to say it's a struggle for a family of five to live on under a thousand pounds a month?

[yosammitysam]

Me and my husband keep rowing (at this stage only in an ongoing bickering way) about our monthly budget. Basically we have 250quid a week which is supposed to cover food, toiletries, going out (us and the kids), petrol, birthday presents, anything the kids need for school etc etc. I just seem to really struggle with that amount. We spend a minimum of a hundred on a weekly shop (then top this up). My eldest ds is ten and eats like a horse and youngest is only two and still in (bloody dear- thanks to his ecezma) nappies. It doesn't have to cover bills (or one off yearly expenses like holidays, car MOT etc) and we do have seperate money for clothes and shoes, but it's not much so I end up buying smaller things out of my weekly budget.

He says it's ridiculous that we are overdrawn every month- he works full time I am SAHM- as he doesn't really spend much money. I don't FEEL like I spend much either, but all the little bits really add up. We are quite sociable but only really go out or have friends over about once a month and maybe I'll go out for a drink with friends every couple of weeks (if that). It's just that all ther little things really add up- day trips out (esp in school hols), swimming, coffees here and there, a new book for each child etc etc

It's just soooo frustrating, I feel I have to justify myself all the time, but I think in the current climate, it just doesn't go that far. The point was brought home to me when my much younger half sister told me she earns eight hundred pounds a month after giving my parents rent- and she has ALL that to spend on herself !!! My husband just doesn't seem to get it at all. I don't know if he thinks I'm stashing designer shoes and handbags in the garage!

But am I being unreasonable?? I admit I am a bit rubbish at budgeting etc. I generally do a weekly shop then top it up through the week and I think that all adds up. What does everyone else live on?!?

Oh god, sorry so long and the bloody pound sign on the keyboard has broken so have to type out all the numbers! It's just that I just got our bank statement and it's got me really, really down. I know we could have it a lot worse, but I do find it frustarting.

Good luck getting to grips with your household accounts yosammitysam. It's hard not to spend when your friends are doing fun expensive things.

We have about £600 a month after bills. We manage but it does feel very tight - there are 3 of us - & we don't save anything.

We have to be really careful though.

I buy clothes from ebay or supermarket.
We don't smoke, never go out.
Days out with the kids are usually to places that cost very little.
No savings or pension
Dh and I never spend any money on ourselves. But we always make sure the kids have what they need.

I am clearly hanging out with the wrong people! I do get the kids to make homemade cards but everyone always buys presents for friends and family. I'm from a large family and we only buy small things (5-10pounds) but I think it seems harsh to buy nothing or to say no to evenings out for friends birthdays.

I really appreciate all the advice. I can see mu food budget needs to be looked at, but those of you that spend half what I've got- what about hairdressers, prescriptions (me and dh both have monthly prescriptions that we pay for) opticians, dentist etc? I can see you can try and do lots on a budget- but they are neccesities.

I think they were meaning debit card not credit. It's what I do. Means you dont get a tenner out spend five then fritter the rest

Underachieving - debit card would be OK though as it comes out of the current account.

What Reality said.

I had a real problem some years ago when my income dropped horribly, and my friend's advice was to keep the cash for the week's food in a jar, and when it was gone it was gone and that was that. My god, that changed my habits! I always had to have a few quid left in said jar for a bread and milk shop on Sunday, and everything else was thought through and much less food got wasted. I even cut out coupons and enjoyed getting the freebies! I certainly bought cheaper of everything and understood what a treat was.

School is expensive. The CAB once produced a report called something like 'The cost of a free education'! Uniforms, trips, extras - you need to work out what you actually spend a year and set aside a weekly amount for that.

It is, and it isn't, a lot of money that you have each week. It's all relative.

My greatest stress is saving up for birthday and Christmas presents. I only buy for the children now. Just can't afford adults - but will always (try to!) make and send nice cards, letters, maybe a little token. Friends and family are important - but they wouldn't want you having an overdraft.

Good luck!

You are basically living beyond your means, try to do the weekly shop in one go, buy bread and freeze it milk too so you don't have to go back again.

Write yourself some accounts and list where every penny goes.

Kids don't need things every week, you don't need to overspend on birthdays and you certainly don't need to go for meals. You clearly are over spending.

