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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my dd has no right to take it upon herself to do this

159 replies

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 27/03/2011 22:20

My dd (12) has been really moody and stroppy all day - something she does when she's over tired, so I ignored the strops and put it down to tiredness.

Then tonight she told me she had taken an anti-histamine this morning because when she went out to play her eyes were itching

Now, as she's my youngest and she's 12 I really don't feel the need to keep the medication locked up BUT I would never have dreamed that she would help herself to tablets without even asking. I am horrified.

When I told her in no uncertain terms that she was not allowed to take ANYTHING without checking with me first she said that she had asked me but I wasn't listening.

I think she's lying. I am sure that she didn't ask but even if she did ask and I wasn't listening that doesn't give her the right to go ahead and take one anyway does it?

OP posts:
notmyproblem · 27/03/2011 23:08

Good luck when your 12-year-old reaches 13 or 14 or 15 and "takes it upon herself" to do other things she "has no right" to do in your mind like mess about with boys, go out drinking with friends, etc. Do you think she'll ask permission, the way you've flipped out over something as minor as taking an anti-histamine? Or do you think she'll deliberately keep the truth from you?

Keep treating her like a not-to-be-trusted 6-year-old now and you'll be rewarded with an untrustworthy teenager who never learned how to make her own responsible decisions away from mummy's watchful eye. Then you'll really understand what it's like have problems.

YABU and all the more U for insisting that you're right. I feel sorry for your daughter.

Original poster
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 27/03/2011 23:10

roses42 sorry to keep going on but what I actually said was that my dd said that she asked me but I wasn't listening.

That doesn't mean that she asked me and I wasn't listening. It means she said she asked and I wasn't listening.

So she might not have asked.

If that makes sense.

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 27/03/2011 23:12

equally she might have. By your own admission she was whinging so you were ignoring her. You may well have tuned her out when she asked.
Not saying she definitely did ask and you weren't listening, but even by your own account there's enough evidence to suggest that it's a realistic possibility that she did ask and you didn't hear her.

Birdsgottafly · 27/03/2011 23:13

Yes she should have asked and you are right about it being very different for children with long term conditions because the meds that they are on is written in their records and they are told about any risks. But i would treat this as an opportunity to have a disscussion about the dangers of mixing even over the counter perscriptions and the over use of medication. It depends on her understanding and maturity wether a doctor would allow her to self medicate and in the case of anti-h's they wouldn't not tell you and it would be on her records, so risk would be limited. I would change to the new Anti-H's, not the old kind. A doctor would never recommend a twelve year old buying meds and self medicating unless there was serious problems at home.

A1980 · 27/03/2011 23:15

"That doesn't mean that she asked me and I wasn't listening. It means she said she asked and I wasn't listening.

So she might not have asked.

If that makes sense."

It makes perfect sense buy you're calling your DD a liar. Why would she lie?

roses42 · 27/03/2011 23:15

lol I know what you said. can you actaully remember if she said that or not?

SevenAgainstThebes · 27/03/2011 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 27/03/2011 23:17

Oh come on A1980 I'm not calling her a liar. You are putting words in my mouth.

OP posts:
Casmama · 27/03/2011 23:17

I think you have taken the opportunity to say well done to your daughter for a sensible decision but in future could you let me know when you have taken an antihistimine so that I know and instead been a bit of a pain in the arse to be honest. My dc is much younger than twelve but to be honest puting moodiness down to overtiredness at twelve just sounds bloody patronising to me as does your attitude to her making a sensible decision re medication.
I think you need to take the point of view of creating the situation that you want in the future which is presumbly not a pissed off twelve year old taking medication in secret to spite you because you told her off and treated her like a baby the last time.

lubeybooby · 27/03/2011 23:19

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

She took it, she took the correct thing and the correct dose. You have a problem with this why?

She has shown she is responsible enough.

nickschick · 27/03/2011 23:20

Oh dear God.

I must be the most controlling mum ever.

Ds1 aged 17 and ds2 aged 15 do not take any medicine unless they tell me - paracetamol or other......ds1 actually rang me to ask if E45 was ok to put on his shaving rash.

In fairness (to me) ds1 had bad asthma so I always needed to monitor his medicines- ds2 has a longterm illness so I need to know what relief he needs to judge his pain.

If im out H might telephone me to say ds has needed 2 paracetamol or ibuprofen etc just so I know.

Ds1 also has to tell me if he uses his inhalers more frequently.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 27/03/2011 23:21

Nope - SAT - DS1 isn't actually asthmatic - he just needs an inhaler sometimes when he gets a chest infection (which always co-incides with a cold). He's 10 1/2yrs old and has never had any other asthama issues despite the fact he had his first nebuliser given to him at 3 months old. He wouldn't have the first clue about self administering his inhaler as (thankfully) they've become less and less frequent the older he's got. Think the last time we had to use the ventolin was middle of last year (wow - just realised we got through winter without any chest infections - woohoo)

A1980 · 27/03/2011 23:21

"It means she said she asked and I wasn't listening."

So you're saying she might not be telling the truth. Same difference as calling her a liar and in your OP you said I think she's lying.

I did not put words in your mouth. You accused your daughter of lying in your OP.

Original poster
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 27/03/2011 23:21

I honestly don't know whether I was right or wrong here. Obviously I'll be having the talk with dd tomorrow.

OP posts:
A1980 · 27/03/2011 23:22

"Ds1 aged 17 and ds2 aged 15 do not take any medicine unless they tell me - paracetamol or other"

Nickschick, what if you'd had DD's? I had to take pain killers to school with me as I had bad period pain. No I didn't telephone my mtoher to ask her if i could take it, I needed it as soon as I got my period and I knew how many to take.

slartybartfast · 27/03/2011 23:23

well i think you are right op so that's all that counts Grin

she said she asked you, but if you didnt answer you obviously didnt hear, thereby she didnt actually check with you.

BluddyMoFo · 27/03/2011 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 27/03/2011 23:23

FFS

In my OP I said "I think she's lying"

I did not say to my dd "You're a Liar"

OP posts:
A1980 · 27/03/2011 23:24

"I honestly don't know whether I was right or wrong here. Obviously I'll be having the talk with dd tomorrow."

Well never mind who's right or wrong now. Just say to her calmly that if she needs it, she can have one but she must make sure she gets your permission first and if you haven't heard her, she needs to wait until you have heard her.

roses42 · 27/03/2011 23:24

you said ""dd said that she asked me but I wasn't listening.

That doesn't mean that she asked me and I wasn't listening. It means she said she asked and I wasn't listening.

So she might not have asked.

If that makes sense.""

No that make no sense at all.

Casmama · 27/03/2011 23:25

FFS yourself

"I think she's lying" = calling her a liar
"your're a liar" = calling her a liar to her face

A1980 · 27/03/2011 23:26

"FFS

In my OP I said "I think she's lying"

I did not say to my dd "You're a Liar""

And I never said you called your DD a liar to her face. I meant you had accusing her of lying to you in your posts, which you have done here.

There's no need to being so over sensitive. I think you have a persecution complex.

roses42 · 27/03/2011 23:27

If you bothers you that much then lock all meds up, simple.

BluddyMoFo · 27/03/2011 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 27/03/2011 23:27

if I say to my friend that I think my DS1 was lying about something, it means I'm calling him a liar - just not to his face Confused just because it's not to his face doesn't mean I'm not calling him a liar. And she obviously now thinks that you think she's a liar..........