to say it's a struggle for a family of five to live on under a thousand pounds a month?

[yosammitysam]

Me and my husband keep rowing (at this stage only in an ongoing bickering way) about our monthly budget. Basically we have 250quid a week which is supposed to cover food, toiletries, going out (us and the kids), petrol, birthday presents, anything the kids need for school etc etc. I just seem to really struggle with that amount. We spend a minimum of a hundred on a weekly shop (then top this up). My eldest ds is ten and eats like a horse and youngest is only two and still in (bloody dear- thanks to his ecezma) nappies. It doesn't have to cover bills (or one off yearly expenses like holidays, car MOT etc) and we do have seperate money for clothes and shoes, but it's not much so I end up buying smaller things out of my weekly budget.

He says it's ridiculous that we are overdrawn every month- he works full time I am SAHM- as he doesn't really spend much money. I don't FEEL like I spend much either, but all the little bits really add up. We are quite sociable but only really go out or have friends over about once a month and maybe I'll go out for a drink with friends every couple of weeks (if that). It's just that all ther little things really add up- day trips out (esp in school hols), swimming, coffees here and there, a new book for each child etc etc

It's just soooo frustrating, I feel I have to justify myself all the time, but I think in the current climate, it just doesn't go that far. The point was brought home to me when my much younger half sister told me she earns eight hundred pounds a month after giving my parents rent- and she has ALL that to spend on herself !!! My husband just doesn't seem to get it at all. I don't know if he thinks I'm stashing designer shoes and handbags in the garage!

But am I being unreasonable?? I admit I am a bit rubbish at budgeting etc. I generally do a weekly shop then top it up through the week and I think that all adds up. What does everyone else live on?!?

Oh god, sorry so long and the bloody pound sign on the keyboard has broken so have to type out all the numbers! It's just that I just got our bank statement and it's got me really, really down. I know we could have it a lot worse, but I do find it frustarting.

"he says he doesn't have time"

most call centres at large institutions are open very late these days

gone are the days when most working people had a housewife to arrange the home for them

e.g. if he gets in at 7pm, and the call centre is open until 8, plan the tea to be served at 8. he can do the phonecall before then. make it easier by getting the account details all ready for him (latest statement etc)

or better yet, write a letter to each company you want to be named as 2nd person on, and sign his name to authorise it. or change them to your own name as primary account holder.

simply sticking his fingers in his ears and hoping you and the money tightening will go away isn't a very mature way for your DH to handle something that is clearly a sticking point between you.

I dont top up shop now I get DP to do it that way we only get what we need plus shite weightgain milkshakes

I CANNOT leave a store with just the one thing I came in for!

I would start by writing down child menus for a month. (I do mine 3-weekly because my son's nursery has a 3-week cycle). Then work out what you need to buy for these meals. Add in adult meals. Add essentials (milk etc) and cleaning stuff.

Then go to your supermarket's website and cost it all. That will give you a starting figure.

Join somewhere like www.petrolprices.com which will allow you to spot cheaper petrol/diesel. My local is currently 4p a litre more expensive than one I pass en route to work, so I make sure I fill up at the cheaper one. On a tank that's £2. Use pay at pump if possible so you aren't tempted by the extortionate chocolate bars!

Write a shopping list. Stick to it! Only buy offers if you know they are going to be needed for next week's menus. Freeze if necessary.

I try never to have cash as it disappears far too fast.

Books I never get from bookshops. I feel awful for saying it, but they really are overpriced compared to Amazon and for a couple of days' wait, Amazon is much better value.

Coffees - if you like good coffee, why not find a nice machine and see if you can collect eg John Lewis vouchers for birthdays etc and when you've enough, treat yourself?
Or better still, every time you would normally go for one, put the £3 or so in a separate purse until you have enough for the machine.

(help how middle class does that sound? !)

Organise your relatives - get them to get children's clothes and especially shoes for birthday presents! One pair of shoes not bought will almost get you out of that overdraft... (memories of another £30 I won't see again, thanks Clark's)

If you are struggling, let folk know in advance that you have to cut back for a while. I honestly wouldn't blame anyone in the current climate, especially after April when all the tax system goes up the swanee and the public sector (I assume your DH is?) doesn't get any inflation rise.

er... can't think of more at the mo. I keep everything in a spreadsheet so I don't explode my account!

The book people are really good for kids presents. You can sometimes buy a whole series of books for £4 ish and then give a couple of books at a time as presents. Good idea to keep a list of what you give just in case you go to the same party next year. I have a food/ toiletries budget of £100 a week. With two teenaged boys who regularly inhale the contents of the fridge it is difficult to stick to but not impossible.