Yosammity, I find it easier to budget when I am really broke. I just spend nothing unless I absolutely have to. When you can do some things but not everything, it is harder to know where and when to draw the line.

"Don't use cash. Put everything on your card and then you can easily see on your statement what you are frittering."

I do the opposite. I use cash a lot (not all the time), because having to hand over the physical money means I think more carefully about my expenditure. I did used to keep the receipts and write down what I'd spent in a notebook, but have been rather lax about that recently, so will have to start that up again.

If you have regular prescriptions, then get the pre-payment thing which makes it much cheaper.

I just noticed that even your clothing expenses are already covered and not included in that amount!

Where do you shop then? Presumably if you're only spending £100 a week plus another £50 in top ups, you still have £400 for everything else.. where does it all go?

How about writing down every expense for a couple of weeks, and then looking at it realistically. You are potentially wasting a couple of hundred each month that could go into a savings account for something else.

This is, of course, assuming that your husband isn't a millionaire and only sharing a tiny percentage of his take-home income with you, and then complaining when you spend it.. ?

Of course it's possible. We are a family of four and spend about £60 a week on food/nappies and barely anything for added extras. We'd be laughing if we had £250 after all bills were paid.

Use your library, cut out coffees and lunches and have people over to yours instead. Have a flask for coffee and go to the park.

I think it seems harsh to buy nothing or to say no to evenings out for friends birthdays

I agree it seems harsh. Unfortunately what I feel doesn't add more money to my bank account. An apologetic warning that no presents are forthcoming and that it would be nicer to spend a day together anyway soon sorted any expectations of presents.

When needs must, and all that.

So I'm upset we don't give presents, but getting upset won't give us more money, will it? And i won't put presents on a credit card.

those of you that spend half what I've got- what about hairdressers, prescriptions (me and dh both have monthly prescriptions that we pay for) opticians, dentist

hairdressers - do it at home for kids, £10 special offer shaver for DH/boys, I don't go, or i get Dh to trim the ends. luckily i have long, good conditioned hair. monthly outgoing is zero here

prescriptions - zero outgoings here. last year Dh bought a little certificate thing so the longterm ones went down in price for him, i can't remember its name, but he worked it out and it saved a fortune

opticians - kids are free, i bought my pair in 2004. sure theyneed updating, but they seem fine, and we DO get the whole family's eyes tested every couple of years. so there IS an outgoing here. i plan to replace mine in a year with some cheapo frames, plastic ones - luckily opticians have a lovely range of cheap ones these days, not like when i was a kid

dentist - fortunate to get on an nhs dentist list, kids is free (i think?DH takes them), we go for checkups every year. but it's very cheap, and since neither of us eats too badly it's not bad. we've also been lucky - there's a huge amount of luck in our lower dental bills in that there's been no accidents or problems which were unavoidable.

so.. there you have it. proper planning, a dash of luck, a blob of going without or doing it on the cheap!

Thanks everyone! Guess Ive just got to try harder, clearly can't afford to be as relaxed as I am being at the moment. I agree LineRunner, it is all relative. We had much, much, much less money when ds1 was born but somehow it seemed to go further and I think it was to do with me keeping track of it more. Now there seem to be so many outgoings I've just lost track . DH sorts bills, mortgage etc and day to day stuff is what I'm supposed to keep on top of- and what I'm failing to do! I suppose what I find frustarting is the fact that it was dh who suggested the stupid overpriced dinosaur exhibition etc, I said it was too expensive. I think because he doesn't spend much money in term time (he's a teacher) he thinks we can blow out every holiday (so that's every six weeks), but he doesn't realsie the cost of everything else year round. On the odd occasion he does the shopping the bill is unbelievable!

I go to the (expensive) hairdresser even when I am poor because it really depresses me not to. So that is an essential for me. Likewise any medical stuff, opticians (which includes buying nice glasses rather than cheap ones) etc.

The easiest way for me to cut down is just to think no cafes, no eating out, no take-aways, and to economise as much as possible on any birthdays and on party things. We haven't had a holiday for six years.

I don't economise that much on food my a lot of people's standards (though have cut out the fun Waitrose shops and massively reduced the amount of organic that I buy). We drink wine most evenings. When I am really broke I do try to cut down on that, but find that one really hard! I guess I would rather do without a holiday than nice food and drink.

