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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be in a total state over ds7 having his tonsils out and considering cancelling

152 replies

MilaMae · 26/03/2011 11:17

Ds has an enlarged tonsil.

When he's ill it swells up,it annoys him all the time.He constantly throat clears,coughs etc.It drives his peers mad(and he gets teased).

When he does a lot of activity(eg long bike ride,running around) he has to catch his breath more than his twin.He dislikes reading aloud etc.He ended up in A&E with flu at Xmas due to the damn thing making him think he couldn't breath(his twin didn't).

Anyhow I was thrilled we'd got a date but after a hospital visit(form signing etc),speaking to friends etc I'm now crapping myself,seriously. The consultants are happy to do it but kind of handed the decision over to us.

The dtwins are long awaited IVF twins and I feel like I'm spirally back into this fraught filled ttc,newborn anxiety days ie convinced he's going to be taken away. We've been the 1 in 10000 before so even though there is only a tiny chance of anything bad happening I've blown it up big time.

I get really tearful when thinking about it,can't think about it etc. He's very excited which makes it worse. If something happens I'll never be able to forgive myself as obviously he could poke up with it.

Really don't know what to do.I know I deserve a virtual slap and many mothers have far worse to worry about so I feel bad being so silly but I really am terrified.

So should I cancel or not?

OP posts:
mayorquimby · 26/03/2011 12:27

"Piggy that's my problem because it's not life threatening ie he could just poke up with it."

He could but as I posted above it's extremely painful when they are infected and can lead to such regular bouts of illness that it is just ridiculously annoying and inconvenient.

Original poster
MilaMae · 26/03/2011 12:27

Mayor that's a great help and my main worry about not getting it done,also the impact on sport particularly. Could have years ahead and maybe it could get worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
MilaMae · 26/03/2011 12:28

Xposted (I'm a slow typer)Grin

OP posts:
follyfoot · 26/03/2011 12:30

I have worked in an ENT operating theatre - your son will be extremely well cared for by a number of highly qualified people. It is a pretty quick operation from which children bounce back really quickly.

Dont make a decision now to cancel the operation, but ask if you can talk to the anaesthetist first as they will be the person responsible for keeping your son safe during the surgery and immediately post op. I think you will find that your worries will be eased by this conversation. It may not be possible to speak to the anaesthetist until the day of his surgery so go along on the day. If you really really cant go through with it then, that is of course your choice. I suspect seeing other children and parents waiting for the same procedure will help you realise that you arent the only one feeling like this but that its just something to overcome.

Taking an adults tonsils out is a more difficult procedure with more risks and a longer post op recovery. Its important you know that too.

All the best

mayorquimby · 26/03/2011 12:31

haha oddly enough it was sport that pissed me off the most.
Mine seemed to hit me around easter every year for some reason, equally bizarre and annoying in its almost perfect timing that I was sick the same week of the year 4 years in a row with tonsilitis, my doc didn't know what to think.
But one year it meant I had to miss a big tournament in England we'd been invited to as our provincial champs and the next year I missed the national semi-finals. For that reason alone (sod the rest, pain don't hurt etc.) I was extremely pissed off with my tonsils.

Original poster
MilaMae · 26/03/2011 12:32

Folly will they monitor his heart?

OP posts:
Original poster
MilaMae · 26/03/2011 12:34

Mayor he is,he gets really frustrated on bike rides,his twin and younger sister don't need time out like he does. His teacher said he sits out at play time now and again.Sad

OP posts:
follyfoot · 26/03/2011 12:36

Yes Mila. They will monitor his heart and the amount of oxygen in his blood all the time. Thats routine. He'll have more people looking after him and his welfare than at any other time in his life - remember all those people are there just to keep your son safe.

CelebratedMonkey · 26/03/2011 12:40

I had my tonsils out when I was six. I barely remember a thing - coming round and being disorientated and shouting at the nurse. Finding out I'd lost one of my wobbly teeth during surgery and being very pleased the tooth fairy had managed to come. Coughing up blood afterwards (not unpleasant, I just remember it). Getting some My Little Pony for being so brave.

