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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

just been rude to someone for trying to touch my baby....

126 replies

Romilly70 · 27/03/2011 13:35

Just come back from a gathering of expats we know mainly as acquaintances. Took along DS 5 months and one particularly lady wanted to hold him as soon as we walked through the door. Each time i have seen her she acts as it is her right to hold DS just cos he is a baby...

(I know I am not keen on her as she oversteps the boundary I feel comfortable with.)

later on i was changing DS in another room and I could see her out of the window having a fag, then when she came in started stroking some dogs. saw DS and made a beeline for him. said to me oh he's gorgeous, i said thank you very much. then she reached out to touch his hand. (DS constantly has his fingers in his mouth as is teething) I pushed her hand away before she could grab DS's and I said would you mind washing your hands as there is a real problem with toxoplasmosis here (there is in France).

That was partly an excuse, and I know i am going to be flamed for being all PFB about DS. I just really hate passing DS round like a parcel. Ironically he is a very friendly chap, cos on the whole i do let lots of people hold him, but the crux of it, i hate people completely ignoring me and practically trying to grab DS.

Now I feel bad for being rude to her, but why do people go so mental over new babies?

anyway, rant over.....

OP posts:
Tidybush · 27/03/2011 13:40

Some people love to hold babies so I wouldn't flame her for that, but YANBU in not letting her touch your DS's hands with stinky germy hands.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 27/03/2011 13:40

people go mental over new babies because they are on the whole special and gorgeous. Five months is hardly new though...I think you were a bit over the top. Is it more that you just don't like this woman for whatever reason and therefore you dont like her man handling your child? I always think its lovely when people take an interest in the dc's, make the most of it, when they get older people are much less interested in them unless they are doing something they shouldn't be!

brookeslay · 27/03/2011 13:42

Its an old people thing if they cant see germs it means they dont exist. My FIL wipes his snotty nose on a germ infested hankie then wants to hold my DS.

They have pissy dogs too one incontinent (sp?) and the other just wees.

I would have done the same good on you for protecting your son.

valiumredhead · 27/03/2011 13:42

What did she say when you told her to wash her hands?

Jacksmania · 27/03/2011 13:43

YANBU. It's fine for people to be baby-obsessed but really, they should ask. AND wash their hands without having to be reminded.

Gemsy83 · 27/03/2011 13:44

You do sound rather PFB- he will be putting all kinds of god knows what in his cakehole soon when crawling...

DuplicitousBitch · 27/03/2011 13:44

you were rude

washnomore · 27/03/2011 13:48

I don't mind people admiring or showing affection to my babies but I hate people who do that extended arms thing expecting me to hand the baby over, and MIL (who I get on well with) has been known to announce that she's taking the baby in question out in the pram, rather than ask, and that really really pisses me off. So if she's that sort of person then YANBU to put your foot down a bit. If she was just generally being friendly then perhaps a teeny bit precious of you I think, although I agree it's not nice to touch a baby after smoking.

Northernlurker · 27/03/2011 13:49

Oh good grief - how rude of you! Look you are being hugely pfb about this. Other people admire your baby and you won't share him because he's 'yours' - ugh!
If you really felt you must ask her to wash her hands then ok but you're wasting your time tbh, he will be all over the place soon and you won't be able to do a thing about it. You've also made yourself look precious and paranoid in front of your friends too - because they will all get to hear about Romilly who won't let anyone touch her sacred baby. All in all you've made a complete pigs ear of this. Better ring up that woman and ask her over for coffee and a cuddle imo.

Vallhala · 27/03/2011 13:50

She sshould have asked but you do seem to be overreacting, paarticularly about the toxoplasmosis risk. This, wrt dogs, is transferred via dog faeces and not via stroking a dog and then touching another human being.

And, as Gemsy says, he'll have his hands in god knows what soon anyway!

I recall being very grateful to those who offered to take either of my two children from me for a few moments when mine were 5 months old!

ENormaSnob · 27/03/2011 13:57

The fact she had just finished a fag would be more of an issue for me.

MotherOfHobbit · 27/03/2011 13:58

Absolutely YANBU. I am constantly surprised by how many people think they have the right to touch someone else just because they're a baby. They wouldn't think it was acceptable to just walk up and stroke an adult's face.

My 10mo DS is at the stage where he's a bit nervous of strangers. He's okay once he's had a bit of time to get used to someone but he's burst into tears a few times at unwanted contact. An old woman reached out for him on the bus a few days ago and he burst out screaming.

You're not being PFB at all. I understand completely that someone might want to cuddle a baby but it's only basic politeness to check if it's okay first.

