to ask what your DH / DP's do around the house, housework, cooking + childcare wise?

[superv1xen]

Apparently, mine does rather a lot according to my friends. half of them are gratefull if their DP so much as washes a cup but i digress...anyway According to me, I don't think he does enough. but AIBU expecting more from him as he works full time?

I work but only part time. (I have a small cleaning business and work 2 - 3 days a week) and today I am not working, however I have just sat down after 4 straight hours of washing, hoovering, dusting, mopping etc etc. as well as looking after DD (20 months) and doing the school run for DS, 4. And on the days I go to work, I STILL have to deal with the school run, and dropping DD at childminders etc. whereas, as he starts earlier and finishes later than me he doesnt have to consider the DC at all, he just goes to work then comes home. I keep the house pristine and he never even says anything!!! ie even comments it looks nice or anything.

I do the majority of it, all the "grunt work" ie deep clean kind of stuff, ie scrubbing bathrooms, kitchens etc, and all the laundry, whereas his efforts amount to "tidying around" and he'll occasionally do a load of washing but inevitably he will forget he has put it in so guess who ends up hanging it out and putting it away. we are meant to take it in turns cooking dinner but inevitably on the nights he is meant to be cooking, on at least one of them he cops out and buys us a takeaway and tries to make out its some kind of a "treat" (no DH its NOT a treat, its because you CBA to cook and I don't even like takeaways much, greasy fatty rubbish) . we are also meant to take it in turns taking the DC to bed (the one who isnt cooking does that) but half the time he just sits there past their bed time while they run riot as if he is almost waiting for me to "give in" and take them myself
and also i usually end up bathing and dressing the DC ready to go out at the weekends, he occasionally does but hardly ever. i don't want the DC to grow up in a culture of "mum does everything" as i did, and it took me a very long time to realise that, no, mums shouldnt do everything, it should be 50/50 and now i seem to be following old patterns :(

on the plus side though, he is v good at DIY, for example he recently laid a beautiful black and white tiled floor in our hallway and has put wood flooring in several rooms throughout the house since we have been here, and he is good at things like putting shelves up and things like that. so he does do a lot of that kind of stuff when it needs doing. so i feel bad in a way because he does a lot in some ways. and he often leaves me asleep in bed on saturday and sunday mornings and gives the kids their breakfast.

but me doing most of the housework is starting to get me down a bit and this kind of thing breeds resentment as i know only too well as i have been married before (as has he). its only since i started working that i have actually noticed that i do a lot more than him. not sure how to move forward really. :( in fact writing this down has actually made me think, shit, things are quite bad actually :(

I think that if he works more than you, then it perfectly reasonable that he does less than you around the house.

DH works long hours, not always office hours, and I am a SAHM (1 school age, 1 toddler and another 1 due soon!)
I do the majority of the housework and all the cooking, which I'd say is perfectly fair.

DH is pretty hands on with the DCs and helps get them dressed/breakfasted in the mornings before school. He also spends plenty of time with them at the weekend and often baths them and does bedtime stories.

He doesnt tend to notice anything that needs doing around the house at all, but will always do something if asked to. I dont tend to ask unless theres a good reason -if I'm feeling unwell or in a hurry to get several things done as we have guests arriving etc. Other than that I tend to get all the chores out of the way while DH is working so that the time we have together can be spent as a family and enjoyed more

To clarify NTRR yes dh does that stuff too when he is about . He also sorts out bills. Thinking I have it pretty good realy.

I work 3 days, he works 5 with more responsibility and longer hours.

He fills the dishwasher after dinner / plus lunch on the weekend, empties it 7 times out of 10.
He empties the kitchen bin and puts in a new liner
He puts out washing 2 or 3 times out of 10 but rarely puts it in or puts away (if he does put away, it gets mixed up)
He occasionally cleans the toilet when nagged
He does the odd bit of helping to spruce up when we have guests

He takes his turn with bedtimes (not much of an issue now DC are older) and does all DS's football stuff, plus picking up from cubs and table tennis.

That's it, I think.

