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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What minor social skills malfunctions annoy you then?

164 replies

doctormonkey · 23/03/2011 20:10

For me, it's when you talk to someone who has something significant in common with you, but proceeds to lecture you about it as though you know nothing about it.

I met a woman at toddler group the other day with two children the same age and sex as my own two children who proceeded to lecture me all about what having two children of that age and sex is like as if this were all brand new information to me.

She knew I had two children the same age and sex as hers - I had pointed them out to her when she asked.

This sort of thing gets on my wick - don't people have the basic conversation skills to do anything other than talk about themselves these days?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 23/03/2011 21:51

In rl I take ages to make friends ...I have only a handful of close friends

It maybe a hangover from my shy low self esteem days, but I'm happy with the people I chose to make friends with

Mumcentreplus · 23/03/2011 21:53

usual you are not alone..I have only a handful a good close friends..'friends are for life' an all that Grin

BetamaxBandit · 23/03/2011 21:56

People do get counselling for being shy if they are unhappy with it, like I said. But lots of people don't mind being a bit shy / antisocial or whatever. They're happy with their lives. They don't care that they're not the chattiest friendliest person. It's other people that seem to take it so personally.

alemci · 23/03/2011 21:57

i hate it when people go on and on about themselves and never ask you about things. I am happy to listen but it should be a 2 way thing.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 23/03/2011 22:07

I've just remembered something that annoys me to the extreme but I didn't know it did until I moved house last month. Since then we have had a lot of workmen in for various reasons.

Every one of them has asked to use my toilet.

And every one of them has left the seat up.

My dh never leaves the seat up, he thinks it's disgusting so I never noticed how annoying it was until these workmen started doing it!

Seriously, surely you would leave it as you found it?

(However I am guilty of never offering any visitor to my house who isn't family a cup of tea or coffee because I'm a bit funny with people I don't know using my cups!)

Mrswhiskerson · 23/03/2011 22:37

I can be very shy when meeting new people I think it has come
from being bullied for a long time at school and even though I will act confident I'm still really shy underneath , so be kinder to shy adults it's harder being on the other side especially when all you want is to be like everyone else.
I really hate it when people talk to you when your on the phone to someone it's so rude and I know a few people who do this.
People who will befriend you when their usual clique aren't there then ignore you the next day.

ChessPiece · 23/03/2011 22:39

Oh, yes, the person who will chat to you until someone "better" comes along and then completely ignore you, even though you are still stood next to them!

pinkcupcakefairy · 23/03/2011 23:00

Mrs Chemist you probably already know this but have you tried the trick of looking at the end of someone's nose rather than direct eye contact. Its close enough to mimic eye contact but you don't have to actually lookt someone in the eye. Just a thought.

I totally agree with really smelly people, its so disgusting and usually happens to me when I'm trapped on a bus & then can't move for fear of offending said smelly person. Also happened to me in the gym once, this guy had just walked in and came to use the peice of equipment next to me, he smelt soo bad I honestly thought I would throw up. And again being polite I had to go through the pretense of a couple of minutes workout before moving Grin

Teenytinytoes · 23/03/2011 23:01

Mumcentreplus & Littlereddragon - sorry wasn't referring to BO in all people with ASD but was thinking of a friend's (adult) son who is on the spectrum. His shower broke and for 5 weeks he told nobody because it had messed up his routines....

Nijinsky - I was not suggesting everyone who is shy/rude/unsociable is autistic. However, it is a spectrum so I suppose we do all have some of these traits at times. For those 1:100 of the population who are at the extreme ends of the spectrum, enough to merit a diagnosis, they may not be able to learn enough social skills to mask their ASD just as I guess people with hearing or visual impairments will not either. I think tolerance and awareness is what I am trying to highlight here. Obviously when I encounter a rude seeming person now I think in my mind what if that was DD... I say it to other people too because I feel it is such a hidden problem and is so hard to understand. Sorry if I seem over-sensitive but it's a personal issue for me.

NadiaWadia · 23/03/2011 23:02

Being shy is a lack of self-confidence. People like that usually want to be friendly, but suffer from crippling low self-esteem which makes them come across as awkward. Why are they 'rude' - they can't help it?

Then there are 'reserved' people who can't be bothered with others, and really don't care. You can label them as 'rude' if you like and they wouldn't care.

Fairly easy to tell the difference, I would have thought.

However either of these personality types are preferable to being a pushy, judgy twat who probably loves the sound of their own voice, IMO.

bibbitybobbityhat · 23/03/2011 23:04

I've thought of another one I've seen a lot on this very forum, actually.

Person A says "I really like parmesan"

Person B says "Ewww yuck, parmesan tastes like VOMIT "

etc

terribly socially inept and you wouldn't do it face to face.

If you have to say anything, you'd say "Oh really? its not one of my favourites. Do you have any other favourite cheeses?"

