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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to despise my bro

132 replies

Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 22:56

Fuming!
My bro moved to other end of country and met his wife, since then he has never spent a Xmas here tho visits relatively regularly.
I think its selfish of him and wife to always spend it at her parents home and not with our parents.
His wife is now pregnant and acts like she's the only pregnant woman on the planet.
It's my mums 60th this wkend and she can't possibly travel in a car for 4 hrs while pregnant so isn't coming and now my bro just announced he'll only be coming for one night cos his wife has back ache and can't possibly spare him. So he's going home day b4 my mums actually bday. I live in walking distance of my folks and my partner left me when I was 4m pregnant with dc2 so I coped!
AIBU to be angry that my bro and his wife r completely selfish?
Resisted the urge to tell them this via text. Maybe when there son arrives i'll ask them how they'd feel if he fked off to other end of country and they spent every Xmas wondering what they did to deserve him not bothering.

OP posts:

LessNarkyPuffin · 10/03/2011 23:24

You don't particularly like him, don't like his wife, apparently don't like that he moved so far away, don't really want to see him but think he should visit for longer and are annoyed that your mother isn't slagging him off.

Are you pissed off with being the one on hand to deal with the day to day with your parents whilst he visits and gets treated like the golden child?

coppertop · 10/03/2011 23:24

I really can't for the life of me understand why they don't want to visit more often.

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 23:26

I had spd and a whole list of other things and heyho I survived without a fella. And yeah I don't like her not that I ever told her, in her rare visit its all nicey nice. Except when I had dc2 and she shunned her and didn't bother visiting once throughout my difficult pregnancy or the following yr cos she was jealous.

OP posts:

roomonthebroom · 10/03/2011 23:27

You are jealous and unreasonable. So what if you did it 'without a fella'. She doesn't have to. You sound pretty nasty actually, if you were my SIL I certainly wouldn't be travelling 4 hours to be in your company. As for his 'lack of backbone' WTF? He wants to be there for his pregnant wife, your partner didn't, get over it.

coppertop · 10/03/2011 23:28

Maybe SIL's just finding it hard to find a maternity-sized sackcloth and ashes combo?

PatriciaHolm · 10/03/2011 23:28

You sound about 6 years old. Grow up and deal with it. Your brother has a life, maybe you should be happy for him rather than mired so deep in jealousy you can't see straight?

Mymblesson · 10/03/2011 23:28

cos she was jealous.

Or, and this is a deveoping option, she's fully aware you dislike her?

glastocat · 10/03/2011 23:29

So you don't like her, and you 'despise' your brother. And then you wonder why they don't want to visit for long? I mean, I'm not mad keen on my SIL, but we rub along ok. I really couldn't give a monkeys toss if she visits me or not though, seems to me you have ishoos.

catinthehat2 · 10/03/2011 23:29

jealous jealous jealous

very unattractive

HOWEVER

if you are venting the pus on here so you can act normally in real life, then fair enough

BabyYoureAFirework · 10/03/2011 23:29

Blimey. You're a bit bitter about it all, don't you think?

BitOfFun · 10/03/2011 23:29

You sound like a piece of work, frankly.

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 23:31

Nah not jealous, they have nothing I want. They can stick their fancy big house and flash, and pretend marriage. I'd much rather have family. Ppl not money. It is just one day but it was a special day for my mum and she's not had many of those in the past few yrs so I'm bitterly disappointed he's let her down and his wife 'needs' him. Not convinced the world will end without him. But I can see I'm alone in this thought.

OP posts:

Mymblesson · 10/03/2011 23:32

I'd much rather have family.

But he does. It's his wife.

BluddyMoFo · 10/03/2011 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LessNarkyPuffin · 10/03/2011 23:33

Sometimes women who have recently miscarried find it impossible to be around pregnant women or small babies.

roomonthebroom · 10/03/2011 23:34

You are not only jealous and unreasonable but irrational too. Why are you ranting about the 'big house' and the 'pretend marriage'?

LessNarkyPuffin · 10/03/2011 23:34

So your mother does act like the sun shines out of his arse.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 10/03/2011 23:34

Thing is, according to your OP your brother moved to the other end of the country before he met his wife, which suggests he wasn't exactly desperate to stick around- you can't really blame his absence on his wife, but you seem to focus on her.

she can't make him do anything. If he wanted to live closer, he would. If he wanted to leave his pregnant wife for longer, he would.

My DH isn't close to his family at all. I'd hate for them to think it is somehow down to me (but since I am the one who does phone them periodically, I doubt it) I don't really understand why you are so angry as to despise your brother, as he doesn't seem to have done anything too terrible, apart from starting a life somewhere else. It does come across as jealousy, tbh.

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2011 23:35

It's possibly the anger in your posts flojo that people are reacting to, rather than the fact you think your brother is a selfish twat.

I'm sure on the outside looking in on their lives the seem to have it all, or rather your SIL seems to have it all from your point of view.

But I can almost guarantee that things are never as they seem.

Why haven't you had a good relationship with him?

PatriciaHolm · 10/03/2011 23:35

"It's just one day" - well, he'll be there overnight, so he'll be around for more than one day, won't he? This is clearly not just about this birthday but about the whole situation. He's got a marriage, a home, a life, things that you don't and you don't seem to be able to cope with that.

And yes, you are alone, as you are being childish, jealous, mean and bitter. Surely the fact that no-one here has agreed with you should give you some pause for thought?

Original poster

Flojo1979 · 10/03/2011 23:35

Thanx for the insults guys, I'm just a regular get on with it single working mum and at the end of my rope with the nambi pambi I'm pregnant so can't do anything routine. But heyho, only 2 months to go. Maybe being a mum will give her a reality check, surely she can't be to stuck up with baby puke down her back!

OP posts:

proudfoot · 10/03/2011 23:35

YABU and come across as a nutcase, very bitter and jealous.

MadameDefarge · 10/03/2011 23:36

And why on earth is your mother upset? He is actually attending, but just for one night. Are you all so codependent and demanding of each other? No wonder the poor chap has scarpered to the other end of the country. And bless his pregnant wife for putting up with such toxicity.

But then again, you do have lots of numbers after your name....

BluddyMoFo · 10/03/2011 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LessNarkyPuffin · 10/03/2011 23:37

If you are not on a wind up you really need to get over this.

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