"He definitely could get better deals on bills etc but says he doesn't have time to do it. Problem is because all the bills come out of an account in solely his name, he is the account holder on all of them and they won't talk to me! He could put my name on the accounts, but again he says he doesn't have time."

He can't really have a go at you for not budgeting correctly if he doesn't organise the bills properly! I think your idea of moving them all into joint names is great, and then you can spend some time looking for better deals, potential for savings etc. Most companies do online statements and bills these days, so you could go through them together in the weekend as well.

Also, it's not HIS money. Sure, his wage pays the food but you spend the time cooking and preparing it, his wage pays the mortgage on the house but you keep it tidy etc. If he doesn't feel guilty because you look after the shared family house/food/kids all day, then you shouldn't feel guilty for spending the shared family income.

You sound like you're beating yourself up now. Don't. How can you budget when you don't know what DH is spending!

You need to get online banking asap, then every couple of days you can check and see what you and DH are spending (much easier when closer to the spending date) and work it out from there accordingly.

If DH won't change the utility bills now (I'm an ex-teacher, so get that its hard work in term time) then wait til the next holiday and schedule in a couple of hours for him to do it all then, or as someone said before do letters and ask him to sign.

Alternatively, leave them all as they are and just get your name added to the account, to make that account the 'joint bills account' and set up new personal accounts for you both. Each of you get set personal money from the joint account as your spending money and decide what needs to be paid/saved for from that.

Just ideas anyway, you could always try it and see how it works, as it doesn't sound like you need to budget that much, just perhaps organise it a bit better. :)

here is a sample budget i've just made up to show my illustration

see, in here, you've done a sainsbury's shop, but you've bought a fruit shoot to keep the DC quiet, so i've called that "drinks" rather than "food" because it's non-essential ( drinks usually means alcohol, or pop when out), the other things are essential, so under the correct category.
(although, if the teeshirt was because something got spille,d maybe taking a spare teeshirt next time will save you money)
Then you came in here and bought a book and a toy - again, the book is fine, it was on your shopping list, but the toy was just to keep the other DC quiet, so it's not an essential. (it's still listed as Toy though, because that's what it is)
then you went to Rook's to buy a pasty for lunch. I've called that "eating out" because you could have made sandwiches.

etc etc.

when you see it all laid out in front of you every week, you can easily see what you could have prepared for (lunch and a drink, spoilt clothes) and what you had to spend.

Go to the library for books, classes etc. It's all free...

I missed out "savings" as a category - if you know that say, every 6 months, you bot hhave to go to the dentist, and it's likely to cost £16.50 for a check-up each, then save (16.50 x 2/6 = )£5.50 a month towards dentist fees.

We are a family of 2 adults, 2 children (all of us eat like there's no tomorrow) and 5 tropical fish. We have about £250 per week to live on and out of that we have to pay bills, buy food and clothes etc.

Our normal shop per week is about £35 and then another £10-15 for topping up during the week. So around £50 per week for 4 people.

I just forced DH to switch elec supplier - he has saved nearly £200 a year - he went through uswitch, i think - although, he looked at a couple of different price comparison sites - that something you can do yourself - as you can sign up to the switch online, and do the Direct Debit online.

He's also reduced his sky bill (when he was single he had everything- sad lonely sod ) , but he's cut out one thing, and taken off the SkyProtect, and he's saved £150 a year from that.

he's very proud of himself!

cymar i am impressed if you all eat like there is no tomorrow on £50 per week what do you buy? Does the £50 include all toiletries and cleaning products too and milk etc?

If we only spent £5 per meal that would be £35 per week before anything else and we often have egg on toast or soup for dinner

FWIW, this is what we do:

All money goes into the joint account on payday. I keep a spreadsheet of everything that goes out and the dates (mortgage, bills, nursery etc). I then transfer £400 to the 'food & fuel' account.

Each week, I withdraw £100 from this account and put it in an envelope. We then use that to pay for our weekly shop, any top ups and fuel. (We don't need much fuel as we both walk to work.)

I then transfer a set amount (the same for each of us) to mine and DH's own account. That's ours to do what we like with and we don't have to justify it to each other.

Whatever's left (if any), goes into our savings. Any holidays, trips out (big ones, not soft play etc) comes out the that. I use the £81.20 child benefit to pay for any soft play trips, and small bits for DS.

