Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What minor social skills malfunctions annoy you then?

164 replies

doctormonkey · 23/03/2011 20:10

For me, it's when you talk to someone who has something significant in common with you, but proceeds to lecture you about it as though you know nothing about it.

I met a woman at toddler group the other day with two children the same age and sex as my own two children who proceeded to lecture me all about what having two children of that age and sex is like as if this were all brand new information to me.

She knew I had two children the same age and sex as hers - I had pointed them out to her when she asked.

This sort of thing gets on my wick - don't people have the basic conversation skills to do anything other than talk about themselves these days?

OP posts:
MrsChemist · 23/03/2011 20:37

I found out because MIL made an unpleasant comment to FIL about it after I first met them. DH overheard, and told me.

We're fine now though Smile

JaneS · 23/03/2011 20:40

Netto, as long as you don't have BO and burp, I reckon your social skills are A-ok.

I have low my standards, haven't I?

Honestly though. Why? WHY? Do some grown men just not realize they smell? Do they not wash? Do they think we all enjoy stale ManMusk?

happybubblebrain · 23/03/2011 20:41

I'm not easily annoyed. I think I'm the annoying one.
I regularly interrupt people, talk about myself too much, repeat myself and sometimes patronise people - all without realising I'm doing it. I blame my parents. Luckily I'm not too smelly.

LeQueen · 23/03/2011 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaneS · 23/03/2011 20:45

Isn't it pretty rude not to make an effort with shy people though? I've been to social events where someone will be standing alone, maybe they don't know anyone or they're a bit shy, and it makes me really angry when no-one, even the host/hostess goes to talk to them. That's really fucking rude.

Skinit · 23/03/2011 20:48

Part of being shy is fear of rejection...LeQueen it's obvious none of your family is shy....you wouldn''t be so hard about it otherwise.

usualsuspect · 23/03/2011 20:50

Its awful being shy and thinking people are judging you

oh wait ....this is MN thats what mnetters do

EmmaBemma · 23/03/2011 20:50

I tend to prefer people who are a bit socially inept. Give me someone interesting but odd over a smooth charmer any day of the week.

Procrastinating · 23/03/2011 20:51

I would class myself as shy but I make an effort because not to do so would be rude.
All you have to do is show an interest in people.

They should have classes in social skills at school.

bigbeagleeyes · 23/03/2011 20:53

Maybe the people who don't want to talk just don't like you.
Just a thought Smile

pinkstinks · 23/03/2011 20:56

oh wow littlereddragon we have a burper in my uni library!!! evry five minutes...but he farts as well...and always manages to sit around me...Angry
he absolutely reeks, but I think he is a lecturer because everyone seems to know him and stop to chat to him!

Procrastinating · 23/03/2011 20:58

How would they know whether they like me or not? They don't know me.

Unless they really hate me for saying their DD has lovely hair, they have on a nice coat, the baby is cute etc etc.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 23/03/2011 20:59

I find it odd when people (especially mums with babies with them) ignore someone elses baby who is trying to interact with them. I always talk/smile/pull funny faces at babies if I notice them looking/smiling at me but the number of strangers that have actively scowled or looked away or downright ignored my ds if he does it to them has surprised me.

LeQueen · 23/03/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
doctormonkey · 23/03/2011 21:00

"They should have classes in social skills at school"

I completely agree.

OP posts:
fluffles · 23/03/2011 21:04

people who scowl at other people as a general default really bother me - i mean, how hard is it to generally smile at people?

who cares if you recognise them or not, if in doubt, smile - if you smile at a stranger then that's great... however if you scowl at somebody you've met before they'll be really put off.

victoriascrumptious · 23/03/2011 21:05

MadamDeathStar"I also have mild 'face blindness' Everyone looks pretty much the same to me, so unless you have a disfiguring scar or boggly eyes, I won't recognize you when I see you around town. ."

SNAP!

