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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not be "grateful" enough to DH?

188 replies

Sleeplesssister · 17/03/2011 21:16

OK so I know I am being a spoiled brat but I figure I probably need to get flamed on here in order to get a grip. Have one DD, aged 8 months. Love her to bits but have been debating for ages about whether to go back to work part time. My old job was working for an investment bank however so although I could maybe do 4 days a week they will be long days, with DD in a nursery from 8am until 6pm. Have therefore decided to stay at home and not return to work. Don't need to go back to work, husband has a well paid job and we could manage financially on just his salary. But I have been a bit grumpy about the idea of staying at home, and as a result I've been moaning a bit to my DH, who is working v long hours (not back till 8pm at the earliest). He reckons I need to realise how lucky I am and be more appreciative of the long hours he is putting in to support us (he is hell bent on private schools for DD). I'm feeling a bit lonely stuck at home with DD and have not made many mum friends yet. DH is giving me the cold shoulder for the last 3 days because I've been grumpy. Sad about giving up my career but also can't bear the idea of leaving DD for that many days a week. Why is it so hard? I'm a spoilt so and so I know. Took me bloody ages to get pregnant as well...

OP posts:
Cloudbase · 17/03/2011 21:57

Don't beat yourself up, no-one knows how they will feel about being a parent until they actually have their baby. The first five months I was at home with DD1, I thought I was in Heaven and hated the idea of going back to work, but by the time she was 10m, I was desperate to go back as I was lonely and just found it quite hard being nothing but a 'Mummy'.

I'm very lucky because I have a couple of good friends now with young children the same age as mine, but in the beginning I found it really intimidating meeting new parents and some of the toddler and baby groups I went to were really competitive and I found it quite scary.I really needed to get my identity back by going back into the workplace. (Actually I knew I had to go back, financially, but my feelings about it changed quite drastically over my Mat leave). There is no right or wrong way of feeling about it.

Yes, you are lucky to have a choice, but that doesn't necessarily make it easy to choose, does it?

FWIW, I am now a single parent, and because of my hours and finances, DD1 and DS2 are in nursery from 7.30 - 6.30 the three days they are there. Yes, it's a long day, and I hate the idea of it, but actually they are quite happy (It's a great nursery and the staff are absolutely lovely). I spent ages worrying myself silly over it, until my HV said that it was pointless worrying, as I had no choice; the kids were fine and to stop adding to my own stress! In fact, they are happy, bright, well developed and very sociable and a lot of that comes from being at nursery.

If you want to go back to your old job, maybe PT, and if there are no other viable options, there are worse things than a long nursery day, espcially if it will make you a happier and therefore more relaxed parent.

I suspect your DH has no idea of the stresses of being a SAHM - it's really hard work, especially if it's your first, becuase everything is new. Maybe sit down with him over a bottle of wine and tell him how you feel? You shouldn't have to feel guilty, or spoilt about however you feel - this is your life, and if you are happy you will be a better parent and have a happier baby Smile

TheSkiingGardener · 17/03/2011 21:58

You are having to make a hard choice. Neither option gives you everything you want so you're grumpy about the bits you don't like. Have a grump, make sure you've looked at all the options, and move on. And meet as many people as possible. Look at all the groups around, message local people on your MNet local board etc. You will only find some people you like if you meet lots!

igetmorelovefromthecat · 17/03/2011 21:58

I think the saying 'only boring people are bored' is kind of true, life is what you make it. You could always put DD in childcare for a couple of mornings a week if you want a break and have some 'me time'. I never went back to work after DD1 and started my own business which is still going strong after 5 years - I can do it around the DC and it occupies my brain.

CrispyTheCrisp · 17/03/2011 21:58

Oh, and for his comment, i will come over and he can say it to my face and i will lamp him personally Angry

I would also ask him to speak to my DH who will say we have a much, much happier home life when i am working a couple of days a week

Jux · 17/03/2011 22:00

You have nothing to be grateful for. Your child belongs to both of you. His responsibility too. If a career break for him would be professional suicide then he could retrain once your child starts school. Or is that the sort of thing only women do?

thebestofyou · 17/03/2011 22:00

Why not do 4 days a week but with a Nanny-so your DD is not out of the house for long hours ?

Your DH thinks this would be 'outsourcing'???

Bizarre that the onus is on you and you only to be the main child carer !
I say this as a parent who has 50/50 responsibility with my DH.

Sleeplesssister · 17/03/2011 22:01

Humphrey Cobbler - you've got it in one.

You know I thought you would all hate me you know for posting about this. I am prepared to sacrifice a job I love to be with my DD, but I do wish that my DH would realise that its been a tough decision, and that I am still going to have bad days, and not be living some idyllic life all the time.