I have an IVF baby too and still have that feeling of he could be taken away from me at any moment. I'd be scared too in your shoes. But it sounds like the op will improve his life, both healthwise and at school, and it is a very common operation.

I also know several people who had it done in their teens and they had a horrible time, whereas as above, I barely remember mine.

mayorquimby · 26/03/2011 12:41

He obviously has it worse than me then. The only effect of mine was that I seemed to be more susceptible to tonsilitis, which meant that 50 weeks of the year I didn't even notice them but I'd then I'd normally get bad a bad throat infection or two during winter and maybe proper tonsilitis once a year.
Couldn't imagine if it was a constant problem where by I had to sit out of P.E., lunch-time or take rests when just messing about with mates day to day.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/03/2011 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MilaMae · 26/03/2011 12:45

That's all really encouraging.

OP posts:
Olessaty · 26/03/2011 12:50

My DS had them out aged 5. He had enlarged tonsils which were causing him problems sleeping at night and his dad had his out due to having sleep apnea. It was decided that it was better now than when he got older.

I was afraid, he's been under GA before and had a circumcision, and it wasn't nice to see him in pain. However, it was going to significantly improve his health and it is a relatively minor operation. I had to deal with it, I panicked and I cried out of his view. I spoke to HCPs about things so I understood and it eased my worry.

Recovery was quick really. Watching him go under anaesthetic was tough, but they prepare you if they have a mask for the resistance, and at least we avoided the upset of the cannula going in (something that quite upset him the first time). Coming out from anaesthetic was easier, but I was comparing it to the first operation he had which was less pleasant (he was a lot younger and very confused and scared). He was upset and sore, but comforted by me quite easily. We were out of hospital the same day, even though DS was stubborn and took ages to eat and drink. Recovery at home was hardest for the first four days, but we were unfortunate because DS got an ear infection and it took me until day four to realise his pain was above that which was normal for the operation itself. According to friends, my experience was a lot worse than theirs, and to be honest I don't think it was particularly bad. They give you plenty of advice, we had two or three people talk to us before the operation and got a few sheets with information afterward, and you can call the ward back any time when you get home.

It's normal to worry. But you do have to ask yourself whether cancelling it is in the best interests of yourself or you son? There's been a great improvement in my son's general health since the operation, it was really worth sucking up my anxiety and coping with it for his sake.

Punkatheart · 26/03/2011 12:53

My sister has twins - same age - also born by IVF. The little girl had lots of problems - tonsilitis, pneumonia etc. So she had the op - my sister felt exactly as you did but it was fine and it helped an enormous amount.

But you must decide. Not anyone here.

SparkyDuchess · 26/03/2011 12:55

Don't cancel it. DS had his tonsils out at 22 months as we discovered they were causing sleep apnoea. I was terrified, and holding him while they put him under was awful, but it was the right thing for him. Can understand your fear but think you need to grit your teeth.

frantic51 · 26/03/2011 13:25

I really do know exactly how you feel. I pushed for my DS to have the op when he was 7. He had enlarged tonsils and, although he didn't have too many bouts of tonsillitis, when he did get it, it was horrendous for him! He'd be fighting to breathe with a blocked nose and his throat practically closed up and he used to get so scared, which, of course, didn't help. Sad

He had so much difficulty eating at the best of times and my Ex H (never the most patient of men) used to chivvy him so much at mealtimes because he was so slow. The poor wee man used to stuff more and more into his mouth in an attempt to get the food off his plate and get his dad off his case that he ended up looking like a hamster and then couldn't swallow at all!

I had Ex on my back (overly fussy mother Hmm) and DS really didn't want to go into hospital and I was sooooooooo scared because I knew if anything went wrong, it would be my fault. But I persisted.

