to ask what your DH / DP's do around the house, housework, cooking + childcare wise?

[superv1xen]

Apparently, mine does rather a lot according to my friends. half of them are gratefull if their DP so much as washes a cup but i digress...anyway According to me, I don't think he does enough. but AIBU expecting more from him as he works full time?

I work but only part time. (I have a small cleaning business and work 2 - 3 days a week) and today I am not working, however I have just sat down after 4 straight hours of washing, hoovering, dusting, mopping etc etc. as well as looking after DD (20 months) and doing the school run for DS, 4. And on the days I go to work, I STILL have to deal with the school run, and dropping DD at childminders etc. whereas, as he starts earlier and finishes later than me he doesnt have to consider the DC at all, he just goes to work then comes home. I keep the house pristine and he never even says anything!!! ie even comments it looks nice or anything.

I do the majority of it, all the "grunt work" ie deep clean kind of stuff, ie scrubbing bathrooms, kitchens etc, and all the laundry, whereas his efforts amount to "tidying around" and he'll occasionally do a load of washing but inevitably he will forget he has put it in so guess who ends up hanging it out and putting it away. we are meant to take it in turns cooking dinner but inevitably on the nights he is meant to be cooking, on at least one of them he cops out and buys us a takeaway and tries to make out its some kind of a "treat" (no DH its NOT a treat, its because you CBA to cook and I don't even like takeaways much, greasy fatty rubbish) . we are also meant to take it in turns taking the DC to bed (the one who isnt cooking does that) but half the time he just sits there past their bed time while they run riot as if he is almost waiting for me to "give in" and take them myself
and also i usually end up bathing and dressing the DC ready to go out at the weekends, he occasionally does but hardly ever. i don't want the DC to grow up in a culture of "mum does everything" as i did, and it took me a very long time to realise that, no, mums shouldnt do everything, it should be 50/50 and now i seem to be following old patterns :(

on the plus side though, he is v good at DIY, for example he recently laid a beautiful black and white tiled floor in our hallway and has put wood flooring in several rooms throughout the house since we have been here, and he is good at things like putting shelves up and things like that. so he does do a lot of that kind of stuff when it needs doing. so i feel bad in a way because he does a lot in some ways. and he often leaves me asleep in bed on saturday and sunday mornings and gives the kids their breakfast.

but me doing most of the housework is starting to get me down a bit and this kind of thing breeds resentment as i know only too well as i have been married before (as has he). its only since i started working that i have actually noticed that i do a lot more than him. not sure how to move forward really. :( in fact writing this down has actually made me think, shit, things are quite bad actually :(

oh god that was a right essay! sorry!

DH does 50% of everything that needs to be done. I do the other 50%.

We're both looking forward to when DS is old enough to take a few percentage points off each of us

mine does half of housework (all if he is off and Im not), he irons, cooks, cleans, dog walking, poo patrol, gardening

doesnt do washing but would if i asked

the only thing i do more is ferry the kids round but thats not too bad

he works more hours than i do generally

Well he works away Monday to Friday usually so we'll go by the weekends.

He wakes up with the boys on a Saturday morning to give me a little lie in. When I get up around 9am he will have washed, fed and changed the boys, made mema cup of tea, washed up any dishes, put a wash load on and maybe hung it out if it's finished. He makes the lunch, I make the dinner, he washes up and emties bins after dinner, he vacuums then gets one boy bathed and ready for bed while I do the other.

On a Sunday it's exactly the same but reversed as in he gets the lie in etc etc.

When he's between contracts like he is now we share the housework 50/50 although I probably end up doing 70% because he just doesn't do it like I do.

DH does more cooking than I do, but we probably do 50/50 on the meal front. We share childcare including school runs about 50/50 but we have quite a complex working week (I work Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri he works different shifts each week - always Sat & Sun and any combination of Thurs, Fri and Mon as a general rule). I do the laundry but DH washes and irons his uniform. We share putting the children to bed depending if DH is around at that time or not. I hoover (only because I do it more thoroughly!) DH cleans the kitchen & downstairs loo. I clean the bathroom. We both fill/empty the dishwasher although I often have to rearrange his attempts at filling it up. He's crap at DIY and I have to nag ask him a few times to get anything like that done. DH does the majority of pet care.

I think it's fairly evenly spread between us.

He does 50% of everything and he works and I don't. He takes dd to play from the monet he gets in til her bedtime. he baths her, we both go shopping if not doing ocado, he does the bedtime routine and we take it in turns to read to dd, he cooks, he washes up, mops the floors, hoovers etc etc
if something needs doing he will do it..and he doesnt expect a medal either

I make breakfast, he makes packed lunches for us all
I hoover the living room, he mops the kitchen and dining room
DD2 dusts and polishes
DD1 cooks dinner most of the time
We each do our own bedding, whoever can be bothered does the bed
We both walk the dog and washing up is done by whoever can't stand the sight of the pile of dishes any longer

Oh dear super you sound really upset. Do you want us to list what our dh/dp do around the house so you can compare?
My dh works full time (long hours) and I am a SAHM.

He doesn't have many set jobs but he always cuts the grass as I have a physical problem which makes it impossible for me. He generally also deals with the recycling as I cannot remove the bins from the drawer.
On top of that he generally just chips in where needed. If a wash needs to go on he may well do it, he loads and unloads the dishwasher if he is the one who is in the vicinity when it needs done, he folds laundry, he washes hair, he sweeps the kitchen floor, he hangs washing on the pulley, he puts kids to bed, he has learned to plait dds hair, he walks the dog, he hoovers etc if he is the one around when it needs done.
He never dusts or cleans the bathrooms. He never really tidies or declutters. He has never tidied the dcs bedrooms in any real way (he has shoved stuff to the side etc). He generally does his own ironing but he never does anyone elses. He never does the shopping. He very rarely cooks tea and if he does it is something very simple. He only rarely takes the dcs to school or collects them.
I do the vast majority of the household tasks but that is because I am the one around the most. He is happy to do jobs when he is here and doesn't have to be nagged to do them - infact he is more likely to help if I don't ask.
If we are doing a really massive deep clean I make a list of what needs to be done and he gets on with whatever he feels like doing on it. That works for us.

