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AIBU?

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Original poster

What minor social skills malfunctions annoy you then?

164 replies

doctormonkey · 23/03/2011 20:10

For me, it's when you talk to someone who has something significant in common with you, but proceeds to lecture you about it as though you know nothing about it.

I met a woman at toddler group the other day with two children the same age and sex as my own two children who proceeded to lecture me all about what having two children of that age and sex is like as if this were all brand new information to me.

She knew I had two children the same age and sex as hers - I had pointed them out to her when she asked.

This sort of thing gets on my wick - don't people have the basic conversation skills to do anything other than talk about themselves these days?

OP posts:
BulletWithAName · 23/03/2011 21:19

Oh, but I always make the effort to talk to elderly people- they might be lonely and not have any family to talk to, which makes me sad.

BetamaxBandit · 23/03/2011 21:20

People who talk AT you rather than TO you eg. talk none stop, barely stopping to breathe, about all sorts of utter crap like what they had for tea, their piles, their neighbours new car....things you're really not interested in but you can't tell them this because you can't get a word in edgeways.

Over familiar people who give far too much information about quite personal or embarrassing things when you BARELY know them.

People who make rude, personal or insensitive comments.

People who make judgey comments about you / other people.

BulletWithAName · 23/03/2011 21:20

Just wanted people to consider the possibility that these people with poor social skills (including the ones with BO) may have an ASD.

I was saying this to someone the other day- someone you might consider odd could well be on the Autistic spectrum and just never had a diagnosis.

DrNortherner · 23/03/2011 21:21

I'm not talking about ASD. The woman I am reffering too are more than capable of holding a conversation and making eye contact as long as it is instigated by me. If I don't bother, then we simply don't talk.

Original poster
doctormonkey · 23/03/2011 21:22

Yep, some of them will be on the spectrum.

Doubt very much it's all of them.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 23/03/2011 21:26

Anyone who is rude...shy does not = rude

One I walked pas a lady and she had such a scowl on her face I thought wow!...then i realised it was my reflection Grin

Mumcentreplus · 23/03/2011 21:27

how does having BO = ASD?...how bout some DEO?

nijinsky · 23/03/2011 21:27

BulletWithAName "I was saying this to someone the other day- someone you might consider odd could well be on the Autistic spectrum and just never had a diagnosis."

I have considered this and I don't apply my comments to those who are obviously odd or eccentric. However as you are aware there is a vast continuum on the autistic spectrum and I'm not sure I agree with the concept that extremely mildly AS people should not be expected to learn basic social skills. I think most AS people might agree with me as most authorities (such as Temple Grandin, Barbara Jacobs, Maxine Aston, et al) report a horror at offending others as a common trait of AS and a strong desire to learn social skills so as to avoid this. Where do you draw the line between deliberate and intentional lack of social skills and suggesting everybody might have undiagnosed AS?

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 23/03/2011 21:28

ceebeegeebies the last bit of your post about your own dc's not being talked about - I get that too! Really annoys me!

BulletWithAName · 23/03/2011 21:29

No, I don't agree that concept either, it was just merely an observation. Some people are just blatentely rude, I know this myself!

compo · 23/03/2011 21:31

I know it's unpopular but shy adults do irritate me as it does come across as rude
why not get counselling or smething
it's ok to be shy in adoloescence but not when you hold down a job, have kids etc

Mumcentreplus · 23/03/2011 21:35

Shy really does not irritate me...some people take a while to warm up once someone is comfortable I find they are cool..esspecially if they are not judged.. what I hate is obnoxious irritating people who talk fraff and nonsense because they love the sound of their own voice...look at me I'm the loudest person in the room..odfo!

Original poster
doctormonkey · 23/03/2011 21:35

I didn't learn to drive til I was 29. I found it quite amusing how many people would take great offence to finding out I had no driving licence and lectured and hectored me about it, saying it was a basic life skill. Yet SO many people don't have fundamental social skills.

So you're shit at maths - what do you do? Look at the coins in your hand and ask someone else to count them for you, or learn just enough to get you through a trip to the supermarket?

Ditto social skills - leanring how to interact with people on a very basic level goes a LONG way.

OP posts:
NettoSuperstar · 23/03/2011 21:35

Oh, I've definitely got better with my shyness, and I've never let it hold me back. I went travelling on my own when I was still terrified of speaking to new people.

I just come across badly, and then feel bad about it.

usualsuspect · 23/03/2011 21:36

Sometimes when I get the bus to work in the morning I dread the thought of a cheery Acquaintance sitting near me

I want to be alone Grin

JaneS · 23/03/2011 21:36

Sorry, I didn't know that - could you explain how the BO/ASD works out? I'm genuinely confused, not trying to annoy.

nijinsky · 23/03/2011 21:38

I do voluntary work with a AS group and while I know there are many, many variations on the spectrum, the members of that group go out of their way to avoid coming across as rude. Even though they don't always succeed, their intention is generally obvious. And I would say they would be of the level of AS that they would all come across as quite odd (sorry for putting it this way).

I am sure there are very mild undiagnosed AS people who hold down jobs and have families who know perfectly well they are being rude and hurting people with their behaviour but cannot be bothered doing anything about it. And then there are just rude people.

Vallhala · 23/03/2011 21:38

Ah the arsey, anti social one who isn't interested in making small talk if she can possibly get away with a brief and cheery "Good morning!" and who isn't interested in talking to your baby either.... that'll be me.

You'll find me whizzing by, avoiding attempts to draw me into conversation and stopping only to fuss your dog. :o

BetamaxBandit · 23/03/2011 21:39

It's perfectly 'ok' to be shy. It affects no one apart from the shy individual who is unhappy with his/her shyness.

There are lots of things it's not 'ok' to be eg. aggressive, a bully - these are the adults who need counselling.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 23/03/2011 21:41

People who take the last biscuit/cake or whatever without asking.
People who let the door bang in your face.
Mothers that I see every morning on the nursery run that don't speak

MaisyMooCow · 23/03/2011 21:41

People on the bus sat on the inside seat who want to get off. They just get up and push past you ...no bloody 'excuse me please'

compo · 23/03/2011 21:42

I'm talking painfully shy where it affects your job , having friends etc
I've a friend who likes to organise lunches out etc but when you get there she doesn't talk, not being able to network is a serious issue that people do get counselling for

BulletWithAName · 23/03/2011 21:46

One of my good friends is painfully shy (he has a bad skin condition and a growth problem), when I first met him, he didn't hardly speak a word to me or even look me in the eye. I knew why he was shy, so me, my DP and our other friends made an effort to talk to him, laugh and joke around, include him in conversation, and 6 years down the line he's a different person. He's confident, assertive and can talk to anyone, and he's a great laugh!

Mumcentreplus · 23/03/2011 21:49

Perhaps I cope well because my sister is very shy, she also has depression and intrusive thoughts..she tries her best but sometimes it comes out wrong and she's constantly thinking people are judging and watching what she says..she just wants to communicate...so when I speak to a shy person I don't judge them...it takes alot to make small talk for some...

baskingseals · 23/03/2011 21:51

what really annoys me is school friends mums making social arrangements in front of the dc. it puts me in the difficult position of having to say

no dd can't stay tonight as it's a school night, while dd and friend are hugging onto each other going 'please mum' 'why can't she'

phone me up fgs. you've got my number. it's far more civilised.