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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to scans for ex.

160 replies

chunkybum · 30/03/2011 21:44

So I have just got off the phone to my ex, our baby is due in 6 months.
I have asked him to decide what he would like to do for the baby etc.
he replied 'well im coming to the scans, you cant F-ing stop me'.
I explained that I was only prepared to have him there if i could trust him enough and that he needed to meet before etc for coffee or something to break the ice a bit first.
We split up on the back of him being a bit horrid and i said i couldnt see him anymore.
He has suggested that i get RID as he puts it.

I am very uncomfortable around him because he can be very aggressive too.
He then said and let me know what i need to buy for my house as ill be having the baby all weekends.
I was like 'er no, it dosent work like that, i need to be able to trust you so we can build up contact over time and the more trust you gain the more le-way ill let u have'
he then stated' you cant fucking stop me seeing my fucking kid alright, and im coming to the scan and u can stop that either'
im not happy being around someone that feels its ok to talk to me like this.
where do i stand, i dont want him at the scan, i dont want him near me at all.
is that unreasonable, to not allow him there, and to want limited contact till i can trust him properly.
he does not have a brilliant track record with aggression and im genuinly scared that he would loose it with the baby, not hit the baby, just shout lots and swear lots.
Also I want to breast feed but he says he will give the baby a bottle when he has him/her. I dont want the baby to have a bottle as my other kids have allergies/ intollerances to dairy!!!!
i have posted this in loan parents before i knew this AIBU bit was here. sorry!!!

OP posts:
Newgolddream · 30/03/2011 23:22

Right, in the time Ive took to compose and type my reply things seems to have moved on. OP - if you are genuine then my post stands. And if your not then Im pig sick of people like you that may stop other people with genuine problems and difficulties here getting listened to because either they are too busy replying or getting put off wondering if someone is genuine or not.

GypsyMoth · 30/03/2011 23:25

op,come back and explain!!

bristolcities · 30/03/2011 23:32

I think he briefly pursued it but was told he didn't have a leg to stand on. I crumbled and let him have limited access. He didn't keep it up. Thankfully. I am still in regular contact with his family and judging by what they have told me it really was for the best. His behaviour has gone rapidly down hill. And he is not some one I want around DS. I still feel devastated for DS not having his biological dad around but I know it was for the best.

TheSecondComing · 30/03/2011 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 30/03/2011 23:37

I am sure it is. I was just curious as in my experience for a man not to be granted PR his behaviour has to be threatening towards the child only. But as you say he did not push for it, lucky for you, but understandably not what you would have wanted ideally.

JustMeAndMyBoo · 30/03/2011 23:43

Umm, I am chunkybum and this is another account I have just set up as i cant get into my chunkybum one. I dont know whats happened but no I am not that other person and their boyfriend and their mm. This was a genuine post and actually i was warned about coming on here as it can get really nasty between differing opinions and actually i was loving being a member.
im really sad that u have suggested that this post was fake. I also posted in the single parents section about being happily single and just wanting to focus on my children and that yes my friends are suggesting that i should go on dates with other men but i am not interested.
I dont remember who said that i am 27, i am not i am actually 26 and i have no idea who this Rob is.
my ex is called something else and i would not post with real life names anyway.
this is so silly, i really wanted advice. I dont know how u think i have the same computer as him and his mum, ill just leave.
sorry if i offended anyone.
x

Birdsgottafly · 30/03/2011 23:45

OP please read my posts x

pigletmania · 30/03/2011 23:47

Dont leave op, I know some are quick to assume and jump to conclusions easily

TheSecondComing · 30/03/2011 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FriggFRIGG · 30/03/2011 23:50

no birds he wasnt,the mother woke the father from a drug and alcohol indused stupor and dragged him to be there at the registration,

when she left him,she applied for residency as he said he would break in and take the child,court granted residency to her,then he chased her through court for more access he NEVER turns up for,but they keep giving him more chances,
to the point where next week,she is supposed to hand over a 3yr old child to an alcoholic who he hasnt seen for 7weeks.then he will take him "where ever he likes" for 3 hours.
last time her DS saw his father he cried and cried for his mummy when they took him,and she just had to stand there and let him go...

none of this would have happened if he hadnt been there at the registration.

bristolcities · 30/03/2011 23:51

The reasons I gave SS were very similar to the OPs situation. But I guess the reason for him having slim chances with the courts was due to his extensive criminal record (previous convictions unknown to me at the time) and his substance abuse. But I can't imagine that even with the limited info the SS's had they wold have suggested it if it hadn't been a viable option.

BertieBotts · 30/03/2011 23:52

This doesn't read like a troll thread to me either.

JustMe - don't leave, if you really want advice stick around, you can always namechange and/or stay out of AIBU if you want - I've just seen your thread in Lone Parents too which seems to be getting good advice.

As I said earlier Relationships would be a good place to post. Maybe in the morning when everyone has had some sleep :)

Stay safe, and good luck.

JustMeAndMyBoo · 30/03/2011 23:55

yes i am doing an OU course in Sociology and Politics, and i said 5 children as i practically have 5, do you spend all you time on here trying to make people feel bad???
im sorry that i generalised it was just easier than writing my sodding life story.
Dont worry i wont bother in future, thanks for requesting that myaccount be banned, thats brilliant for someone that needs help.
Forget it, you obviously have more important things to do like look for people trolling!!!

FriggFRIGG · 30/03/2011 23:57

justme...dont go!

its just AIBU!

come over to chat,its much,umm..... nicer ! Smile

JustMeAndMyBoo · 30/03/2011 23:58

where is chat?? i will give it a go but i want my chunky account back it has a nice pics on it.

shockers · 31/03/2011 00:00

I have never done this before but I'm not sure....

FriggFRIGG · 31/03/2011 00:02

here is chat

pigletmania · 31/03/2011 00:02

well post on Relationships, chat you will see them on the subsections at the bottom of the page. They are really good, AIBU can be very harsh were people vent so not a good idea if your are feeling delicate.

TheSecondComing · 31/03/2011 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FriggFRIGG · 31/03/2011 00:04

maybe just come and have a look around,there is some great advice on this thread already,if you can ignore the trolling posts ,so i wouldnt start another along the same lines.

people are just touchy about inaccuracy's because there are people who really take the piss!!

good luck!Smile

FriggFRIGG · 31/03/2011 00:06

yes twas a nice pic...talented little one Wink

JustMeAndMyBoo · 31/03/2011 00:06

look i have said to the person that asked me this yesterday i dont know who that is, i am not the face or the rob or the mum. get over it.
please just drop it now. I wanted advice and you are being really nasty, get a life from being so mean.

TheSecondComing · 31/03/2011 00:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSecondComing · 31/03/2011 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustMeAndMyBoo · 31/03/2011 00:11

who is falselashes????
you have a serious problem! i dont know who these posters are but they are not me, i cant actually be bothered with this, im done posting on here, its freakier than i ever magined it could be.
i wanted help with my situation and all u are doing is making people think that i am lying.
I am a 26 year old woman with 4 children from a previous hubby and i am having a baby now with my ex boyfriend.
judge me all you like but that is my situation. If you dont like it, dont post. If however you have some useful advice then fire away.
otherwise please pi$$ off