Emailing and children

[scatterbee]

Again after advice for my partner.

He is the NRP. He wants to set up an email address for his DC (5 & 7) so that they can email each other. He wants this private from his ex if possible. Also wants them to be able to instant message each other / web cam / skype if him and the DC are on at the same time.

She thinks hes unreasonable. That expecting them to email is daft. And that she has no objection to trying to webcam but it needs to be a set time, and its likely to be a brief moment before they race off, and she is not willing to have a webcam left on so he can see what they are playing / generally doing as thats an invasion of her house.

So Is he unreasonable?

Is "supervised contact session" ringing alarm bells for anyone else?

POsted this on the other thread as well:

I can completely understand the frustration of having a set phonecall time, only for the dc to be unavailable, called away to dinner, asleep, in the bath - whatever. dh used ot get this all the time.

BUT - it is still totally unreasonable of you to expect a webcam on 24/7 for your dp's cnvenience.

the most you could push for would be for skype to be logged in when they are at home, so that your dp could call as and when, rather than the set time being always "inconvenient" - same as a phone call as and when - to be answered if the children are about, but not if they are busy.

doesn't get aorund the interference factor though.

private email is an absolute no.

dh didn't even ask for this when he was seconded abroad, and his dc were then 11 and 12, and well capable of haivng a private conversation with their dad. in fact, even at that itme, the children were not allowed unrestricted access to email him - they were allowed ot respond once a week, supervised by their mum (have to point out there was NO reason why they had ot be supervised fo rthis, nor why it should have been restricted. dh is a good father, and always has been).

but for your dp to want to just have an insight into his ex's house at any time is totally unreasonable.

Scatterbe is has to wait untill they are ready to reply. Just because he doesn't get his own way they don't respond that's no reason to stop writing, phoning and letting them know he is thinking of them.
He has to perserve, and not EXPECT a reply and eventually one may come.

Did you read the other thread where I suggested he buys them some fun writing paper and stickers and shows them how to do it. If he gets no response after several months he could get them to draw pictures at the contact centre and then say something like 'you know i'd love for you to send me a picture, like i send you pictures and letters all the time, shall I show you how you can do it? YOu can get mummy to help you get it to the postbox'. And still then he must be patient and not expect it to happen.

Certainly is for me

I know what people mean about replies. I send my DD a postcard everyweek. I barely get a reply. I call without fail on a Wednesday night, she rarely speaks back. DP just falls apart though. Even his letters, he used to tell them about his week and just finish with 1 or 2 questions at the bottom, but he never got a reply. Hes thinking about walking away, he feels hes been replaced, not oncebut twice. Once by the exs new partner and also by the bio dad of the child not his.

I thought that i might get some ideas from people of here of if we were being unreasonable and if we were other ideas, but it about trying to get something 2 way going. He used to have an OK relationship with them. Its all gone down the pan and thats because of the ex.

Scatterbee - it isn't because of the ex that it's gone down the pan.

It's because of your partner not stepping up to the plate and acting like a grown up. Why can't you see that?

Why are contact sessions supervised? Has your partner got issues/problems that means he is deemed a risk?

Contact should be in the best interests if the child.

Supervised contact would likely indicate concerns about his ability to parent or be a protective parent.

He seems to minimise his behaviour and not take responsibility.

I see there may be control issues? Particularly as all seems to need to be on his terms.

OW your partner needs to rebuild his relationship with his child.

No it's not because of the ex. It's because he moved away and cut his contact down to once a month.
STOP BLAMING HER FOR HIS DECISIONS

I am starting to feel that this is the virtual equivalent of banging my head against a brick wall

He was late returning the children following a family party. Ex called the police, they by a fluke pulled his car over. He was slightly over the limit when he was stopped by the police. His ex stopped contact. DP went completely off the rails, disappeared, started heavy drinking, got in a fight with exs partner, got banned from driving. Now diagnosed with severe depression. Ex requested contact centre,it was given. He is now on medication and having CBT and counselling

Gilly - I like that idea, i shall suggest it to him. I also like the subsribe them to a magazine. He could post it to them with a small note.

I know i know, he sounds like a prat, but honestly he isnt. Hes a loving caring great man!

If he had his kids in the car he shouldn't have been drinking AT ALL.

Grossly irresponsible.

How late was he?

In those circumstances, I would have requested contact centre too.

Why are you not seeing that it's just all about him

If he was a decent normal parent he'd be putting the two kids first. Paying maintenance, seeing them when he's supposed to.

Yeah - if he's had a driving ban for drink driving his insurance alone is going to be horrendous when he does start to drive again

He was caught drink driving with his kids in the car? Prat isn't the word I would use.

Dandy - LOL great minds and all that

Cos we literally dont have the money spare. We were sharing a car anyway, which i am obviously still using. I never thought of asking to swap my sats (feel a bit stupid about that), it is certainly something i shall try, although dont know if the contact centre will up it back to every 2 weeks, but guess it is worth a try!

If he was a caring man, he wouldn't be behaving like he is.

I can't even be bothered to list all the ways (again) in which he is demonstrating that he isn't a caring, great man.