aupair. I needed the aupair for dd's school run. The aupair was a very useful back up when ds was ill and continues to be the primary back up now that dd and ds are both at school. This last year, I have never taken a day off work for an ill dc.

Even if you can get childcare in the 24hrs-it doesn´t mean that they can stay for as long as you need them for, does it?

And even if parents/Ils can get to you from another country-they might not be able to get time off work.

OP My dd was similar first 2 years at nursery. Now rarely gets D&V etc seems to have built up a massive immunity. We still struggle with her asthma in winter. I was very apprehensive going back to work after ds (who by the way is a lot less frequently ill) and saved all my holiday (except visiting family in ireland) and have used every single day and Dh has used as much as he can (I'm public sector hes private).

You need a thick skin and good luck.

Also if I had a penny for every time my mum suggested we would have no problems if we would move back to Ireland I would have enough money for a nanny! Actually if the bottom hadn't fallen out of the Irish economy we probably would have moved within 2 streets of my parents and turned their retirement into torture like everyone else I know at home ;)

Try and hang in there, it has gotten better for us and I'm glad we stuck at it. Our whole family will be better off into the future despite the difficult couple of years now.

Sorry for dodgy sentence structure too much oh and I think its ludicrous to suggest that your ability to clearly discuss the issues surrounding the joke of work life balance for working parents means that you don't love your son! Utter bollox!