Maybe you need to sit down with dh and discuss the division of labour. Not as part of a row but in a calm way. Maybe tell him you are finding it tough and ask if he could pick up responsibility for a few more jobs. Alternatively make a list and ask if he could make sure he does a few things on it each week - then he has a sense of choice.

My dh's big thing is that a family is a team and that we all help each other with everything whenever we can. Would that philosophy work for your dh?

Me:

• Dd overnight (7 mo old)
• dd during working hours
• shopping
• keeping house tidy
• washing
• online banking, finances, shopping around etc
• general organising

Him:

• 1/2 the cooking (he's better than me)
• garden
• dogs
• any handyman type stuff as he's very practical
• earns money
• 1/2 the looking after of dd
• rubbish
• chops wood

ok

DH cooks. All the meals. I recently tried but failed to cook him a meal (don't ask). He normally puts the washing in and I'll probably remember 50% of the time to put it into the tumbledrier. He does all the food shopping.

I tidy the house almost all of the time and do the washing up around 75% of the time. He normally always does the vacuuming.

We bath ds together if he's home. I put him to bed and get up during the night. If dh shift starts in the afternoon, he lets me sleep in a couple of hours.

He is very good with ds but hates it if someone says that as he feels that as the dad he should be. I am very lucky.

He does the
'Big shop'
ironing
sorts the washing out and pegs it out on fine days or sorts out what can be tumbled.
buys the Christmas presents and does the tree
prepares the wood for the wood burner and cleans it
Helps with the kids homework
If I'm working away or gone away with friends he takes over every thing that needs doing until I'm back
Hoovering
Boys shopping eg school shoes ( I generally get the uniform)
Kids packed lunch
washes the windows
sorts my car out.
Sorts the bedding for washing on Wednesdays and Sundays.
Unloads the dishwasher.

Brings me a glass of wine and G &B chocolate for when we are watching the news.
De frosts the car for me,
Cleans my mountain bike.

I work full-time and DH is a SAHD (DS1 at school, DS2 19m). He cooks on weekdays, and is more likely to wash up than me because it bugs him more (although if I'm around I'll grab a tea towel). He might do a load or two of washing in the week. Other stuff gets done when one or other of us notices that it really needs doing. Neither of us is particularly domestic, so that works quite well for us; our friends have more arguments about housework because the wife has much higher standards than the husband, and gets annoyed that he doesn't notice that things need doing.

hmmmm

wondering whether to post this in relationships instead.

your DH's are not making my H look very "D" tbh.

we have only been married about 7 weeks!

My dh is good around teh house actually, he is a chef so very handy in the kitchen, he cleans the kitchen religiously including oven, hob, fridge, floors etc. He also cleans the bathrooms more than me. He puts the bins out and looks after the shed and the bikes.

He won't hoover, do laundry, dust/polish or supermarket shop. I do all the admin/bills/arrange insurances etc.

He is an early riser and always up before me so he walks teh dog first thing, and evenings, I do afternoon walks.

It sounds like he just doesn't realise how much you are having to do. Talk to him about it. He is bound to glory on if he doesn't know it is not working for you.

Mine does FUCK-ALL

DH gets up first every morning and gives the dc their breakfast, he will then walk the dog, clean up from breakfast and make packed lunches. I will be upstairs getting the dc ready for school.

He then takes the girls to school, I home ed our eldest and have a toddler at home. After the schoolrun he goes straight to work.

He gets in about 7.30pm and will quite happily help with bedtimes or a quick tidy round (although these are usually done).

At the weekends he will- leave me in bed on saturday and get up with the dc and usually makes me breakfast in bed . He has a lie in on Sundays.

He will usually get through all the weekend washing too, I do loads during the week but with 8 of us in the house it piles up quickly.

I do most of the cooking , and he has a mental blank when it comes to dressing the dc. He is also rubbish at DIY and hates gardening.

He doesn't sound that bad, especially the lie in bit.

DH does all the DIY, which includes any plumbing, electrical and building work
He cooks/washes up at the weekend
90% of the childcare at the weekends
Puts dc's to bed every night when he is here
Washing, hoover, bath dc's, homework etc if I ask him
He works long hours and is often away so is not here to do any more.

I do everything else, including finances.

OMG, I'm with Brainsurgeon - mine does gardening and that's it. BUT the gardening doesn't count in my books as he loves it!!
I'm so envious of some of you with useful husbands. I work PT (20 hours p/w) and have 2 DC's and 1 dog and have to do the whole lot.
I'm feeling quite now. GRRR

I think he sounds alright, he works full-time, you work part-time you are going to do more round the house.

He does:

• the big weekly shop
• bed/bathtime of dc 50%
• all the dishes
• "night shift" with baby before 1am (I go to bed much earlier)
• 5o% of dc sick days
• tidying up (about half of it)
• ironing (his own shirts)

we both work and this seems fair to both of us.

I wish mine did more but he does very little.

Lets see......

hmmm

erm

well, he does all DIY which he is very good at, all plumbing, electrics, building works fitting the kitchen/bathroom etc.

If i ask him to, he will switch shower on for ds, his job is meant to be filling and emptying the dishwasher, sometimes he does, often he doesnt. He is greta at homework with ds.

I work full time as well as doing everything in the house.

ooh and he is an excellent cook, but rarely does that.