Yep, I do all the form filling/school stuff. But I quite like it. :)

not much even though we both work full time we split the child care as we both work shifts and try to work opposite each other he does the shopping but i do most cleaning cooking etc his excuse is he works fulltime but so do i he says his job is more tiring but as i work on elderly mental health ward mines pretty tiring to

Notsorampant
In our house we both do the paperwork.

Not as a concious decision but who ever gets the paperwork shoved under their nose to sign the first usually deals with it!

This morning I was coming down stairs and DH and DS2 were leaving and DS2 sprung a letter about a school meal just as they were going through the door so DH signed and stumped up the money. An hour earlier DS1 needed an form signing so that the class can go on a trip somewhere.

DH does the homework because he has more patience than me.

I'm the one that picks up for the afterschool classes if I can get out of work.
DH has no chance to do that really because he works out of the area.

He will break off work for sports days and special class masses and plays.

We both work full time, but he works slightly longer hours with more driving and far more high-stress meetings in them. I'm currently often off work on chemotherapy, so dh is having to do more than usual. Really can't complain about his efforts - he will load and unload dishwasher and washing etc, clear away, make or get food if there is a need and I'm not up to it, fetch ds and take him all over the place etc. His other housework skills are awful because of coordination problems but it works ok.

50%.
We both woh.
There is no division of labour.

DW does 50% of the washing and ironing and the odd bit of sewing/mending.

I do everything else. It seems to work OK for us.

Landry/dishwasher: we don't have rules, whoever is near the machine.

Cleaning: me but i have some help now and she does most of the ironing too

Cooking: I do the boring (online shop, budget, food for freezer) and he does the fun (treating us to Thai or Greek)

Bills etc: me

Dealing with childcare: me

Cars: dh

Homework and dealing with the schools: i do the english school, he does the Greek

Garden: this is the area we strugle as none of us like it and we 've done nothing for ages

Both work full-time but my job is much more flexible.

I should add

mnetting: Me, me, me! .

Well i put it in the chores because you can call it 'gathering useful information/making parenting decisions/ budgeting etc'

My husband does everything to do with the car.

He looks after our daughter when I am on work on Friday, when I am on the weekends and any other time I go with my friends during the week.

I have a lie in once a week on one of the weekend days.

Friday when I am at work and he is at home he does a big clean if I have trashed the joint during the week and been busy. This doesnt always happen but sometimes it can be in a state if I have been out and about with my daughter through the week and at work.

He drives me to places as I dont drive.

He does all jobs in the flat and will do whatever needs to be done. Hes crap at DIY though

'He does all jobs in the flat and will do whatever needs to be done. Hes crap at DIY though'

I dont mean he does all the work I mean there is no task he would object to

Dh works full time, I am sahm.
He is in charge of bin emptying and recycling, and financial stufflike paying bills etc.

I am in charge of hoovering, laundry, ironing, changng bedding etc, and meal planning.

I generally do food shopping, but sometimes he will go with a list I have written, or we all go together. I do most of the cooking, he does some.

We share washing up, but at the moment he is doing most of it as I am pregnant and my bump is making it hard to reach the sink!

He puts Dd to bed whenever he is home in time to do so, and looks after her on weekend mornings so I can have a bath in peace on my own.

We share cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, but again since I am pregnant he is doing it all.

We both work FT (outside home).

I leave before everyone else gets up, so DH does all morning stuff. I pick up and do children's tea.

DH does more bedtimes than me, but not all.

I do online food shop. DH does bins. DH tend to empty dishwasher in the morning and I load it in the evening.

I do most of the cooking.

We both do the washing and putting away clean laundry.

We have a cleaner once a week

DH does all the parent helper stuff at cubs and beavers, and is on the PTA and scout committee. I do non-child related community stuff like edit the village magazine.

DH keeps our two old cars on the road, does all DIY and repair jobs around the house (he is handy and does a lot of this).

I do a big clear out every holiday (I am a teacher) and of course do all the childcare then.

DH has taken more time off to look after sick children.

Um - what else is there?

Personal admin, we do together usually.

I don't think either of us feels hard done by really.

We both work fulltime and have 1 DD now 1yo and I'm pg.

