to simply not understand how you are supposed to maintain a job when children are so frequently unable to attend childcare due to common illnesses?

[working9while5]

Ds is only 16 months. He has been in nursery since November. I work a five day fortnight but pay for six days childcare so have (at least) some flexibility so that I can work additional days if I miss one due to him being ill.

Dh and I split the time off equally - he does a day, I do a day, sometimes if we both urgently need to be in work, we split the day into morning/afternoon.

However, it's a real struggle right now. Ds has been ill on and off since starting nursery to the extent we are both missing at least a day a week (bearing in mind that I don't work five days a fortnight - so he is ill more than this and/or on the "wrong" days etc).

I really feel work is suffering but I don't know what we're supposed to do. I really can't miss much more time as it is affecting key work outcomes which may jeapordise renewal of my working contract (quite a bit of my time is fixed term contract). Dh has a number of issues at work which mean his job is also at risk.

We have no alternatives as we are new to our area and have no friends or family who can help out.

What do people do? I have only one child and he has no long-lasting or ongoing disabilities that we are aware of. How do people cope when they have more children and/or more serious ongoing things to schedule? I just don't see how you can do it over an extended period of time and keep a job?

Does someone out there have the answer?

We asked friends/colleagues with (much) older children - we figured that at least one of their CMs would be retired. It does cost quite a bit on top of the creche fees, but still less than taking unpaid leave.

ivykate - in Belgium (where we currently live), this service is provided through people's health insurance. Mind you, only for 12 days a year, but it's something.

It's only like this for the first few months, then they catch much much less. Don't give up your job just yet!

"I think it's criminal that s many childminders won't take sick children though - they are supposed to standing in for the parents - children get sick, they should deal with it."

How ridiculous!

I would have thought a nanny who is dealing with just one family would be expected to do this-especially as they will more than likely be looking after the child in the child´s home.

But a childminder with other people´s children to consider?

How about parents take responsibility for their own sick children?

It gets better honest. DD1 was off all the time for about a year, then it got better, she's been at school two and half years and has had one day off sick. DD2 is three, off fairly regularly but getting much better. Hang in there, they develop immunity eventually.

Really sorry to hear about your probs OP. I know how frustrating it is. Unfortunately, TBH i think you just have to expect it when your child first starts nursery. OP my DD is 15 months and started nursery in Sept and every month, we have had to take time off because she has been too ill to go; so i do feel your pain. But with this in mind, i did save quite a bit of my holiday entitlement and ended up using quite a bit of that. Her timing though is always so bad! I know she can't help when she is ill, but often it is almost laughable how bad her timing is...

My best example of this was when i had actually agreed to work an additional day (i work 3 days p/week) to go to a government conference that was being held on a project i was about to start work on. wasn't one of my regular working days, but really wanted to go as it was all about this new initiative i had ben asked to work on, and there were limited places, so i was willing to make arrangements to do so. Anyway, DH was supposed to be staying home with DD, but then at short notice was sent abroad with his work; nursery was full that day, so the only other option i had was driving to my mums, 40 mins away, to drop DD off, drive back home and get to conference for 9.30 am. Bit inconvenient, but really wanted to go to conference, so got up at 6am that morning, got showered and hair dried etc, all ready to get DD up and dressed to set off to parents. Went into DDs room and as i opened the door i could smell that awful stench of sick; she had been sick all over the cot :(
so ended up cancelling the trip, not going to the conference, having to ring my manager and say that, yet again, DD was ill, etc etc. And the best of it is, by about 10am, she was fine again! But what can you do?!

nanny/nanny share ? will be more economical if you plan more that one child and eventually you will need cover for school holidays as well

Many parents can't take responsiblity for their own sick children, especially when you consider that many childhood sicknesses are just tummyaches, earaches, mild colds, tiredness and the kinds of things that adults would just carry on with.

Illnesses spread. If a child isn't at the childminder's they could end up being taken into a work place, round the shops, all sorts of places, spreading their germs.

Life cannot stop because a kid is ill. Sickness, diarrhoea, chickenpox etc - yes, or course those things are different. But they do not make up the majority of a child's 'sick' days.

Take unpaid leave. You're probably entitled to ask for it, and get it. See this website for the details.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Moneyandworkentitlements/WorkAndFamilies/Parentalleaveandflexibleworking/DG_10029416

Hope this helps. You shouldn't have to resort to lying to your boss, like one of the other posters felt forced to do. This legislation is there to help people in your position.

And hopefully this stage will pass, your DC will soon be hale and hearty, and you and DH will be managing directors before you know it!

It IS hard. When I was working full-time I ended up getting a written warning because my dd had a bout of recurring tonsilitis. I too did the taking work home thing, popping in to get various files etc, but that still wasn't good enough. Another reason I left that job.

I'm now a cm. I have to adhere to the same rules as nursery for infections but can be more flexible with general illnesses, obviously depending on how many children I'm looking after that day. A temp, cold, earache for example wouldn't phase me and as long as the child wasn't really upset I'd be fine having them.

that's why I gave up on nursery and had to opt for a nanny.

I once had to miss 10 days YES 10 days due to dd having recurrent conjunctivitis and nursery wouldn't take her. She also had allergies which used to make her tummy runny (because they were feeding her stuff she was allergic to ffs) and they used to call us to get her picked up. Finally, she picked up the world's worst stomach bug from nursery and ended up being hospitalised and that was the final straw for me.

given the comfort a nanny gave me and the fact that I didn't have to take unpaid leave, it actually worked out more cost effective.

