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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

just been rude to someone for trying to touch my baby....

126 replies

Romilly70 · 27/03/2011 13:35

Just come back from a gathering of expats we know mainly as acquaintances. Took along DS 5 months and one particularly lady wanted to hold him as soon as we walked through the door. Each time i have seen her she acts as it is her right to hold DS just cos he is a baby...

(I know I am not keen on her as she oversteps the boundary I feel comfortable with.)

later on i was changing DS in another room and I could see her out of the window having a fag, then when she came in started stroking some dogs. saw DS and made a beeline for him. said to me oh he's gorgeous, i said thank you very much. then she reached out to touch his hand. (DS constantly has his fingers in his mouth as is teething) I pushed her hand away before she could grab DS's and I said would you mind washing your hands as there is a real problem with toxoplasmosis here (there is in France).

That was partly an excuse, and I know i am going to be flamed for being all PFB about DS. I just really hate passing DS round like a parcel. Ironically he is a very friendly chap, cos on the whole i do let lots of people hold him, but the crux of it, i hate people completely ignoring me and practically trying to grab DS.

Now I feel bad for being rude to her, but why do people go so mental over new babies?

anyway, rant over.....

OP posts:
scuzy · 27/03/2011 15:24

i liked peopleholding ds for a cuddle as i wanted him not to make strange with people. he is great and polite with people now and never loses the rag with strangers or people he doesnt see to often.

seriously though you were rude i think you know that. keep picturing that poor woman's hand being slapped out of the way! am waiting for her to post here about you! lol only teasing ..

scuzy · 27/03/2011 15:25

pml hocuspontas!!

Snobear4000 · 27/03/2011 15:25

YANBU. Old bats are always trying to get their mitts on babies and it's just plain creepy.

worraliberty · 27/03/2011 15:26

Worraliberty - it wouldn't have to still be there, it could have worn off but the bugs could still be in the fur. Most dogs aren't particularly clean animals at the best of times

Yes and the child might actually touch his own shoe when old enough to walk, he might sit on a carpet that a dog has scooted its arse across, he might touch something that another dog owner has touched...the sky might fall in....the mountains might crumble to the sea....

Georgimama · 27/03/2011 15:36

I think people who wash their hands all the time have ishooos tbh; my son is 4, lives in a house with 2 dogs and has never had an upset stomach in his life. If I washed my hands every time I touched a dog I would be constantly scrubbing away. No one has died yet.

Babies are indeed people, which is why people talk to them, engage with them, touch them etc. Most of us recognise that we are social creatures and it is normal to reach out and touch infants, which all mammal species recognise as appealing. That's why they look so darned cute, because infant mammals take so much rearing.

No wonder people are terrified of making eye contact with other people's children these days: if someone doesn't accuse them of being a paedophile they accuse them of endangering their precious darlings with bacteria.

anonacfr · 27/03/2011 15:47

I'm sorry but there is no 'problem with toxoplasmosis' in France. Not any more than in the UK or the rest of Europe. As someone mentioned just because you get tested for it when pregnant doesn't mean it's more common- just that they're more aware (and careful).

I'd never heard that you could get it from dogs. If you look at most medical advice it's usually recommended that pregnant women avoid direct contact with cat feces and activities such as gardening (because your garden might have been used as a cat litter tray)- alternatively undercooked meat or raw garden vegetables that might not have been thoroughly washed can pose a problem.
No issues with dogs or babies as far as I can see!

I would be more bothered by the fag hands than the dog stroking TBH.

In this case though she didn't exactly try to take the baby off OP's arms did she? She merely reached out to touch his hand.

Pushing her hand away was really rude quite frankly. If the OP was that bothered with hygiene (which she admits is a bit of an excuse) then she could just wash baby's hands with a wipe.
Not letting someone stroke her baby's hand is completely OTT.

anonacfr · 27/03/2011 15:50

Disclaimer: I am French and my sister when pregnant was tested and found not to be immune to toxoplasmosis. She was immediately asked if she had any cats (if so she was told not to change their litter tray) and to watch for salads in restaurants/undercooked meats.
No mention was ever made to her of not stroking any dogs/foxes/random animals. Even cats for that matter.

pigletmania · 27/03/2011 16:08

No its not snobear, how the hell is it creepy, right thats a good way to set them up to be afraid of the world and people in it. For your info I dont go up to strangers babies and start touching them, however I am a tactile person, and when talking to friends will touch their arm, or give them a hug, its part of social interaction with people, babies are human they have to learn all types of interaction to develop in society. Yes I understand its your baby so what you says goes, but what are you hoping to achieve by keeping your baby away from people.

