to ask what your DH / DP's do around the house, housework, cooking + childcare wise?

[superv1xen]

Apparently, mine does rather a lot according to my friends. half of them are gratefull if their DP so much as washes a cup but i digress...anyway According to me, I don't think he does enough. but AIBU expecting more from him as he works full time?

I work but only part time. (I have a small cleaning business and work 2 - 3 days a week) and today I am not working, however I have just sat down after 4 straight hours of washing, hoovering, dusting, mopping etc etc. as well as looking after DD (20 months) and doing the school run for DS, 4. And on the days I go to work, I STILL have to deal with the school run, and dropping DD at childminders etc. whereas, as he starts earlier and finishes later than me he doesnt have to consider the DC at all, he just goes to work then comes home. I keep the house pristine and he never even says anything!!! ie even comments it looks nice or anything.

I do the majority of it, all the "grunt work" ie deep clean kind of stuff, ie scrubbing bathrooms, kitchens etc, and all the laundry, whereas his efforts amount to "tidying around" and he'll occasionally do a load of washing but inevitably he will forget he has put it in so guess who ends up hanging it out and putting it away. we are meant to take it in turns cooking dinner but inevitably on the nights he is meant to be cooking, on at least one of them he cops out and buys us a takeaway and tries to make out its some kind of a "treat" (no DH its NOT a treat, its because you CBA to cook and I don't even like takeaways much, greasy fatty rubbish) . we are also meant to take it in turns taking the DC to bed (the one who isnt cooking does that) but half the time he just sits there past their bed time while they run riot as if he is almost waiting for me to "give in" and take them myself
and also i usually end up bathing and dressing the DC ready to go out at the weekends, he occasionally does but hardly ever. i don't want the DC to grow up in a culture of "mum does everything" as i did, and it took me a very long time to realise that, no, mums shouldnt do everything, it should be 50/50 and now i seem to be following old patterns :(

on the plus side though, he is v good at DIY, for example he recently laid a beautiful black and white tiled floor in our hallway and has put wood flooring in several rooms throughout the house since we have been here, and he is good at things like putting shelves up and things like that. so he does do a lot of that kind of stuff when it needs doing. so i feel bad in a way because he does a lot in some ways. and he often leaves me asleep in bed on saturday and sunday mornings and gives the kids their breakfast.

but me doing most of the housework is starting to get me down a bit and this kind of thing breeds resentment as i know only too well as i have been married before (as has he). its only since i started working that i have actually noticed that i do a lot more than him. not sure how to move forward really. :( in fact writing this down has actually made me think, shit, things are quite bad actually :(

I am a SAHM with 2 preschool aged children and my husband works full time and commutes.

He makes his own breakfast, puts petrol in his own car, does his own washing (though I will empty his basket sometimes to make up a load), irons his own shirts (we used to outsource this but he decided to stop and do it himself when we got a nice new steam generating iron), he unpacks the dishwasher if I haven't got round to it and he is the one who stacks the dishwasher and wipes up after dinner. He does the bins on the weekend, recycling etc, and bleaches the nappy bucket, changes the cat litter. He feeds the cat too.

Everything else is either done by me or outsourced. So I do all shopping, all cooking, do washing and ironing for myself and 2 children, day to day cleaning (apart from that last kitchen bit at night), all childcare including bathtime during the week. I maintain my own car and the garden is outsourced.

This means that while he is gone long hours, he comes home to clean fed pyjamaed children, and his dinner is on the table. He tends to stack the dishwasher and feed the cat while I put the finishing touches on our dinner and dish up, so its a shared activity.

And due to him sorting his own washing and ironing and doing those extra bin and utility room bits on the weekend, I dont feel like I do absolutely everything and he doesn't feel like he makes no contribution to the household.

So it works well for us, we are both happy with the arrangement and there are never any arguments over who does what and why.

We do:

cooking, 50/50
childcare, 70/30 (me more as i'm SAHM at the moment)
everyday cleaning, (vacuuming, general tidying, rubbish, pots etc) 10/90 (him being the 90%)
"big" cleaning jobs, (eg. bathroom, big clear outs) 50/50
finances, all me
DIY, 70/30 (I do majority)

We have a bit of a "role reversal" relationship!

forgot laundry, all him, I can't fathom the washing machine/temperature/seperating stuff thing

Mine works full time but has flexible hours because he is a sales rep territory manager so manages his own time in/out of the house (home office).

He:
cooks dinner alternate nights with me
washes up alternately with me
mows the lawn
puts the bins out (mostly)
does most stuff that requires power tools
irons his own shirts

I do everything else, but am SAHM looking after DS (3.3). Sometimes it doesn't get done as often as I would like but hey - it's up to me to make it comfortable for myself.
However - things will have to change shortly as I am pg so will find things like vacuuming, bending, lifting DS in and out of the bath much harder (am also old ) - DH will have to increase his input.