My DDs do a couple of afterschool things that are pricey. I am financially stable at the moment so those are fine; if things get dicey again (both DH and I self-employed so income is erratic) the most expensive of those activities will go.

If you have to buy cards, try getting them in bulk (the book people do some nice boxes of cards and paper, quite cheaply).

Does you DH spend money on lunches? I would look at this, as we are suddenly quite a lot better off now my DH doesn't go into London and has a subsidised canteen. Its shocking that even with the horrors of petrol price increases, we are better off now.

Hairdressers are not a necessity. I get my hair cut once a year. If you're a normal person however and want to go a normal amount, then try looking for a hairdressing school where they'll either cut your hair for free or very very cheaply. Depending on the ages of your kids you should be able to cut their hair yourself. Other things such as the optician, dentist etc need to be saved up for - they're big expenses but they only come around occasionally. Glasses are cheaper than contact lenses in the long run so I wear glasses. Dentist is generally once a year unless someone needs serious work done. Do you pay full whack for your prescriptions or is it just the £7.20? Because really that's a small expense.

Do try to cut out presents. £5-10 every few weeks really adds up and it's often spent on tat that no one really wants anyway.

A night out doesn't have to be expensive BTW. Just drink less

I have got a pre-paid prescription card as I am on a lot of medication and it has saved me money. I save a small amount each month to pay for Christmas.

That's a lot of disposable income. There's no real reason why you're spending so much but it's an easy habit to get into.
You just need to get out of it again.
Organise a pre-payment card for your prescriptions for a start.
If you're spending a lot in the holidays on entertaining children then look at doing something like the National Trust membership - loads of fab places to go too, the kids love it, free parking and you can easily take a picnic instead of eating at the overpriced café. Speak to your leisure centre about a swimming membership, and meet up with other families for trips to the park etc.

I'm budgeting hard at the moment, simply because I want to and would like to have a large safety net in case something happens with dh's job.

Oh and books and toys for the kids - we've an Oxfam book store near here that dd buys her books in, generally about 75p or a pound each instead of £6 at whsmiths.

i spend ?80 on a weekly shop for 5 (including a baby in nappies),so whatever that is in sterling.when you go in for top ups,write a list and stick to it.
also meal plan.it will save you money and sanity.

Could you turn budgeting into a sort of hobby OP? It is surprisingly satisfying. You could start a special savings account and make it your aim to get as much as possible into that account before the end of the year. The sense of achievement when you see that total going up and up and up is really nice :) It's a very solid motivator too - if you go into town and are about to spend £5 on lunch you automatically think "no, that's five spare pounds that I can put in my savings" - it gets to be a bit of an obsession after a while! And it really does add up - I remember the on my sister's face a few years ago when I told her DH and I were going to a luxury resort in Malaysia on holiday, despite the fact that he was a student and I'd only worked full time for a year. The only reason we could afford it was due to our fantastic saving and boy was it worth it! Far, far better than those pissy little things it's so easy to waste your money on!

we have about that after bills, but petrol is about £600 so we are then down to £400 for 6 of us. Eek!

I get Daysoft contact lenses, much cheaper [vain emoticon]

It does sound like a lot, but it sounds like your personal 'spending money' has to come from this amount too, which makes it more understandable.

Can you do your food shopping online? Its hard the 1st few times (except with Tesco, where if you have a clubcard they can tell you online what you normally buy! ), but there are usually either codes for free delivery or days when delivery is free/very cheap.

Since I've started doing this I've cut food bills hugely, as you're very aware of what you're spending - I used to get to the tills and not have a clue whether I'd spent £60 or £150! Now if its more than you want to spend when you go to checkout then you can go back and whittle away. Also, if there are special offers then you can stock up and someone else has to carry the bags for you. :)

Or if there is a cheap food market nearby then can you take the little DC to choose fresh veg to make soups etc (go out with £5 or whatever in cash and no cards so you can't overspend).

I find that when you are in an overdraft its very hard to get out of it, but when you're out its easier to stay out - if you're juggling money between accounts then could you put some extra in this £1000pm account so you have an incentive to keep it that way.

writerofdreams I think you are right- it's about getting my head in gear and motivationg myself! leeloo1 it is both mine and my husbands personal spending money, not that I ever really buy anything for myself. It covers all day to day living expenses. Feel like a bit of a failure though as everyone on here seems to manage easily on less.