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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my dd has no right to take it upon herself to do this

159 replies

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 27/03/2011 22:20

My dd (12) has been really moody and stroppy all day - something she does when she's over tired, so I ignored the strops and put it down to tiredness.

Then tonight she told me she had taken an anti-histamine this morning because when she went out to play her eyes were itching

Now, as she's my youngest and she's 12 I really don't feel the need to keep the medication locked up BUT I would never have dreamed that she would help herself to tablets without even asking. I am horrified.

When I told her in no uncertain terms that she was not allowed to take ANYTHING without checking with me first she said that she had asked me but I wasn't listening.

I think she's lying. I am sure that she didn't ask but even if she did ask and I wasn't listening that doesn't give her the right to go ahead and take one anyway does it?

OP posts:
allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 27/03/2011 23:58

Grin poor tigger !!

roses42 · 27/03/2011 23:59

Fwiw my ds (15) doesn't have Hayfever as such but sometimes especially in the warm weather cannot sleep because he gets terrible itching when he goes to bed, It not a prob during the day but the minute he lays down to go to sleep it starts,

He knows that if he takes an antihistamine tab then he will get some sleep, he does that, I trust him to do that, He doesn't have to ask my permission.

If I have any dangerous medications then I lock them up,

tiggerandpoohtoo · 28/03/2011 00:00

:o

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 28/03/2011 00:03

Is your 12 year old daughter not trusted to take antihistamines because you are worried she will not know she shouldn't drink alcohol with them...?

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 28/03/2011 00:03

Or maybe because she shouldnt take them if she's pregnant?

lookatthetime · 28/03/2011 00:08

Seems strange that schools allow 8-11 year olds to self medicate but not 12-16's. [hmmmm]

Maybe you have something there allsquare. Smile

AyeRobot · 28/03/2011 00:24

Or operating heavy machinery?

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 28/03/2011 00:26

Driving?

laInfanta · 28/03/2011 00:30

Maybe she just got fed up and took it because she's fed up with being treated like she's thick.

At 12, you can read the instructions on something and take it accordingly. If you can't, there's some kind of problem.

ragged · 28/03/2011 04:00

I don't understand OP being angry at the 12yo.
Concerned that 12yo hasn't the experience to know what to safely take, sure, my 11yo would realise that he should ask for my advice before popping pills, he wouldn't feel confident to figure that out for himself. But being angry at her, why?? Confused Especially if she's used to taking antihistamines on a regular basis (sounds like she must be)?

Don't you just review with her the rules about when and when not and how to take them, rather than start an AIBU thread?

saffy85 · 28/03/2011 06:54

Like nearly everyone else has said YABU.

Can't believe the fuss you're making over a teeny tiny hayfever tablet Confused the bigger fuss you make, less likely she is to tell you stuff in the future. Like if and when she goes on the pill. She could be on it right now, and you don't have a legal right to know.

Also lots if not all, shops have their own rules about selling medication. The shop I work in we don't sell to under 16's and no matter what age the person is we only sell one pack per customer. Asda will not sell more than two items containing paracetomol per customer. Very annoying when you and your DC both have rotten colds and you're told you can't buy Day nurse, Night nurse and calpol Hmm

cory · 28/03/2011 07:04

This sounds like the ideal time to talk over the effects of antihistamine, what medications you mustn't take with it etc etc. The time is coming when you need to start relinquishing control and it is always better if you can do it gradually and in a controlled fashion. Then next time you won't need to worry that she doesn't know how to take it. Also a good time to drum into her to read the small print when she takes something.

alistron1 · 28/03/2011 07:08

DS1 (who is nearly 12) has prescribed anti histimines for hayfever and I 'administer' them to him. I like to know what he's taken, so that if it triggers his asthma (the pollen) and I need to take him to the docs I have a reasonable idea of what he's had.

I don't think it's a good thing to encourage kids to self administer drugs willy nilly, there are plenty of adults on parenting forums who get confused with dosages/interactions. And while I think my teens and DS1 are vaguely sensible I'm not sure that it would occur to them that say lemsip and paracetamol shouldn't be taken together, or for DS1 to remember that he shouldn't take any products with ibuprofen in.