Agree with others. Ridiculous that a CM should look after a sick child. I would not expect my CM to take on either of my DSs, if they were ill, for all of the reasons already raised. I would also be hacked off with my CM if she was looking after a contagious child knowingly / putting DSs at risk of catching / prioritising her time with the ill child, who would require more one on one care. I don't know how CMs juggle their time and children anyway (saints!), without one being ill and requiring more care.

Been thinking about this, and how (touch wood) it does not seem to have affected us too much. Could be that I work (and DS is in nursery) Wed-Fri, so anything he picks up he tends to get over on Sat, Sun, Mon, Tue.

Its a nightmare I sympathise. Since going back in late Jan I had to put my start back back my a week due to DD having a very bad cold/cough, take numerous days off due to her having ear infection and DP and I have split it plus called on grandparents many times.

I have to say it does get easier, I have a 6 yr old dd too and she was the same at the start at nursery then they get more immunity I believe.

Not sure how it works with your contract but at our work I have 5 emergency paid days for family illness. You can only take 1 for each emergency, ie you cant have 4 off for chicken pox, you have to take one and use that to arrange childcare for the rest of that illness.

Sending you sympathy anyway but it will get better!

Umm... it might get better with time, or it might not (bitter parent of an 8-yr-old child who's just had her 19th day off this term... wail...)

it never got better for us tbh

only in the last few years has it been that much better and mine are now 9 and 10

had we not changed our childcare arrangements, I think I would have ended up chucking it all in in despair

mine both got croup every single bloody year till they were 8

let alone all the vomiting bugs they bring back from school (which of course they kindly pass round the whole family so you take a day off with them, go back to work and start vomiting the minute you sit down at your desk lol ARGH)

I really feel your pain!

'manicinsomniac* 'Child minders (and in an ideal worl I think schools) need to appreciate that.'

You are misinformed. We are NOT ALLOWED to take on unwell kids. We are not nurses. We have a variety of children in our care, not only your child. We HAVE to have strict policies in place to ensure the best possible care for ALL the children in our care... and CANNOT put the health and well-being of the healthy children in jeopardy by having a child who is very sick.

There are repercussions, and we would be HIGHLY irresponsible were we to run our businesses the way you think we ought to. Thankfully Ofsted have some sense and have these regulations in place.

I am ASTOUNDED too that you think your child/ren would want to be taken out of their beds, in possibly bad weather, to a CM with noisy other kids around, dong school runs and other activities, when all they want is mum and their bed?

My mum was single and had 4 kids and she somehow managed to abide by rules and regulations laid out for childcarers

I really wish that CM's wouldn't use lines about what children "want" in this situation. It's playing into maternal guilt, when really what's at fault is inflexible employment practices.

I know that one of the TA's I work with has said that she now lies when her daughter is ill and pretends she is ill herself as she was given a written warning for taking too many absences as a carer.

I'm damn sure my son doesn't want to be cared for by anyone but me or his dad when he's unwell, but if we lose our jobs, there will be a lot more that he wants that he can't have.

Not sure what the weather has to do with it either!

poopnscoop, I know you're not allowed. It's the system I disagree with, not the childminders themselves.

I don't use a childminder because my children are at the independent school where I teach so I can leave them in the sick bay.

What I don't understand is that childminding and many nurseries are fee paying just like an independent school. If you pay for it you should be entitled to care even if the child is sick. It would just need to be organised properly.

"Many parents can't take responsiblity for their own sick children"
Really?

What a strange thing to say. If it is true, then why be parents then?

< I know that one of the TA's I work with has said that she now lies when her daughter is ill and pretends she is ill herself as she was given a written warning for taking too many absences as a carer. >

The purpose of a warning like this is to warn someone that the employer can't support any further absences and to highlight that the employee must make other arrangements to enable her to carry on working at that particular job.

That's perfectly reasonable! Provided they've granted her the legal rights, why should the employer have to suffer because the worker prefers to put their child first?

That's your colleague's perfectly reasonable choice, but blatantly lying about reasons for absence will only make her situation worse, not better. Employers have rights, too - and the right to sack an outright liar (who doesn't even stop short of telling her workmates what she's doing, the divisive, shameless mare!)should be one of them imo.

I feel really angry when people think it is ok to take the boss's money, and then pick and choose the reasons why they might/might not bother to come to work.

Sigh. Because, purepurple, there is more to taking responsibility for your child than tending to them when they're ill. Maintaining a family income is the most important responsibility for many: food and shelter need to be provided on an ongoing basis, requiring an income, while a low-level illness that involves a young child running a temperature but being otherwise able to play with their toys and run amok at home is not as pressing a need.

Sending ill kids to nursery only perpetuates the cycle so that even MORE people have to worry about staying home and looking after their sick kids. Sending them to a CM whilst feverish and ill is hard on the CM. Is it fair to make them keep track of temperatures, medications and all the judgment calls that come with having a sick kid?

In my children's nurseries, there would be kids lying there in agony with an earache, as no one could reach the parents. They stayed the whole day with red as tomato faces due to fevers, green rivers of snot coming down their faces, plus D and V sometimes. It's really not fair on anyone and the children were miserable.