What minor social skills malfunctions annoy you then?

[doctormonkey]

For me, it's when you talk to someone who has something significant in common with you, but proceeds to lecture you about it as though you know nothing about it.

I met a woman at toddler group the other day with two children the same age and sex as my own two children who proceeded to lecture me all about what having two children of that age and sex is like as if this were all brand new information to me.

She knew I had two children the same age and sex as hers - I had pointed them out to her when she asked.

This sort of thing gets on my wick - don't people have the basic conversation skills to do anything other than talk about themselves these days?

People who stop me to ask something and then do stream of consciousness monologuing for ten minutes whilst I try and wait for the point to come up.
I always have at least 6 other things I should be doing.

Only one I can think of at the moment and I know most people think it's funny petty, well they must do because at least 90% of people do it.

I am profoundly deaf in one ear, but get along just fine with just one hearing ear, only sometimes, someone will say to me 'I've just said that to you 3 times' so I explain I am deaf. Don't want anyone to think I'm being ignorant or rude.

Almost every time I explain I am profoundly deaf in one ear, the reply is always the same.

Pardon or What

I repeat myself because I think they genuinely haven't heard me, and they repeat 'Pardon/What?' as many times as needed until I realise they are making a joke. Usually they chuckle a little or laugh or grin at me.

I personally dont find it funny. It kind of makes a mockery of being deaf IYSWIM. Anyway, I get the same response from lots of people, from the checkout man at Tesco's to strangers in bars, just seems the standard response to discovering someone is partially deaf and I'm still rather amazed frankly that so many people respond in this way, it happens virtually every time I explain.

What's wrong with just saying 'Oh ok, well what I was saying was...' or 'Oh right, Would you like me to repeat myself if you didn't hear me?'

I mean, why would anyone make a joke out of it? Genuinely interested.

Only read OP, but will catch up....but yes!

I have lived in Italy for almost 18 yrs. Dp is Italian etc etc. My UK-based cousin is married to a second-generation Italian (who comes over for 2 weeks in August and speaks not a word) and she tells me about life in Italy and life with an Italian man. Like she'd know.

Here, I work in a middle school, and my friend, who is a chambermaid in a hotel, tells me about middle schools......

I have lived most of my life outside UK.

I find Brits to be quite lacking socially at the introduction and greeting stage of any social interaction.

Brits, as a whole, don't introduce themselves to people. I find it infuriating!

Much more comfortable and useful to start out by saying who you are.

There is no universally comfortable greeting either, so you get a few nods and "a'right?" and mumblings and mutterings. People seem to prefer not to greet you at all, but then start midway through a conversation 5 minutes later.

And no one greets each other in shops. I look like a right weirdo when I come back, walk into a shop and cheerfully call "Good morning" at the person behind the til

I have a huge problem socially. Apparently I come across as outgoing, confident, self assured etc. Actually I am incredibly shy and find social situations very difficult. I struggle as I feel I never learnt the rules for social interaction, and yes, I am doing something about it.

However, what has really annoyed me is that I have forced myself to make an effort and talk to people. Can I just say, if we talk for ages and I listen to you and respond politely and am interested in what you have to say, can you at least make some effot when the conversation momentarily urns to something that is not about you! I have provided a lot of listening for some very self obsessed people and now they can piss off. If you're not willing to reciprocate I'll ave time for people that will.

Ooh, that feels better off my chest!

Typing so fast I missed some letters. Sorry

portaloo I can't believe people do that! How incredibly rude.

TheSkiingGardener I am very similar - everyone always assumes I am super confident when inside I am wracked with self-doubt and neurosis. One of the reasons I'm crap at making small talk is that I worry that people will find it intrusive if I ask about their lives. Social anxiety sucks.

People who refer to their friends by their names as if you know them whilst relating long and tedious anecdotes.

It also bugs me when people (especially men) say airily "In IT" or "a computer geek" when asked what they do for a living - it bugs me that they just presume no one will possibly be able to fathom the complexity of their crappy network admin job so they won't trouble your pretty little head with the detail.

Lots of people seem to think strangers are blanking them - I'd be generous and assume that in many instances they're just preoccupied. My husband was convinced a posher mum at nursery was "rude" and "unfriendly" but it turns out that was just the way her face looked , whenever you actually engaged her in conversation she was perfectly friendly.

And an old bat across the road has a perma-scowl but I am coming to think that she may have had a stroke in the past as the things she says are friendly, she just looks grumpy.

People that get bits of flem in the corners of their mouth and don't realise and carry on talking. Makes me want to barf.

Some of the things that bother others don't bother me. I'm happy for people to give me a 2 word summary of their job rather than going on for 10 minutes about it. If I want more details I can always ask. Shy people also don't bother me. They're usually fine once you get to know them, and more spontaneous.
I hate sniffers, people who finish your sentences for you, people who bang on a table to make a point, people who tap along to music, people who won't let you get a word in edgeways (and then usually complain you are too quiet), people who always seem agitated and worked up about something and who make you feel more stressed and anxious about nothing in particular after talking to them.

People who think they know better than you and constantly feel the need to give you (unwarranted) advice.