Can't quite believe that DH has (to my knowledge) never cleaned DS's teeth and has only bathed him twice I think since he could walk. DS is very much seen as my job, even more than the cleaning/laundry. :( Don't get me wrong, DH does love him to bits but he likes to be "fun dad" (or Disney Dad as I've heard them called) and doing anything that DS doesn't like/enjoy usually involves DH refusing to do it. Pathetic really - very immature of DH.

mine load/upload the dishwasher, will mow the lawn and do the odd bit of DIY

otherwise I do most of it (or I did until I hurt my back)
after 4 weeks of him doing it all he wanted a nanny (for the childcare at least)

Cooking 98/2
childcare 80/20
cleaning 98/2
big cleaning 100/0
DIY 40/60
animals 90/10
gardening 98/2

None of this is in my favour. (except DIY, but that only gets done when he has been asked, cajooled, threatened and nagged)

I think DH is going to get another talking to.

He picks DD up from the childminder every day after work. We don't have a car so this involves a 20 minute forced march hike in either direction. He does all the shopping and the majority of the weekday cooking. I tend to put the washing on, but he will hang it out. He is crap at cleaning, so that's my job, but I reckon it's worth doing the dishes if it means I don't have to think about the shopping/cooking. He's also better at getting up early on the weekends (unless a hangover is involved).

I really notice it on the days when he leaves early for work or comes home late as, suddenly, there's a lot more work involved. DH spent years as a SAHD, so the mundane day to day childcare and house running duties are second nature to him now. We are also both domestic sluts, so a tidy home is not on the top of our priorities.

Both Dh and I work full time - DH works longer hours and is often out the house shortly after 7am and back around 8ish (or later).

During the week, he'll get the 2 boys ready and I'll make their breakfast, DS1's packed lunch and sort out school stuff before he goes. I put them to bed, sort out cleaner/household stuff, do food shops, do food plans for the kids etc. I'll also sort out doing the washing (bit antisocial on downstairs neigbour to put wash on before 7am!). If we're both home in the evenings, we take it in turns to cook dinner. We take it in turns to take rubbish/recycling out - both tidy up (though he's more anal than me). DH does his ironing.

At weekends, we try to take it in turns to have lie-ins, do kids breakfasts and cook lunches and dinners.

Neither of us do DIY!

We both work full time and have two teenage sons. We split the housework 50 50, each do our own washing and ironing. The children clean their own bedroooms and what was their play room, they also do their own washing and I do a little bit or ironing for them if needed. I do the shopping and cooking and DH and children wash up and clear away. DH does most of the gardening and DIY. Overall we try to split everything 50/50 and encourage oursons to be responsible. DS2 usually mows the lawn for extra pocket money.

TattyDevine, at making his own breakfast being classed as something he does around the house!

I'm a SAHM to a toddler and a baby. We have a good arrangement where I cook during the week and he cooks at weekends. So I cook dinner and eat with the kids during the week and he comes home to something covered in foil in the oven. I do most of the washing up etc, and most of the washing, in fact pretty much all the day to day cleaning in the week.

He makes his own sandwiches for work and does his own ironing. Baths kids and puts DD1 to bed if he's home in time. Does the dishes if I've not got round to it.

On weekends we are pretty much 50/50, he does all the cooking then and will also hoover/wash dishes/clean etc as needed. In fact he's much more anal than me so he tends to have a big clean at weekends while I just do 'maintenance' type stuff during the week (i.e I might just wipe surfaces quickly whereas he will get the bleach out!)

However he does think he's awesome and loves to tell me how lucky I am, and how all his workmates don't lift a finger at home . Maybe I'll show him this thread to prove it's not that abnormal for men to actually look after their own kids and clean their own house!

I work Mon - Thurs, he works Mon - Fri.

We have a cleaner.

We alternate in the week between morning and evening shifts with childcare/dropping off at childminder/school/his mums - if I do morning he does evening and vice versa. Though we also help each other out if possible. Even if I am on morning duty he'll dress DD2 and get their breakfasts. We take it in turns to have a lie in at the weekend.

I do nearly all the laundry, though he helps out occasionally (usually if he has run out of pants :)). I iron the absolute bear minimum - just daughter's school clothes, he irons his shirts. I don't put his clothes away but put them in a pile on the bed. I put mine and my daughters' clothes away - as I'm doing three people's and he's an adult he can do his own. DDs can do their own when they're big enough!

I do most of the cooking/meal planning and he does the clearing up/loading the dishwasher. Though he never wipes the surfaces and always leaves something unwashed .

He empties the bins, cuts the grass, is in charge of the car, washes it and does house maintenance and occasionally DIY.

I do most of the tidying up, sorting and clearing out and deal with paperwork and finances. I have to nag him ask him to help with tidying as it's a constant battle.

We both feed the cats. I worm, deflea them and take them to the vets.

nothing, he does nothing
we have a cleaner, and his shirts go to the dry cleaners

oh no, take that back, he mows the lawn in the Summer

no childcare, no bathtime, bedtime, no washing, ironing, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning, tidying, no diy.

but he does work about 15 hours a day

Lol redstripey that does sound bad reading it back. I guess what I was trying to show was that whilst I do all the cooking, regardless of the day, he sorts himself out, its just that because I cook for the children and me he gets some too as opposed to me "doing all the cooking". Even before kids I did "all the cooking" i.e I was in charge of the evening meal, because I am a control freak keen amateur chef...