Yes the op was very rude to knock the ladies hand away, bad manners tbh.

squeakytoy · 27/03/2011 16:09

I have grown up with dogs, and my stepsons little girl has grown up around our dog. She has never been ill, and nor has any other family I know who have small children around dogs. And small children certainly do not wash their hands constantly.

Once a child starts crawling, toys, hands, feet, and furniture are all in their mouth all the time. You cant wipe their mouth out with anti-bac, so stop all the hand wiping now and let their immunity build up!

hairfullofsnakes · 27/03/2011 16:33

I can't believe how many people think yabu for not letting someone who has been smoking and touching dogs touch your baby. You are so not being unreasonable and you are not being precious at all. Good for you for speaking up I would have done the same thing too.

hairfullofsnakes · 27/03/2011 16:35

Bad manners?! Really? I think it was bad manners for the lady to go up and try to touch a baby after having been smoking and touching dogs. You were not rude OP, not at all so ignore those who say you were

worraliberty · 27/03/2011 16:38

Yeah god forbid us humans should touch another human......

Georgimama · 27/03/2011 16:39

The woman didn't offer the child a gauloise, for Christ's sake. She went to touch her hand. Knocking her hand away and suggesting she would infect her with toxoplasmosis was rude. Even the OP admits it was rude.

hairfullofsnakes · 27/03/2011 16:41

She wasn't saying don ever touch she just didn't like it when the lady had smoked and touched dogs.
Also, why should people feel bad if they dont want to pass their baby around? I never did and I don't see that as a problem

pigletmania · 27/03/2011 16:45

It is bad manners for knocking the womans hand out of the way, two wrongs dont make a right. A simple can you wash your hands please would have sufficed.

Francagoestohollywood · 27/03/2011 16:45

Yes, you were rude. And some people go mental over babies because they are cute!
Toxoplasmosis is dangerous to foetuses not out of the whomb babies.

NorthernGobshite · 27/03/2011 16:54

I think you were rude and seem somewhat germphobic!

Original poster
Romilly70 · 27/03/2011 19:20

thanks for the lively mix of replies - I am not denying that I was rude, but it was not intentional, just a reaction, hence my trying to explain about the toxoplasmosis, inaccurate though it may have been.

Bottom line is, I just have certain standards of hygiene - I wouldn't go out, have a fag, stroke a random dog then come in and make up DS's bottles without washing my hands....

yes i know I can't know where everyone else has been before touching ds, but most people tend not to touch his hands, and I had seen where her hands had been!

This woman is particualrly persistent and last week practically grabbed DS off DP whilst we were leaving, for a cuddle, then tried to put him in his car seat. I know she thought she was being helpful, but I barely know her and IMO, she was overstepping boundaries. she then carried on playing patacake whilst I was strapping him in....

hence why i was particularly forceful today. anyway, feel guilty enough for being rude, but there is so much as a new mum you have to put up and shut up with from unwitting strangers. today, i didn't smile sweetly through gritted teeth and let someone do what they pleased....

OP posts:
Abr1de · 27/03/2011 19:27

I stroked my dogs all the time and then handled my babies. They survived.

DuplicitousBitch · 27/03/2011 19:28

its only a matter of time before you find your child sucking the loo brush or some such and a sense of perspective dawns

lesley33 · 27/03/2011 19:32

YABU and rude.

We are programmed to like babies and reach out to them. IMO it is perfectly natural to want to reach out and touch babies. And if a baby isn't happy with this they soon let you know!

Honestly your baby wasn't at any risk if she was touched by this woman. As one poster said the issue with tox.. is cats faeces not dogs fur.

Some people complain that the UK is not a child friendly society. I think this is encouraged by many mothers who view strangers/people they don't know well as a threat to their children. All you do by being this way is to encourage others not to interact with any babies or children they don't know.

In societies that love babies rather than see them as a nuisance, babies are routinely stroked and cuddled by strangers. And strangers seem to care more whether your baby is okay e.g. helping out if your baby is throwing a crying fit rather than tutting or staring.

Drizzela · 27/03/2011 19:36

I think you were definitely being PFB I'm afriad, he's not new born and I'm sure soon enough he'll be trying to kiss the dogs and eating worms in the garden.

Ormirian · 27/03/2011 19:39

YABU

princessparty · 27/03/2011 19:40

YABU in a couple of years no-one will want the little b*gger anywhere near them

activate · 27/03/2011 19:42

perhaps you should take your boundaries and your baby and go and live in seclusion up a mountain somewhere

but for the moment you're a member of a society so maybe you should try to be part of society

that said - don't think you handled it too badly tbh, you gave a valid if OTT excuse

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