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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL and DS - visits

133 replies

DwayneDibley · 13/03/2011 12:07

Fully prepared to accept if I am BU (well, maybe).

Very brief - My Mum and Dad work FT and dont get home until 6pmish, including Saturdays so they take DS on a Sunday (gives me a much needed break as I also work FT). DPs parents work FTish (but early finishes most days, home by 4pm) and they are both off Saturdays AND Sundays.

Now, most Saturdays they have their other GC (just the one, who is about 6) and go out shopping or whatever. They rarely see DS because the other GC can be a bit of a handful and I dont think they can do with the hassle of looking after two Hmm.

For the past however long I can remember they have had plans (nothing special, little trips out etc) on Saturday when they havent had the other GC so havent had DS either. Doesnt bother me too much, their choice an all that, except last Sunday they had no plans, so wanted to see DS in the afternoon.

I saw my arse a bit tbh, because 1) Selfishness on my part - when they have him its only for an hour or so and my mum, god love her, takes him off my hands for the day and gives him his tea (and he loves it there!) 2) Sunday is the only day my mum and Dad see him really. 3) PILs can see him on a Saturday or in the week but choose not to because they are going to pick garden furniture or cant be arsed with having 2 GC on the same day.

I am also a bit Hmm that just because they have decreed that on one Sunday they have no plans and would like to see DS that everyone else has to change what has become a bit of a routine (and as I say, a lovely break for me, esp as I have not been very well recently).

Soooooo, on the one hand I think I might have been a bit U, they are his GPs afterall. BUT when they can see him on Saturdays, and when I suspect she had had a bit of a moan to DP about never seeing DS, it just makes me think "feck off, if you want to see DS then maybe dont go to B&Q one Saturday".

Tell me if IABU and I might consider that I am

OP posts:
Original poster
DwayneDibley · 13/03/2011 12:08

That wasnt that brief actually. Sorry

OP posts:
bruffin · 13/03/2011 12:23

Can't believe you work full time then expect someone else to look after him at the weekends.

diddl · 13/03/2011 12:26

TBH, it´s not your ILs fault that your parents only have a free day on a Sunday.

Wouldn´t your parents be glad not to have him for once?

Iyswim.

saffy85 · 13/03/2011 12:27

Could you maybe look at this a different way?

Your mum works full time and then has your son for you all day on her one day off (as I understand it). Would she maybe like a little break for one Sunday? Put her feet up, watch a dvd, have a lie down, go out for sunday lunch somewhere nice instead of looking after your DS to give you a break?

pinkthechaffinch · 13/03/2011 12:29

you are very lucky having so many grandparents around you, prepared to look after your ds without you there.

I don't blame your MIL for not wanting to look after 2 gcs at the same time on a sat, and it is a shame for her that she doesn't get to see your ds as often. When does she get her break?

You are Very lucky indeed so YABU.

DeidreBarlow · 13/03/2011 12:30

It is only one Sunday she is asking to see him, not every week.

Yes it may seem selfish of them to you to not want him on a Saturday but they are asking to see him. Would you rather they weren't interested at all?

So YABU, but I do get why it has irked you.

Original poster
DwayneDibley · 13/03/2011 12:31

Bruffin could you please point out where I said I expect people to look after him Confused

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 13/03/2011 12:34

if it's one day thrn I think you should just let them see him and swallow any annoyance you feel. I can see why it's annoying though.

bruffin · 13/03/2011 12:34

"they take DS on a Sunday (gives me a much needed break as I also work FT"

Here!

eaglewings · 13/03/2011 12:35

Count your blessings but also be aware that being unwell makes small things seem much more important or bigger than they are.

Bruffin, I can't find where OP says she works full time, its the GP who do

judgejudie · 13/03/2011 12:35

unreasonable

just because their plans dont fit with yours, doesnt mean they should change their plans for your benefit

and if you work FT and kid goes to granny on sundays, when do you see him Shock

DeidreBarlow · 13/03/2011 12:36

"gives me a much needed break as I also work FT" line 4 of OPWink

eaglewings · 13/03/2011 12:36

x post sorry Bruffin

DeidreBarlow · 13/03/2011 12:37

OP how old is your DS?

A 6 year old and another can be quite a handful if your DS is a toddler!

Original poster
DwayneDibley · 13/03/2011 12:37

Diddl and Saffy - my mum and I are very honest with each other, if she wanted to have a break she'd just tell me outright Grin

Pink - it is a shame she doesnt see him that much, I totally agree. But whats huffed me is the whole "we cant be arsed having him except for this one day that we are not doing anything" crap

OP posts:
Original poster
DwayneDibley · 13/03/2011 12:38

Again, can you please point out where I said I expect people to have him

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
DwayneDibley · 13/03/2011 12:38

Deirdre - he is 2 and to be fair he is a bit of a handful at the moment

OP posts:
Mrsfluff · 13/03/2011 12:41

In fairness to the OP she says that her parents have her DS on a Sunday, she doesn't say she expects them to!

Portofino · 13/03/2011 12:41

Don't you just "visit" them? Why does anyone have to "have" him?

FabbyChic · 13/03/2011 12:41

Sorry but if your PIL's had your kid all day on a Saturday when would you get to spend quality time with them when you work all week. Surely the weekends would be spent with your child who you hardly see all week rather than palming them off with someone else?

Portofino · 13/03/2011 12:42

I suppose what I am getting at, is that when I see my family - I go to actually spend time with them. Not for free babysitting.

DeidreBarlow · 13/03/2011 12:42

Ah OP I have a 2 yr old, very much a handful! Maybe when he gets a little older they will have them both.

saffy85 · 13/03/2011 12:43

My mum would tell me too, and has done when we had a regular childcare arrangement. However, it is just one sunday and as it sounds like your mum works quite long hours she might really appreciate you saying to her "put your feet up and have a slobby day/get dad to take you out somewhere. You deserve it as you do so much for everyone else".

FabbyChic · 13/03/2011 12:44

I worked full time throughout my childrens childhoods and there would be no way I'd ever let anyone have them at the weekend when that is the only time I got to spend with them.

Portofino · 13/03/2011 12:44

And your partner, what does HE do?