What minor social skills malfunctions annoy you then?

[doctormonkey]

For me, it's when you talk to someone who has something significant in common with you, but proceeds to lecture you about it as though you know nothing about it.

I met a woman at toddler group the other day with two children the same age and sex as my own two children who proceeded to lecture me all about what having two children of that age and sex is like as if this were all brand new information to me.

She knew I had two children the same age and sex as hers - I had pointed them out to her when she asked.

This sort of thing gets on my wick - don't people have the basic conversation skills to do anything other than talk about themselves these days?

Can I add another wedding one?
People who respond to blatant conversation openers with a smile, nod and 'ah!'
E.g..
"Hi there, I'm Weltschmerz"
"Ah!" - nod, no "Hi, I'm..."
"I know Bride from university - how do you know Bride or Groom?"
"Oh! Er.. ah!" - nod, no "I know Groom from when we were both assassins, we go way back..."
"So do you live nearby or have you stayed over for the wedding?"
"Ah!" - nod, no "We live in Chipping Sodbury so we've stayed with friends for the weekend.."
At this point I usually pour myself some

How every single person in this country seems to have the idea they know how to run my flippin life better than I do.

One of my favourites was the woman who stopped her car to instruct me to close the gate I'd just come through.

It was a field I regularly walked and cycled through and the gate hadn't been closed in years to my certain knowledge. But do you think she was interested in listening?

This news just in - occasionally I actually do know better.

I can't bear people getting so close to me when they are talking so I can feel (or worse still smell) their breath.
It is different if we know each other well, but when someone is a relative stranger its inappropriate.

I have Aspergers. That means I can often come across as shy, rude, offstandish, ignorant, selfish, self absorbed and uninterested. Particularly as I have very significant difficulties in often being able to initiate things.
Fortunately for myself I also lack the ability to care what total strangers, or even people I know, think of me or how I appear to them.

Bloody hell portaloo, am horrified people have done this to you. Some people are twats aren't they,

I don't mind people being late, I like the opportunity to do nothing for a while. Hate invasions of personal space ? Gives me the heebie-jeebies. I don't mind shyness at all, but dislike one way conversations. Please ask me how i am, I'll only say 'very well thanks'.

'people who won't let you get a word in edgeways (and then usually complain you are too quiet)' Yes, yes, yes, a million times.

I'm short sighted so I probably blank people all the time without noticing unless they actually walk past, but with four lively boys, having to constantly buy glasses is just impossible so that's the way it stays.

What is with people walking past not looking at me and randomly muttering something? Is that to me? Are they talking to themselves? Are they mad? Am I supposed to acknowledge their random mutter? I'm very tempted to start doing the same back

Portaloo's experiences regarding her hearing problem is not unusual, as I've had exactly the same myself.

People who will say a negative comment about themselves like "my hair is a mess" in the hope that they will get the compliment of "Oh no it isn't. Your hair is lovely". It's cringe worthy.

Agree with bumblequeen's comments especially the one about cliques. Why do women do that? I presume they must be a bit insecure and unable to stand on their own two feet.

People eating/chewing with their mouths open. I DON'T WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU ARE EATING!! YES, THAT MEANS YOU BIL!

My MIL has to say the same thing over and over again. The latest is 'I can't believe my boobs have gone up a cup size' and manages to bring it into every conversation. The DC and I now hold bets on how many times she'll mention it when we meet.

YES I KNOW YOUR BLOODY BOOBS ARE BIGGER - WHO GIVES A SHIT!!

One for the anti-social people here: I HATE when people assume that if someone's reading, it's because they have nothing better to do and they really wanted to be interrupted to listen to inane small talk.

E.g., if I am in a cafe or quiet pub by myself reading a book -- it's because I want to be. I don't want to 'make conversation'. Ditto on the train and park benches.

On the topic of negative comments people say about themselves, it irritates me when people say almost proudly following some sort of injury to someone else "ah... I'm rubbish at being sympathetic, sorry", thus divesting themselves of any need to help mop up and comfort - its not about you though is it? And maybe try? You know, pat an arm and say "oh diddums.. there there" with the minimum of sarcasm? It's not that hard!

