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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want/expect a holiday, even though we have been a bit skint?

737 replies

carmenelectra · 09/03/2011 13:52

Basically I am really, really pissed off a DP today.

I discussed booking this years family holiday with him yesterday and completely put me off.

We go abroad every year and it is the one thing i really, really enjoy. I very rarely go out or have weekends away anymore, so its the big thing I look forward to. I am willing to sacrifice everything for a wk in the sun.

Now the last couple of years we(I) have overcommitted ourselves finacially and last year things were at times very tough. My Dp put off all of my holidays plans and asked me to wait 'to see how it goes'.

Well, it went nowhere. I usually book up quite early and take advanatge of cheaper flights and longer to pay the holiday off, get spending money clothes etc. As I waited to see how money panned out, we didn't get a holiday at all. I was furious at first, but as I understood most of our outgoings were due to my overspending I accepted it.

Roll on to this year. DP is basically saying he doesnt think we have the spare cash upfront which is true. However, I suggested booking the holiday giving ourselves the incentive and then wotking at paying it of. I have a well paid job and gets lots of regular overtime with very good pay. Dp is the same.

Now he is saying that to go away in the summer we would have to put 'X' away each month and he doesnt think it's feasible.

I thought it was all quite 'doable', but now he has put a huge spanner in the works and put a real dampener on the whole thing.

I think deep down he isnt that bothered about a holiday, he can take it or leave it, hence the lack of enthusiasum.

Now I know some people are going to say that we shouldnt be having luxuries like hols if we have been short of cash, but I disagree. I am talking about a hol in Europe, no biggy.

So am i being unreasonable when I work all hours god sends, to expect a bloody weeks holiday?

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 13/03/2011 23:33

Nice comeback phooey. Do you kiss your kids with that mouth?

Original poster
carmenelectra · 13/03/2011 23:34

What massive personal debt phooey?have u got access to my bank account?

OP posts:
Morloth · 13/03/2011 23:38

Why is it not on? It is AIBU? She is being unreasonable but arguing that she is not, she doesn't have to back up her position. It isn't like she couldn't have said 'No' to the requests for information, posting on MN is not compulsory.

If you don't want to discuss your personal finances don't start a thread doing so.

And the question of the holiday is directly tied to the state of her finances.

phooey · 13/03/2011 23:39

Am ignoring Shirley.

Carmen I'm on your team. I'm only posting because I think you're in denial and if you're posting for advice in AIBU then it's fair game to pressure you a wee bit.

If your DH is concerned, shouldn't you be?

GetOrfMoiLand · 13/03/2011 23:41

Jesus Christ. What the bloody hell is all this about? This is ridiculous mumsnet withchunting on a grand scale.

What the bloody hell are people doing trawling through old posts to 'find out' how much money the OP owes.

And saying 'it's people like you which caused the financial crisis'.

Blimey. All over a 2 grand holiday.

phooey · 13/03/2011 23:43

I would love a 2k holiday. I earn lots, deserve it. Doesn't make it right. My DH would rightly go mental, and if I started an AIBU about it, I hope MN would knock some sense into me.

Gemsy83 · 13/03/2011 23:44

A 2k holiday IS excessive, debt or not. OP life is all about comprimise at times not what you want. You would do well to realise this as your attitude does seem very bratty and 'want it NOW'. Part of being a responsible grown up involves exercising some self restraint and knowing full well we cant get what we want all the time as its not practical- this is one of those times.

ShirleyKnot · 13/03/2011 23:46

There are still codes of conduct, as well you know, and the level of investigation, questioning and general name calling is beyond the pale in this instance.

And I never say shit like that, so it must be bad.

phooey · 13/03/2011 23:51

Where's the namecalling Shirley? Confused

Someone else looked up old threads and apologised for doing so. In this thread Carmen said her debt 'wasn't thousands' yet it transpires it is. She said she wasn't bothered about old threads being brought up. A thread asking AIBU to get our family into thousands more debt over a holiday, which is dishonest, I mean - was it ever going to turn out any other way?

I want Carmen to sort her finances out, I'm responding to her AIBU.

ShirleyKnot · 13/03/2011 23:57

I thought you were ignoring me? After telling me to fuck off that is. I was really wringing my hands over that one.

If you can't see name calling in this thread I suggest you re read it.

And responding to the AIBU part of her post was pretty much covered on wednesday and Thursdayby many many others. Going on and on and questioning and nagging and wanting further financial details and dressing it up as concern is, quite frankly, ridiculous.

The level of hysteria here is grossly disproportionate.

phooey · 13/03/2011 23:59

Are you here to have a go at me, or to help Carmen, Shirley? Easy to waltz on to an AIBU and take the moral high ground - do you have an opinion on Carmen's dilemma though?

GetOrfMoiLand · 14/03/2011 00:03

I absolutely agree with you Shirley. And I am usually the last one to complain about nest of vipers, MN bullying etc. The level of expectation that the OP should respond to this interrogation is quite astonishing.

Do people really forward MN threads about complete strangers to their husbands to read and discuss?