As for listening to kid...I've sepnt 14 years developing high level tuning out skills(!!)...I thought that was a good thing!!!!

foreverondiet · 28/03/2011 07:27

It depends. If its something she's been given regularly then I think its fine. If she never had one before and just decided it might help then I agree you are right to be shocked.

Sounds like no harm done, why not discuss what you want her to do in future?

gorionine · 28/03/2011 07:28

"I don't think it's a good thing to encourage kids to self administer drugs willy nilly"

Nor do I but at 12 yo maybe it is time to sit down with her and have a good talk about what she could take herself, when and how? Things like paracetamol explain to her she should not have more than (insert number depending on dosage of actual tablet) and no more frequently than every 4 hours... It is true that it will not accure to them that some medicine should not be taken together, that is why it sould be explained to them, preferably more thane once and they also should be reminded to check with a parent when not ABSOLUTELY certain of ho to take.

Ultimately though it depends on the maturity of the child I guess and each parent has to acess their own child.

gorionine · 28/03/2011 07:30

assess maybe?Blush

cory · 28/03/2011 07:32

I think it depends on the child, alistron. But a good idea to take the time to talk about issues like this, even if they're not reliable at the moment they need to learn. Dd at 12 would certainly have read the small print on then lemsip and always checks for ibuprofen. She has chronic pain and often has to stay home alone during attacks (I work) so would be a bit harsh if she couldn't take anything all day.

VivaLeBeaver · 28/03/2011 07:47

I think people are being a bit harsh on the OP calling her a nightmare, control freak, etc.

My kid is younger so would still ask for medication at the minute but it does sound from everyone here like 12yo is a reasonable age to be able to do it without asking.

Ephiny · 28/03/2011 07:59

I don't see the problem, it sounds like she did the sensible thing and took the right medication in the right amount.

You can get anti-histamines that don't cause drowsiness, might be worth trying.

CelebratedMonkey · 28/03/2011 08:50

YABU

At this rate she either won't tell you when she takes medication

OR

Won't take it at all just because it's a hassle to ask you

Not great either way, surely?

I understand where you are coming from in principle, but she is 12, it's only a hayfever tablet (I have been on them since the same age) and presumably she is not going to self-medicate for the fun of it. I would explain to her that she can't take just any medication whenever she wants, but perhaps there can be an exception for something like hayfever tablets which she may need to take regularly.

No point getting massively annoyedf about it.

JemimaMuddleFuck · 28/03/2011 08:54

On a practical note, the OP wouldn't have been able to accurately supply info at hospital in the case of any accident re "any medication".

Similarly, Allergic reactions can appear "out of the blue". Again the OP would be in the dark.
12 years isn't the issue; it's the knowledge/info that's important; and I speak as someone who's DH (aged 51 years and a 1/4) ; took medication for hayfever and then had a "funny turn". It wasn't that bloody funny to me, as I didn't know what the hell was going on.
So just set the ground rules; "ensure you get my attention and tell me". Easy.

mateysmum · 28/03/2011 08:55

Why is everybody giving the OP such a hard time?

I would be upset with my 13 yr old DS if he took medication without asking or telling me for a long time afterwards. Not because I think he's daft, but because he has never been given permission to do so. Also if he was out of sorts enough to need medication I would want to know.

I think it's different if a child has an ongoing condition like an allergy or diabetes/asthma which they have been taught how to manage.

roses42 - do you always hang on every word your child says? Just because a parent doesn't hear or acknowledge what a child says, does it give that child permission to do whatever they want anyway? No it doesn't. Give the OP a break.

This is an issue of trust as much as about 1 relatively harmless tablet.

cory · 28/03/2011 09:04

I can see what you are saying, Jemima, but surely the logical extension of that is that no adult should be allowed to take an antihistamine tablet without contacting someone and telling them because what if they had a funny turn.

The point we are trying to make is that as children grow up and enter their teens they gradually have to become more like adults. I am not saying it necessarily has to happen at 12, but it jolly well does have to happen before 18 when they move from home.

And hayfever does seem to be an ongoing condition which you can be taught to manage.

StarExpat · 28/03/2011 09:04

I agree with mateysmum
I'm really Shock at some of the posts on here.

Fresh2death · 28/03/2011 09:10

she is being sensible and dealing with her own needs, its called independence, you should be proud of her

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