I work 4 days a week, leaving the house before 5.30am and getting back after dh.

He obviously does the morning stuff with the kids when I am not there and all of the cooking.

I do all of the cleaning and most of the gardening.

Also, which is a source of some tension, I do all the homework and reading with the kids.

Mine does the cooking, and if needed any cleaning bits and pieces.

Also if he puts a washing on i'm happy to hang it out if he forgets and if i put one on and leave it he will do the same.

If i do it all he will go and get the washing in, if i do the dishes he puts them away when they are dry and vice versa, etc etc.

Neither of us have a problem if something doesn't get done right away, or if the dishes sit until the next morning. Someone will do it.

He never used to be like this but after i stopped FREAKING OUT about every dish he didn't do and every washing he never put in things got a bit less stressful and now we have a pretty chilled existence - and no, our house isnt a shit hole.

Sometimes men need a bit of reasonable prompting, like "babe can you just hang out that washing thats in, while i do this", usually if they see YOU doing something they feel like helping out a bit more. It shouldn't be this way i know, but then again i'm sure my OH would rather be here with me in the garden sitting in the sun instead of having to work 9-5 to keep food on the table, clothes on our backs and a roof over our head. Both sides come with their pros and cons :)

dps jobs~
feeds dog tea time & walks
shopping
rubbish
recycling-takes it in turns with ds1
garden
tea - once a week
showers ds3 & ds4 and goes through their hair
as well as working full time & gym
at the moment hes fitting a new kitchen and tiling (when he has time)

He cooks, he washes up when I cook
He'll iron himself a shirt or two
He helps look after ds who is disabled - including "nappy" changes
he stays up late to see to ds's medical needs late at night (but he probably stays up anyway)
he brings me tea in bed and takes care of ds while I ie in at the weekends
he shops
he takes ds out at weekends/helps with homework
he goes out to work full time

but he is no good at diy!

Our set up is similar to LeQueens, except we've never had a cleaner - oooh, I wish!
OH does things if I nag/ask him to (bins out, bit of washing up, hoovering). I don't iron anything. But I also don't dust or polish anything. Clean the bathroom once a week only.
His job is to empty washing machine but 90% he forgets and the washing sits there all night til the next time I put it on.
He never cooks really, but makes great sandwiches and there's always fresh coffee when I've got out of the shower.
So, compared to most of you he does sweet FA - grrr!
He works FT and I work PT.
But, he gave up his weekly football game and looks after DC's while I go running 3-4 times a week and an evening course (which is over their teatime 6-7pm). He always gets up with our early riser (anytime from 5.30am onwards). We alternate lie ins at the weekend. He also puts both DC's to bed. I never change a nappy all weekend (DC's are 3 and 2).

He too never asks me to do anything or expect anything and 13 yrs down the line still thanks me if I've made dinner.
He doesn't drive and we wasted over 2K him 'learning', so I do drop offs/collections of him and DC's.

No DCs, both work full time in full on jobs.

It's split relatively equally. Every two weeks or so we both clean the flat, so one will do bathroom, the other kitchen, both do floors, each clean up own mess in bedroom.
I tend to cook more than he does, as I'm better at it, but if he gets home first or if it's women's day he'll cook dinner. We both do food shopping as well (generally picking stuff up on the way home from work).

I do do more laundry (I also produce more), as if it was left to him it would only be done once a fortnight/when he's run out of pants. He also continues to be amazed that I change the bedlinen every week, but helps out with that regardless. I do all the ironing, but it's all my shirts so that's only fair. I will (every couple of months) iron a couple of his shirts (most of his are non-iron anyway) if I'm feeling nice/he has something important as the man canNOT iron to save his life. He still doesn't believe me that you need to undo all the buttons. But ... he then does dishwashing and dishwasher loading.

So yeah, pretty equal

He hoovers, cooks at the weekend, Washes and dresses Boy at the weekend, puts Boy to bed every night, bins, lawnmowing, recycling, fixes stuff round the house, sorts the wood stove out, etc etc etc

I do most of the day to day housework, mopping floors, cooking during the week, wash and dress Boy during the week, laundry, clean bathrooms and kitchen, laundry, shopping etc etc etc

We cross over a lot of jobs if one or other cant be arsed to do it for whatever reason. I am on mat leave and he is self-employed.

and no lie-ins, and there were no nappy changes or nighttime feeds, or even stirring during the night.

i'm very jealous of some of you!

i am SAHM with 3 kids, 2 of them preschool.

DH is out from 6.30am - 8.30pm at work.

I do all domestic stuff and all cooking. His shirts go to dry cleaner. He's pretty good about doing random jobs like emptying the bins, loading the dishwasher if he's standing in the kitchen and it needs doing, and he mows the lawn in the summer, but that's pretty much it.

Weekends obviously he's 50/50 on childcare with me but generally chores are done in the week when he's not here.

My day generally ends later than his... but the arrangement suits us and I don't think either of us feel particularly hard done by.

50%. Like it should be.