PIL and DS - visits

[DwayneDibley]

Fully prepared to accept if I am BU (well, maybe).

Very brief - My Mum and Dad work FT and dont get home until 6pmish, including Saturdays so they take DS on a Sunday (gives me a much needed break as I also work FT). DPs parents work FTish (but early finishes most days, home by 4pm) and they are both off Saturdays AND Sundays.

Now, most Saturdays they have their other GC (just the one, who is about 6) and go out shopping or whatever. They rarely see DS because the other GC can be a bit of a handful and I dont think they can do with the hassle of looking after two .

For the past however long I can remember they have had plans (nothing special, little trips out etc) on Saturday when they havent had the other GC so havent had DS either. Doesnt bother me too much, their choice an all that, except last Sunday they had no plans, so wanted to see DS in the afternoon.

I saw my arse a bit tbh, because 1) Selfishness on my part - when they have him its only for an hour or so and my mum, god love her, takes him off my hands for the day and gives him his tea (and he loves it there!) 2) Sunday is the only day my mum and Dad see him really. 3) PILs can see him on a Saturday or in the week but choose not to because they are going to pick garden furniture or cant be arsed with having 2 GC on the same day.

I am also a bit that just because they have decreed that on one Sunday they have no plans and would like to see DS that everyone else has to change what has become a bit of a routine (and as I say, a lovely break for me, esp as I have not been very well recently).

Soooooo, on the one hand I think I might have been a bit U, they are his GPs afterall. BUT when they can see him on Saturdays, and when I suspect she had had a bit of a moan to DP about never seeing DS, it just makes me think "feck off, if you want to see DS then maybe dont go to B&Q one Saturday".

Tell me if IABU and I might consider that I am

Porto - you tell me??? My mum and Dad live very close by and I see them in the week sometimes. PIL live a couple of miles away, but I cant go there to visit them if they are out every saturday buying tablecloths, or out with their other GC, or going to the local bakery to get a pork pie that is on special offer (these are the sorts of plans they have on a Saturday that mean they are not around to see DS)

Why don't you all ( you, DP and your child) meet with PIL some Saturdays when they have other GC and all muck in together, or are you wanting them to loom after your child so you get a break?

Porto - my DP works

Heaven forbid that someone actually wants to go shopping on a Saturday rather than have your kid who you already palm off on a Sunday.

You are being really unreasonable.

All the time?

just tell them you already have plans but they are free to see gc on saturday and every afternoon after work, but that is the only day that you have plans. tbh i think it is your dp that should be sorting this out.

Pancake - DP works alot of weekends and I just get told that they have plans.

But yes you are right, I just want everyone else to look after my kid for me. Thats why I had him dontchaknow?

Most weekends Porto - he is off 1 in 6

I only asked a question....

fabby - this isnt about 'palming' DS off, its about PILs who cant be fucked seeing him, except when they declare they dont have plans one day so everyone else has to change theirs.

I couldnt give two sharts if my mum or no-one else wanted to see him at all, or take him off my hands (yes Mum in Wanting a Break Shocker, call the press)

I find the idea that you need a break from him on a sunday when you only spend 1 full day a week with him a bit strange.

Sorry, Im just a bit narked at the suggesting on here that I dont want to see my own DS or something. I dont feel guilty that he sees his GP though and if that means I have to forgoe a bit of time with him so be it, hes not 'mine' to hog.

Anyway, I could be the shittest mum in the world and spend every living breathing moment with him. Its quality not quantity surely?

So, if everyone works, OPs parents have GC every/most Sundays, ILs have other GC on Saturday, when are ILs supposed to see OPs son?

I think you can´t "moan" about ILs having their other GC every Sat when your parents have your child every Sun!

Should ILs not see their other GC on a Sun & see yours instead?

If they get home at 4-how easy do you make it for them to see him in the week?

TBH it seems like you need to reprioritise what's important in your life.
Why not spend Saturdays and/or Sundays spending quality time with your DS. He'll have grown up before you know it, and you'll have wasted all this time 'having a break' from him.
Do something with your mum and/or inlaws if you really think you need their help, but be grateful for the child you've got and treasure your time with him.
A dear friend of mine would be jealous of that time, she lost her DC before the age of 2!

yabu to think that their plans are more important than yours. They are busy on Saturday even if you think it is not important and I dont see why plans cannot be changed for one week. It seems a better idea for them to have the occasional sunday rather than take your son on saturday which is your day with him.

also your ds probably needs a day off too to relax at home.

So your PiL want to see your DS when it is convenient for them? How very unreasonable of them!!

I'm sorry but I don't see it is a big deal for your parents to not have your DS over one week if they see him every weekend.

And actually since you all so incredibly lucky to live so close, why you can't (say) go and see your parents in the morning and then PiL in the afternoon? Which I suspect is what I would do in your situation, either that or alternate weekends.

"Fully prepared to accept if I am BU (well, maybe)"

Um, really? Because you seem to be having a go at anyone who disagrees with you!

Diddl - Im not moaning about them having their other GC, Im moaning that they moan that they never see DS when its not even me that is restricting anything! They have a car, they know they are welcome here anytime, I finish work at about 4pm so am here if they want to come round, however they also have their grown up son and the GC for tea every night otherwise I would go there, but it gets a bit crowded.

When do you see your ds? How does he feel about only having one day at home?

Jenga - just answering any quesitons that might help sway it I suppose

You sound really 'entitled' and rather spoilt, sorry. Here's a crazy thought - he's your son, he's your responsibility, you look after him. And I don't believe your DP work every single day without a day off - that's illegal. When does he look after him?

Lotkin - i am sure he feels fine. As I say I could spend all day with him and sit on Mumsnet and not pay a blind bit of atttention to him. The time I do spend with him is very precious and while I would like to see more of him (Im actually looking for a PT job but I earn a good wage as my job is very stressful with alot of responsibility to shoulder so am fnding it hard to sort out the shortfall in £) I dont want to hog him from any family that might want to spend time with him either.

Oh no DwayneDibley, you have upset the "never let your kid out of your sight" club. What amazing comments! She is a single parent fgs, working full time, and she may need a day a week to herself sometimes and there's nothing wrong with spending time with grandparents. As a child I spent many a lovely weekend with my grandparents, it's great for both children and adults.

Rhinestone - my DP doesnt work every day, I never said that, he works 1 weekend in 6 with time off in the week but DS is in nursery FT