to say it's a struggle for a family of five to live on under a thousand pounds a month?

[yosammitysam]

Me and my husband keep rowing (at this stage only in an ongoing bickering way) about our monthly budget. Basically we have 250quid a week which is supposed to cover food, toiletries, going out (us and the kids), petrol, birthday presents, anything the kids need for school etc etc. I just seem to really struggle with that amount. We spend a minimum of a hundred on a weekly shop (then top this up). My eldest ds is ten and eats like a horse and youngest is only two and still in (bloody dear- thanks to his ecezma) nappies. It doesn't have to cover bills (or one off yearly expenses like holidays, car MOT etc) and we do have seperate money for clothes and shoes, but it's not much so I end up buying smaller things out of my weekly budget.

He says it's ridiculous that we are overdrawn every month- he works full time I am SAHM- as he doesn't really spend much money. I don't FEEL like I spend much either, but all the little bits really add up. We are quite sociable but only really go out or have friends over about once a month and maybe I'll go out for a drink with friends every couple of weeks (if that). It's just that all ther little things really add up- day trips out (esp in school hols), swimming, coffees here and there, a new book for each child etc etc

It's just soooo frustrating, I feel I have to justify myself all the time, but I think in the current climate, it just doesn't go that far. The point was brought home to me when my much younger half sister told me she earns eight hundred pounds a month after giving my parents rent- and she has ALL that to spend on herself !!! My husband just doesn't seem to get it at all. I don't know if he thinks I'm stashing designer shoes and handbags in the garage!

But am I being unreasonable?? I admit I am a bit rubbish at budgeting etc. I generally do a weekly shop then top it up through the week and I think that all adds up. What does everyone else live on?!?

Oh god, sorry so long and the bloody pound sign on the keyboard has broken so have to type out all the numbers! It's just that I just got our bank statement and it's got me really, really down. I know we could have it a lot worse, but I do find it frustarting.

What I would do in your place is buy food/main shop on a card, and budget for £500 a month spend, but for everything else pay in cash, and take out say £100 a week and just spend that. That comes to £900. Then save £100 a month in a separate account for repair/maintenance/any other non-regular payments.

Were also on a tight budget, we have a simlar amount for 5 of us. We usually withdraw all the cash out the bank apart from whats needed to be left for direct debits. We then write down how much is needed for expected expenses, eg £500 for food, £100 for petrol, £80 childcare, £50 birthday presents(kids parties), £100 adult social money, £50 kids social money etc etc. We put each category in an envelope labelled by its purpose. I find this works for us cos sometimes you can feel really well off with all this money but breaking it down into different categorys of expenditure makes you wise up that you haven't got that much spare after all. I always make a pack lunch whentaking the kids anywhere. Take them beakers of juice if we're eating out. we also buy clothes on ebay and sell stuff on ebay to fund more clothes. I very rarly go for coffee with friends and try to encourage having friends round to mine, visiting friends.

Two words "meal plan" tis the only way.
We often have £50 for the week and that is for food, packed lunches, nappies etc, totally do-able.

You're not a failure yosammitysam. It is genuinely hard to manage money, I know I'm only good at it because I like it :) You know what the problem is now, and you can sort it out, so it's no big deal really.

OP Oh no, we don't manage easily. We just manage!

Also I would have been stuffed without Gordon Brown's tax credits. But that meant I was working with two very young children after their dad fucked off (excuse language) in order to get the extra money. It was hard. Really hard. But it taught me a lesson about entitlement and reward.

Just a thought - do you spend more because you have the time to? I just know that the more hours I work a week the less I spend, because I'm not in the bloody shops all the time.

Maybe we should have seperate 'spending money'? It's difficult if I think I've had a good month then I see the statement and see that he's gone out for an expensive lunch and not mentioned it. But then all the finances seem to get so complicated- how many bank accounts do we need?! We have one just in dh's name for his wages and the bills, a savings one (for holdays and christmas mostly) and a joint one for day-to-day. I also have one in just my name that has been empty since I gave up work!

Having the joint account can cause friction if we have a busy month coming up because if one of us is out a lot at the beginning of the month there might be nothing left for the other one to go out/buy anything at the end of the month. Dh buys a lot of i-tunes music and again, I don't know about that til I see the statement

I think separate spending money would be a good idea sam. You should have a strictly limited amount for non-essentials like i-tunes and once it's gone, it's gone. At the moment it seems like you're sort of running blindly through the month and only checking up on things when it's too late. You need to plan ahead and that way you won't have to worry about things being tight at the end of the month.

Hmm how to organise it. Maybe take it out in cash once DH gets paid? That way you can easily keep track of it.

I'm reading through the thread, but I wanted to pick up on one thing that might help:
Kids' birthday parties.

My recommendation is to have a "stash" of toys/presents. You can pick them up when they're in a sale, or if you have vouchers, or BOGOF offers.
Or "duplicate" or "unwanted" gifts that your own DCs get.
Then when you come to an unexpected party, you've got something ready.
ditto with birthday cards (generic designs, no ages) and wrapping paper (with wrappign paper always save old wrapping paper)

Yosammitysam itunes cards are great. Rather than using the bank account he could buy eg a £25 itunes card.

