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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

454 replies

Hammy02 · 12/03/2011 13:01

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

OP posts:
fastedwina · 15/03/2011 18:35

many weddings were about getting the whole family together. doesn't often happen that all the offshoots can get together. Traditionally, weddings, christenings, funerals etc do this job and it is when the children of the family get some of the only chances to meet up with close and extended family and see who exactly their family is. Things have changed now (often friends seem to outweigh family now) and people can have any kind of wedding they want which is fair enough but think we sometimes forget that these occasions are one of the few to get everyone together. families do seem to be coming more disjointed and disconnected these days - including my own.

KatieWatie · 15/03/2011 18:45

discombobulatory It certainly wasn't a 'managed day', not by me anyway hahaha. I hadn't "built up" anything other than "I hope just this once my family can be nice to me".

Actually I'm pretty low-key, I just have 'difficult' family who wouldn't be happy whatever I do - whether that be my wedding, my movements at Xmas, or the way I brush my teeth. I'm used to it, tbh. I went away to minimise the risk of even more family ruining it for us so I suppose to some extent I did get what I wanted.

Yes it's sad, but tbh it's sadder for those who can't just be honoured to go to a wedding and be happy for the couple and enjoy it for what it is and what that couple want Confused.

I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, but that's a family issue, not a wedding issue.

I totally understand why people don't bother getting married!

discombobulatory · 15/03/2011 18:56

katiewatie sorry, I didn't mean to get at you (even though it sounded like I did!) I was only trying to make the point that you want to remember good times and not rows on your wedding day and if that takes compromise, well then go for it. You probably had extenuating circumstances.

Gissabreak are you SURE you are not me with a fit of amnesia, namechanging and posting Grin. Few people have ever accused me of being wise but perhaps being very very very old helps.

OP, stop worrying and enjoy your wedding. They won't bring their DC (unless it is a single BF newborn in which case you will have to be gracious for the sake of your DP - I don't suppose he will adore you more for upsetting his best mate on your wedding day). But do take the opportunity to reflect on your priorities.

Gissabreak · 15/03/2011 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2011 21:01

If you're having a nice sit-down meal in a restaurant it's hardly the same as big old knees-up reception, is it?
So not very exciting for children anyway.

And every bride and groom is entitled to have the wedding they want - they're paying for the bloomin' thing!

thumbwitch · 15/03/2011 21:44

I have been to a few child-free weddings. I admit that ONE of them was dead boring but that might have been more about the fact that I was newly pg, tired and unable to have a drink to pass the time. It was one of those weddings where there were a lot of parental friends there as well, so the average age of the guest was a lot older.

All of the others were brilliant fun! Some adults are quite capable of having a good time without children running around between their feet. And no, I wasn't getting blind drunk at any of them but I was able to have a couple of glasses of wine.

pingu2209 · 15/03/2011 21:56

I don't think people would ignor a no child invite. As you are only having 20 people I am sure you know them really really well and are close enough to explain to them face to face or over the phone exactly why no children. If you get any hint that they disagree I would recind their invite.

GnomeDePlume · 15/03/2011 23:12

I hate going to weddings and avoid them like the plague. I would happily have done my own by post if that could have been possible.

Thankfully DCs are now getting to the age where they get invited on their own account. Strangely they are less than enthusiastic to go and be paraded by their lovely but delusional grandmother (she believes that GCs should be seen, heard, admired and interrgated about school by everyone at the wedding).

