"why would i be mad to have this baby???
my best friend thinks the same btw, im not ARGUING, im just curious as to why you think its ok for me to terminate this baby??"
Its just peoples opinion stat he end of the day OP - whereas its your life. People may look at you circumstances, young, 4 kids already and another on the way and your chaotic circumstances and give their opinion because termination is always a choice for a woman in the here and now. So why wouldnt it have been ok to terminate - its all about your choice, and if you dont want to do that then thats fine of course but Im sure lots of women in your circumstances may have considered it.
Im torn between believeing its much better for a child to have a father who plays an active role in their life even if the parents arent together against the very real concerns you have about your ex. Part of the problem I think is the complexities of your relationship and your wishes, as if this was a rebound relationship (when did your marriage break up?) you sound like you have lots of issues that need looked at and talked over. Dont let this man - or anyone else come to that - tell you what to do - its your life. Take advice from here and rl by all means but at the end of the day you need to put yourself and your children first. Think about what attracted you to this man - and why - if you are keeping this baby then he will be its Dad, tbh the last thing that it sounds like you need just now is a relationship - e.g. what are your feelings towards your husband?
Violence and aggression are always a clear warning sign I feel - but just because hes a lousy partner doesnt necessarliy mean he will make a lousy Dad. Ive been a single Mum and Ive also had children when married and in a stable relationship, I know what I prefer - but of course life rarely works out the way we planned. My DSs Dad left me when I was 7 months pregnant - apart from being devastated I just got on with things, as you do when children are involved. He phoned me when DS was 1 - and I was considering letting him see DS.
Then a week later he drowned in an accident. I would like to think I would have let him see DS - but he had all sorts of issues and things I dont need to go into - which made me suspect he may snatch DS, that type of thing. (He had previously walked out on a partner and son So by all means arrange access when your baby is born - but under your rules.
It sounds like your scared of him - but remember he cant hurt you or terrorise you anymore, under no circumstances let him come to any more scans - it should be a happy pleasurable experience for you, which it wouldnt be if he was present. Also as far as I thought you cant put a man on a birth certificate anyway if he is not present, at least thats what it is here in Scotland because if you could a woman could choose "any" man as a Father, so here the Dad has to either register the birth himself with the form you get when you give birth, or be with the Mum when the baby is being registered.
So theres NO WAY he can force you to give your baby his name.