to not want a 'title'

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

I'm married but hate it on forms or anything really (especially professionally) where I have to state a title. I don't like the way I'm judged and perceived when I say Mrs (misogynistic industry and I'm quite young) but I'm not a Miss and again feel judged and decide upon when I put Ms.

Does anyone else get like this? Why can't the title field be optional?

Sorry this isn't a more interesting thread than the title suggests - I ought to be contemplating a damehood really!

I meant also to respond to Majordanjarvis' cretinous absurd assumption that women who choose not to change their name or to use "Mrs" are doing so because they dislke or have been hurt by men.

I repeat again DON'T ASSUME.

I am happily married, have never been divorced, like men - and made the decision to use "Ms" out of a sense of my own identity - not out of any hatred of men.

Worcester, what do you mean by 'trendy'?

I've been married for 20 years and have always used Ms in the UK. Now live in Ireland and use "Mrs". I used to object to Mrs for the same reason as you but as I have got older, I really can't be arsed to argue the toss anymore

However, if I was unmarried I might feel differently about constantly being asked if I was Miss, Ms or Mrs

Its up to you really - whwatever you feel comfortable with

what's with using 'crossed out' offensive terms prettybird? Does that make it ok?

And what's a "trendy, lefty girl", Worcesterwoman?

I can't tell whether meaningless phrases like that apply to me or not. What do these trendy, lefty girls do, or believe in, or wear, or what?

ullainga - dunno how many weddings you've been to where the groom's father is asked if he is giving him to be wed but I'll confess I've yet to see that myself

And in response to WW: I would hope that this thread has shown you that you can't make that assumption.

That's one of the things I like about Mumsnet: that it opens your eyes to the way other people think and makes you realise that your belief set is not perhaps accurate, so that maybe, just maybe, you will make a paradigm shift.

Dear god - I'm glad I don't live in Worcester.

Ooh - I wonder what title Xenia uses? She's the perfect antidote to WW's assertion.

a trendy, lefty girl? good god.

i'm not sure i should even attempt to tackle that sort of mindset.

OK - I shouldn't have corssed it out. It was a cretinous assumption - I just felt that absurd was a better word.

Worcesterwoman - I agree with you. Many of my recent girlfriends and/or 'liaisons' have all said that "Ms" is just soooo 1990s and they'd far rather be Miss or Mrs.

Major and WW - you two sound like a perfect match to me, out there in olde worlde corner.

Just did a search on posts by Xenia using Ms, and she uses it a lot. Thought she might, actually - Xenia - if you read this, my apologies, but I thought you probably wouldn't mind.

I don't appreciate being called a girl either Worcester.

You both seem rather confused and unable to comprehend simple facts that have been explained repeatedly.

Major, given that people tend to seek out partners of the same mindset as them, that's hardly surprising. Do you have this kind of chat with a liaison, though? What is a liaison?

I'm left wing, but far from trendy!

Prettygirl - ^"that it opens your eyes to the way other people think and makes you realise that your belief set is not perhaps accurate, so that maybe, just maybe, you will make a paradigm shift.
"^

Except that that isn't really how it works in practice, is it?

The left-wingers get all huffy and start attacking the people with whom they disagree instead of attacking their opinion or argument. Often questioning their mental health, as though holding opinions other than those from the BBC/Guardian/Lib/Lab mindset are an indication of mental illness.

You will very, very rarely get personal abuse from a more conservative person.

Just my observation.

I am Miss Maiden name, and married.

My child is [first name][EC family first name] [my maiden name][DH's surname]. The next child will be named in the same way.

I do not hate men. My DH is not troubled or emasculated by this arrangement.

My maiden name is at least one I am genetically connected to, via my father. It is part of my identity, and my DH understood perfectly well that I didn't want suddenly to have to change that, any more than he would. not to mention the faff of all the paperwork changing your name generates. No one I've come across finds this at all difficult.

I wish that there were only one title for women to be used throughout life, just as there is for men. I personally favour 'Madam' for this, but would settle for Miss.

"You will very, very rarely get personal abuse from a more conservative person. "

That's not my experience, majordan, but I don't think you have much claim to the moral high ground given that you have confessed to sexist recruiting pracices, apparently in the belief that your own conservative politics about what women should call themselves somehow put you above the law. That is a much greater abuse than anything that happens on MN.

ViolaTricolor - I employ people on the basis of how well they will contribute to my firm. A woman wilfully seeking to create confusion over her marital status is telling me that she is either (a) undecided as to where she belongs in life or (b) unwilling to commit or (c) a bit more trouble than she is worth.

Clearly, there are exceptions and if she is exceptionally qualified for a demanding role (or particularly attractive for an undemanding one - esp client-facing etc etc), then I may make an exception in what is, I accept, my prejudicial approach.

Company is doing fine to date though, so no complaints.

Not true, jordan.

I've seen plenty of personal attacks on MN from right-wingers. One got deleted from a thread I was on just yesterday.

I note you're still not answering my point that "Ms" is so important to you you're prepared to risk your career and expose your employer to legal action - and straightforward financial or service loss - by you're denying them the best employee for a position. All to feed your personal prejudices.

Oh, and btw, refusing someone employment because you don't like their name/title is about as personal an attack as you could make.

X-post, viola!

It was RBS.

Totally dumbfounded by some of the attitudes on here. I am always a 'Ms' on forms (the only place I have needed to specify for years), and I had no idea that people would make assumptions about my character/political views/relationship history based on this. It just seemed the obvious choice for someone whose identity was not bound up with her marital status.

Perhaps you'll share the name of this company, majordan?