OP posts:
alainn · 17/03/2011 22:03

I rem that wit my with my first child it took me nearly 12 months to really adjust mentally to the fact the life had so completely changed, that I am a SAHM,and that I had a much slower pace of life(yet completely responsible for a wee thing) and that most things revolved around DD.And I didn't leave a 'professional' type job; I did do some part time work from home but that too became difficult because that was on top of the SAHM so no break from any of it.I stopped when no 2 came along but miss it in ways.
I agree that it is all about balance.. of course I love my children but the times that I am not really enjoying them is because I just haven't had any me time.
Friends (esp with kids) are so important and make all the difference so do put yourself out there- we've all got more in common than not.I have found other Moms to be so supportive regardless of background.
I understand what you mean about DH, and sometimes is drives me completely mad and I want to shout( and have done plenty lol) and ask him to stay at home for the whole weekend and do SAHM stuff, clean, cook, etc etc and see how much 'fun' it is for him? But in my more sane times I know that he just wants me to enjoy the children and the freedom that I have to be able to SAH, and that the years do fly and they shall be heading out that door doing their own thing; without us! I think parenthood can be tough; and it doesn't work to keep comparing who's got it easier. We agree to stop doing that because we were always swiping at one another- and it's not good.We're happier and more supportive of one another when we avoid that one.Maybe your answer is find a part time job that you enjoy- and gives you the best of both worlds.

vicbar · 17/03/2011 22:06

What about thinking about this differently, as your a lawyer why not use your skills to volenteer ? Im sure there would be a charity or good cuase that would be very helpful for your help and you will feel 'valued' ? I think having kids anf becoming a SAHM is all great in theory but its the shift in 'status' that we never really think about.
Im due to go back to work pt after DC4 and I feel ive got the balance right for me but I also appreciate Im lucky with childcare - I dont have to commute and DH works shifts so we manage childcare between us.

TheBolter · 17/03/2011 22:06

I don't blame you for feeling crap. It's a really awkward situation,one I found myself in when I had dd1. The thought of leaving her was unbearable but being a SAHM was very lonely and unfulfilling.

I lost a lot of confidence as a SAHM for five years but it's restored now I'm back at work.

Just because you have a choice doesn't mean you have to be grateful. You've been faced with a tough choice, and actually I sometimes think that faced with a choice you'll always feel wretched no matter what your decision. You can't win!

I do agree with others though - you could very well benefit from a middle round whereby you have a life and career outside your children. Good luck.

CrispyTheCrisp · 17/03/2011 22:09

Sleepless, you can sacrifice THAT job, but you don't have to sacrifice your career or desire to work PT. Honestly! I understand if your post is a rant to let off steam, but if you do want me to look out any PT opportunities for you then please let me know Smile

BertieBotts · 17/03/2011 22:13

You say there was a communication failure - so just talk to him about it now - you've expressed yourself pretty well on this thread so far.

It's worth telling him if you find his comments hurtful as well. Even if that is his opinion perhaps you could come to a compromise you are both happy with.

bonkers20 · 17/03/2011 22:14

I think it would probably help you if your DH was a bit more understanding of how you feel. This is a MAJOR change for you and it's unsettling. The best things often come from major changes, but getting to the place where you're happy once again can take time. Your DH needs to realise that.

I presume it took your years of hard work to get where you were in your job. It's part of who you are and I presume the woman your DH fell for. It's hard just to give that up, even if it's for something as wonderful as your DD.

abbierhodes · 17/03/2011 22:22

Hmm. You're saying you're lucky to have the choice, but it doesn't sound like a choice to me, it sounds like your DH has pressured you into it. It sounds to me like you want to go back to work...so get a part time job, or go back to your old job. If he is worried about 'outsourcing' his daughter's care then let him give up work.

Honeybee79 · 17/03/2011 22:26

I'm also a lawyer and posted about my own back to work issue this morning - can't make a decision about what to do.

Basically, you're lucky to have a choice. Embrace being a SAHM and give it a proper chance. If it doesn't work for you then get out there and find another job if that's what you want.

For the record, I really want my DS to go to nursery. I think it will be great for him.

Sleeplesssister · 17/03/2011 22:26

Thanks all. OK, so the plan. I'm a lawyer, we like numbered paragraphs.

  1. I am going to resign from my current job. Crazy hours and a long commute do not make for a happy family life. Just to top it all off, I was promoted last month whilst on ML. After sponsoring my promotion my boss is going to wet himself when I go in to resign next week...
  1. Going to "get myself out there" and stalk mummy friends like there's no tomorrow. I'm in the Herts area so if you come across a crazy over-friendly lady with an 8 month old DD who keeps inviting you for coffee, that's me. I don't do things by halves. In fact I'll probably have to make myself a spreadsheet of possible mummy friends, too much maybe?
  1. Going to keep my eye open for other interesting jobs that I could do in the future when DD is a wee bit older - Crispy, have pm-ed you. If anyone else has bright ideas do shout, will look into the charity idea as well. I know deep down and have always known that as much as I love her, I need something else as well. bonkers20 - you are right, it is part of who i am, sad as that is.
  1. Going to sit down with DH and hit him over the head with wine bottle rationally discuss the decision. Suspect this will be easier to do once I've actually resigned, I tried on monday and he's still not really speaking to me. Could make for a frosty weekend but its better than stewing.
OP posts:
MistyB · 17/03/2011 22:31

YANBU. You have spent years of your life dedicated to becoming a lawyer and then years enjoying your job and career. I assume you also did not plan giving up work when you started this journey all those years ago.