If I was the OP I would have fucked off out of it days ago.

phooey · 14/03/2011 00:03

I am concerned, what do you want Shirley? Confused I'm not dressing anything up as concern, I'm empathising which is why I have confided my own debt problems on here. I recognise my own behaviour in Carmen - saying 'I deserve it' to justify treats etc. Don't come on here attacking without addressing the AIBU.

phooey · 14/03/2011 00:08

FGS. GetOrf and Shirley - I'm off to bed now, but please tell me - do you think the OP is BU? A) given the facts she provides on here about being 'not thousands' in debt, and b) if she was 30k in personal debt and her DP was unhappy with her trying to push for a holiday?

This is an AIBU by stealth, and more importantly the OP is in denial about serious personal and family issues - MN can bring these to light, it's hardly bullying to bring up old threads when she herself said she was happy for them to be brought up.

ShirleyKnot · 14/03/2011 00:08

Oh yes, I'm just here to have a go at you.

The whole of this thread has just all been a gigantic ruse so that I could waltz in here and tell you off.

Unlike the op I have absolutely no desire to answer to you phooey. I think you need to have a look at why you're taking this all so very personally, while still dishing it out to the OP.

I am actually going to ignore you now. If you can't see that this is out of hand, then god help.

mylovelymonster · 14/03/2011 00:18

Girls!! Cool it.

Carmen alluded to sizable debts and extravagant spending patterns which have since been contradicted. What's everyone to think? If there's no problem, then fantastic, but no surprise that posters want to get to the bottom of the underlying issues.
No need to start getting into personal attacks. It's too late. I'm sure you've got better things to do, like sleeping.

Morloth · 14/03/2011 00:35

Personally, I think carmen gave as good as she got, plenty of references to lying, bitter, nasty, smug, boring people. That's fine.

If she didn't want to play she didn't have to.

randommoment · 14/03/2011 00:54

Good grief people! I personally don't buy anything on credit, and never have, even when the banks were sending out loan application forms every five minutes. This is why I'm not in deep financial shit and will be buying our annual holiday for cash much nearer the time, when I know for certain how much I can afford. Hopefully the boiler won't burst between now and then, in which case it will be foreign. If it does, it'll be a campsite in Cornwall. Seemples!

Original poster
carmenelectra · 14/03/2011 07:21

The only I didn't fuck off when I said was gonna is because I have tried to respond to the bullshit written about me. Phooey et al, please note: I have no considerable debt, no family difficulties no unhappy DP.

Life is cool.

My original question wasn't some thinly veiled cry for financial help though its been given to me regardless. You are all wasting your typing fingers.

My AIBU question was answered way back. Thanks. I GeT it. Now forget the moral crusade.

Frankly, I'm pretty concerned that some of you are so worried about my peceived (non) problem. Very very odd.

If someone can point me to where I have actually asked for help pllease do so. Otherwise go and help some poor sod who needs it.

This must be the most bizarre non thread I've ever been involved in.

OP posts:
phooey · 14/03/2011 07:45

Ok Carmen, fine. If you don't have financial problems, book the holiday and have a great time. At the end of the day, the only opinion you need to listen to is your DH. Sorry for pushing re your real debt - you only have to put the relevant info on a thread - however I and others felt the amount of your debt was relevant and you lied about it on here to get the response you wanted.

Gemsy83 · 14/03/2011 07:57

Carmen to be fair you do sound like you are in denial- the arguing the toss for 600 odd posts about valid views when you ASKED for peoples opinions if you are being unreasonable. Most people think you are yet you seem to have an answer/excuse for everything. Thats generally how people end up in debt in the first place, always an excuse a reason WHY you simply have to have all these things that cost money, never sitting back and actually thinking 'well no thats not really a good idea'

caughtinanet · 14/03/2011 09:53

GOML -"Do people really forward MN threads about complete strangers to their husbands to read and discuss?

Haven't you noticed the Twitter button? Grin

Original poster
carmenelectra · 14/03/2011 11:49

Phooey you still can't let it go can you/

"lying about the amount of debt"

Nope, DIDNT lie. Was deliberately vague, plus some stuff i didn't have exact details.

As for my debt on 'old threads', did you read my response.

Honestly, some people.

OP posts:
IcingOnTheCakes · 14/03/2011 12:04

Oh ok so now the 25 - 30 thousand pound debt you wrote you had 2 and a half years ago was cleared by an inheritance about 18 months ago. Wow - what great luck you have!

So you cleared your debts then overcommited yourself finacially again over the last couple of years as said in your op. Will you never learn?

-"Do people really forward MN threads about complete strangers to their husbands to read and discuss?"

I don't think anyone said they do that did they? I certainly didn't. My dh looked over my shoulder and said "what's on trolls net then?" (He calls it that) and i read him the op and mentioned endownment morgages to him. There was certainly no forwarding or reading a whole thread by dh, he isn't interested in mn.

My advice would be - if you don't want people to discuss your finances then don't post them on a public forum. The way people are talking, you would think someone had gone through the ops mail and put it on the internet!

Original poster
carmenelectra · 14/03/2011 12:15

No sarky, marky, I dont have great luck. I have lost my mother a close aunt and cousin in a few years, 2 of which were very distressing circumstances. We nearly lost MIL too.

I only paid off loans with cousins money.

I have had further credit(it was never my intention not to have credit again, i dont have a problem with it)but Not TO THE SAME DEGREE.

aND i DID not post financial stuff about myself on here, I was asked for details.

I was deliberately vague as it it my business. Then accused on lying.

Give me strength.

Can any of you lot read?

OP posts: