Who'd like to nominate their worst heart-sinking dismal crappy plotline in a children's book or TV series?

[BalloonSlayer]

You know the sort where you wonder who, just WHO are they employing to come up with these things, and you seethe because you could do SO much better AND you would be able to call yourself "a writer" at parties and people would be all impressed and that.

My nominees are.

Little Red Tractor video.

The TV breaks down. So two ADULTS decide that what they'll do instead is put on a show.

Yeah. Because when our TV breaks down, DH and I reject all of the following potential courses of action:

• Getting out the one from the other room
• Calling a repair man
• Going to Tescos to get another one
• Reading a book
• Having a conversation
• Having sex*

In favour of singing and dancing for each other, perhaps even juggling.

Please, has anyone ever in the history of history put on a show because their telly won't work?

• Disclaimer. The children might have been wanting to watch telly in this episode so maybe sex is not a suitable option in this case

Nominee Two

Thomas the Tank Engine Book - Jeremy (the Jet Engine)

"The Children" - that amorphous mass who must never be disappointed on the Island of Sodor - are having a picnic. Oh NO - it starts to rain!! The picnic will be RUINED! Does anyone say "Oh it's nowt but a bit of rain, it won't kill you." ? Of course not. It's a disaster.

Thomas steams to the rescue. Good old Thomas! What does he do? Takes them to Jeremy's hangar and they have their picnic in there.

So on what planet is having a picnic in an aircraft hangar a) safe or b) pleasurable? Why can't they eat their sandwiches in the train?

I take my DCs on days out and pay good money for them to eat their lunch in the carriage of a steam train.

Further nominations welcome.

Do all the little Waybuloo 'Cheebie' girls wear Boden?

I think they do.

Housemum - my DS got some weird waybuloo baby circumcision device for christmas. it's called a bath pod but he kept opening and closing it, and caught himself in a sensitive area when closing the bloody thing more than once! Very odd toy, it has been consigned to the great toybox in the dump sky.

I love Waybuloo, think it is sweet and gentle and my dd joins in with all the yoga poses, which I love to watch her doing.

Grandpa in my pocket is a load of old horse crap.

Seriously, why is this man not off enjoying himself with people his own age instead of interfering in everyone else's lives? Why must he teach every ever-so-slighty irritating little eejit in town a lesson? Was my grandad the only one who always said not to tell tales on other children and sort my own problems out?

I also hated Little Women. I have never known any sisters to be so fucking nice to each other and others as this lot. Especially once they hit puberty. Were my sisters and I the only ones to beat eachother up, scream abuse at eachother and deviously try to get eachother in some kind of trouble?

Tommy bloody zoom. Every episode is just 'What should Tommy do? Be a little shit or not?'

So glad to see other Waybuloo haters! DS1 (3.6) has just discovered it.

Could put up with the mimsy pastel characters and anaemic f**king lack-of-plotlines and hideous stage school brats if it weren't for the unbearable cutesy-wutesy non-words and faux toddlertalk.

DS1 can mostly speak in perfectly reasonable sentences but keeps regressing to baby speak a la the Piplings. It makes me want to throw things at the TV.

I loved the Mole book! And I suppose you could say it is educational since you do learn what different animal's poo looks like.

I can't believe no-one has nominate Topsy and wretched Tim. My heart used to sink when DD chose one of these in the library.

Also for those who think the oxford reading tree books were dull I bet your DCs never had the Crown readers. When DD was in reception they alternated ORT books with these others about a King, Queen, baby, Big Guard and Little Guard and they were so mind numbingly dull and repetitive. Honestly, Biff, Chip and Kipper were a welcome bit of humour and entertainment by comparison.

Saffy how COULD you say that about Little Women. They were NOT alwys good either!

Amy burnt Jo's manusript and it's NOT as if it was on a meory stick either! No...hand written and gone forever.

Jo then left Amy behind when she and Laurie went skating...resulting in Amy falling through the ice!

Meg was always above everyone...with her lectring etc.

Only Beth was perfect and that's because she was doomed.

Also...Amy was generally a little bugger, vain and selfish...puttng herself first. AND she knew Jo loved Laurie really. But she still caught him in her shallow trap of beauty! Leaving Jo to marry some crust old German prof. Who whilst he adored Jo wasn't exactly sex on legs!

So there.

I dunno SeeJaneKick, in the film, the prof is played by Gabriel Byrne.

I would.

That's the FILM MrsC...of course Gabriel Byrne played him. In the book he'd dry, old and crusty and plain.

