Who'd like to nominate their worst heart-sinking dismal crappy plotline in a children's book or TV series?

[BalloonSlayer]

You know the sort where you wonder who, just WHO are they employing to come up with these things, and you seethe because you could do SO much better AND you would be able to call yourself "a writer" at parties and people would be all impressed and that.

My nominees are.

Little Red Tractor video.

The TV breaks down. So two ADULTS decide that what they'll do instead is put on a show.

Yeah. Because when our TV breaks down, DH and I reject all of the following potential courses of action:

• Getting out the one from the other room
• Calling a repair man
• Going to Tescos to get another one
• Reading a book
• Having a conversation
• Having sex*

In favour of singing and dancing for each other, perhaps even juggling.

Please, has anyone ever in the history of history put on a show because their telly won't work?

• Disclaimer. The children might have been wanting to watch telly in this episode so maybe sex is not a suitable option in this case

Nominee Two

Thomas the Tank Engine Book - Jeremy (the Jet Engine)

"The Children" - that amorphous mass who must never be disappointed on the Island of Sodor - are having a picnic. Oh NO - it starts to rain!! The picnic will be RUINED! Does anyone say "Oh it's nowt but a bit of rain, it won't kill you." ? Of course not. It's a disaster.

Thomas steams to the rescue. Good old Thomas! What does he do? Takes them to Jeremy's hangar and they have their picnic in there.

So on what planet is having a picnic in an aircraft hangar a) safe or b) pleasurable? Why can't they eat their sandwiches in the train?

I take my DCs on days out and pay good money for them to eat their lunch in the carriage of a steam train.

Further nominations welcome.

I thought it was those ones, UQD.

Our local library has them in the grown-up section, not the children's, thought you'd like to know.

(This means DS gets fined when he is late returning them.)

meliesmummy I am always puzzled by Maisy having a friend who is a crocodile. I always think, well, that's got to end badly . . .

BalloonSlayer - I don't really mind where in library/bookshop they go, as long as they are in!

I used to write for the New Adventures series, two or three of which contain the word "fuck". Several of us would have great fun pointing this out to the shop managers who had put them in the children's section.

Stupidly got 'The Troll' out of the library just because Julia Donation wrote it - she must have been having an off day, it was very tedious (usually love her books).

Another vote for 'Zsa Zsa's Baby Brother'. Got it in a collection of books and was going to give it to DH's niece as she had just had a baby brother... changed my mind once I read it though!

I had friends that used to do that with the New Adventures as well, just pick them up in the children's section and have loud pointed conversations for the manager to hear: "Oh look, there's the f-word, there's some prostitutes, there's a violent death?"

Am intrigued to know who you are now UQD, I've got all the New Adventures so definitely own some of your work!

I just read all 10 pages of this and nearly wet me knickers laughing! How many people (including me) have just bought the mole book online after reading this thread?!
boattobolivia I am kicking myself for only ordering the 'normal' version of the little mole book now.. there is also a 'plop-up' version too!

We read a Dora the Explorer book today...as someone said earlier swiper the fox is a g*t, in this story he steals a load of bracelets of some children, but it's okay - he didn't know that they were special friendship bracelets, oh that's okay then, it's okay to go around the world stealing from poor innocent children if you don't know that what you are stealing is special??!!!

At our church we have a number of hyperactive little terrors adorably lively toddlers especially mine. The vicar (who is generally very tolerant of toddler interruptions) has been saying for some weeks that he was going to theme one of the All Age Worships around Thomas the Tank Engine. We felt rather obliged to attend this (as DS has a habit of wandering around the church, quite often clutching some bit of Thomas paraphenalia, and was clearly a prime member of the target audience).

The service was today. It was only Henry bricked up in the tunnel because of his vanity about his paintwork. This was presented as a sort of allegorical fable containing profound truths about human nature and by implication our relationship with God.

A very weird way of looking at God, in my opinion (vengeful, cruel, using a sledgehammer to kill a butterfly etc). It is great using children's literature as a cultural reference point, but there is a big underlying problem with the theological perspective being presented in this case.

Mind you the children did get to knock down a "wall" of boxes using a large wooden cross as a battering ram. They seemed to enjoy that bit.

Has no-one mentioned Spot? Annoying little shite. Mummy is always baking and cleaning and making Spots dinner. Daddy in one book drives a tractor, naked except for a neckerchief. When Spot gets a book out of the bookcase to read, it is "Where's Spot?". His friends are weird and Steve the monkey is definitely a bit of a geezer.

Also this book, which we all loved for the first few readings, but after several years of it, wish Grandad would just read his paper and stop being so right-on with George and their shopping delivery.