Me: all admin/bill payments/holiday bookings/big purchase research, meal planning and online ordering, taking DD to and from nursery (it's round the back of where I work), morning routine with DD

Him: most food assembling/cooking, evening routine with DD, bins and cats

Both: laundry, dish washer loading

Cleaner once a week for our sanity.

At least half of everything. We split things by whatcwe are generally good at. I cook, he hoovers for example. We are both full time so I'm glad!

50/50 in this house, although there have been many periods where DP was doing way more than me. When I wasn't living with him he would come round to stay for a few days and clean my room, wash dishes, do my shopping, attempt cooking (he is trying to learn) and general other grunt work.

When we have our new home soon, I will be responsible for all domestic stuff as he will be working hard and we will be 'going traditional' for the first year of LO's being here.

After I return to work or schooling, it will be 50/50 again, we assign tasks by who is better at them and how it balances out our household. It makes for fairness and a happy couple.

DH doesn't live me during week but when he is home he does pretty much everything that needs doing...cooking, washing up, hoovering, dusting and ironing, dressing, changing bums, bathing and bedtime with DS. Oh and will walk the dog if we haven't done it together. His view is I do it all week and he gets all his meals cooked for him in army barracks so he just does it all and passes me food and wine (if we can afford it!) while I mooch about, play with DS. Sometimes I will cook breakfast but generally he is bringing me a cuppa in bed
I have missed him while he has been away for 6 months...LOL

DH

• works full-time (leave 8am, home 6pm)
• cooks most meals unless he's away
• does about 50% of food shopping
• breakfast for DS1 unloads dishwasher in morning
• takes DS1 to nursery 2 days
• gets home about 6 so plays with DS1 for half an hour or so
• does family stuff (swimming, tumble tots etc) on a sat (plays golf etc on a sun)

I do the rest. On mat leave atm, but work 3 days normally and do the childcare etc on the other days.

We have a cleaner once every 2 weeks who also irons DH's work shirts/trousers.

I never understand why those particularly who work full time allow sexism to creep in. Why don't you object? The very first week he expects you to cook every night and he does the much less work washing up just say - ah I cooked last night, tonight's your turn. Or when his weekly shopping runs out at 9pm when he's exhausted say - ah ah matey 0 you didn't buy enough, off you go out to the all night supermarket, that will teach you to buy what we need for the week and then don't buy anything leave it to him.

In other words some women seem to end up enabling male behaviour they don't like and then allow it to occur. applies sometimes the other way too where people have a lazy wife and they do more than their share of what she ought to do too as well.

For 17 years my children's father took them to the dentist. He did all the washing (100%) for some periods and I hardly knew how to work the machine. I did the girls' hair (long plaits) and packed school bags. He and I both supervised music practices and homeworks after school for the various children etc etc It's best to divide tasks and then just leave them up to that person and ensure in terms of time it's a fair division.

I was going to say 50:50, but like Xenia, I have to do plaits . . .

But yes, I don't understand either - DH was a pretty rubbish cook when I first knew him, but it didn't make me want to cook all the time, it made me want him to get better at it (which he did!)

I do 99% of overnight shifts with DD (who only started intermittently sleeping through a month ago - at 13 months) and almost always get up with her, do nappy, dress her and breakfast both of us. I take DH a cup of tea in about 08.00.

DH does most of the laundry, although I often hang it up, take it down and put it away.

DH does virtually all the cooking, including special bits for DD.

We both sweep the flat through, but DH washes the floors and cleans the bathroom.

We both take rubbish/recycling out, but DH does it more often.

DH does most (but not all) of the shopping.

DH works full-time (but not long hours), I'm a SAHM.

I do most lunches/suppers for DD (the administration of them, anyway!) and bath her. DH will often do her bath and supper if he's not working. I always put DD to bed.

Basically he does more housework, but gets more sleep (and needs more sleep than I do!)

With the twins as I breastfed I did the over nights until they were a year and they chose to stop feeding so then their father did 100% of the nights. And they did wake every night. You just need to think right I did all the nights ni year 1 for good reasons so now it's his turn and if you've married someone logical and reasonable rather than a lazy so and so then that's what you then do.

(I don't plait the girls' hair any more, though as they're 26 and 24.... (!) although they both still have lovely long hair)