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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To punch an old lady right in the kisser?...

175 replies

SquishyBumsMum · 16/03/2011 16:10

Ok, ok, so I would never actually punch an old lady, or anyone for that matter..
But AIBU to be extremely pissed off that an old woman approached me in a coffee shop to say how cute DS was etc and then proceeded to tell me how much she felt sorry for me ruining my life at this age with kids, and she bets it's hard coping on my own but then how nice it must be to just be able to live off of everyone else's hard earned taxes and claim benefits. Ooh and what are the council houses in this area like as her friends daughter is moving into one soon...

FGS yes, I'm a young mother, but apart from working tax credits and child benefit, I don't get any benefits! My DP and I work very hard for what we have and are proud that we stand on our own two feet.

Not that there's anything wrong with being on benefits, it just pisses me off that people seem to see a young mum and assume I don't know who the dad is/can't possibly be in a good relationship/live purely on benefits.

I don't see old people and instantly think "Hey look, a demented, incontinent, old biddy!"

So aibu, or should I just accept that this is what people think of younger mothers?

OP posts:

damacles · 16/03/2011 17:21

I have nothing against older people in general
I had to laugh at that, because if you live long enough you will actually become old too.

I'm glad I'm not your Nanna though with comments like This coming from someone who's face matches her leather handbag. you sound a very loving, caring grandaughter - not!!

Pagwatch · 16/03/2011 17:21

I find all these old lady incidents odd tbh.

My mum is 78
She had her first child at 18. Neither she nor any of her friends have ever expressed views about 'young mums'
Mostly she couldn't give a toss what other people chose to do. She occasionally smiles at peoples babies but manages never to be concerned about whether they have hats or socks on.

It is a charming cliche though.

Original poster

SquishyBumsMum · 16/03/2011 17:23

My mistake cat but to be honest I don't think Lying has come across as particularly angry either

OP posts:

Original poster

SquishyBumsMum · 16/03/2011 17:26

Pag I don't understand it either, I don't personally know any older person with views like this, but they seem to randomly pop out of the woodwork at odd times.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 16/03/2011 17:27

i have never come across this about old ladies either Pagwatch.....

neither has my friend who is 24 with 3 dc,one a 9 year old!!

Original poster

SquishyBumsMum · 16/03/2011 17:27

damacles My Nanna and I often poke fun at each other and this is a joke she's often made about herself.

OP posts:

Themumsnot · 16/03/2011 17:29

Someone wrote a letter to our local paper last week complaining that four of the seven couples featured in the birth announcements the previous week were unmarried (I can only think he made this assumption from the fact they had different surnames) and went off on a rant about the immorality of it all and how their children were doomed. I was quite . Of course I am not assuming he was an older person - he may have been 17 for all I know.

bemybebe · 16/03/2011 17:35

To punch an old lady right in the kisser?...

did not bother to read this tread first, but... nice!

Bucharest · 16/03/2011 17:40

Have only read BitOfFun's first comment on page 1 and now need to clean teastains from puter keyboard.

I don't believe you OP for a nanosecond btw.

Bucharest · 16/03/2011 17:44

Oh. Just read rest of thread. I see I'm not supposed to say I don't believe it.

LDNmummy · 16/03/2011 17:49

Ok, why is it soooo unbelievable? Please someone enlighten me and if it makes sense, I will eat a whole chocolate cake in defeat

MrsFlittersnoop · 16/03/2011 17:52

Maybe I'm getting oversensitive after passing the 50th birthday watershed, but where the hell do these these rude "old ladies" hang out?

My son has Aspergers. He used to have regular public melt-downs when he was little. We've only ever used public transport as well. I have never EVER had even one public judgey-pants comment from anyone of any age whatsoever. Lots of sympathetic and rueful smiles though and several offers of practical help. And I'm the sort of nutter who is always striking up convos with random strangers.

I have an 82 year old mother who would never dream of coming out with shit like this. Neither whould any of her friends for that matter. 99% of elderly people are a gazillion times better-mannered and courteous than the foul-mouthed teenage scumbags I have to listen listen to on the bus.

Have a

Pagwatch · 16/03/2011 17:57

I agree mrsflittersnoop.

Ds2 used to have the most hideous tantrums in public - full on hollywoodesque screaming. I never got the tutting old lady thing.

Funnily enough other mums were the most sniffy.