Come Outside really irritates me. I could just about accept that if Aunty Mabel lived on a remote Hebriddean island she might need a plane to get around. But she doesn't. As far as I can work out she lives in London commuter belt and yet uses her plane to fly everywhere, including local shops. Do all these places really have a landing strip next to them? And one episode she even used her plane to chase after a bit of washing which had blown off her line! Has that woman not heard of global warming? And she need to take better care of her dog. Poor Pippin gets lost in almost every episode!

Several people have nominated the Mr Men books. The one I really hated was Mr Messy. Ok, Mr Messy's house was horrible and I probably wouldn't want to visit it. But it was Mr Messy's house and he lived there alone, so what right did Mr Tidy and Mr Neat have to go barging in, interfering, rearranging etc.? Hate interfering people!

Has anyone said Teletubbies yet?

My sisters best friend at school's dad was one of Teletubbies, my claim to fame

NOOOH. How can you speak ill of good old Aunty Mabel and poor deceased Pippin?
The Poo episode is my favourite. I always wondered where it went!

Yes saggy! I love the poo one too! Especially enjoy seeing Pipping wearing that weird frog mask! The way Aunty Mabl has a prper party for him with children and everything!

I also love the one where she goes to the welly shop!

RIP Pippin.

"But my pet hate was a book my grandpa had called Shock-headed Peter (although he had a German copy as well - check the illustration: www.banterist.com/images/Struwwelpeter.jpg) - 150 year old German stories including Little Tom Suck-a-thumb (whose thumbs are chopped off by an evil man with enormous scissors - not a book to show to a thumb-sucker). Horrible, horrible book!"

I had that book as a child. I will have you know that "Harriet, who played with matches" ensured that I kept well away from them.
Not because of the hideous fate that befell Harriet, but because her two cats were crying. I did not want the family dog to be upset if ever I burnt myself with matches. No thought was given to the impact on the rest of my family.
The great long-legged scissor man scared me as well.

Book nomination for The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister and J.Alison James here

The Rainbow fish's friends are jealous of him and wont play with him because he is better looking then them, so he disfigures himself by giving away his pretty scales and they all like him again.

This is supposed to be a good result is it? If one of my DD's was loosing friends for being prettier then them I would tell her to find some friends who were less shallow. If I came home and found her disfiguring herself to fit in I would be calling the doctor!

DS loves the little mole who knew it was none of his business- as does DH!!

Can I nominate the sickly sweet Baby Looney Tunes? It makes me feel bleurgh- everyone learns a lesson blah blah

What's wrong with falling anvils and exploding beaks?? Where did it all go so wrong? And don't get me started on the Care Bears

Rumpelstiltskin. Where the woman is threatened with being executed if she doesn't fulfil some impossible task, because her father has lied to the king. Which means she has no option but to accept Rumpelstiltskin's help, along with the deal he makes with her. And because it's the king who has threatened her, she can't tell him to fuck off, but has to marry him.

Yes! He tells her that if she spins the straw into gold he will let her go, twice, the liar, then the third time tells her he will marry her. And if she doesn't manage he will kill her.

Then she is all thrilled at the wedding. And she won't even give Rumple her baby as promised. She and the King deserve each other as they are both fibbers.

Runpelstiltskin is a very macabre and not very nice story, agreed!

dd2 loves fairy stories of the Grimm variety, and recently I read her "the Nightingale and the Rose" by Oscar Wilde- she was inconsolable by the end of it, and I didn't feel much better! What a truly depressing tale

I loved Thomas the tank engine as a child (but Henry in the tunnel is just plain stupid) I thought the same about trains getting stuck on hills and leaves until I stated commuting into Brum up Lickey incline and discovered not only these, but many other idiotic reasons could make me late for work.

For some bizzar reason the family all decied to watch Cbbies one weekend (DDs are 10 and 13)
We came across Waybuloo for the first and I hope last time -What are they on

Oh and please can we have more than one Scooby Doo plot!!!

The thing is with a lot of fairy tales is they were not originally intended for children at all: they are folk tales and peasant tales and when they were first being told and passed on life was very arbitrarily harsh and cruel and there wasn't this idea of innocent, sweet, fluffy childhood.

I nominate Miffy for the dodgy tranlated rhymes. In particular the specific volume 'Dear Grandma Bunny' which has a picture of Grandma Bunny's gravestone on the front. I did not realise when I first read it I thought it was Grandma bunny's funny little house.

I cannot bear smug pants Bob the Builder. I do not want my three year old lecturing me on 'teamwork'.

OI! I'll have you know, MIFFY is God! The perfect length for a bedtime story, a nice rhythm. Nice sweet stories. Dont diss the bunny!