to simply not understand how you are supposed to maintain a job when children are so frequently unable to attend childcare due to common illnesses?

[working9while5]

Ds is only 16 months. He has been in nursery since November. I work a five day fortnight but pay for six days childcare so have (at least) some flexibility so that I can work additional days if I miss one due to him being ill.

Dh and I split the time off equally - he does a day, I do a day, sometimes if we both urgently need to be in work, we split the day into morning/afternoon.

However, it's a real struggle right now. Ds has been ill on and off since starting nursery to the extent we are both missing at least a day a week (bearing in mind that I don't work five days a fortnight - so he is ill more than this and/or on the "wrong" days etc).

I really feel work is suffering but I don't know what we're supposed to do. I really can't miss much more time as it is affecting key work outcomes which may jeapordise renewal of my working contract (quite a bit of my time is fixed term contract). Dh has a number of issues at work which mean his job is also at risk.

We have no alternatives as we are new to our area and have no friends or family who can help out.

What do people do? I have only one child and he has no long-lasting or ongoing disabilities that we are aware of. How do people cope when they have more children and/or more serious ongoing things to schedule? I just don't see how you can do it over an extended period of time and keep a job?

Does someone out there have the answer?

orangeeyebrows, well, ds probably enjoys having a roof over his head and food in his mouth too! When your job is at risk, it's actually pretty important! I'd rather be home with him if he's ill but I don't want to be in a position where I lose my job either. Contract will be renegotiated end of April.. we are having "monitoring visits" by the budget holders at present and there are extreme cuts due to recession. Similar situation for dh.

Interestingly, I work for the NHS (contracted to education) and they are a lot less sympathetic about the d and v regulations than you would imagine. You would expect they would want me to stay away but it doesn't quite work like this.. there's one rule for parents and another for employers. I worked on an acute adult ward as a student and the placement educator had a right pop off me for suggesting I couldn't come in with d and v!

you need to make friends and find childminder/nanny type people who can look after your child on short notice for you, even when they ill. Its up to you to do it. and it can be done. Its not easy, or cheap. but if you needt o maintain a career then it needs doing.

We were warned by friends that the 1st year of nursery is the peak for picking up viruses and that was certainly our experience. Some of the rules about how long they have to be off for are a real pain in the neck as once DD is over the worse of it she is full of beans and wanting to do things with you which doesn't give much scope for getting on with work I've brought home.

OTOH though you do get hacked off with other parents who bring a DC into nursery with something to avoid having to take time off themselves and then it spreads and everyone else is having to take time off.

It's far from easy but the frequency to time off does decrease as they build up immunity.

Conjuntivitis - think the rules have changed. DCs' nursery used to say stay off until it's gone, now they're happy to take them as long as they're being treated. Our prac nurse knows this so will always prescribe drops. And it does clear up VERY quickly once you start using them.

"poor kids - being dragged round to a childminder when they are feeling ill, because mum's job is more important"
And, presumably, the dad's job

Working - isnt there some sort of law that until a child is the age of 5 you can have 5 weeks off work unpaid for things like illness etc......sorry, I am a bit rusty but I am sure there is something in existance like this - maybe someone else can help???

parental leave, but not sure how that would fit with the OP's contract, as well as obv her outcomes would still be affected.

I think it's criminal that s many childminders won't take sick children though

As a CM let me answer this:

(1) If your child is so very sick they need MUM, not a CM. Period. Child comes before a job.
(2) If a child is very sick they will pass it onto other mindees. Same rules apply for ALL kids.
(3) If a child is very sick they can give this to the CM and she then has to take (unpaid!) time off work to get better... whilst leaving ALL the familys sans childcare...!

There is common sense involved. If a parent is uncertain re what to do if little one comes down with something, he/she phones me and we discuss the symptons etc. I am an Advanced Paediatric First Aider, and have quite a vast knowledge re childhood illness, what is catchy etc.

We use a childminder, who is great, DS loves her, her other mindee, and her own two children (both at school). The problem is when one of her children is ill she obviously can't have DS.

This week CM's youngest son woke up ill on Tuesday so I had to phone and ask my mum to help out at short notice (getting her out of bed at 7am). CM suspected it was chicken pox so we decided to keep DS at home for one more day to see if CM's DS felt better. Fortunately he is better today so we sent DS to her. But what if CM's son had got chicken pox? Then her other son caught it? Then DS caught it? We'd have to find alternative childcare for weeks.

Sorry OP, not much use to you I know. And nothing we can do about it. Fortunately my boss has young children so is understanding.

orangeeyebrows - yes, sorry to be harsh but my job is more important than where my children spend their sick days. I am a single parent and need to work. As long as my children are safe and cared for they (and I) do not have the luxury of it being me that does the caring.

I'm sure there are millions of parents in the same position. Child minders (and in an ideal worl I think schools) need to appreciate that.

