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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to despise my bro

132 replies

Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 22:56

Fuming!
My bro moved to other end of country and met his wife, since then he has never spent a Xmas here tho visits relatively regularly.
I think its selfish of him and wife to always spend it at her parents home and not with our parents.
His wife is now pregnant and acts like she's the only pregnant woman on the planet.
It's my mums 60th this wkend and she can't possibly travel in a car for 4 hrs while pregnant so isn't coming and now my bro just announced he'll only be coming for one night cos his wife has back ache and can't possibly spare him. So he's going home day b4 my mums actually bday. I live in walking distance of my folks and my partner left me when I was 4m pregnant with dc2 so I coped!
AIBU to be angry that my bro and his wife r completely selfish?
Resisted the urge to tell them this via text. Maybe when there son arrives i'll ask them how they'd feel if he fked off to other end of country and they spent every Xmas wondering what they did to deserve him not bothering.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flojo1979 · 11/03/2011 00:01

Pain from having cancer ffs! Not him bailing that just a selfish inconvenience but after 8 yrs I wanted to bloody well tell him I'm fed up of it. But I guess u r right that would sound petty and churlish and I'm better smiling and keeping up appearances. I just can't stand the hypocritical twoddle!

OP posts:
macdoodle · 11/03/2011 00:01

sorry selfish, childish, jealous brat........who can't type

PatriciaHolm · 11/03/2011 00:01

Your animosity comes off you in waves. There is no way your Brother and SIL aren't aware of your irrational and bitter hatred of them, despite your best Queen's English.

And calling people dumb ass is just confirming our opinions of you as someone who belongs on the Jeremy Kyle show.

MadameDefarge · 11/03/2011 00:01

Well, yes, less. But she surely would understand why he couldn't make that particular part of the festivities, given he was actually coming for a day and a night, if not two nights.

SomethingProfound · 11/03/2011 00:02

OP - your clearly mental

MadameDefarge · 11/03/2011 00:04

Maybe the OP has rationalised the lack of support and care she herself did not receive, and so perceives SIL quite reasonable decisions and sadness as being unforgivably entitled and selfish, as she herself was not allowed those emotions.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 11/03/2011 00:04

I'm actually liking your brother and his wife more and more as this thread goes on!

He moved away and has done well for himself. He has a wife he obviously cares for (why do you think their marriage is "pretend?")

She is finally pregnant after miscarriages, and is possibly being a bit over-protective of herself and the baby- understandable. He is also being protective of them, which I think is lovely.

She doesn't want to endure a long uncomfortable drive to sit in a house where she no doubt knows she is not wanted, while you chuckle and bitch about her behind her back with your mates and family. However, your brother will still come, and spend two days away from his pregnant wife, to attend your mum's birthday.

They sound fine to me!

roomonthebroom · 11/03/2011 00:05

Oh jeez, I give up. They don't like you. With good reason by the sound of it. You don't like them either. Get on with your life and let them get on with theirs. Love the fact that you speak 'the Queen's English' when your SIL visits- I'm still chuckling here. Admit it, you feel intimidated by your SIL, suffer low self-esteem and can't stand the fact they have a better relationship and lifestyle than you.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 11/03/2011 00:05

Sorry for typos on phone, and yes he will be much missed hence meal cancelled (not by me!) Mum obviously disheartened and not one to make a fuss anyway.

OP posts:
droves · 11/03/2011 00:06

Omfg ! .
The sil has had miscarages ? Poor girl .
No wonder she wants her husband with her and isnt up to travelling .
OP ... just stop . delete theis thread and go and think about how you are sounding.

LessNarkyPuffin · 11/03/2011 00:08

If you're genuine, you need to talk to him about his behaviour. Your SIL can't 'make' him do anything. He chooses to. You'd be perfectly within your rights to tell him that he is taking the piss to make arrangements to visit and then cancel/rearrange them at the last minute. It's inconsiderate. If you want to tell him that your parents miss him at christmas and he should do it at least one year that's fair enough.

If you just want to rant because he has moved away and separated himself from the family and you don't like his wife then I wouldn't bother.

