to ask what your DH / DP's do around the house, housework, cooking + childcare wise?

[superv1xen]

Apparently, mine does rather a lot according to my friends. half of them are gratefull if their DP so much as washes a cup but i digress...anyway According to me, I don't think he does enough. but AIBU expecting more from him as he works full time?

I work but only part time. (I have a small cleaning business and work 2 - 3 days a week) and today I am not working, however I have just sat down after 4 straight hours of washing, hoovering, dusting, mopping etc etc. as well as looking after DD (20 months) and doing the school run for DS, 4. And on the days I go to work, I STILL have to deal with the school run, and dropping DD at childminders etc. whereas, as he starts earlier and finishes later than me he doesnt have to consider the DC at all, he just goes to work then comes home. I keep the house pristine and he never even says anything!!! ie even comments it looks nice or anything.

I do the majority of it, all the "grunt work" ie deep clean kind of stuff, ie scrubbing bathrooms, kitchens etc, and all the laundry, whereas his efforts amount to "tidying around" and he'll occasionally do a load of washing but inevitably he will forget he has put it in so guess who ends up hanging it out and putting it away. we are meant to take it in turns cooking dinner but inevitably on the nights he is meant to be cooking, on at least one of them he cops out and buys us a takeaway and tries to make out its some kind of a "treat" (no DH its NOT a treat, its because you CBA to cook and I don't even like takeaways much, greasy fatty rubbish) . we are also meant to take it in turns taking the DC to bed (the one who isnt cooking does that) but half the time he just sits there past their bed time while they run riot as if he is almost waiting for me to "give in" and take them myself
and also i usually end up bathing and dressing the DC ready to go out at the weekends, he occasionally does but hardly ever. i don't want the DC to grow up in a culture of "mum does everything" as i did, and it took me a very long time to realise that, no, mums shouldnt do everything, it should be 50/50 and now i seem to be following old patterns :(

on the plus side though, he is v good at DIY, for example he recently laid a beautiful black and white tiled floor in our hallway and has put wood flooring in several rooms throughout the house since we have been here, and he is good at things like putting shelves up and things like that. so he does do a lot of that kind of stuff when it needs doing. so i feel bad in a way because he does a lot in some ways. and he often leaves me asleep in bed on saturday and sunday mornings and gives the kids their breakfast.

but me doing most of the housework is starting to get me down a bit and this kind of thing breeds resentment as i know only too well as i have been married before (as has he). its only since i started working that i have actually noticed that i do a lot more than him. not sure how to move forward really. :( in fact writing this down has actually made me think, shit, things are quite bad actually :(

He does nearly all diy
All gardening
Helps with bath and bed
Cooks half the week
More washing up in evening than me
Never irons
Never washes clothes
Will Hoover but I have to ask
Wouldn't think to dust clean fridge micro etc

I do all laundry tasks
All childcare school runs clubs weekdays Barr bedtime
Most food shopping errands unless online

I do some cleaning but have a cleaner fortnightly

At weekends it's pretty even I'm happy with our share
I work p/t from home
He works full time 9-5 ish

DH and I have a fairly even split I think. We both work full time so we have to work together or it would be a nightmare! There are a couple of niggly things like washing (I do it) but he does the bins and occasionally I'll remember I haven't used the hoover in who knows how long (and by that I mean he does it!) so I reckon it works fairly well.

He does make me drinks, cooks etc. We alternate DS' bedtime stories/songs too.

Dh works
I cook and look after school age children
Maid (live in) and gardener (3x a week) and poolman (1x a week) do the rest

Like in your relationship, I work part time (3 days a week) and DH works full time (5 days a week). We each have the same commute to work, so an hour each way. DH also works longer hours than me on the days that he is in work - I do 8 hours a day, and he does anything between 8 and 12 (usually about 10 1/2 though). We have a 3 yo.

We have a cleaning and ironing lady who does 5 hours a week for us - this is bliss and has helped keep me and DH together, I swear. I cannot over-emphasise how much easier it makes things. It also frees both of us up to do things at the weekends and allows us to relax in the evenings. Its the best £50 a week I have ever spent, and I am so glad that we can afford it.

This is what I do around the house:
All clothes washing, drying and putting away
Food shopping and putting away
Nearly all the cooking
Stacking and unstacking the dishwasher and washing up what can't go in the dishwasher
Tidying up, vacuuming when it needs it
Putting the bins out and organise recycling
All clothes, shoes etc shopping for DS
Buying, wrapping etc all presents (including for his relatives), making sure cards are posted on time, thank yous etc.