I'd love to agree with you manicinsomniac because I have exactly the same issues as the OP, but...

What happens when one sick child infects all the others? As I understand it, a private nanny will look after her charges if they're ill, because they're an employee of the parents, but a CM has to consider all the children in her charge.

I know I've been irked to hear that another mindee with my little one is in with various bugs, and I'm sure other parents have been irked that my DD is there when she seems ill.

It's my CM decision at the end of the day, and she is very flexible, but there are other considerations. For one thing, they aren't ill only when they are with the CM and no-one likes dealing with a vomiting, diarrhoea producing child!

I remember once I was on my own in the office (very small company, 3 of us and the dog) and DS was ill and there was no way I could have the day off. I bought him in with me, got my bosses sofa out, laid him on it snuggled in his blanket and put the tv on for him.....bless his heart, he was vomiting in my paperbin and I felt soooooo bad - he really should have been at home in bed but sods law, I had no choice and so really I was lucky I could take him to work with me so at least he was with me albeit in the office.

It's a hard thing being a working mum - finding the right balance is pretty tough!

I am lucky, my company are pretty good about things like this - how it would work in a really inflexible co I have no idea - nigh on impossible I should think.

What about the dad's job orangeeyebrows?

Can we just assume for the purposes of this thread (for both parents and CMs alike) that we are talking about low-level illnesses - the sort of things that don't make kids really poorly, but nonetheless make them unable to cope with a day at nursery. Coughs, colds, conjunctivitus, earache, recuperating from a bug etc. Kids can get a constant stream of this sort of stuff when they first start at nursery, and most parents need to keep their jobs!

I think it's unnecessary to discuss children coming before jobs, really. In my situation, both of our jobs are under serious pressure within the context of a recession where there are no other jobs in our industries. Childhood poverty has serious long-term consequences that far outweigh not having a cuddle specifically with your mum when you're ill. Surely, as a CM, you would expect that your charges would be attached to you so that if they were ill but otherwise alert/awake/playing etc you could act as a stand in.

With something like d and v etc I understand the need to prevent cross-infection.. but unfortunately, the need for me to stay off with my boy because of d and v is not taken into account when the people who hold the purse strings determine if my productivity has been sufficient to warrant funding my post for another year.

I suspect that this weeks vomiting is actually related to last week's MMR jab as none of the rest of us are ill and he first got sick on Saturday. My hygiene is good but if it were something like norovirus we'd all have it by now.

I do get the point with things like diarrhoea and vomiting - but if parents only had to take time off for serious bugs like that then it would far less of a problem with employment.

OP, I really feel your pain. Ds started at a creche three months ago and it's been one thing after another. We finally found a very nice older lady, who used to be a CM but no longer wants to do it full time, who is happy to look after DS at our home ad hoc. I realise we have been extremely lucky to find her, but this could be something you can explore.

Sayanything, where did you find her? I'm not sure where to start!

I did the "circuit" of P and T groups and "meet ups" with people from baby massage etc but unfortunately didn't really click enough with anyone locally to be in a position to ask them to take ds so it would have to be someone I paid.. but £16 an hour is STEEP!

Of course childminders shouldn't take sick children, how ridiculous to suggest they should! It puts the other mindees at risk AND the childminder who may have to take time off sick themselves. I can't believe the nerve of some folk.

To the OP, it's a nightmare! I have the same issues myself (as anyone who works does) and it does get better over time.

"Childhood poverty has serious long-term consequences that far outweigh not having a cuddle specifically with your mum when you're ill."
I'm going to remember that one to use :o

There is a call for particular child minding cover to come to your hme when your dc is sick and can't go to the cm but you need to go to work. Not a qualified nurse but soemone to juts take care one to one of a chidl with a cold/chicken pox etc and be paid a daily wage.

there are serices sprining up in london and without doubt will most probably slowly creep into other areas around the country

that sounds like a lot of sickness, I think he's been very unlucky.
and you are lucky that DH can share it with you.

I would ask in the nursery if this is the normal rate of sickness.
thing with conjunctivitis is that its so infectious, so it just goes round and round the children

I think it should get better the older he gets.

If they're anything like DS's nursery they will assure you that it;s all normal

orangeeyebrows our CM is by now means a stranger to us and especially not to DD. In fact she is very much a 2nd Mum!!!! And when DD is with her whether he is off colour or not she gets loads of cuddles!! That for me is the beauty of a CM (or at least of ours).

OP you have my sympathy, as others have said the first few months at nursery is the worst, they pick up everything.

We take turns to take time off work ie. 2 days sick, we each stay off one day. We need both our jobs right now. Unless you have family nearby there is no easy answer.

Can we please all agree that if both parents work full time then child sickness is the responsibility of both?

sorry eloisah, that looks like it's in response to you - it's not, in fact that is what you are saying :) Just seem to be a lot of people saying "Mums should take time off when their children are sick" or that women are lucky if their DH/DP is prepared to "help".