Yes LineRunner you are so right about the time thing! We live at the end of a high street and ds's school and both the toddler groups I go to are at the top end so I walk down the high street every day and it's so easy to have a wander in the shops if I have a bit of time to kill before pick up or if ds has dropped off in the buggy. I think part of the problem is I never feel I buy anything substantial, just spend money in dribs and drabs that I don't notice. I think I really need to get a job! I am going to start some voluntary work once ds is at preschool in September. I laso find with three dc's and their after school clubs etc I often ahve an hour to kill when it's not owrth going home. We try and go to the library but I will treat them to a hot chocolate/cake more often than I probably should. I think it's partly because I was brought up in a very poor family (my parents ares till peniless!) and I suppose I like feeling a bit more relaxed about money and treating the kids to things I never had.

Everyone keeps saying shop online and I used to but the fiver delivery just seemed a bit much- is it really worth it? Now i go to Lidl for veg and tinned stuff and Sainsburys (only supermarket except Waitrose near us) for everything else. Felt I couldn't justify on-line shopping when we are so close to the shops- just fely lazy!

yosammitysam he might find emusic a bit cheaper, depending what music he likes.

If you work how you are spending your money it will be easier to see where savings might lie. I'd also really recommend a monthly amount is set aside for you and for your DH. It stops any arguments, nagging or guilt and once it's gone that's it until the next month. I find that I'm actually buying things for myself

If all your money is seeping out unnoticed then a spending diary is essential.

also, online shopping can be a reall good way to economise if your family's not sniffy about brands. mysupermarket.com makes it easy to pick the cheaper versions of what's in your basket, and the savings add up x

We had a similar problem so we have kept our joint account which DH's wage goes into and I can use but don't now. I have an account of my own and the child benefit goes into that currently (we will lose it soon) and DH puts my allowance into it. That way I know exactly what money I have to spend.

Writer of dreams: I think that's a good idea. We could organise it by DH keeping say, 150 back in his account and 150 could go into my own account leaving 700 in the joint account for food, kids etc. Then we both know how much we've got to spend and if he wants to treat the kids to something that we can't afford from the joint account he will have to use his 'own' money. Is that fair? I do feel bad because really it is ALL his money- he earns it!

Lessnarky I'll suggest the i-tunes card and investigate emusic!

This is all so helpful thanks so much

Have you got internet banking? We don't get a paper monthly statement by choice but can check the account any time, and print off a statement if needs be. There is also a budgeting tool which adds up your spending for you.

Yikes I misread it as £250 a month. (which is what I have btw)

We only have one child though, but I do struggle at times. This is to buy all toiletries, all food etc etc. DS hair cut (but not every month)

I think DH does not realise just how much everything has gone up. I don't buy any alcohol with that money either and have no money to top it up - that is it!

I think separate accounts are a good thing and that we'd probably be divorced if we didn't have them! :)
If you're trying to spend nothing on yourself and DH is frittering money on itunes from the same account then it must be frustrating - especially if he's then blaming you for it being overdrawn!

We have an account each and both pay a set amount of money into the bills account, which I have control of - DH could see it if he wants but doesn't. The bills account covers everything from the mortgage to DS' clothes (as the child benefit, tax credits etc go in there too). Sometimes days out or holidays come from it, sometimes they don't depending how well its doing.

It sounds hard work for you that you are in charge of only part of the budget, It could be that your DH hasn't shopped around for the best deals for utilities, phones etc? I like that I can look at the statements online (would greatly recommend this!) and if expensive bills - like twice pa water rates etc - have come out of the account then I cut shopping bills, if its a 'cheap' month then I cut back. I have most bills on a standardized monthly direct debit so its fairly evened out otherwise.

also ,keep your receipts - it's one thing to say pay it all on your debit card so you can see where it's gone, but if you've popped "some sweets" or "bottle of juice" or "pair of socks" into your basket on the way round the supermarket, you can easily write it off as "groceries"

Whe I was a student and on a very limited budget, I had a diary that had a budget in the back. Yo udon't need a special diary, but a spreadsheet on your computer will be good.
Put in it the type of items you spend your money on, and how much (best way is to do a running total, so every day, get your receipts and type in the exact item, the price and category in which it falls.
then at the end of the week you can sort it by category and and up each category's total and see where you're going wrong.

I'm a bastard mummy and my child's books have a maximum spend of 4 quid from amazon.

Yes leeloo it isn't ideal with each of us in charge of different things. He definitely could get better deals on bills etc but says he doesn't have time to do it. Problem is because all the bills come out of an account in solely his name, he is the account holder on all of them and they won't talk to me! He could put my name on the accounts, but again he says he doesn't have time. But I should be able to manage the household budget despite that really. I just have a set amount to spend but I (we) are spending over that. Also he just forgets what he spent, forgets to tell me he's filled the car up etc. And I think he feels he works really hard (de does) and that we are entitled to the odd meal out etc but he doesn't realise whrn you've got three ds's, petrol, food prices are rising etc our money just doesn't go as far as we'd like. He generally makes the decision about spending in terms of luxuries/non-neccesities. But I'm the one guilty of overspending on all the boring stuff in Sainsburys!

What I really need is self discipline! Any tips for that???!
A friend of mine knocked twenty quid of her weekly shopping for a couple of years and took the whole family to Spain for two weeks! I wish I could be like that but am too prone to go down the instant gratification route of an extra bottle of wine and treats for the weekend!

I think you and DH definitely need to sit down and have a proper talk about all this sam. It's really not fair for him to be blaming you for the overdraft if you're not entirely responsible for it. Plus, remember it's not his money, it's the family's money. If he makes you feel like he's doing you favour by giving you money then that's just not right, you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

You actually have plenty of money to spend so you will be able to afford meals out etc it's just that you need to manage it a bit better. Once you have a plan in place it'll all get a lot easier and the fights will end :)