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 23/03/2011 23:09

I wouldn't bibbity :o I would do exactly what person B said!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 23/03/2011 23:09

People who use the word 'network' in a relating to people context. That really pisses me off.

Mumcentreplus · 23/03/2011 23:32

I think online people tend to be more honest with their reactions...I would say parmesan?..tastes/smells like cheesy arse online..in RL I would say..really?...not my cup of tea..dependant upon the person I was speaking to...someone I knew well..I would say cheesy arse etc !...when i say I love Stilton many are disgusted including my DH..but my DD1 loves it like me Grin acquired mouldy taste...

LetThereBeRock · 23/03/2011 23:36

But parmesan really does taste of vomit.

BakeliteBelle · 23/03/2011 23:49

Wow, aren't other people annoying, with their crap social skills and general unworthiness.

I didn't realise it was such a crime to be shy either. There is a difference between shy and rude. Often, I find that the most confident, loud types are the ones who talk to you when it suits them, drop you when someone better arrives and then pretend they've never met you the next day.

Give shy people a break!

BadaBingBang · 24/03/2011 00:37

My vomit doesn't taste like parmesan. I agree witrh bibbity - its rude to make othr people feel uncomfortable about their food choices. I think these people weren't told when they were children that they should say 'no thanks' to something they don't like to eat.

working9while5 · 24/03/2011 01:04

I work in a specialist unit for secondary kids with ASD.

Personal hygiene is a big focus. Many of the kids just don't realise a) they smell, b) what they need to do about it, c) that it annoys other people and d) it may cause others to react badly to them. These are highly verbal children with good learning abilities in the context of ASD. Many of those who struggles most with hygiene could not be spotted by anyone on the street as having a disability.

There are many reasons why an individual with ASD might struggle with personal hygiene.

A person with an ASD may not have picked up the correct steps to wash themselves properly and/or may struggle to execute these. Part of the teaching programme for some of our students involves discussing the things you need to do when you wash - rinsing etc. This possibly has to do with observational learning: typically, kids pick up the steps of how to wash from observing how it is done. A child on the spectrum may not have perceived these steps in the same way as a child without an ASD and may, for example have been fixated on the way the water rippled or the smells and sounds of the bathroom vs what is happening and in what order.

Many individuals with ASD struggle with organising themselves to do routine things as they may be preoccupied with other things, including their own special interests. The person in the library might very well be so involved in thinking about his research in such a rigid way that they don't even realise they haven't washed.

Many individuals with ASD struggle with sensory aspects of washing - they don't like the feeling of the soap, or the smell of deodorant, or how the water feels on their body. I have personally worked with many students with ASD who are phobic of water because they found the experience of bathing overwhelming as young children.

Some people who have an ASD find things like labels on clothes painful. If you compare the pressure of a label on clothes to a power shower, you can quickly realise how washing etc might actually be physically painful to a person who is on the spectrum. At the other end of the scale, some people have hyposensitivity to smells: so may not actually perceive that they smell any differently to other people.

Not all individuals with ASD have a realistic sense of how they look/smell/appear to others. A student we work with has only recently realised that his skin colour is brown: he self-characterised himself as "white" when there was talk about census data as that is "skin colour". He had never realised from looking at himself in the mirror that his colour was not white (despite being in a school where 90% of students are black). Again, this is a student that no one would be able to tell was any different to others by looking at him.

This is just a snapshot of how and why individuals who are on the spectrum can find it hard to conform to one social norm and it is by no means exhaustive.

BBL1 · 24/03/2011 02:03

Parents not responding or leaving it to the last minute to birthday party or play dates invites, thereby not allowing me to make alternatives arrangements.

This happened recently when several the parents of several children did not respond to invites to my DS birthday party. I needed firm numbers to plan what we were going to do and to arrange how much food, etc I should buy. I just thought they were so rude.

Jacksmania · 24/03/2011 03:23

People who can't manage to respond to emails in a timely manner.

I mean people who are at or near their computer most of the day, failing to respond to a question/problem/invitation, not just a chatty email.
FFS, stop MNing faffing about the internet long enough to answer my email!!!

DrNortherner · 24/03/2011 07:19

Oh God, I am the person who would yell 'YUCK, Parmesan tastes like VOMIT' (I actually like parmesan but you get my drift'

Is that rude really? I thought it was just honest......

DrNortherner · 24/03/2011 07:21

Would only do this in a discussion about cheeses though, would not say this if someone offered me Parmesan, of course I would politely decline.

Goblinchild · 24/03/2011 07:27

My OH might present as shy and uncommunictive in a social situation.
He isn't.
He's just not interested in the inane social witterings of people he doesn't care to know.
Thinking of him as shy saves their self-worth I suppose, rather than realising he finds them not worth making contact with. Grin

cyb · 24/03/2011 07:40

People who start eating before everyone is at the table

cyb · 24/03/2011 07:44

People who finish the end of my sentences for me I WANT TO BATTER THEM

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