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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect?

1001 replies

WriterofDreams · 13/03/2011 23:06

I don't get boarding schools at all. Especially for young children. I will never forget watching a documentary about 7 year olds being sent to boarding school and the fear and upset the poor girls went through being separated from their families. For what? The mums seemed to think the poor children's suffering was necessary in service of their futures. Surely it's more important for them to grow up in their families and enjoy their siblings? I don't have a huge amount of personal experience of boarding schools so I may be missing something important. I do know however know two adults who were sent to boarding school as young children and consider themselves seriously damaged by it.

Surely it's better for a young child to be raised by people who genuinely love them than by a house mother who may be kind and loving but who essentially is just doing a job? AIBU to see boarding school as a form of high class care system for the wealthy?

OP posts:
SueWhite · 13/03/2011 23:11

You know 2 people who consider themselves damaged by boarding school. What does that prove exactly? I know loads of people who loved boarding school and are now extremely well-adjusted and good at socialising (not to mention well-connected).

You say you 'don't have a huge amount of personal experience' - do you have ANY personal experience of it?

BuzzLiteBeer · 13/03/2011 23:13

YABU. You've seen a documentary, that doesn't mean you know anything about boarding schools or the people that use them.

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 23:14

YABU/YANBU, I used to go to a boarding school at 11 when my dad died (my choice)initially it was hard especially my dad passing away, it was great. Being an only child I had company at last, there were so many opportunities. It also taught me independence and self sufficiency. However I did encounter girls as young as 7 boarding and it was Sad. A few of the girls parents were in the forces and moved alot hence that is why they were boarding to have some consistancy.

I used to go and read bedtime stories to the younger girls, and one girl was so upset, she said she wanted to kill herself Shock. I think that she was homesick and missing her family Sad. I certainly would send my dd to boarding school at such young age, mabey older coming up to teens is the best time.

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 23:14

Sorry I would not send

FabbyChic · 13/03/2011 23:15

I agree, why have children if you are going to ship them off for their education?

mamalovesmojitos · 13/03/2011 23:15

YABU
I'd hate to have gone to one myself, i'd never sned dd, but i have two friends who went to boarding school and they adored it.

meditrina · 13/03/2011 23:16

I think that perhaps you had better look at some boarding schools before making generalisations about their pastoral care. Also that you should realise that starting boarding at 7 is quite rare, but that if you ask the Forces Sweethearts about the realities of 9 moves in 12 years then you might realise how important having a stable peer group can be.

And you might like also to remember that the independent sector boarding year is usually around 32 weeks, so that's 20 weeks on holiday with their families.

Vallhala · 13/03/2011 23:17

YABU, as you say, you "don't get" boarding school. That's not the same as boarding schools being a version of neglect.

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 23:18

I do look back fondly at my boarding school days, even though I was apart from my mum. It would have ruined me to stay with her as she was very needy and would have me hanging on her apron strings. If i had not gone to boarding school I would not have had the courage to move out of the house and away from my home area

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 23:19

I see mum every month, she comes to stay with us for a bit each month which is nice, and we go there sometimes too

freshmint · 13/03/2011 23:22

I feel very sorry for 8 year old boys shipped off to boarding school. Sure, if they are forces kids and they are moving about it is an option, but there are so many kids that age at boarding school and it is very sad.

I think at 11 or 13 it is a different matter - still haven't chosen it for my kids despite being sent myself (and dh was sent at 8 poor lamb) but certainly at 13 kids are perfectly old enough to enjoy it if they want to go.

8 year old boys should be at home imo.

midtowner · 13/03/2011 23:25

Totally depends on the child, their personality and family circumstances. You can't generalise.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 13/03/2011 23:27

For me, that was my experience of boarding school, however that is not the experience of everyone.

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 23:28

Apart from children whose parents are in the Forces or parents whose job involves a lot of travel, it is a bit Sad that young children are sent to boarding school, I do agree that at 7/8 they need to be with their parents.

colditz · 13/03/2011 23:29

depends on the age.

By 14, i'd have leapt at the chance to go to boarding school. At 7, I honestly think it would have been the death of me.

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 23:29

I was there at 11 and that was the right age really for me. At 7/8 I still needed my mum and dad and to be at home

zukiecat · 13/03/2011 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rinabean · 13/03/2011 23:31

I agree. There's no need to have kids you don't want nowadays. It's entirely preventable. I feel just as cross at parents who send their kids to boarding schools as I do those who swear at them in the supermarket.

squeakytoy · 13/03/2011 23:31

I dont agree with them either unless there are very exceptional circumstances.

If you have a child, that child should be part of the family, and living elsewhere, coming home for the holidays certainly isnt being part of the family.

BigBadMummy · 13/03/2011 23:33

Neglect?!!

My son (year 10) has been at a weekly boarding school for 18 months now and neglect could not be further from the truth.

Please don't generalise based on a documentary you saw.

And boarding schools 10 / 20 years ago are very different from boarding schools now.

My son couldnt be happier. And in fact is a lot happier than when he was at his last day school.

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 23:34

I loved it at 11 it was great all my mates around me, and to get away from those awful school bullies that were moving to the local comp from the primary school.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 13/03/2011 23:35

It depends on the age and character of the child, and the school you send them to.

My PIL took dh out of a private day school and sent him to boarding school because he was being horribly bullied and was miserable. The change in him was dramatic and almost instant - you can see the difference in his school photos, where in 6 months he goes from a grey, miserable child to a happy and clearly energised young man.

In his case, expensive neglect would have been leaving him at the day school.

waffleanddaub · 13/03/2011 23:35

YANBU. I say this despite longing to go to Mallory Towers as a child!

splashyy · 13/03/2011 23:37

I have personal experience and hated it, but I think that's more down to the school than boarding schools on general.

pigletmania · 13/03/2011 23:37

I am sure that the Girls in Mallory Towers were about 11/12 years the right age to go imo. I remember reading the books as a teen and feeling so lucky to be living the dream Grin

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