Punkatheart · 27/03/2011 14:02

Let any of us here who has not been 'neurotic' about our children at one time or another, cast the first wet wipe. Especially babies. That said, you are confusing an organism caught from cats, not dogs. Faeces at that. Children - unless they have some underlying issue with immunity - should be exposed to all sorts of things. We had two cats with my daughter. We have chickens. My daughter never ever got sick and is now an extremely healthy child.

You may have been extremely rude to a woman who was simply trying to be involved and interested. I feel that the whole germ thing has really got a little out of control and advertising is largely to blame. I am not suprised that people get really nervous - it is pushed all the time at us:

'The loo smells. I want to poo at Paul's! ' (Who could forget that ad?)

Or

Touching a germy pump! No! (Handwash)

It is all a little OTT and is used to sell products for our peace of mind.

No one wants or needs to roll their child in poo and serve them dirt for dinner. But we do also have to careful that we don't put them in bubbles - so that they step out into the world and catch everything there is....

AllGoodNamesGone · 27/03/2011 14:13

Well, as long as you asked politely, I don't think YWBU. Did you let her have a hold once she had washed her hands?

I never liked my babies being passed around when it was more about the person's need to parade around with a baby than anything to do with mine or the babies feelings in the matter! I realise we are all different but, at five months, I would have still spent the time anxiously watching to see he was OK and feeling a bit uncomfortable not having him with me or DH, rather than enjoying a break from looking after him.

Funny how the requests to hold/look after them dry up somewhat once the child is mobile and into everything. By 18 months, I'd have been delighted for someone to take them off my hands for a while ... Hmm

She could at least chat to you for a while before asking.

Vallhala · 27/03/2011 14:14

"Funny how the requests to hold/look after them dry up somewhat once the child is mobile and into everything. By 18 months, I'd have been delighted for someone to take them off my hands for a while ... hmm"

Oh so true, so true...!

Fresh2death · 27/03/2011 14:22

I think you were quite polite, id have been more tempted to be rather rude and leave them aware of my thoughts in no uncertain terms

thumbwitch · 27/03/2011 14:27

Actually I'm with you on the dog thing, especially if toxoplasmosis is a high risk where you are. And the cigarettes actually - smokey hand-smell stays on the baby's clothes and who wants their baby smelling of cigarette smoke?

So - yes you were probably a bit rude but then so was she for not thinking to wash her hands first.

pigletmania · 27/03/2011 14:37

YABU for knocking the womans hand out of the way and telling her to wash her hands, that was rude and uncalled for, your ds is 5 months not 5 weeks old, you have a lifetime of this. You could have simply smiled, bit your tongue and than produce the anti bac spray afterwards (I always carry one round in my bag).

YANBU however for people overstepping the mark and picking up your ds without asking and passing him around, and kissing on the mouth which if the person has a coldsore can be fatal.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 27/03/2011 14:41

i would def ask someone who had been smoking and/or touching an unknown dog to wash their hands first. I would hate it if someone stinking of fag smoke wanted to put their arms around ME, never mind my little babba! yeurgh. so in my mind YADNU to ask her to wash her hands first.

SHE was the one being U to not think of this (if she's a mum too i am assuming at this point she is) a 5 month old still has a very new developing immune system. That's why they DON'T crawl until their immune systems are developed sufficiently to cope with whatever they pick up and stuff in their lovely little mouths.

pigletmania · 27/03/2011 14:47

my goodness gone are the days when you could coo over a little baby without glearing evils from its mother, in the future I expdect that you would need to ask permission before even looking at one.

pigletmania · 27/03/2011 14:48

Well as I recall 5-6 months is when they start crawling, my dd was about that age and was forever putting things in her mouth, especially when they are teething/weaning

TrinityIsABunnyMunchingRhino · 27/03/2011 14:51

I really do think that you are being really unreasonable..

are you never going to let your child in the garden?

TotorosOcarina · 27/03/2011 14:52

Well, I don't think you are being PFB because I'm due my 4th soon and if anyone finished a cig, touched a dog then tried to touch my DS they would be getting a slightly more polite version of 'back the fuck up' from me!

TotorosOcarina · 27/03/2011 14:54

Trin, I don't think she'd let him play with a cig then a strangers dog in the garden though!

nectarina · 27/03/2011 14:55

Toxoplasmosis is not more prevalent in France, they just take it (and everything else medical) more seriously. And like other posters have pointed out, you can't catch it from dogs, but from cat's faeces.
But I can sympathise with your issue, yanbu.

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