I wonder where they all live. I have done well to move often yet still avoid them all these years.

Bloodymary · 16/03/2011 18:07

A lot of them are around the south east.

bigbeagleeyes · 16/03/2011 18:14

I live in a small village, I'm living on benefits and divorced. I live in social housing with a teenage son. I'm not young, but there are a great many elderly people around here, who have never shown anything other than interest and kindness towards me and my son.
I'm always reading threads where these mad old ladies are coming ou of the woodwork to harangue young single mums.
Never met one so I also find this post hard to beleive.
Sorry.

usualsuspect · 16/03/2011 18:20

I was on the bus today,a mum was wearily trying to get her 2 young toddlers to sit down ,so I smiled and chatted to them,but I can imagine the interpretation of events on MN .. The interfering old cow sticking her nose in

Deliainthemaking · 16/03/2011 18:24

I sense some people are being v. rude here because she is young. If this was a woman in her thirties would you have more sympathy? I susupect so.

I was a 19yr old mother, I never had anything that rude but If I had done I would put her in her place like anyobody else.

If this is true I would have challenged her, 'how do you know I'm on benefits?
how do you know I live in a council house are you some sort of stalker? do you have a copy of my bank details you seem to know an awful lot?
someone who behaves like that is clearly a bully, bullys need to be challenged

hmc · 16/03/2011 18:25

It's a strange kind of egocentric little personal world some of you inhabit where the premise seems to be if it hasn't happened to you then clearly it never happens to anyone else either. Odd!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 16/03/2011 18:27

My Mother might be one of those old ladies. She goes up to people with babies in prams and if they are asleep (the babies) in teh afternoon she tells the mother to wake them or they won't sleep at night. I told her not to call me to look after her when she has been decked.

Pagwatch · 16/03/2011 18:30

Yes. I am sure that must be it. Egocentric little personal world.

Although it is nice. If only there were a way of spreading the joy so that everyone could enjoy bringing up their children without elderly ladies, fixated with hats, socks and benefits, approaching and gibbering on.

It avoids the desire to punch strangers to which is also nice.
Lucky old me.

violetmoon · 16/03/2011 18:41

bigbeagleeyes, you may be divorced, single and living in a council house etc but if you have a teenage son I can hazzard a guess that you arent 19? . I doubt many people would judge you if you walked down the street with your son as they wouldnt know your situation and if they do then they must have actually met you. I think its the judging from others based only on your age/ how you look that the op is pissed off at. I had my first dd at 21 and I have had catty comments from old ladies, some of whom I worked with and it was very upsetting.
My mum didnt believe me but has now seen the sniffy comments I have received herself and was quite surprised. I have had people assume I'm on benefits, live in a council house yadda yadda, the best one was "was your dd from a one night stand then?" *I have been with dp 7 years now.) Is it really that unbelievable that young mums never get rude unsolicited comments from strangers?! Im sure all the comments would have been entirely different if somebody had written, "aibu- I am 43 and today I was on the bus when an old lady was tutting at me saying I was too old to have children and I was a scurge on the nhs etc" (I do not believe this btw!) Equally, sometimes when an old lady has been rude I wouldnt always assume it is because I'm young. There are many rude people around, some of them have to be old! As for the thread title- erm yes probably a bit ott but not the worst Ive seen.

violetmoon · 16/03/2011 18:43

I sense some people are being v. rude here because she is young. If this was a woman in her thirties would you have more sympathy? I susupect so.

Agree! Sorry for awful grammer etc, typing whilst bf. Im also young stupid.

LDNmummy · 16/03/2011 18:49

I also thought the OP may be getting stick because of her age, and because the people who think this is all a load of bull have obviously never had it happen to them so assume it is all fantasised rubbish. Well as someone with many teenage mothers as friends, I have seen it enough to know it is not fantasised. Of course it is not everytime you step out the door people start throwing tomatoes at you, but once in a while it certainly does happen.

flippinpeedoff · 16/03/2011 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

bigbeagleeyes · 16/03/2011 19:05

I also know a lot of young mums. Mums come in all ages, shapes and sizes.
There just seems to be a lot of young mothers that seem to be being judged by lots of random old ladies.
I think the point I was making is that I AM on benefits and it's never been used against me.
IMO from some threads I have read on mumsnet it's the elderly who seem to be judged more than anyone else because - well just for being old I guess.

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