It's a bloody nightmare. I go through life offending at least 2 people a week unintentionally-God knows how many more that i'm not even aware of. I can hold a conversation for an hour with someone and then not recognise them 30mins later on the street. I can recall every nugget of what they said to me though. You used the word 'disability' and that's exactly what it is.

usualsuspect · 23/03/2011 21:06

Maybe they don't want to chat its not compulsory

I Will talk to anyone now ,but I was painfully shy when I was younger

I would leave someone alone that was clearly not interested in my ramblings though

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 23/03/2011 21:08

Oh dear, dreaded opening this thread to find out how many ways I piss people off Blush

I am also quite bad with faces so probably blank a lot of people.
Conversely, I met the gran and baby sibling of one of DD's schoolmates in the street the other day, and gave them a big smile and a wave, only to be met with a rather frosty look.
Yeah. It was a complete stranger. Double Blush

nijinsky · 23/03/2011 21:09
  • Adult shyness annoys me too - it can be charming in young people but there comes a stage when its a type of selfishness of thinking about yourself too much and not the effect your percieved rudeness has on other people who may be hurt by it...
  • People who make no attempt to be socially friendly back when you speak to them
  • Older men who assume I am younger than I am (not that thats any excuse) and talk down to me, as though I might not really understand what they are trying to say unless they make it really simple
  • Lack of awareness of when people are being rude, even when its been pointed out to them many times
EmmaBemma · 23/03/2011 21:09

yes, I'm a pretty gregarious sort but if someone doesn't seem to want to natter with me I take the hint, rather than looking upon it as a moral failing on their part.

BulletWithAName · 23/03/2011 21:14

I think I have the opposite of 'face blindness' being that I always remember a face and the person's name, if they've told me it.

I'm always friendly and polite, and when being spoken to am always very chatty...but I generally hate small talk. Weird because I'm very outgoing and make friends really easily! Sometimes, if I see someone I vaguely know, and I know they're going to start talking to me, I walk the other way or dither until they go because I just don't want to talk!

people who scowl at other people as a general default really bother me

See, my default face as I'm walking down the street is a scowl, but I come from a really rough area where smiling is seen as odd, if you see what I mean. I always used to scowl because it would put arsehole men off from hassling me (Can I have your digits, do you have a man etc etc).
Now that I've moved, I still scowl as I walk, but if someone smiles at me I always smile back- took me a while to do it, but I enjoy doing it now, it makes me feel happy!

DrNortherner · 23/03/2011 21:16

Seriously, my ds is in Year 4, and there are 2 mothers who from day one I have always made the first move with. Always go up to them in the playground, always the first to say Hello, good morning etc. Then you realise that actually, if you don't say Hello to them they would never talk to you or even acknowledge you. After 5 years?! I am sorry, but to me that is not shyness, that is rude. Yet these are the type of women, who, the minute I stop making the effort, have the cheek to say I don't bother with them anymore.

I can't be arsed with people like that anymore.

ceebeegeebies · 23/03/2011 21:17

Ooh I agree with a lot of these - in fact, DS1 starting Reception has really opened my eyes up to just how odd some people are!

There is one mum who has a DC in DS1's class and another DC at DS2's nursery so I see her a lot in the mornings at one or the other places - she blanks me every time. How hard is it to say 'morning' to someone?? One weekend, she was at a party I took DS1 to so I made a real effort to chat to her and she was quite chatty etc...the following Monday, she blanked me as we passed each other on the pavement Hmm

Also, I seem to chat to a lot of other parents who answer my questions and then the conversation stops - I know my DC are not that interesting to other parents but surely politeness/general social etiquette requires people to ask questions back etc to keep the conversation going no??

Teenytinytoes · 23/03/2011 21:18

Just wanted people to consider the possibility that these people with poor social skills (including the ones with BO) may have an ASD. I think the figures are 1:100 of the population may be on the spectrum and there is no outward way of telling (and probably a lot of the people undisgnosed and so totally unaware of it themselves). I suspect a lot of mums with kids on the spectrum like me find it quite sad to hear people mocking people with poor social skills, although I'm sure I do it myself too (so I'm not having a go at anyone just feeling a bit sad really that this could be my DD when she's an adult and trying to fit in by talking about herself endlessly). In a way though I'm glad this subject has come up because it does show me that poor social skills are a big disability. Whenever I try to explain Asperger's to my brother it sounds so weak and airy fairy - now I'll just show him this thread and how my DD will be judged in years to come...