Actually, I think the key for a happy wedding is to have it child and elderly relative free

Habbibu · 15/03/2011 23:26

"Some adults are quite capable of having a good time without children running around between their feet." Oy, thumb! You 'aving a go?

thumbwitch · 15/03/2011 23:50

nope, not me! Grin

Habbibu · 15/03/2011 23:54

Oh, you haven't met my ickle children. dd discovered she was quite the canape addict at the last wedding we were at.

bighug · 15/03/2011 23:59

Just be open with them and say sorry it's adults only. Just eliminate the risk of them bringing the children by telling them beforehand! Perhaps they would be mortified themselves to turn up with the kids and realise the children weren't invited, and would wonder why on earth you hadn't been explicit in the first place.
I didn't want kids at my wedding either so I do sympathise.

thumbwitch · 16/03/2011 00:01

Grin - so long as she wasn't like one child I saw, who would pick up various items of food from the buffet, lick or bite them once, go "yuk!" and carefully replace them on the plate! [bleuch]

Habbibu · 16/03/2011 00:12

Eww. No, dd eats with enthusiasm. Pea soup in wee shot glasses was the favourite iirc.

Habbibu · 16/03/2011 00:13

And I'd have Had Words with her at so much of a sniff of that malarkey.

bighug · 16/03/2011 00:27

Re-read your op and realise that you have already told them and so to go back and "check" they won't bring their children is rather difficult, because even by asking you are implying they might be rude enough to do it. How about your DP just has a word with his friend asking if their childcare arrangements are working out alright - could be under the guise of "concern" for their situation. Then it could be sorted out beforehand. You do not want a scene on the day, even if you designate someone to do it for you. That would be awful IMO, for you most of all. This is really casting a shadow on the day for you isn't it? You should set your mind at rest now.

thumbwitch · 16/03/2011 00:31

that's cos you is a proper parent, Habbs, innit,Wink who actually pays attention to what your offspring is up to at a wedding. Unlike the parent of that particular child!

Wamster · 16/03/2011 08:45

happiestblonde. You will be able to shut children out of the reception, champagne breakfast, wild party at end of day (in fact, you most definitely should at the party) but you will NOT be able to prevent anybody who feels like it dropping in to the church to see your actual wedding.
And, frankly, I, for one, would not feel comfortable in a building that I was locked into for a wedding.
Now I am not saying that anybody will do this, but if they do they will.

I honestly do not know why you are taking vows in a religion that you do not fundamentally agree with.
It will render those vows meaningless.

stubbornhubby · 16/03/2011 09:09

are these guests really your five or six closest friends?

the way you talk about them: it's like they are invites #152 and #153 on your list you don't know if they will behave, don't care much if they are enjoying it, and you can take-em or leave-em.

but this wedding is just 20 people - ie the 18 people you two are closest to...

Habbibu · 16/03/2011 10:11

wamster, I'm pretty sure hb was joking about locking the church. And I'm not sure her putative wedding plans really merit such harch treatment - loads of people who aren't terribly religious get married in church - we're atheist and it didn't suit us, but that doesn't mean that our marriage and vows are somehow more profound or meaningful. Of course the vows aren't meaningless, no matter where you get married, so long as you are marrying the right person for the right reasons and mean your vows sincerely.

discombobulatory · 16/03/2011 10:16

Gnomedeplume ROFL at the idea of an "elderly person free" wedding.

Thumbwitch Do you have any ideas why nobody does that? After all, some adults are quite capable of having a good time without elderly people getting in their way with all that slow walking Wink Perhaps it just wouldn't feel very inclusive....

Wamster · 16/03/2011 10:28

Habbibu. She can't lock church anyway. It is not allowed. All wedding ceremonies in UK must have open door policy. Great what you learn on mumsnet.

Anyway, vows in themselves are meaningless- it's actions that speak louder than words.

Habbibu · 16/03/2011 10:30

I think we should have a list of people Not To Be Invited To Weddings and reasons why:

Children: messy, noisy and need looking after. except mine,natch.
Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend of the bride/groom still carrying a torch and unable to hold their drink.
People who hanker after pop career and unable to hold their drink: will try to be wedding singer

Any more?

Habbibu · 16/03/2011 10:31

I would have thought any rooms with lit candles in would have to have open door policy for H&S reasons!

Habbibu · 16/03/2011 10:32

Well, then, enough with your rendered meaningless malarkey, then! Poor hb - wedding not even on the horizon and she's had it well and truly taken apart. Sorry, happiestblonde!