Smethwickebelle - the "yes, i'm in IT one" does my head in too. As if you can't possibly grasp what someone could do for a living.

I went to an old Uni friend's wedding and was chatting to someone I knew at Uni, asked her what she was doing these days, then asked what her DH (also from Uni) was doing and she replied "Ben works in an office in London."

I mean, wtf?

Reading this thread has made me a bit sad.

I could quite happily do without ever talking to anyone face-to-face, tbh. I've always found being social incredibly difficult - never know what to say, mind goes blank as soon as someone says anything more complicated than "good morning" to me, get deeply flustered at even the thought of doing anything social etc. etc.

I try. If someone says hi to me in the street, I'll say hi back and smile, but I won't meet their eyes. Or stop and chat unless they do it first. I just don't feel 100% comfortable around anyone except my immediate family, even people I've known for years.

I know I'm going to have to start going places or I'll turn DS into a recluse before he's even one I tried to go to a mum&baby group yesterday but panicked at the top of the drive and turned around, only to guilt myself into going back and repeating the experience before slinking home. DP was not impressed.

I can understand it's hard to tell the difference between people who are genuinely shy and people who are rude. But it makes me so angry to read that people think shyness is somehow "curable", and is some sort of horrendous fault in an adult. FFS, just accept that some people don't do socialising. It's such a struggle and it drains me of most of my energy, why would I want to do that?

Gaaah.

It seems to be common to only talk about yourself, and not allow appropriate gaps in conversation, or put a question in there to allow the other person to speak. It's quite depressing actually - I always think conversations should be 2-way but they hardly ever are.

I have numerous acquaintances who, if I'm talking about something that's happened to me, will have already had the same thing happen but much bigger/better/worse/whatever.
My DH calls it "going to Eleven-erife", i.e. 1 better than Tenerife :o

xStarGirl,
I mean this with the utmost respect, but you don't actually know that this type of social phobia isn't curable. I expect that for some, it may not be, but for others, and indeed for you, it may be. Have you ever tried to have any sort of help/counselling/ whatever? This is a genuine query out of concern, I'm not trying to be a cow or to make you feel bad.

People who are over familiar. Touchy feely etc, or calling me by my nickname the first time they meet me. It sounds silly, but you know the kind of person. I get the same feeling probably as a 60 year old who is being tutoie'd by a 30 year old. The touching isn't great- I have AS- the whole thing just puts me off.

People who are friendly one day, and then the next they are not.

People who yawn and put their hand over their mouths when it's nearly over.

But really, I am the last person to put forward as an example of social know how- it's just a few things that irritate me!

Don't worry, I'm not offended I always get more angry sort of on behalf of other shy people rather than myself, if that makes sense.

Yes, I have been to counselling and it didn't really work. I couldn't even look the counsellor in the eye, and it was just awkward and weird. I've given up trying tbh, I just kind of "let" socialisation happen around me and try to keep up.

Agree about conversations often being 1-way! Though in my case this is often a good thing as I can just smile and nod

xStar - thank you for taking my question the way it was intended. :)
:( that counselling didn't work for you... I hope you can find a way to do fun things with your little DS that aren't too stressful for you. :)

LOL at "Eleven-rife"! :D

And I am constantly maladroit, shy, gauche in social situations- I do have a ready made excuse, but I would hate to think that people see me as aloof and not willing (which they do- I appear 'absent', which I am very much 'there' and hating it!). I really am willing to make an effort, but honestly it's not something I can just turn off and on! Lots of shy people think too that they're being very social and warm because it's costing them such a big effort...but you see it a different way.

"Eleven-rife" is awesome.

Yes, one-upmanship makes me [grrr]. As do people who, when you tell them what's going on, say "oh yes I know" and they're off and running and turning whatever it is around to make it all about themselves.

I had a friend like that. It got to the point where I would tell her something that was happening to me, and on a regular basis end with "so do you have any advice, without turning it around and making it all about yourself?" Seriously. The good thing was she never took it badly, always laughed... and then proceeded to turn it around and make it all about herself.

We are actually not friends any longer. Curiously, neither is she friends any longer with another mutual friend who pointed this characteristic out to me in the first place.