The op was a breeze and he never looked back! He had been so little and skinny (you could count his ribs) and sickly before it. Within a couple of weeks he was eating like a horse and piling on the weight. He's now a big strapping lad of 17. 5' 10" (he was never going to be really tall 'cos his dad is only 5' 7" but the growth charts at age 7 were predicting 5' 6"!) and well filled out (though not fat, his BMI is 24.3) and loves his grub!

It really is a quite routine op and although there is a risk with any GA it is sooooo tiny and the staff will be great. We still have the best hospital staff in the world imo! :D

I really do know how you feel though!

Sending you lots of positive thoughts. :D

coccyx · 26/03/2011 13:28

Read paragraph 2 a nd 3 that you wrote in opening message.
Is it fair on child to cancel

Lara2 · 26/03/2011 13:28

Suffered for years with my tonsils - finally had them out about 6 years ago (in my late 40's now) and it wasn't nice at all!!!

Don't cancel - agree with all the other posts - it's his quality of life that's important.

Skifit · 26/03/2011 13:35

Dont cancel. . .if the surgeon advises your DS has tonsil out then go with it..you will be glad you did... for your sons sake.

Rachiebabes11 · 26/03/2011 13:35

I had my tonsils out 5 years ago after them being enlarged for 2 whole miserable years. I failed exams and everything because I was too ill to study or even do the exams at all. (also fainted outside a doctors surgery and someone shouted "it's ok I'm a midwife" clearly I wasnt having a baby but thats another story!).
If your son is suffering so much then its probably the best option, it can make your life miserable. I got the op and apart from being really drowsy and having to eat chewy sweets and crisps (to get the jaw moving- or possibly because they fancied a laugh at my pain!) I was fine. Got lots of sympathy from parents and generally milked the whole thing for as long as possible. Until I wanted to go out and see my friends of course.
Your right to be scared about it of course, but do whatever you think is best for your son.

ilikemineundead · 26/03/2011 13:55

Hi my Mum was in the same situation with my brother. He was 4 & suffered from recurrent tonsilitis. He was scheduled for a tonsilectomy, an adenectomy (sp?) & gromits inserted in his ears at the same time. My Mum was totally freaking her tits about the whole thing. Almost cancelling the appointment in a blind panic. But she realised that they wouldn'tve suggested it if he didn't really need it. Turns out it was the best thing they could've done. I got home from work & he was playing in the living room. Didn't really complain about any pain either. So it's not as bad as you think. Best of luck to you & your boy xxx

timeforachangearooney · 26/03/2011 14:07

same story as other posters. my parents cancelled my op (many years ago lol) and due to reoccuring tonsil problems i had to go in when i was 16 - it was horrendous, took a long time to recover

sarahtigh · 26/03/2011 14:36

don't cancel

the risk you quoted is not right its not 1 in 1000 or even 1 in 10000 I am pretty sure for a previously healthy person , ie no underlying serious medical issues heart etc its more like between 1 in 250,000 to 1 in 400,000 having a big problem with GA
the 1 in 1000 is more likely a slight problem like being sick for longer than normal or taking a bit longer to be completely with it again but talk to consultant the anaethetist will not leave him at all continually monitored blood pressure heart rate oxygen levels in blood etc they is usually 8 people at;least in theatre to care for him,

it is ok to be scared, I am often scared for my DD but i have to conqueror my fear to let her do stuff and its in his best interests to get it done asap as it sounds life for him is a bit limiting at present, this is a very successful op not like pioneer surgery or anything, do try really really hard not to let him know you are scared but good luck

twopeople · 26/03/2011 18:35

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humanoctopus · 26/03/2011 18:41

I wound myself into knots before ds had his tonsils out. The surgeons hand the ultimate decision over to us parents as its not life saving surgery.

For us, the constant throat infections, ulcers on the tonsils, etc ended the day he got them out.

I kick myself now for having let him go on with his tonsils so crappy for so long.

Its not a picnic in the park having them out, or caring for him afterwards, but a month down the line, and it'll be all positive.