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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to despise my bro

132 replies

Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 22:56

Fuming!
My bro moved to other end of country and met his wife, since then he has never spent a Xmas here tho visits relatively regularly.
I think its selfish of him and wife to always spend it at her parents home and not with our parents.
His wife is now pregnant and acts like she's the only pregnant woman on the planet.
It's my mums 60th this wkend and she can't possibly travel in a car for 4 hrs while pregnant so isn't coming and now my bro just announced he'll only be coming for one night cos his wife has back ache and can't possibly spare him. So he's going home day b4 my mums actually bday. I live in walking distance of my folks and my partner left me when I was 4m pregnant with dc2 so I coped!
AIBU to be angry that my bro and his wife r completely selfish?
Resisted the urge to tell them this via text. Maybe when there son arrives i'll ask them how they'd feel if he fked off to other end of country and they spent every Xmas wondering what they did to deserve him not bothering.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 10/03/2011 23:38

So she is seven months pregnant and doesn't want to spend four hours in a car visiting you?

What a bitch.

glastocat · 10/03/2011 23:38

But he hasn't let your mum down, he's visiting her! My MIL would think her sons had lost their minds if they visited for her birthday. Thank god she doesn't expect them to dance attendance on her, and I suspect your mum doesn't expect that either. You do come accross as very bitter and jealous, those emotions will hurt you more than anyone else you know.

roomonthebroom · 10/03/2011 23:38

If your SIL has had a miscarriage or difficulty conceiving then she wasn't 'jealous' she was probably sad and finding it difficult to cope. Did you show her any empathy at all? Thought not, you don't seem capable of it. It sounds like there is nothing in YOUR life to be jealous of.

LessNarkyPuffin · 10/03/2011 23:39

No MadamDefarge. She wants to stay in her fancy big house Grin.

glastocat · 10/03/2011 23:40

I'm starting to think hope this is a wind up.

MadameDefarge · 10/03/2011 23:40

In her pretend marriage. The best kind I find.

All makes sense now.

bullet234 · 10/03/2011 23:42

I can't imagine why she doesn't want to spend much time with you Hmm.
You do not know how her pregnancy is going. She could have spd herself, or dreadful morning sickness, or be exhausted. She could have antenatal depression. She and your brother might have had concerning scan results. Or been told there is a risk of premature labour.
Or she and your brother might just not want to spend too much time in the vicinity of someone who thinks they have a pretend marriage and that all a pregnant woman needs is for someone to rub her back.

LessNarkyPuffin · 10/03/2011 23:42

Am a bit worried about their hobbies though.

'They can stick their fancy big house and flash, and pretend...'

NettoSuperstar · 10/03/2011 23:43

Oh, we are the same person.
I think my bro is a knobber too.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 23:45

Ok I give up, I take totally on board what u r saying and maybe right now I do sound like I spat the dummy out but if you'd seen how many times they'd messed my folks around in past 8 yrs with there they r coming then bail at last min routine u might be annoyed too. And yes we roll out the red carpet for him and talk with the queens English, which I usually chuckle to my mates about after when he's gone but I doubt they know how fed up ai am with them, tbh I think they too selfish to care what anyone else thinks.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 10/03/2011 23:45

I reckon SIL is just rattling around that big old fancy house wishing she lived nearer her delightful in-laws, making small models of said fancy house and little bride and groom figurines and trying to stick them somewhere interesting to pass the time in the arid desert that is her life.

droves · 10/03/2011 23:45

Why are you so annoyed that your brother wants to be with his pg wife ?

Were you left alone or had a relationship end during a pregnancy ?

If that was the case , then i am sorry you have suffered but there is no need to be taking it out on your Sil .

She might be terrified of the birth , or be ill , or have problems with the pg that you no nothing about.

I think your brother has his priorates right ...his wife and childs health and comfort is more important than your mums birthday party.

You should be proud that your brother is such a good husband .

droves · 10/03/2011 23:49

personality disorder ?????

MadameDefarge · 10/03/2011 23:49

to be honest, it doesn't sound like you have very healthy boundaries with your parents.

If he pisses them off, its up to them to call him on it, not whine to you and get you all riled up.

Let them down over the last 8 years? for heaven's sake, stuff gets in the way.I think I cancel people quite a lot, ooh, because I run a business, and am a single parent...stufff happens. I would not think very highly of someone who decided my decisions in that regard were taking the piss.

roomonthebroom · 10/03/2011 23:49

Actually, why don't you just text them to tell them what you think. I'm sure your SIL will be delighted that she would now have a reason not to spend time in your 'delightful' company.

MadameDefarge · 10/03/2011 23:52
PatriciaHolm · 10/03/2011 23:52

"talk with the queens English, which I usually chuckle to my mates about after when he's gone" Oh you just get more charming by the minute.

He doesn't want to visit because you dislike him and hate his wife. Why is this so hard for you to understand? Maybe if you were more pleasant your Mum would see more of him.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 23:53

No she was jealous cos she had miscarriages, I had 3 but as I said b4 I'm a roll your sleeves up get on with it person whereas she's a drama queen about anything but that wasn't the issue. I do have empathy, I've been in a difficult pregnancy and it sucks. But I don't see how demanding my bro home would help. My mum is like me, say nothing type and smile and shrug off the pain which is why I get annoyed that they muck her about and give no thought.

OP posts:
glastocat · 10/03/2011 23:56

Wow. You should read this thread back and listen to how you sound. I feel sorry for your SIL, and don't blame her for not wanting to be anywhere near you, you sound totally poisonous.

MadameDefarge · 10/03/2011 23:56

Oh do get over yourself.

Feels the pain? because her son sometimes has to change his plans?

have they nothing else in their lives than waiting for a visit of your brither?

Why would anyone get in such a state about it?

You might be a roll your sleeves up kind of person, but she has suffered terribly. How dare you compare and find her wanting?

It really sounds like you resent how much your parents think of your brother, and buy into their woe us us, our lovely son done so good in the world and we aint good enough for him anymore routine...

It sounds like some dreadful 60s kitchen sink drama, tbh.

Original poster
Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 23:56

When did I say I wasn't pleasant dumb ass? I just said I'm currently annoyed by his most recent behaviour, said he was coming, book restaurant for said day, invite guests blah blah and now he cant for what I perceived to to be usual whining wife.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 10/03/2011 23:58

Surely the restaurant is for your parents guests, not just to entertain your brother? Would he be missed so greatly?

"Perceived" "Usual whining wife"
Forgive me forsaying, but you do a good whine yourself.

macdoodle · 10/03/2011 23:59

You sound like a selfish brat TBH, no wonder your SIl and brother do everything they can to avoid you.

MadameDefarge · 10/03/2011 23:59

Who wants to fight for the "dumb ass" accolade?

LessNarkyPuffin · 11/03/2011 00:00

I imagine the OP's mother would miss him a lot.