All the bills are in my name as it was my house before DH moved in and I deal with everything like that. We have debts and we pay £1000 a month on replayments however we are focused on paying these off asap and have nearly done the credit card.

I'm lucky enough to have a company care so we have no tax, insurance or maintenance to pay so this spare money is diverted to the debts.

I agree with everyone who's suggested a spending diary but I find the envelope thing works well - you could always write it on the envelope..?

And I agree about getting everything ready for DH to call the utilities companies. Tell him at the weekend you're going to do it and present him with one to do each night through the week. No tea till it's done!!

Hope this helps.

Not read all the posts but I have a friend who's a SAHM and her DH brings home ~£1100 a month - and that has to cover everything. So on that basis, YABU to not be able to manage to stay within £1000 a month when that doesn't even cover mortgage/rent, utilities, council tax etc etc.

Thanks, lots more good ideas. Can I just ask (particularly Nickelbaby) when do you set aside time to sit down and update your spreadsheet (which is great, thanks so much for that)? Do you do it every day? Or do you write in a notebook everyday then enter it all on the computer once a week? I have tried spending diaries etc in the past and agree they do work, I just end up forgetting to enter stuff and drift out of the habit of doing it. Our youngest ds has been the most awful sleeper and so for a long time I haven't really had any time in the evenings (he wouldn't settle until we went to bed until recently) but things have been better lately so suppose i've got no excuse! I hadn't realised how organised other people are! Everything in our house is a bit chaotic really...

I try to do it every day.

Although, sometimes I slip and end up with two or three days in a trot!

It's very useful to do it as soon as you can - maybe when you've had dinner and are about to relax for the evening.

It's easier to control the data if you have it on a computer, but the one i had at uni, I would write down, then at the end of the month, add up each separate category (the diary had a next page that had total spendings on each category)

If your son is having problems sleeping, and you do it with the paper version, could you do it in his room while he's drifting off?

but definitely note it all every day - I like your idea of writing it in a notebook everyday and putting it on the computer weekly.
then you can do it as you go along.

I check my account, update my spreadsheet and file reciepts first thing each morning after the kids have gone to school. It takes 10 minutes tops. If theres more complicated stuff, cheques to write and post, accounts to set up or transfer I do that on a monday morning.

I agree with Whattodonow1. For the past few months we have been drawing out our weekly spend in cash on a friday. We found that it is quite easy to spend extra if it is on a card and you can persuade yourself that you NEED the item. It is quite different if you only have cash in your purse.

This has worked for us to help focus the mind (I think I was spending way too much impulse buying Diet Coke at 85p a can!!!)

I agree with Whattodonow1. For the past few months we have been drawing out our weekly spend in cash on a friday. We found that it is quite easy to spend extra if it is on a card and you can persuade yourself that you NEED the item. It is quite different if you only have cash in your purse.

This has worked for us to help focus the mind (I think I was spending way too much impulse buying Diet Coke at 85p a can!!!)

I'm just marking my place on this thread so I can come back and read some of this advice later.

We're a family of four and I have £130pw (after rent, bills etc) to buy clothes, food, shoes, pay for school incidentals, petrol, etc etc and I struggle. Always good to get money saving tips...

I think you need to get better at budgetting.

We cut down the amount we spend on food by writing a meal plan every week and then using that as a shopping list. Love food hate waste has a 2 week menu plan and shopping list. Might be worth getting groceries delivered - depends on how much petrol you would use. Also you don't get tempted by offers.

Do you have to meet in starbucks? Could you not rotate around each others homes? That way you could get the kids involved in baking something nice for the guests. Fun activity, doesn't cost much.

If you go on a day trip budget for it. Take food and drink with you so you only have to pay entrance fees.

My mum always had a series of cash envelopes - one for the milkman, one for the cleaning lady, school dinners etc etc. Money went in at the start of the week. I guess you could have one for daytrips and one for birthday presents too if it would help.

Charity shops for the kids clothes. 10% of your own budget should be for clothes/shoes. I don't know how much of a fashionista you are but I find it really helps to buy fewer clothes but better quality. If something catches your eye think do I need it or do I want it?

You could also look at the outgoing bills and compare providers of gas/electricity/mobile to see if you can get a better deal elsewhere.

Can you earn some money in any way? Sell cds, books and other stuff on ebay or in the local paper classified.

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if someone has already made this suggestion but I find that I am much more careful about what I am buying if I do my food shopping online. I don't tend to impulse buy then and if I can't remember if we need something or not I can go and check. I would recommend trying that if I were you, and also leave money in your budget when possible to cover the things that you have to buy during the week like milk and bread.