...to think that the most interesting adults I know were wild and untameable as children?

[duchesse]

I fact I can't think of a single interesting adult I know who was good, sweet, obedient, well-mannered, helpful and selfless as a child.

AIBU to think that maybe it's unreasonable to expect children to be all these things? I mean, sure, I expect them to work towards being good as they get older (in fact DS who was WILD!! is almost human now at 17.5), but I welcome a slightly wild streak in my children- I think it's a sign of individuality.

I don't know, I find there's a sort of egotism that goes with wildness - a sense of entitlement - that kind of pushes my eldest-child-in-the-family button. I look at people who are/were 'wild' and see a very deep need for adoration, with a rather unpleasant ability to cold-shoulder people who don't fawn.

(Of course I have specific people in mind here!)

There was a very wild and disruptive girl in my class at school, she was a right pain, ruined most lessons

left school with barely any qualifications and is now a SAHM to loads of kids. Not that there's anything wrong, or implcitily boring about being a SAHM; I am one myself, but she is now the kind without the mental resources to furnish her mind to make her more interesting IYSWIM.

Well I don't know, yanbu to think that about your set of acquaintances, Yabu to extend that to be a generalization about people as a whole.

I don't think that's true.

I knew a lot of people who were not very interesting (ie just got on with at) at school who became completally different confident outgoing people at University.

So they wouldn't fit to start.

I also think interesting is too vague, I'm not sure what you mean? There is also one girl from school who was a bit challenging at the time (although not awful, never got suspended etc) and she is interesting now, because she went off the deep end and ended up in jail for assault... which is surely interesting in a very bad way!

OTOH, I think the kids that had very clear interests and weren't bothered by how popular those interests were are generally pretty interesting adults in good ways.

YABU. 'Wild and untameable', if it carries on, can lead to selfishness, violence and a total disregard for others. There's a place for individuality & creativity, certainly, and thinking for yourself usually beats going along with the herd mentality. But I don't think 'well behaved child = boring adult' any more than 'naughty child = interesting adult' and it's not unreasonable to expect children to be polite and well-behaved most of the time.

Most of the 'Wild' children i know who are now adults actually had early burn outs and struggle with depression and addictions

I think all children should have basic manners and obediance, otherwise they will run the risk of not being accepted by peers or society.
However, just because a child is 'good' doesn't mean they arn't an interesting individual.

Everyone has their own personality which includes good and bad traits, it is up to the parent to encourage the good things, and discourage the bad to make the child the best individual they can be.

YABU.

Are you only saying this though because your chils ''wild and untamable''

Yabu.
Wild kids are a pita.

So easy to be 'interesting', though, isn't it? Much harder to be responsible, unselfish, hard-working, all that dull stuff.

Most of the adults I know, I don't know what they were like as children.

yabu, what a daft generalisation

I think that is the most monstrous pile of bollocks.

Any sweeping generalisations are shit.

My children are gorgeous. Helpful, well mannered, charming and kind. They are interesting and very funny.

Their behaviour gas in part been shaped by our family circumstances which include their having to help me as carers for their wild and untameable and severely autistic brother.

It pisses me off, this sneering one upmanship about children - which ever side of the fence your child is on.

Calling my children dull just because they behave is just as unpleasant as others calling challenging children names.

Pisses me off massively.

If you don't know any interesting adults who were well behaved perhaps you are applying the same blinkers to adults as you are to children.

Your idea of 'interesting' and my idea of 'interesting' may be very different.

Also I don't know if wildness is a sign of individuality. I know some children who are quiet and thoughtful and serious, and they seem very individual.

I don't think its true that wild little sod = great adult - not nessesarily (although possible)...

..but on the flip side, I was talking to a friend today about the way some of our eccentric, interesting, odd, but very lovely friends would probably have been the kinds of children that people worried about because they were "odd" - and I think its sad that some traits that seem so worrisome in children are really just delightful eccentricity waiting to bloom, and which nobody 'worries' about in aduls.

Ah, Pagwatch, you were much more succinct thatn me!

But I agree with you. (sheep emoticon)

Completely agree with Pag.

Sounds to me like you're encouraging your children to be self-entitled, irresponsible gits. No one decent wants to associate with such people much as adults and it doesn't bode well for their future success, so it's doing them a huge disservice, IMO.

I don't believe in indulging teens so much, either.

In the future as it looks to be going now, they need to learn that reality is a hard place that doesn't have much room for brats.

My DH and his siblings were all "good, sweet, obedient, well-mannered, helpful and selfless" as children, and are now lovely, well-adjusted, interesting adults.

I was an eldest child but not so obedient and sweet, and as an adult I'm interesting and responsible, but short-tempered, argumentative and lack discipline and motivation. I struggle to be hardworking (although that's partly due to a rebellion against being forced to work so hard until uni), and I know that I can be selfish, so I make a real effort to avoid that.

My brother was a wild tearaway youngest, and as an adult thinks he's completely entitled, has no sense of responsibility, he's unbelievably selfish, and won't get a job and sponges off my parents, he's 24.

I am going to do everything possible to make DS be more like DH was as a child.

Quite the opposite actually. My children are fairly model citizens. I'm talking about things like them refusing to wear shoes or wanting to sleep in the woods on occasion, not chucking stones through windows and mugging old ladies- which to my mind is criminality, not wildness.

'I'm talking about things like them refusing to wear shoes or wanting to sleep in the woods on occasion,'

You think that's wild?

Refusing to wear shoes = freezing cold feet. Sleeping in the woods = so?

I don't get the point of this, tbh, execpt maybe an ill-diguised and rather pointless boast.

sleeping in the woods?

In tents?

With an adult with them?

Isn't that called camping, and in fact quite a bourgeois boring thing to do???

Anyway, I dislike anyone trying to "model" their children, and make them "wild" or "interesting".

...as if we parents have that much power

Oh gosh, I think you might be my SIL. I love my 'wild and untameable' nieces and nephews but my SIL's belief that their wildness is somehow desirable and interesting can get right on my wick. Whilst it's true that a visit from them is never dull, I don't find the fact that my 5 year old nephew deliberately rampages around my house breaking things - he's pulled all the heads off my daffodils, emptied my garden shed and scattered the contents around the garden, destroyed an apple tree sapling, broken my DD's telescope to pieces, thrown a curtain pole down the stairs like a javelin, not to mention the toys he has broken and stolen over the years - particularly interesting to be honest. And I fail to see how it is going to make him a charming and fascinating character when he grows up. In my SIL's case it's a cop out - her way of avoiding dealing with his appalling behaviour.

How do you know what all your friends were like as children?