Have you ever taken a child to a child-free wedding?

[Hammy02]

This isn't a rant about attitudes to children at weddings. Due to finances, I am having a v.small wedding (20 people for the ceremony & reception) so having to exclude lots of adults that we would rather have there. I am just worried that one of the couples we are inviting will ignore the no-children stipulation and bring theirs anyway. If they do, there will be no-where for them to sit as the room we have hired for the reception is a table for 20 only. Have you ever ignored the no-child comment on an invite?

I do think sometimes you have to compromise to a degree or it can be a bit bridezillalike. Yes it is your wedding but in some ways the guests should be almost as important, doesn't mean you have to invite people you don't want etc. I didn't get the wedding I first wanted even though that was more about me - it wouldn't have meant as much without family and friends being there. There was a little resentment but in the end it was a great day and it was the people who were there that were important - not the venue, the dress, the cost etc.

ah I love the vows, it's the bit that makes me well up usually. and I usually feel pretty pissed off for me, let alone the bride & groom, if I can't hear them because of a small child chuntering away.

OP - are you actually going to check with this couple about the kid situation? or just worry away about it and post here about it until your wedding day?

I love to hear the vows (that's special), the rest is just a party. o do love a good wedding and dressing to the nines though!

I cannot understand for the life of me why anyone would not wish to have children at a 'proper' church wedding, given the fact that the primary purpose of a Christian wedding is for reproduction.
It makes no sense at all.
The only time it makes sense is in a secular wedding. In which case, fair enough.

I don't think adults do care about hearing the wedding vows, actually, a lot of people are divorced, living with a partner, have a partner they do not live with.
The marriage rates are dropping, marriage is not important to people anymore.

To be honest, the only reason marriage should be promoted is for legal reasons.

"If you like them and want to be friends and know that they want to bring their DC so much that they would ignore the invitation, then ASK THE DC TOO."

Why should the OP have two children, she doesn't want, at her wedding at the expense of two adults she does want. There is room for twenty, no more.

But it is the primary purpose of a Christian wedding. I personally have no time for religion but I can't deny that that is what Christian marriage is supposed to be about.

I have been invited to four weddings where there have been a 'no children policy' and these were without a doubt the three most boring and dull weddings of the many and varied styles of matrimonial union that I have ever been to. The fourth one I have just turned down as I now have my own baby and I have no intention of leaving him for an an entire day to travel and attend another dull wedding . Children bring along much fun,laughter and joy to the day and represent the ultimate meaning of meeting and mating! One of the weddings I attended before I had children was a very close friend who admitted the no child policy was because they thought it would be more fun without children - she asked me what I thought and I answered honestly . I believe that our friendship was damaged by my disagreeing with her but I feel that this issue is symptomatic of the general intolerance and exclusion of children in our society- it starts when they are babies and gets worse as they become older. If we as a society have no respect for children how can we expect them to respect society?

"the primary purpose of a Christian wedding is for reproduction."

If you are of a denomination that doesn't believe in contraception, maybe. Otherwise, horsefeathers.

Also, do not think Christian god believes in sex before marriage or cohabitation, either. So presumably, all those who declare they don't want to have children at their church wedding because of their precious vows have upset their god already by doing these things prior to marriage.

Well said TrillianAstra.

Wamster I think you're twisting things slightly.

I said I wanted a Catholic wedding yet do not want to invite children. I do not personally think the presence of children makes for a more enjoyable wedding and as it will be my (and DP's) wedding I think it's fair to decide how I would like it to be. I would not resent guests who did not attend because they did not want to leave their DCs. I also see my marriage as something that will involve DCs but the wedding itself as one day to celebrate our love in a way that we see fit - for us, there won't be DCs there, for others there will. I cannot see a problem here.

So the Christian god approves of having children out of wedlock, does he?
Sorry, but the hypocrisy shown by some here nauseates me- they get all snotty about a few children at a church wedding, about the poor little kids 'ruining' their vows when the truth is this: if they really, really believed in those vows they would not be having sex outside of marriage or cohabiting OR they'd have a completely secular wedding.

I couldn't care less if people do cohabit/ have sex outside marriage but I'm not the one who thinks vows are sacred because I am a nasty atheist.

You cannot see the problem with having a Catholic wedding- Catholicism being a religion that actively promotes community and family life- and not having children present?! I give up.
A Catholic wedding is only in part about love- the rest is about family, friends and community.

To be honest DP and I are not really bothered about the greater meaning of our wedding for the community or Rome. As a Catholic I want to marry in a Catholic church with a Catholic ceremony but I'd rather be able to choose my guests. I don't think this thread should be quite so controversial - does it really matter that much - for anyone but the bride and groom + their direct relatives, it's just another day?

chaoticangel

"Why should the OP have two children, she doesn't want, at her wedding at the expense of two adults she does want"

Well, a good reason would be if that is what the friendship requires and if she values the friendship. It is fine for the OP to prefer not to have children BUT in this case there is an apparent conflict between the "friends" and the "no children" policy (I assume that the OP has good grounds for her worry that they cannot be parted from their DC at weddings otherwise she is barking). Let's assume that there are bride's parents, groom's parents and at least one sibling with his/her DP, that means that there are only TWELVE friends being invited. These must be quite special friends, and yet the OP is willing to contemplate having a stand up row with them at her wedding reception. To avoid that is the reason that she could have two children "she doesn't want". If they haven't even intimated that they will be bringing their DC then the whole worry seems misjudged and self centred. Whether or not it is her "Big Day" she should think about treating her friends more carefully than that if she wants to keep any. Relationships require compromise.

"We are inviting them as DP is best mates with the bloke of the couple. She is a PITA!"

This couple isn't the OP's nearest and dearest but are being invited because he's the OP's DP's best friend.

OP you need to get your DP to speak to them and make it clear that children aren't invited.

X post, my last post wasn't in reply to discombobulatory's post.

Anyway, the OP is having a small wedding due to financial reasons so, therefore, is unable to invite some adults she would like to be there. If this couple are really friend's, of her DP if not her, then surely they will respect the wishes of the OP, and presumably her DP, either not bring their DC or will decline the invitation.