This is what DH does around the house:
Mowing the lawn in summer
That's it

Bizarrely, DH thinks that driving should be included in the list of things he does when we are all in the car! I take great issue with this, as I am sitting right next to him - its not as if it frees me up to actually do something else!

DP is out of the house fulltime. I am at home with one toddler, she goes to the childminder one day a week.

DP gets up with DD & dresses her, gives her breakfast, makes his lunch. He does bathtime with her & gets her into her pyjamas. That's pretty much all he does, but he isn't really around to do more. He is more houseproud than me & much better than me at tidying (not at cleaing!) but our flat is so small we don't clean after DD goes to bed out of fear of waking her up! I do all shopping, meal producing, most washing up, laundry, & all other cleaning...

When DH and I went to a marriage prep course back in the dark ages, one of the sessions was called "managing expectations". Amongst the discussion points for the evening they gave you a list of every conceivable job in a household - Washing up, cooking, laundry, driving, remembering birthdays, managing finances, polishing, hoovering, DIY, and so on and so forth. You had to fill in who had done what in the house you grew up in and who you expected would do it in your marriage, and then you discussed it together.

My DH (then DP obv) completed his in literally about 30 secs, which surprised me as although his Dad had died when he was 4 and his Mum never remarried I thought this was still quick work for our marriage. 10 mins later after I'd done mine I found out why.

He had written "I will do anything you ask me to do as long as you understand I will not notice it needs doing first and as long as you don't ask me to do the ironing - but I'm happy to pay someone else to do that."

That struck me (and I am slightly OCD so like to be in control of this sort of thing) as a sound basis for a marriage and so far, (touch wood, not taking anything for granted) so it has proved to be.

I do all laundry, 75% cooking, 90% day to day tidying, all finances, card sending etc. We pay for a cleaner/ironer. He does all DIY, most driving (I think that is a job - tiring to do sometimes) and most gardening. We split childcare with him doing slightly more working week and me more of the weekends.

I still reserve the right to get snarky if general putting away starts to slide.

barristermum, that's very sweet I think!

I think we do about 50/50, we have a cleaner so neither of us does much housework, but we do about half each of dishwasher, laundry and food shopping. I do a bit more actual cooking from scratch, but we make about the same number of meals each, he's just more likely to buy something ready-made. He probably does a bit more tidying than me, though I would say this is because he makes more mess!

We both work full-time, so wouldn't expect anything other than an approximate 50/50 split.

I spend more time in the garden, but that's by choice because I enjoy it more.

Dh

does the washing up

does a fair part of the laundry

does about 1/3 of the cooking

does about 1/2 of the shopping

childcare no longer the same issue as dcs are older, but he did do a lot of nappies and baths

and probably quite a few other things too

I'd say he does at least half now that we're both working; and even when I was a SAHM he still did a significant part.

Mine does 50%. As it should be. And it would never occur to me to be grateful for it and more than he should be grateful for me doing my share.

Percentage of labour should be directly in line with how many hours you're at home.

Why the hell do some many of you put up with anything less, especially if you WOHM?

Mine does 50%. As it should be. And it would never occur to me to be grateful for it and more than he should be grateful for me doing my share. We both work full time.

Percentage of labour should be directly in line with how many hours you're at home. So a part-time working parent or SAHP should do more around the house than a full-time WOHP. But only proportionally less, not all the work.

Why the hell do some many of you put up with anything less, especially if you WOHM?

Dh does:

Er, DH does nothing. Unless I nag and nag and nag and nag and nag and.......

Oh sorry I lie, he puts the bins out once a fortnight And he does the food shopping once a fortnight.

Also I think taking responsibility, noticing what needs to be done, keeping track of what has/hasn't been done etc is almost as important as actually doing the chores. So I wouldn't think it was at all 'sweet' or acceptable if a partner said to me they'd do specific jobs 'for me' if I asked but wouldn't notice things etc.

The way I see it it's DPs house just as much as it is mine, I don't give him lists of chores or tell him to do things, because I'm not his mum and that would be quite demeaning for both of us! I don't want to be a nagging wife, and I have more respect for him than to imagine he's incapable of taking responsibility for his own home just because he's male.

I know some people are happy with the traditional roles, but it would not work for me. Not at all.

I thought so too exhausted 2011.

DH ....

• looks after all three DC on a Sunday morning when I'm out
• does a share of the washing up / emptying dishwasher at weekends
• does the last dog walk at bedtime
• fixing things around the house, when he feels like it
• zero cooking or laundry
• zero housework (infact neither of us do any hoovering or cleaning)

hmm not much really, but he does work very hard and I don't.

oh, and he does bath the baby once or twice a week too.

