To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect?

[WriterofDreams]

I don't get boarding schools at all. Especially for young children. I will never forget watching a documentary about 7 year olds being sent to boarding school and the fear and upset the poor girls went through being separated from their families. For what? The mums seemed to think the poor children's suffering was necessary in service of their futures. Surely it's more important for them to grow up in their families and enjoy their siblings? I don't have a huge amount of personal experience of boarding schools so I may be missing something important. I do know however know two adults who were sent to boarding school as young children and consider themselves seriously damaged by it.

Surely it's better for a young child to be raised by people who genuinely love them than by a house mother who may be kind and loving but who essentially is just doing a job? AIBU to see boarding school as a form of high class care system for the wealthy?

No yanbu, I don't get them either, what is the point of not seeing your children? You only have them for such short time as it is before they are off to uni or travelling round the globe.

I miss my dd as it is and she just goes to the local primary school!!!

The spouse is receiving nothing. A member of the Armed Forces in a qualifying mobile role will receive the allowance regardless of whether they have a spouse/CP or whether any spouse/CP has an income or not.

How one sees this depends on your view of the Military Covenant.

Which is all getting away from whether boarding is synonymous with neglect and if it is ever right to make sweeping judgement about something which is so dependent on individual circumstances.

I loved boarding school, but would not send my DD as I would miss her too much.

It is definately NOT a form of middle-class neglect. My parents moved around alot due to my dad's job and it meant that we could have a British education and the same friends.

All the countries that we lived in offered the American system and that is not as well recognised in the UK.

Also due to the 'sacrifice' of going to boarding school, my dad earnt good money, we had 5 months worth of holidays a year and we could afford to do good things on them. I also came out with straight A's which I would not have got at a 'state' school, as I was made to do 'prep' every night, which I would not have done at home.

Also I used to argue all the time with my sister, then, when we went away to school, we started getting on really well.

It can be hard, and sad and u can get homesick.... but show me a kid who doesn't have some sort of 'problem' at day school..

Mine was also mixed Sex and as I have no brothers, helps you develop good relationships with men...rant over!

Lequeen.... its not even worth rising to your comments!!

I will rise to lequeens comment

TIFF TIFF

When was your Dad in the RAF? The 50s? What verandah? The O club is American actually; we don't have them in the UK services. We have the Wardroom for the RN and the Officers Mess for the Army and RAF.

I was always too tired after working teaching all day, to want to go to dinner in the Mess if dh was duty, and that is if he was duty somewhere in a 20 mile radius as opposed to 4 hours or over the channel. That was doing my job that I paid tax on!!!

I am confused Swallowed, by your assumption that a wife abroad doesn't work. If she does, then where do you think her tax goes? It doesn't go to HMRC, because the spouse works abroad. In my case, the Belgian government gets it. Whether a wife works abroad or not, HMG gets no tax benefit either way as you pay local taxation, not British. They are therefore contributing to the society they live in.

seriously, almost a thousand posts and you're still playing "I'm a better parent than yow"?

How about, some kids go to boarding school because thats what works for their family. Job done.

I should finish my story. So after years and years of moving around, my mum finally said 'enough'. So me and my sisters stayed at our international school until we finished our A levels. My dad was posted to another country for four years at one point - he commuted on a Sunday and came home on a Friday. He turned down a promotion to South America and his career pretty much stalled after that but although he's a bit saddened by that, his family came first. My parents are still married and have been for 56 years.

So it is possible to walk away from the glittering career if you think your family are more important. But it takes both parents to subscribe to that for it to happen and, from some of the posts here, I think the career is more important than the children.

Am with LeQ, I am struggling to understand the apparent contradiction in the effect that distance has on relationships too.

Like most here I am not quite so vitriolic about teenagers who have a say in whether to board, but I know I would have HATED it. Many of the children at my school loved boarding, many hated it...I knew which camp I would fall into. I had a lovely life outside of school, and would absolutely have missed my parents every second I was away. I was not needy, or dependent....I was very normal and still am. Maybe I would have hardened up and become immune to it eventually, but why should I have had to? Why should any child? Hell, it would have been my worst nightmare at primary age.

I will NEVER send DD away to school (not trying to be emotive in choice of words there, merely factual as that is what would be happening) because she is my baby, and the best place for her is with the people who love her most in the world...not some well meaning professionals.

How about, some kids go to boarding school because thats what works or their family. Job done

OR How about some kids go to boarding school because thats what the parent wants. Job done.

But it's not allowed to work for those families Winter; MN is anti choice it seems.

"seriously, almost a thousand posts and you're still playing "I'm a better parent than you?"

How about, some kids go to boarding school because thats what works for their family. Job done."

Best post on the thread!

It is also pro paying massive sums of money from the public purse via the TV licence for journos such as Mark Mardell to educate their children privately in Brussels; to pay for the damage his kids caused to their rental and had to be repaired when they moved, and pay for the rental as well, but not for Forces kids who move unexpectedly and at times inconvenient for exams.

Mr Mardell could cease being the US editor for the BBC and move back to UK, but no-one is calling for him to do that. He costs more than 1 service family.

Ah but it is my choice to pay a tv licence it is NOT my choice for the tax of Britain to fund boarding school for the military.

If you liked that one I'll give you this for free in response to mrschips:

shocker, parents deciding whats best for their own children? Never heard the like, how awful.

I have come to the conclusion that if a parent or parents think that boarding school is the best thing for their children,

then it probably is.

They would probably be better of away from a home that had made this decision.

It's not my choice that my UK tax goes to the EU, but it does!

thats actually quite funny chips. You're a riot!

The forces thing is a bit of a smokescreen. Not that many children are involved. There are plenty of children who are at boarding school even though their parents live at home and could easily arrange an au pair for less than school costs pa. And even for those who live abroad and are posted here or there as civilians, there are educational options in a lot of places that are recognised in the UK. American AP subjects and the International Baccalaureate are acceptable qualifications for many universities.

The girls I knew in Ireland who went to boarding school (friend and her sister) had a father working in the Middle East and a mother who went along with him -- no possibility of women working there. The school that was chosen for them in Dublin came recommended by other families working for the same company (electricity/engineering field) whose children were there, and where the mothers were basically in Saudi to accompany their Hs (and maybe keep them out of mischief?). There were hundreds of Irish families in the Middle East at that time (late 70s/80s) with women who didn't work. And socialising wasn't too much fun with the alcohol restrictions. Officially anyhow. But the money was unbelievable compared to pay rates in Ireland at the time.

thats actually quite funny chips. You're a riot!

I am nice really, just a bit gobby.