AIBU to have this awful dilemma - DH vs BM duties

[horriddilemma]

Also posted in Forces Sweethearts...

Have namechanged for this and will also be slightly vague for obvious reasons.

I have an awful dilemma on my hands and I'm extremely upset and worried about the whole thing. My DH is currently 'away' and is home on RnR for 1 week in mid April. His tour was unexpected and happened with fairly short notice as he was replacing someone else. We accepted that these things happen though and battled on.

I have had a fairly awful time since he left with a sudden and unexpected health scare (all ok now!) and a household emergency which was very stressful. So I can't wait to see him and we need some time together.

Some months back, before we even knew DH was going away, I agreed to be a bridesmaid for a friend. The wedding is, you've guessed it, mid-April. DH is due back the Thursday before the wedding, however it is a very high maintenance wedding and I am expected to be there on the Thursday before and have various tasks allotted to me on the Thursday night, Friday day and evening before we even get to the wedding.

All this would mean I couldn't see DH until very late Friday night at the earliest. He is coming to wedding but friend has already joked ( ) that we will hardly see each other that day and she has put us on different tables and although I've asked, doesn't want to change the seating plan.

I am also expected to be 'on duty' all day Sunday hosting relatives from overseas as there is a big lunch at her parent's house and she asked me to help transfer wedding gifts back to their home on the Monday as they will be on honeymoon. So basically 5 days of wedding duties and then DH leaves on the following Thursday so we would only have 2 days together.

There are 2 other bridesmaids but I am unofficially chief bridesmaid. I want to pull out as I just can't face this and she is showing no signs of wanting to understand my situation. I would still be there for her - I just want a scaled down role.

Help, what would you all advise?

She is hilarious. I wonder whether she forgot the real present at home and had to stop somewhere on the way? I put more thought into goodie bags than that

Ouch - pasta sauce. Wow.

Please get the bride microwave pasta as a present. After you decline the invite obviously.

Does this woman have any redeeming features OP? You seem nice enough, but why have this friend at all.

God HOrridDilemma, this is terrible and it's 6 hours away!! Awful.

I would in fact demote myself and only be available on the Saturday and be on the same table. Things have changed, it is imperative that you spend a lot of time with your DH, sorry Bridezilla but that is the new situation. Take it or leave it.

When you agreed to be her servant you didn't know that your DH would be coming home and that you would have had such a shitty time recently. It is a new situation now.

You would be so stressed and resentful that it would be pointless to be there longer anyway. Apart from the fact that she sounds a right bitch. :)

Don't go! Don't go! Don't go!

But do post her a card and some spaghetti, ahaha

Query - what the hell does she expect you to be doing on the Saturday evening if not spending time with your husband?
She and her new husband (lucky chap!) should be circulating and greeting guests. What does she think you need to do? Trail in her wake?

I'm gobsmacked!!! Pasta sauce?!?! Seriously?!?!?

I agree with others, Friday and Saturday only and if she kicks up a fuss tell her to GTF , she is not a friend if she doesn't think time spent with your DH should be your priority.

I think you should go all out and buy this

Whatever present you bought her, you must return and exchange for this. Tell her that when you saw it, you knew it would be perfect for her refined gourmet tastes....

Ooh MmeLindt - a 12 pack? Bit on the generous side don't you think? :o

Brilliant! How about a jar of bechamel and some dried lasagne sheets. And tell her to get real on the rest of the wedding. Hope you have a lovely week with your DH.

Love these suggestions! Thank you all for a good laugh, I needed it.

I will ring her tomorrow and let the chips fall where they may!

I think you should just resign, hope she is lived and never wants to have anything to do with you again.

Under the circumstances I think you should give her the Fri night and the Saturday and that's it.

OMFG at pasta sauce as a wedding gift. Reading through your subsequent posts she sounds completely nuts.

Dear God. Get yourself a fake plaster cast, take photo of leg in cast and email it to her. You will no doubt spoil the look of the wedding and be instantly uninvited.

As for pasta sauce - words fail me.

Actually, is she not planning on spending most of her wedding with her new DH? Does she really need you as a chaperone?

Well, we know what present she bought your friend Horrid, but what did she buy you and your DH for your wedding?