I guess it isn't a failure to take responsibility if something doesn't need to be done - I would just prefer it to be doe - for instance - I like washin up to be dried and put away - dh would leave it drain out ready for use the following night. His way is different, but now he dries us and puts away (mostly!) because he knows I like that.

Vice versa - I don't know how much work or specialism some DIY takes - it's left to him to sort out and it would be no good asking me...

I don't see cohabitation as an initiative test - but I don't expect to have to nag to get something done either....

The thing DH notices what should be done but has no idea where to start or how to prioritise things and he does things so haphazrdly it ends up taking him hours to do something which would have taken me 20 minutes and I end up getting annoyed with him.

For example there can be not a single clean pot or pan in the house and he will be upstairs cleaning, pairing and organising the dc's shoes by size and colour while the dirty pots fester in the sink.

He also cannot mop. He just cannot do it. He tries to do it while I am at work occassionally but the floor ends up soaked (literally flooded, he might aswell just empty the bucket out and be done with it) and dries full of water marks and soap suds.

Sweeping = sweeping the dirt from one room to the next, as opposed to getting the brush pan and sweeping it up.

I think he maybe a bit thick when it comes to the simple things.

It fucking annoys me when he cleans things, so he doesn't bother anymore.

DH works full time, I'm a SAHM with 2 toddlers and a baby.

DH:

gardening
puts right bins out every friday
takes rubbish out

diy
hovering sometimes
cleans windows
occational cooking and washing up (maybe once a month)
Does driving at the weekend - no choice as i can't drive

Me:
look after all DCs (none at school)
cooking
washing
ironing
shopping
most cleaning
tidying
night feeds for DD2
finances
remembering birthdays and buying presents (DH gets mine after me reminding him)
washing up
feed and dress DCs
empty bins
school run when DD1 starts nursery after easter

We both bath DCs and put them to bed and do decorating when it's needed.

I do more but I'm home all day but if I ask him to do something he'll eventually do it. Plus he gets rid of spiders so I don't mind doing the majority most of the time.

I work 2.5 days (2 mornings, 3 afternoons.) DH works full time officer hours.

I do all the cooking, he does all the washing up and tidying after evening meal. He is the one who usually loads and unloads dishwasher.
I do all the laundry, he does all the ironing.
He does most of the dusting, tidying, and all of the vacuuming.
He gives the bathrooms a quick once over sometimes, I do the main clean once a week of so.
He does a lot of the grocery shopping, I do the rest with DS.
He sorts out the day to day bills.
He takes and collects DS to nursery at least one of the days he goes.
On a weekend we each have a lie in on alternate days.

I do the majority of the childcare, but he is more than capable of caring for DS (who is 4). He sometimes takes him grocery shopping/to the park/playgym etc if I need to have some time to myself.

Grr@typos

DH works OFFICE hours.

More than his fair share 50%. At least. We have a cleaner, but the rest of the cleaning, cooking and tidying is shared equally and while we sometimes discuss what needs doing, I would certainly not want to be the one in charge giving out tasks and nagging. He has lived alone for a few years and was totally capable of noticing that the clothes and dishes are not self-cleaning, so I don't see why this should change with marriage.

I would like to know, for those of you who have school aged DC, who takes responsibility for all the paperwork from school? And all the homework?

I work 3 days/week, DH is full time and commutes, so I am effectively single parent during the week.

I do the vast majority of the cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry and gardening. All the weekday pick-ups, drop-offs, bedtimes. DH will help out if asked (or if he needs some clean clothes!) and is great with the DC at the weekends.

I'm kind of ok with the split in our domestic chores, but I HATE that I am the only one who has a clue what DS is up to at school. I fill out the forms, send in the money, get the costumes organised, and do the homework. All of this feels like the straw that broke the camel's back on top of my job and all the domestic stuff I have to do (mostly on my own).

Does anybody's DH take responsibility for this stuff?

I work FT dh part time.
He does:
School run
Cooking aprox 3-4 nights a week
All DIY
Washing (badly)
Garden

I do:
Shopping
Meal planning
50% childcare
Cooking at the weekend and usually 1 night in the week
Social events planning eg: parties et also birthdays, xmas cards etc.

We both do childcare when we are at home. Including bed time, homework etc.

Works for us most of the time.

Mmm, lots of food for thought on this thread. Before we got married, DH and I were in agreement that all tasks would be split 50/50. That hasn't been the case. We both work FT, I do the cooking every night but one, and he does the washing up.
He's supposed to do the weekly shop, but usually buys enough for 2 days, and I supply the rest.
Puts DS2 to bed 2 or 3 nights a week. I do all the homework, reading, projects, booking and paying for out of school activities.
I do all the gardening, decorating and DIY. I look after my own car.
It's almost like being a single parent.