Your DH also has a career that he has studied / worked for and has made a recent choice to take on a new job where he feels unable to request part time / flexible working. To some extent, it is his choice to spend long hours at work to provide for his family to the level that he does and to pay for private school.

Giving up everything you have worked for to sit at home watching daytime TV looking after a puking, pooing, crying machine can look rather unattractive on paper!

This needs to be a family decision with neither party feeling beholden to the other - you had this baby together and there is no rule that states that it should be you who gives up work, if at all.

There are numerous options, you could both cut your hours but both keep your careers, in the long term this could result in an overall net benefit to your family income.

There are many female city lawyers who find themselves in your position so a job share could be a real possibility if you worked hard at finding a job share partner.

It sounds like you are not quite ready to make this decision. There are huge implications to your future career and how you develop as a professional and as a person. That's not to say it's the wrong decision, just that you need to take time to make this decision and talk it through with your husband.

He needs to understand the impact of this decision on your sense of self etc and also that him leaving you to look after DD from 8 to 8 leaves you with 12 hours of childcare to do on your own. Effectively a new job with no colleagues and no training or experience. He needs to realise how lucky he is that you are willing to give up your career to look after his daughter.

That aside, if you do go back to work, I would think about a nanny - it is a very good alternative for young children who would otherwise spend long hours in nursery. Having them cared for in their own home can make things easier.

I was a professional with a great job that I loved and earned more than 50% of our household income. When my first DC was born, I was angry that I had spent so much time on qualifications / career / lifestyle that left me unable to stay home and look after my baby but I was unable at that time to make the changes that would mean I could. I was also not ready to give up my career, my working life which defined me and who I was to become a SAHM, a role I knew little about.

My DH said at the time that he would consider being a SAHD but when push came to shove and to opportunity arose for him to do that, he didn't take that opportunity. 3 years later, our circumstances changed, I had changed and jumped at the chance to have some time out with my DC's. For now, my role as a Mum primarily defines me and I love it. At sometime in the future, I will work again and be defined by the sum of the parts.

It's not always straight forward but the most important thing is that you and your DH agree with each other and understand the others choices, motivations and feelings.

Good luck and sorry for long post.

Triggles · 17/03/2011 22:34

Perhaps it might also be a good time to remind him that the reason he is able to continue to work those long hours is because YOU are home caring for your (your as in JOINTLY responsible for) little one. Grin

My DH is fully aware that it is because I am a SAHM that he is able to work the hours he does.

MrsKwazii · 17/03/2011 22:37

OP, can totally understand your feelings. Although I stayed in my job I went back part-time and have decided not to go for promotions as I can't commit the time and effort they would require. My DH also works crazy hours like yours, so my career has had to give for now.

It's hard to come to terms with the fact that the job you have worked so hard to learn and develop is slipping away. For me, a lot of my identity was bound up in my career, and it's taken a few years to get up to speed.

I hated going to toddler groups but found that the local postnatal and activity groups were a great way to make local friends - it really makes a difference. Takes a while for some people to warm up to me as well, but I persevered and it has been well worth it.

On the job front, would your skills transfer in local government legal services? Both unitary, county and district councils often have legal teams as well as more enlightened flexible working practices - plus a potentially shorter commute.

And your DH needs a reality check that being a SAHM is not an easy option and is also not for everyone. Hope you get it all sorted soon.

MistyB · 17/03/2011 22:37

Good point Triggles - if sleepless back to work full time, her DH would have to share the drop off and pick ups, sick days and in the future, school events etc.

abbierhodes · 17/03/2011 22:39

Please don't quit your job in the hope he'll speak to you again. Sad

SueWhite · 17/03/2011 22:43

I would just have hired a nanny.

jenny60 · 17/03/2011 22:46

Why is your DH not speaking to you? I find his comments about working women extraordinary. You know who is selfish: fathers who don't see their children as half their responsibility and who give their partners so little support.

dollius · 17/03/2011 22:54

You are being far too reasonable. Why should it be you giving up the career you have worked so hard for and not him?
If he doesn;t want to "outsource" to a perfectly good nanny, tell him to consider staying at home with DD himself.
Very strange, frankly.
And getting home at 8pm is not "crazy hours". I have a 1.5 hour commute each way and frequently do not get home until 10pm or later some nights.
DH and I share care and responsibility for dropping off/picking up 50/50 and he would never suggest it was my responsibility because I am "the woman".
You are both parents.

MrsBonkers · 17/03/2011 23:04

My DD is 8 months too.
Today I had to speak to my personnel manager about my return to work.
If I go back I will barely break even after chilcare and petrol costs. If I don't go back I will be fully dependant on my DH financially which will be hard for me to get my head around.
Its such a tough decision.
I'm not great at getting out and meeting other mums either but if I don't go back I'm going to have to get better.
I'm in Herts too, near M25.