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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to despise my bro

132 replies

Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 22:56

Fuming!
My bro moved to other end of country and met his wife, since then he has never spent a Xmas here tho visits relatively regularly.
I think its selfish of him and wife to always spend it at her parents home and not with our parents.
His wife is now pregnant and acts like she's the only pregnant woman on the planet.
It's my mums 60th this wkend and she can't possibly travel in a car for 4 hrs while pregnant so isn't coming and now my bro just announced he'll only be coming for one night cos his wife has back ache and can't possibly spare him. So he's going home day b4 my mums actually bday. I live in walking distance of my folks and my partner left me when I was 4m pregnant with dc2 so I coped!
AIBU to be angry that my bro and his wife r completely selfish?
Resisted the urge to tell them this via text. Maybe when there son arrives i'll ask them how they'd feel if he fked off to other end of country and they spent every Xmas wondering what they did to deserve him not bothering.

OP posts:
coppertop · 10/03/2011 23:02

YABU.

Your brother has new priorities now - his wife and his unborn child.

The irony that you think he's selfish.

ScarlettWalking · 10/03/2011 23:04

You despise him for that?

Why is it so essential that he is present on the actual day? He is still attending the party right? And she is not you, so will be experiencing different difficulties with her pg which quite frankly you have no right to judge her on. You sound irrational and your anger seems really disproportionate to the actual situation.

MissyKLo · 10/03/2011 23:08

I would not have wanted to travel four hours when pg

Rather than have a go at him, invite them down more, go up to see them and be friendly...

BabyYoureAFirework · 10/03/2011 23:10

I think YABU, sorry. He's coming, isn't he? It's not like he's not seeing your mum at all. Is there more to this? Otherwise I think you're completely overreacting.

LessNarkyPuffin · 10/03/2011 23:11

So just because you didn't make it further than 'walking distance' from your parents he is selfish?

majordanjarvis · 10/03/2011 23:11

You sound like peas in a pod!

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2011 23:11

Even though I despise my brother, I reckon you are being very OTT in the strength of feeling about how he chooses to live his life.

Did you used to be very close to him?

It's almost like you're jealous of the attention he gives his wife.

Isn't it a bit late/early to be fixating on Christmas?

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2011 23:13

I wouldn't have liked to have travelled that far either when I was pregnant, but I suppose it's possible she's making an excuse given what's waiting for her at the other end of the journey.

BitOfFun · 10/03/2011 23:15

He sounds perfectly reasonable to me. You don't.

Mare11bp · 10/03/2011 23:16

Yabu. And you sound like my sister-in-law. Slightly put out that he has other priorities. Not as if he is completely snubbing the birthday arrangements is it?

Mare11bp · 10/03/2011 23:16

Yabu. And you sound like my sister-in-law. Slightly put out that he has other priorities. Not as if he is completely snubbing the birthday arrangements is it?

PatriciaHolm · 10/03/2011 23:16

So - he lives a long way away, but still visits regularly. His wife is pregnant and needs him, yet he's still leaving her overnight to come to your Mum's birthday. Doesn't sound too bad to me.

Alternating Christmases with parents is a common thing, but there are a lot of people who don't. Maybe he doesn't do it because he can't stand the moaning from you about how wonderful you are for staying near your parents and how selfish he is for daring to have a life elsewhere?

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 23:18

I've never had a good relationship with my bro and I know 2 pregnancies r never the same but I had a difficult one without a fella why the hell can't she manage without him for 2 nights, especially when she's got her sister pandering to every stupid whim, something I didn't have either. I'm just angry for my mum, as far as I'm concerned I'd rather not bother with him but she's clearly upset bout it but just makes lame as excuses for his lack of backbone in telling his wife to stop being a mardy arse.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 10/03/2011 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LessNarkyPuffin · 10/03/2011 23:20

Er, why are you blaming his wife? Does it not occur to you that he doesn't want to stay long?

Mymblesson · 10/03/2011 23:20

his lack of backbone in telling his wife to stop being a mardy arse.

And there we have it.

Husband wants to be there for his wife = lack of backbone.

Jesus tapdancing Christ.

coppertop · 10/03/2011 23:21

You sound jealous of your SIL.

PatriciaHolm · 10/03/2011 23:21

Ah-so you are jealous of her having his attention and help basically when you had to do it yourself. That's your problem I'm afraid, not his or hers. If I were her I wouldn't want to be around that chip on your shoulder either, especially as it's going to be stunningly obvious to everyone you don't like her.

bullet234 · 10/03/2011 23:21

To be honest you do sound rather jealous.
It's up to your brother to decide how much time to spend at your mum's birthday party and if he wants to head back early to be with his wife, then that's entirely his choice.

glastocat · 10/03/2011 23:22

What everyone else says, YABU. He has other priorities. I know when I was pg I wouldn't have been up to a four hour car journey (SPD). Perhaps you are a bit jealous that she has more support than you?

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 23:22

Moaning? Huh
She 'needs' him! What for? To brew up and rub her back, cmon guys, she's pregnant not ill, unlike my mum.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 10/03/2011 23:23

yabu and childish.

Mymblesson · 10/03/2011 23:23

She 'needs' him! What for? To brew up and rub her back

Yes.

And?

glastocat · 10/03/2011 23:23

You have no idea how her pregnancy is going, I know I didn't tell people I was having health issues. Anyway, I don't blame her for not coming, you sound like a right charmer.

FabbyChic · 10/03/2011 23:24

Sorry but some people grow up and lead their own lives and are no longer tied to the apron strings.

He has a life now with his wife, he lives at the other end of the country, that's his home and where his priorities lie. Birthdays are really just another day.

Are you jealous he has a partner and you don't? That he has someone and you don't? I don't see what the problem is to be honest. He is doing the right thing by his wife you cannot begrudge him that.