Eg a mum I know has told me about 10 times to put vaseline on DD2's head for her cradle cap (it's pretty mild and I hadn't actually mentioned it or asked for any advice!). The first time I smiled and said, 'ah really, I hadn't thought of that'. The next time I told her the truth that I didn't really want to use vaseline as she has a lot of hair and I think it would be a nightmare getting the vaseline out. The 3rd, 4th, 5th time I told her thanks but I've got some shampoo for it now. The 6th time onwards I have just gone back to saying 'ah, really?'!

Hammy02 yuk yuk yuk. I feel nauseous when people are speaking and the spit is stringing from their top lip down to their bottom and every time they say a word, it stretches.
I feel compelled to watch the dancing spit, usually collecting in the corners of their mouths too, but feel sick seeing it.

porta, I fucking hate people who do that. Why does anyone think it's funny or clever?

Re Doctormonkey's op and people educating you about the things you already know reminds me of my mil, who does this.

She tunes into what you are interested in and becomes the worlds greatest 'expert' on it herself so she can spout back at you with it. Drives me barmy.

One memorable example - if I can, I like to see exhibitions of artists I like. It's harder for me to get to them nowadays cos of dc. I mentioned I wanted to see a Francis Bacon exhibition but getting to it would be unlikely. She'd shown NO interest in this whatsoever previously but broke all records to get to it, rush back and tell me all about it with lofty authority.

She does it to other people too. I find it very strange. As though she has no original thought of her own but feeds off others.

The mother who gave every child a party invitation as they exited the kindergarten gate- except mine! He had started late in the term and didn't really know everyone but I thought it was bloody rude.

People who don't introduce themselves when you're all sitting at a table together. Eg at weddings. When I approach the table I have been allocated to, if I don't know the people already there, I immediately introduce myself, shake their hands etc. But if I'm sitting there and people approach the table, I am always gobsmacked at the fact that often they will just sit down and talk to the one person they know.

It's not difficult, even if you are shy. I understand not approaching a random stranger at a drinks party, but you're going to sit next to this person throughout this wedding party surely a quick, "hello, I'm Mark and this is Mary" is okay?

LATENESS. It is the HEIGHT of rudeness to keep someone waiting and not even tell them you're going to be late. Any friend of mine who is late more than once without letting me know gets a sound bollocking. They don't do it a third time.

Oh and it might be of interest to those who find it difficult to remember faces to know that there is a condition called "prosopagnosia" whereby the sufferer actually completely lacks the ability to recognise faces - even those of their friends and family. That's obviously a serious condition but I think it's possible to have a less serious version of it where you genuinely can't remember faces well.

People who take credit for knowledge they've just picked up from someone else: this is on behalf of one of my kids who frequently used to have the situation that she would chat in a friendly about something to her mate - about a piece of schoolwork, or even about a book she'd read or film she'd watched, and then when a teacher asked a relevant question, the mate would quickly get in first and deliver the information and answer and get all the credit for knowing it, even though she didn't really know the book/film etc at all.

People who ask how you are (after not seeing you in ages) and then talk all about themselves and never stop to ask/listen about your news of you and yours; and then say bye with "it's been lovely catching up".

Can I lodge an appeal on behalf of grumpy-faced people? I generally have a vicious scowl on my face and people have commented on it saying they didn't say hello as I looked in such a bad mood, but really that's just the way my face looks! I don't walk down the street with a huge smile on my face as that would make me look like a massive loon! On the plus side I never get nutters sitting next to me on the bus as I look too scary - generally I get a pair of seats to myself :)

Writer - that's not a minor social ineptness. It's just flat out unacceptable. lateness is the sign of a weak and disrespectful person to my mind.

I'm glad you think that, Bling, as I have some friends who seem to think I'm nuts for getting so mad about it!

OP- Agree with you completely about people who try to educate you and astound you with facts that you already know. I always feel I have to play along out of politeness, even when I know better.

Worse still are houseguests who disagree with just about everything you say and won't relent. Fine to have a different opinion but surely it's just basic manners to make your point and leave room for others to make theirs- especially if you're a guest in their house. I like a bit of debate but can't stand when it gets personal.

That's because people who are consistently late have never had to sit around waiting for someone else. They've never rushed out the door knowing that they should have done the washign up first but deciding that the person they are meeting is more important than the washing up. They're just intrinsically selfish.

Mothernight "People who will only say hello to you in certain places. You see them at playgroup and they'll happily chat to you but when you see them elsewhere they completely blank you."

Ooops, I do that all the time - NOT because I mean to be rude but because I am face blind. I literally can't recognise people by their faces alone. In context, it is much easier because you know they are one of a select group and perhaps only two of them have blonde curly hair (or whatever) and only one of them is skinny (or whatever), and perhaps they have their DC with them (another clue) so a process of elimination gets you there but just wandering along the street, no chance. I hate to think of the number of people I have offended.

I often also identify my closest friends by their smells. I identified my own mother that way when I was little and in a big group.

I struggle to tell my non-identical DC apart if they have their hair tied up (one has wavier hair than the other so hair down is easy).

Oh, and I am NEVER late because the only way I can meet people is to get there first and bury my nose in a book so that they have to approach me and I can look up surprised