AgentZigzag · 11/03/2011 00:08

I've always found that people who trot out lines like 'You know me, I never complain' are the ones who complain the loudest right after they've said the line.

And to slate someone for how they dealt with their miscarriages is shockingly below the belt, especially if you know the pain of them yourself.

I can't believe you're able to keep the way you feel under wraps, some of it must leak out at some point.

If they don't know how you feel from you saying it, I'm sure someone else would have enlightened them.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 11/03/2011 00:11

She didn't have a miscarriage, she just a mardy arse!
I'm insulting cos I'm feeling angry n annoyed but wonder why I'm being called names and can see I've been pegged as some jealous lay about! I love my life! Two kids, nice home, good job, family, what's not to like. I just can't be doing with pretending to like my bro when he's a stuck up arrogant selfish pig! Long overdue vent!

OP posts:
JeelyPiece · 11/03/2011 00:13

They sound perfectly decent. You, on the other hand, do not.

MadameDefarge · 11/03/2011 00:13

You said she has suffered three miscarriages.

what this not true?

If you really dislike him so much, why bother about him?

And don't trot out the "because it upsets my parents line" They are adults, and surely should be able to manage their relationship with their son by themselves.

Or just tell him, as room suggested, how you feel. I'm sure its mutual.

macdoodle · 11/03/2011 00:15

No she was jealous cos she had miscarriages
flojo 23:53
Hmm

MadameDefarge · 11/03/2011 00:16

He might well be a stuck up, selfish, arrogant pig.

Problem is, nothing you have shared with us points to that.

you expect us to take on board your viewpoint without question.

Amazingly enough, people don't.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 11/03/2011 00:16

Sorry I must have missed typed, she never had a miscarriage, Gezz I'd never hear the end of it if she did. I had 3. She had no reason to shun dc2 other than jealous cos she hadn't got pregnant by then but I would never shun a baby cos of my own feelings. Nevermind clearly I should of had it out with her at time and had it out with then on boxing day many yrs ago! Just fed up with them being selfish, but who isn't.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 11/03/2011 00:18

He obviously infuriates you, and I can understand that.

What's stopped you from telling him how you feel and that you'd rather not have contact with him?

Is it because it'd cause shit in your family, and with you living so close to them it's just easier to smile/nod and then fume later?

In some ways that's a nice thing to do, but it's obviously affecting you.

PatriciaHolm · 11/03/2011 00:18

Er - earlier you said "No she was jealous cos she had miscarriages". Now you're claiming she didn't? Get your story straight.

I'm giving up now. It's been an interesting diversion into Jeremy Kyle Land, but you're not listening to anything anyone says.

You don't like them, they don't like you - for good reason, you've yet to show yourself remotely likeable. Don't bother with the relationship, you'll be doing yourself and them a favour.

macdoodle · 11/03/2011 00:19

clearly I should of had it out with her at time and had it out with then on boxing day many yrs ago

and thats why they don't come at xmas and who can blame them

Joolyjoolyjoo · 11/03/2011 00:20

"No she was jealous cos she had miscarriages"- that's what you said Hmm Bit of a typo to get from "she had miscarriages" to "she is a mardy arse"

have you ever really tried to get to know this woman, or did you just get your hackles up the first time you met her because she lives in a big house and speaks the "Queens English"? From what you say, she lives quite far away and doesn't visit (for some strange reason) yet you confidently state that she is a "mardy arse", "whining" etc etc. I personally doubt you've ever given her a chance. Maybe that in itself is why your brother isn't so close. If my family felt like that about the person I had chosen as my life-partner, without really giving them a chance, I would be very hurt.

I do think you are geting too involved with your parents' relationship with your brother. I would imagine they could manage that relationship as well, if not better, without you bitching about him and his wife at them.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 11/03/2011 00:21

Umm was suppose to say something in between then I had miscarriages, nevermind clearly u have all made your judgement and I best go back to being a hypocrit and saying nowt. I just thought finally I had the balls to say enough is enough but heyho clearly IABU.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 11/03/2011 00:23

Yes, I'm afraid judgement has been well and truly passed flojo Grin

BitOfFun · 11/03/2011 00:23

You are.