to be angry 16yr old step --slut-- daughter is pg when i cant?

[monstersplatter]

Pretty sure I am being unreasonable, but desperately need to vent. My dp is 15 years my senior and had two children (teens....ack) from a previous marriage. We have 1 ds who has just turned 2 and are trying for our second. Have been trying for about 6 months so far. I feel like my life is on hold. There is nothing I want more than to be pregnant again.
Oops, sidetracked. Sorry. So a few weeks ago, his 16 yr old daughter announces she is due at the end of effing August. To a boy she had been dating for a month prior to conception.
She is still smoking, planning on getting herself a nice little council house and lots of juicy benefits, just like her mother. She is not sad or ashamed about any of this.
But now any children I have will be younger than their niece/nephew. I am furious. I don't want to be a Jeremy Kyle statistic. I would rather she wasn't either. I don't want her in my house anymore. I know so much of this is jealousy, she is and I seem currently unable. She has that which I so desperately want.
What would you all do? Should I just get over myself? What would you lot all do?

I hope everything works out for you op.

yes maybe it is best. It is all very emotional and your experience this morning wasn't great. The thread is quite tough and probably that won't help you calm down.

Maybe you and dh can discuss it over the weekend, go for a long walk and a pub meal or something and see what you can reasonably do and how he would like to tackle things. I wouldn't put up with being told to f* off and dh wouldn't expect me too but I don't know this whole stepmother-stepchild scenario first-hand (thankfully I think) so I really don't feel able to judge it. I am fairly sure it is always hard hard work.

Am still utterly bewildered by the "you should give/lend her [your carefully saved] baby stuff" - sod that!
I have saved stuff for a second baby for years now - there is no way I'd be lending it to anyone who wasn't a very very dear friend (and even then not some things) because I'm still hoping to get to use it again myself.

By all means suggest the OP buys this girl stuff, why not? But to give her the carefully saved items she has? Fuck that.

Totally agree Thumbwitch. Just look on here at the number of threads about trusted friends and rellies selling or trashing lent items! I certainly wouldnt lend anything to someone who doesnt treat me with respect, as they arent going to treat my posessions with respect either are they?!

thumb if there were some items that were very precious then of course do not lend them out, but I was thinking more along the lines of a run of the mill moses basket, something that probably cost £40 new, so not a big deal. Some supermarket brand vests, muslins and so on.

Of course if the OP has only got the baby Dior and petite bateux saved, then hold on to it.

Why the upset about this girl being called a slut? She is a slut if she is fucking around at age 16 and getting pregant at a time in her life where she is incapable of supporting a baby. I'd ban her and her boyfriend from my house.

I can see where you are coming from OP, but I think you just worded it all wrong.
But just going from your OP, you probably did deserve the bashing. you've explained a lot since then.
Lesson to be learnt... don't MN when angry and upset!

:o nice timing Newjob, just as it was all calming down!

Did you wait just to post that?! :o

Bitch.

and I don't mean the 16 year old child.

No I only just saw the thread.

If my dd gets pregnant at 16 her boyfriend gets his balls chopped off by yours truly. I'm serious. I'd go to jail for it. And after my DD gave birth I'd kick her ass too.

Soupy - she vented and said things she's since retracted. We've all said silly things at times.

NewJob is it dinner time at school already?

But now any children I have will be younger than their niece/nephew. I am furious. I don't want to be a Jeremy Kyle statistic

That's the chance you take when you get yourself knocked up by a man 15yrs your senior...especially if he also has a 19yr old DD is it not?

You sound quite bonkers actually and Jeremy Kyle fodder for sure.

*NewJob" I have just spat coffee all over the laptop - am coming to kick YOUR arse now

"Yes, it probably was.

Takes one to know one."

Sorry, that makes no sense, one what? Are you saying you're just like the OP? Because I think you're revolting and directly trying to hurt someone and she's just letting off steam, not similar at all.

Do you think its acceptable to say to you, hope you fail at something you desperately want? Hope you can't have kids? Hope something dreadful happens to your kids? You don't deserve kids? Where is your acceptable line drawn?

Englebert-I think you meant to say "attacking a post partum slut is worthy of a..........."

YABU in a gentle way. I understand your frustration about not getting pg with a second dc, I am in the same boat and have been trying for over 2 years, with 2 MC. It is frustrating and horrible to hear people getting pg left right and centre with the 2,3,4 child etc, and so many in the celeb world too . Sometimes you think irrationally, and I understand thats where you are coming from.

Calling your DSD a slut is not on, its not her fault you cant get pg, you are taking it out on her and its not on, you have to keep schtum. She is a child, and hasent made the right decisions doesent mean she deserves all this vitriol from you. You are the adult here, you need to calm down and behave like one.

"Should I just get over myself? !"
Yes. But I suspect thingss have moved on from the OP.

Basically people who are sympathetic to the OP are doing so because they have an issue with young mothers and think it isn't right. Some people have an issue with young mothers, some have an issue with old mothers, some people have an issue with women in their twenties who get into relationships with men 15 years older than them who have teenage children already.

A lot of misery is caused by people thinking their circumstances when getting knocked up is the right and only way.

OP she your DSD and her boyfriend made the baby. Let them earn their own baby things like decent people do. If they show a bit of intiative and show signs of trying to take responsibility etc etc then reward them with some nice baby gear or something.

MillyR - way way too much of a generalisation/assumption there!
It would be amusing if it wasn't quite so outrageous.

I am sympathetic to the OP's situation because of her own situation, not because of the step-daughter's age. Because trying to have a second baby and keeping your stuff in readiness for it is something I do. Because having someone demand it off you is just attitudinous in the extreme (whether teen SD or sister or best friend or whoever). And because I sympathised a little with OP's feeling of "why her and not me?".

Anything else posted re. the SD's attitudes/behaviour has been in response to many other posters' assumptions.